Posted by Cass on July 8, 1999, at 15:43:25
In reply to Re: tired, posted by Chris on July 8, 1999, at 13:17:40
> > When is enough enough? I have reason to be very happy today. Instead I feel as lousy as I ever have. There are two reasons I haven't offed myself: 1) suicide has a toxic effect on everyone it touches (perhaps except for the one who suicides; 2) there is a God out there who has stopped me thus far. Is there any hope in this life for bipolar hell? Is it ever ok to say suicide is justified to get out of the pain and chronicity of the scenario? I try to come up with waysl that would make it easier on my family, but haven't found the perfect accident. I don't like blood, gore and drama. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I am obsessed.
>
> Dear Geol,
>
> Don't give up! I know it is easier said than done but, I feel the same way you do. Except I really don't have anything to be happy about. You probably seemed trapped in a lose/lose situation with this disease and our not getting any significant relief from it. You need to try something different and get the frustration out!! I question all the time what I'm fighting for. It sounds like you need some loving support, try to find something to focus on other than this. Help is definately needed. Hang in there!Dear Geol,
I know exactly how you feel. I have been obsessed with suicide since I was a teen. Ironically, believing I had the power to kill myself was the only thing that got me through a day. I knew if things got too bad, I could escape in death. But when I actually made an attempt, a very serious one, and I was dying, all of the small things I enjoyed in life seemed to speak to me. I know this sounds very corny, but I realized I was abandoning flowers, birds and the sky. Since then I try to remember the God I realized was in those "small" things. It really helps me from time to time. When I become overwhelmed and I just can't see beauty or Goodness, the consciousness of my "near death experience" nags at me. I am not Bipolar; the strain of that disease must be enormous, but I think you can get through this. Forgive me if I sound trite, but try to remember the "little" things.
Sincerely,
Cass
poster:Cass
thread:8416
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/19990628/msgs/8454.html