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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tompan on March 31, 2011, at 1:10:50
Hello this is my first post so I'm surely to be considered a newby. I can't understand why I feel so completely alone in this life...most of the time it doesn't bother me--I have a great job and do well at it but I just seem to lack the knack to build long-lasting, deep relationships. I've been shy and insecure in the past; today I can mostly overcome those types of feelings but I still can't seem to connect in a way that I would like. I know how to keep conversations moving and I can easily focus on other people and their needs but I still come back to that crushing sense of aloneness. So maybe aloneness is not all that bad--I do choose to live alone now that my children are grown up. I talk with them regularly...very happy for those precious moments. Okay...I guess that's enough wallowing for now. If you've some tips or insights let me know. Tompan
Posted by sigismund on March 31, 2011, at 2:08:21
In reply to Aloneness, posted by Tompan on March 31, 2011, at 1:10:50
>I still can't seem to connect in a way that I would like.
Perhaps you don't know what would please you?
If your feelings are not conventional, maybe the conventional options aren't great.
Aloneness isn't that bad, I have come to feel as I have got older.
But wouldn't it be really nice to have a satisfying sense of connection?
That was a very short wallow, by my standards.
Posted by Tompan on March 31, 2011, at 20:04:10
In reply to Re: Aloneness » Tompan, posted by sigismund on March 31, 2011, at 2:08:21
> Perhaps you don't know what would please you?
Actually, I've always felt that I'm fairly easily pleased...so this doesn't sound quite right.
> If your feelings are not conventional, maybe the conventional options aren't great.Yes, I guess that could apply--I definitely tend toward the unconventional but not so much that others complain about it.
> Aloneness isn't that bad, I have come to feel as I have got older.
I hear you, but never having anyone call to hear if you're still alive can be crushing at times.
> But wouldn't it be really nice to have a satisfying sense of connection?
Yepp, it would. Sometimes I feel that it's all situational for me: wrong time, wrong place. I have been thrust into situations where I suddenly acquired friendship, but it all seems to have disappeared. I have nice, sympathetic, interesting co-workers for example but they all have their own intricate lives. I have connected with some of them in the past but the whole thing often comes off with me feeling like the veritable "fifth wheel." As I don't share their social situations or interest in fundamentalist religions (as one example) I often feel quite apathetic regarding pursuing further activity there.
> That was a very short wallow, by my standards.
Ha. I actually hate people who wallow, or I should say have little patience for them. I really have little patience for my own lacks too.
Let's move from wallowing to blatant egotism: I really am very talented, intelligent, sympathetic and just don't seem to have anyone else that seems to care. That's a bummer!
Okay, I'm traveling to NYC tomorrow from the west coast and then onward to Europe for a week or so. Will plan to get some good reading and writing in.
Thanks for reading this.
>
Posted by Dinah on April 1, 2011, at 9:03:26
In reply to Aloneness, posted by Tompan on March 31, 2011, at 1:10:50
I hear you and know what it feels like.
Well, actually I'm socially awkward. But even in those situations where I'm not socially awkward, I just don't seem to attract any but the most superficial "friendship". I'm lucky in that I have one very good friend and one husband and child. But still I feel lonely sometimes.
I don't think I have any suggestions other than the obvious. If you have a special interest, in real life or online, involve yourself in a group. The more you invest, the more you'll get out of it. If you're socially skilled, so much the better. From that you might find a friend or two.
Work isn't quite the same, in my experience. Particularly if your coworkers have families and outside interests. But if you are involved side by side with others in a hobby or a political campaign, or perhaps a nonfundamentalist religion, it seems to lead to greater ties. Maybe everyone leaves off their work face and invests more of their real selves.
Posted by Phillipa on April 1, 2011, at 11:02:02
In reply to Re: Aloneness » Tompan, posted by Dinah on April 1, 2011, at 9:03:26
My socialization had always been at work and was content with that. Also at the gym and neighbors casual talk. Family is friends to me. Phillipa ps just never was interested in "coffee clatching"
Posted by mtdewcmu on April 13, 2011, at 20:14:08
In reply to Aloneness, posted by Tompan on March 31, 2011, at 1:10:50
Is this something that you've only had a problem with lately, or is this a lifelong pattern? If it's a lifelong pattern, then it could be a personality disorder. I can relate. I am not quite convinced that I don't have Schizoid PD.
This is the end of the thread.
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