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Re: I couldn't pick my parents, but my therapists...? floatingbridge

Posted by Dinah on September 15, 2011, at 8:57:47

In reply to I couldn't pick my parents, but my therapists...?, posted by floatingbridge on September 15, 2011, at 0:09:46

They often say that we try to recreate relationships in our life. Try again to work them out in a way we weren't able to work out the original. But since the working out isn't entirely in our control, we are doomed to fail - even if we make better choices in the recreated relationship. Which is by no means certain.

I think I go to the opposite extreme, and choose people who are nothing at all like my parents or my other failed relationships. I think I succeed in that. But then I open up a whole new and different can of worms, and a whole new and different dysfunctional dance. Perhaps the moral of the story is that I clash with all sorts of people. :)

Maybe you could see your ex-doctor as a step along the path to self awareness and change, and not a dead end. You might have gone through life trying to recreate your relationship with your father, while hoping for a different outcome. Now you're aware of the tendency and the futility, and you have a better chance to avoid making the same mistakes. That's something that could take years of therapy to achieve even with the best therapist. It might have been a more pleasant experience with the best therapist of course.

Hold firm on the medical records. It is illegal for him to withhold them. You should go to the state licensing authority if he is a sole practitioner and has no superior to speak to.

I have been reading "Creative Breakthroughs in Therapy: Tales of Transformation and Astonishment" on my Kindle in bits and pieces. Clearly I must have gotten it on sale. I think there's a story in it where a therapist told a client "Give me a million dollars." Then kept insisting that the client give it to him. The client eventually understood that the therapist was pointing out that he was hoping for something from his father that his father was unable to give. And that nothing he could do would cause his father to give him the love and care he wanted, because it wasn't in him to give.

Therapy is good at pointing out those things that are in our control and those things that aren't. You've learned that lesson. Your ex-doctor's behavior is not in your control. Whether you choose to find someone better is. Congratulations!




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