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Re: An answer Ashley's orig. request & a :-) to v.

Posted by Shelley in Seattle on April 12, 1999, at 23:33:58

In reply to Re: Right to Speak, posted by Elaine on April 12, 1999, at 22:19:11

Hi, Ashley. I'll save my response for the tangents that have been started here in my next message. For now, I just wanted share some of my thoughts from my own life. And, please take it as such ... Only you can figure out what is best for you :-)

I don't remember you stating your age, but if you are a young person, it is entirely normal and healthy to explore any aspect of sexuality that interests you. That may entail only thinking or reading about new and different things, or actually exploring. It's all good.
In my opinion, formed (so far) during 3 decades of being human and studying psych (though I am not a Dr), I have come to the conclusion that sexuality is a fluid thing. No, that was not a pun intended! :-) But I don't think sexuality has strict boundaries in nature -- it seems to be a societal desire to have to choose a label to describe your sexual interests! I don't think that's fair, because we humans tend to grow and change. I think you should search your own heart first, see what kind of things come up in general. Is it a strong attraction to only your friend, or are you attracted to other women as well? Not that you have to be attracted to ALL women, just as you surely are not attracted to ALL men :-)

I agree with v. -- I think you can absolutely just love someone and not have their gender be any big deal. But only you can figure this out, and -- I hope it can be more of a lovely journey than a mad rush to pick a label for yourself. Straight, gay, bi, whatever -- none of that matters any more than the color of your eyes or the shape of your nose! You are Ashley, and that entails many different things at different times. I hope you will be patient with yourself and allow yourself the time to grow. If you have a supportive friend or family member or counselor, by all means seek them out if/when it feels right. I hope you will find someone supportive and non-judgmental.

I have one final thought; sometimes telling friends you want to know them sexually can go either way, no matter what the genders involved! I don't think it's abnormal to feel attracted to your friend, not at all if you do tell her, she may be feeling the same way, or sexually curious, (whatever) - and things might go well. But if you decide to tell her and she's not interested (or worse), could you handle that? I mean, I would say the same exact thing if you were considering telling a guy friend. Just take some time to figure things out, and love yourself along the way - no matter what you choose.

Best wishes, Ashley!

Shelley (




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