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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jennifer248805 on July 3, 2013, at 12:40:16
Can't tell if it's just my lifestyle or depression but I'm alone all the time now. I used to have friends, lots of them. For the past 2 years, I've spent so much time alone I'm now so alone that I can't stand it. But, I have very low self esteem and no confidence so how do I get to know new people? I used to be able to make a new friend in a couple of minutes!! Now I hardly talk to anyone and I'm irritable and tired all the time. Must be the depression, don't you think?
Or can a person just stop being part of the human race randomly?
Posted by baseball55 on July 3, 2013, at 20:08:15
In reply to Used to be quite social, posted by jennifer248805 on July 3, 2013, at 12:40:16
I think you should see a good therapist to work on interpersonal skills and why you are isolating. I tend to isolate a lot and since my hip has gone out on me, I am home alone a lot. I try to call people and make coffee dates. I used to get together with friends and go for long walks, but now I can't walk. Consider yourself lucky. YOu are healthy, you are whole, you will make friends.
Posted by no rose garden on July 3, 2013, at 23:57:31
In reply to Re: Used to be quite social, posted by baseball55 on July 3, 2013, at 20:08:15
Could be depression...especially the irritability thing (although I think people have just gotten more annoying!)
Sometimes you have to work to not be alone :/ I agree that a good therapist could be really helpful :) Hang in there!
Posted by SLS on July 4, 2013, at 5:12:13
In reply to Re: Used to be quite social, posted by baseball55 on July 3, 2013, at 20:08:15
> I think you should see a good therapist to work on interpersonal skills and why you are isolating.
Psychotherapy might be all that is needed. However, I think that a thorough psychiatric examination to screen for depression and anxiety disorders is indicated. One of the worst things that can happen to someone is to condemn them to years of failure at psychotherapy if a biological illness is the cause of depression and isolation.
> Consider yourself lucky. YOu are healthy, you are whole, you will make friends.
You don't really know that.
- Scott
Posted by SLS on July 4, 2013, at 5:41:25
In reply to Used to be quite social, posted by jennifer248805 on July 3, 2013, at 12:40:16
> Can't tell if it's just my lifestyle or depression but I'm alone all the time now. I used to have friends, lots of them. For the past 2 years, I've spent so much time alone I'm now so alone that I can't stand it. But, I have very low self esteem and no confidence so how do I get to know new people? I used to be able to make a new friend in a couple of minutes!! Now I hardly talk to anyone and I'm irritable and tired all the time. Must be the depression, don't you think?
>
> Or can a person just stop being part of the human race randomly?Your wording here leads me to believe that your discomfort and isolation emerged independent of a change in psycsocial factors, although psychosocial issues can certainly exist. Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) can easily explain your symptoms, including the irritability. Biological mental illnesses often leave a great deal of psychological damage in their wake. Psychotherapy can facilitate recovery and healing. Also, it often occurs that chronic psychosocial stress contributes to the evolution of a biological mental illness. Reducing this stress can facilitate a more rapid and complete treatment response, and help to maintain remission once it is achieved. Since the source of psychosocial stress often originates in one's experiential history - particularly in childhood and adolescence - psychotherapy that addresses these psychological issues can be a necessary component to a multimodal treatment approach.
- Scott
Posted by Phillipa on July 4, 2013, at 8:06:27
In reply to Re: Used to be quite social » jennifer248805, posted by SLS on July 4, 2013, at 5:41:25
I used to prefer aloneness when was very healthy. Got all the socializing I personally needed at work. When home didn't want to socialize. Even when boating with a crowd would bring a book and read on the beach while others in the huge crowd proceeded to party and drink. I think it's a personal thing. I like my personal space. Phillipa
Posted by jennifer248805 on July 4, 2013, at 15:57:32
In reply to Re: Used to be quite social, posted by Phillipa on July 4, 2013, at 8:06:27
Thanks for all the replies. I really am quite depressed right now. However, the isolation has happened over a long period of about 2 years. I had a boyfriend then and when we broke up, I kind of gave up on any kind of relationship working out again. So, I guess I gave up on all relationships since they never work anyway. But that attitude could come from MDD too right? Ugh, it's so frustrating. I feel so alone but I'm afraid of making another relationship that will just hurt me again.
Posted by alexandra_k on July 5, 2013, at 3:49:11
In reply to Re: Used to be quite social, posted by jennifer248805 on July 4, 2013, at 15:57:32
how about a club or something where you have interests in common with the other members. jogging or painting or whatever. some people fill up their lives with clubs. provides a structured social interaction... sometimes people make friends who they then go on to see outside the club, and othertimes people are just happy with clubs.
volunteer work? could do a similar thing... depending on the organization. i bet there are organizations where people go and talk to people who are lonely... in hospitals... old folks homes... stuff like that. maybe that is something you could enjoy? people who do it really seem to love it and make some very genuine friendships out of it.
Posted by jennifer248805 on July 5, 2013, at 7:53:46
In reply to Re: Used to be quite social, posted by alexandra_k on July 5, 2013, at 3:49:11
> how about a club or something where you have interests in common with the other members. jogging or painting or whatever.>
Sounds like a good idea but who would want a depressed person sitting in at their club? That's the problem I run into when trying to make friends. THey want a friend who is always positive, always upbeat and I'm never that way. I don't really feel positive and upbeat ever. Hard to make friends even at a club when you are a downer. I'm feeling so negative so often right now. I'm also crying without warning. I'll just have one thought, one single thought, and the waterworks will start. Not just tears but full on weeping. Who wants that as a friend.I wish I could just change, just stop being weepy and down but I can't. Everything I used to like has absolutely no draw for me now. I need new meds I think. This crap I'm on is obviously not doing a thing for the depression.
Posted by Dinah on July 5, 2013, at 8:28:48
In reply to Re: Used to be quite social, posted by jennifer248805 on July 5, 2013, at 7:53:46
I don't know what clubs you belong to, but none I belong to has positive and upbeat as a common characteristic. The main requirement is an interest in the subject matter. I think depression may be whispering distortions about your desirability as a companion.
But it does sound as if a medication change might be in order before you could adequately enjoy a club. It's hard to sustain an interest when depressed. Do you have an appointment with a pdoc upcoming? I know how long it can take to get one, especially if you don't already have a psychiatrist.
Posted by Dinah on July 5, 2013, at 8:59:08
In reply to Re: Used to be quite social, posted by jennifer248805 on July 5, 2013, at 7:53:46
Ah, I see on Meds that you recently started a new med. Maybe it would be worthwhile to let your pdoc know how it's affecting you? Even before your next appointment?
Posted by SLS on July 5, 2013, at 9:36:46
In reply to Re: Used to be quite social » jennifer248805, posted by Dinah on July 5, 2013, at 8:59:08
> Ah, I see on Meds that you recently started a new med. Maybe it would be worthwhile to let your pdoc know how it's affecting you? Even before your next appointment?
Great advice.
Although it is extremely difficult, it is a good idea not to draw any conclusions about yourself and the world around you while you are experiencing depressive side effects of medication.
- Scott
Posted by Dr. Bob on July 5, 2013, at 13:15:56
In reply to Re: Used to be quite social, posted by jennifer248805 on July 5, 2013, at 7:53:46
> > how about a club or something where you have interests in common with the other members.
>
> Sounds like a good idea but who would want a depressed person sitting in at their club? ... I'm feeling so negative so often right now. ... Who wants that as a friend.I wish I could just changeYou don't have to change to join the Babble club. :-)
Bob
Posted by alexandra_k on July 5, 2013, at 17:35:47
In reply to Re: Used to be quite social, posted by jennifer248805 on July 5, 2013, at 7:53:46
It is true that it can be hard work spending a great deal of time interacting with someone who is depressed. Because of how moods tend to be infectious.
It is also true that most people are fairly empathetic to others and would like to help, if possible.
Partly it might be about (to start with, anyway) purposely seeking out social contact in a structured environment. It is much easier to have a depressed person in a club where there are a bunch of members than to (for example) go hang out with one one-on-one for several hours.
It also makes a difference if the interaction consists in them expressing negativity / cynicism or whether it is more sadness / tears.
Maybe a DOING club would be the idea? I'm a huge fan of exercise. Something like yoga or group fitness. Exercise produces endorphins. It is hard to feel crappy after exercise (especially if you make it about you being better than you yesterday and not worrying about whether you are better or worse than everyone else).
It might be a gradual way back into social contact.
Posted by jennifer248805 on July 6, 2013, at 12:18:31
In reply to Re: Used to be quite social, posted by alexandra_k on July 5, 2013, at 17:35:47
All great ideas. I think the depression IS causing me to have a poor view of myself. I'm positive no one would want to hang out with me since I am a depressed person. I always feel bad if I talk about myself or my problems like why would anyone care? My family doesn't even care to hear about how I'm feeling most of the time. All they want is a smiling, positive, happy person so I don't even hang out with them now. I can't keep up the pretense, it's just too much effort.
Have appt with pdoc next friday. Will talk about depression. New med is geodon/zeldox. While it is a great appetite supressant, it sucks as an antidepressant. But I'm told by my pharmacist that I cant' take an antidepressant with this med because of the danger of serotonin syndrome. Sigh. If only we could wave a magic wand huh?
Posted by SLS on July 6, 2013, at 13:42:12
In reply to Re: Used to be quite social, posted by jennifer248805 on July 6, 2013, at 12:18:31
> New med is geodon/zeldox. While it is a great appetite supressant, it sucks as an antidepressant. But I'm told by my pharmacist that I cant' take an antidepressant with this med because of the danger of serotonin syndrome.
One would want to avoid taking ziprasidone (Geodon; Zeldox) if he is taking a specific kind of antidepressant known as a MAOI. Otherwise, the risk of developing serotonin syndrome is very low. Have you tried venlafaxine (Effexor; Efexor)?
> Sigh. If only we could wave a magic wand huh?
I have wanted one of those for years.
- Scott
Posted by jennifer248805 on July 6, 2013, at 15:33:56
In reply to Re: Used to be quite social » jennifer248805, posted by SLS on July 6, 2013, at 13:42:12
> One would want to avoid taking ziprasidone (Geodon; Zeldox) if he is taking a specific kind of antidepressant known as a MAOI. Otherwise, the risk of developing serotonin syndrome is very low. Have you tried venlafaxine (Effexor; Efexor)?
>
Truly Scott?? My pharmacist knew I used to be on cipralex, and he made certain I was not still taking it because he says I can't take the SSRI or SNRIs with Geodon either. Hmmm.
I'll ask my pdoc. Thanks for the info. Might just be a light at the end of my tunnel if I can take the cipralex again with the geodon.Jenn
Posted by sigismund on July 6, 2013, at 23:18:01
In reply to Re: Used to be quite social, posted by jennifer248805 on July 6, 2013, at 12:18:31
Different strokes for different folks.
I certainly find the compulsory optimism in my country a complete pain and a substitute for a feeling culture, if you get my drift.
I would much rather someone said to me that they felt like killing themselves if we could make something of it together, which I guess begs the point you are making.
Perhaps finding a way to do this, or in some modified form.
In my country they say 'How are you?' and from long experience and stubborness I say "All right', the they say 'Just all right?', then I say 'Yes', and I think 'Oh go read a book.'
It drives me nuts.
Posted by sigismund on July 7, 2013, at 0:19:02
In reply to Re: Used to be quite social » jennifer248805, posted by sigismund on July 6, 2013, at 23:18:01
The last time I was in Cusco I needed Spanish language partners. The initial deal was 'We speak in Spanish, you correct my mistakes, we eat and drink and I pay'. This is important so they can do the reciprocation that is good manners in their culture
These are young men with nothing but crappy paintings to sell.
One time when we met I said in Spanish 'How are you?' and he looked at me fixedly and said 'No good.' Immediately my ears pricked up. We had dinner, talked in Spanish about how he wanted to throw himself under a bus. We talked for ages about the human condition and his condition which is more of an achievement in a new language than in English.
But then that was essentially a material problem and a problem of prospects.
We don't have so many of those problems in our country so we can fight to the death about opinions, which is what I implied by a cold culture.
No one here cares what you think really, just how you treat them.
I have made friends, real friends, for life.
It is something I have looked for for a long time.
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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