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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on November 26, 2010, at 20:02:31
I think I am a queer and I think it runs in my family. By queer I mean asexual. That is my sexual orientation. I am neither attracted to men nor women. If I had to choose a life partner however, I would prefer a man.
Two of my older cousins are in their late 30's and have never had girlfriends or boyfriends. One of my aunts is single and has been her whole life and another aunt got married but then separated and she lived alone for years. There are an awful lot of single never married people in my family tree.
I don't have sex with other people at all. I never see a man or woman and get aroused. It just doesn't turn me on at all. I can think they are attractive, but they do nothing for me sexually.
Sometimes I dream about having sex and it is nice, but that is only in a dream. It doesn't mean I am sexual.
I have a feeling I'm never getting married. LOL
I'd like to be included as part of the LGBTQ group.
Posted by B2Chica on November 26, 2010, at 23:15:03
In reply to I think I am a queer, posted by Deneb on November 26, 2010, at 20:02:31
i sort of agree, but different. i see myself as a sexual being, but i dont see myself as either male or female. i see and feel myself as a "being". and find beauty in both.
and i dont think queer is the right word to describe what you feel. a-sexual is much better.
b2c.
Posted by Phillipa on November 26, 2010, at 23:58:40
In reply to Re: I think I am a queer, posted by B2Chica on November 26, 2010, at 23:15:03
B2 Chica I like the way you describe it. Kind of Poetic. Phillipa
Posted by sigismund on November 27, 2010, at 0:42:57
In reply to Re: I think I am a queer, posted by B2Chica on November 26, 2010, at 23:15:03
> i dont see myself as either male or female
Good. Quite right. Me too.
I think you both mean androgenous rather than asexual?
Posted by Phillipa on November 27, 2010, at 0:45:22
In reply to Re: I think I am a queer, posted by sigismund on November 27, 2010, at 0:42:57
That's it you're so intellectual. Phillipa
Posted by sigismund on November 27, 2010, at 0:45:32
In reply to Re: I think I am a queer, posted by B2Chica on November 26, 2010, at 23:15:03
One of the things with being a man is (was) that you have (had) all these creepy bonding conversations with other men about women.
I'm all against political correctness but these conversations drove me nuts.
I always felt, don't try to put me in your club.
Posted by Jay_Clockwork_Angels on November 27, 2010, at 14:17:27
In reply to Re: I think I am a queer, posted by B2Chica on November 26, 2010, at 23:15:03
Well, I think many people actually feel this way. It's just that people are "socialized" not to think so.
I remember a university sexuality course where a theory was that we all actually live on a sexual 'continuum'.
On each side was the polar sexualities, and many of us actually plotted along this line as sometimes being more bi-sexual and at others more "hetero". I consider myself 'heterosexual', but I feel quite complimented if another guy is bi or homosexual and makes a pass at me. It doesn't threaten or bother me, in the least! Basically, what I think is that labels or such shouldn't matter, and just be yourself, or whatever you want. Unfortunately much of our society doesn't see it that way.Just my .02 cents....
Jay
Posted by Free on November 27, 2010, at 15:38:26
In reply to Re: I think I am a queer, posted by sigismund on November 27, 2010, at 0:45:32
> One of the things with being a man is (was) that you have (had) all these creepy bonding conversations with other men about women.
>
> I'm all against political correctness but these conversations drove me nuts.
>
> I always felt, don't try to put me in your club.
>I get what you mean, I think. I've felt something similar.
Invalidated and offended, but wanting to be accepted...kind of. It's a weird space to be in. Being present while denying parts of yourself. The worst is when they laugh and wonder why you're not laughing and chiming in.
Yeah, some of the bonding conversations are pretty raw, graphic, and over the top! I used to get offended when I'd overhear it or it was directed at me, but now I'm amused by it all. Maybe even complimented, now that I have a better mind to look forward to. Most men I've observed are very visual creatures...something catches their eye, and bam, they're like deer in headlights. So I've noticed anyway. Lol.
Posted by Free on November 27, 2010, at 15:49:40
In reply to I think I am a queer, posted by Deneb on November 26, 2010, at 20:02:31
>
> Sometimes I dream about having sex and it is nice, but that is only in a dream. It doesn't mean I am sexual.
>I think if you're having sexual dreams, you are sexual. Maybe you're safely expressing it in your dreams?
In your dreams, is it a man or a woman?
Is he/she a stranger or someone you know or have seen somewhere?
Posted by Deneb on November 27, 2010, at 21:03:02
In reply to Re: I think I am a queer, posted by B2Chica on November 26, 2010, at 23:15:03
> i sort of agree, but different. i see myself as a sexual being, but i dont see myself as either male or female. i see and feel myself as a "being". and find beauty in both.
>
> and i dont think queer is the right word to describe what you feel. a-sexual is much better.
> b2c.That's interesting. I think there are fewer innate differences between the sexes than people think. Most of the differences are learned I think. I think it's great that you see yourself as just a "being" rather than fitting into society's mold of what someone your gender is supposed to be like.
Posted by Deneb on November 27, 2010, at 21:08:50
In reply to Re: I think I am a queer » Deneb, posted by Free on November 27, 2010, at 15:49:40
> >
> > Sometimes I dream about having sex and it is nice, but that is only in a dream. It doesn't mean I am sexual.
> >
>
> I think if you're having sexual dreams, you are sexual. Maybe you're safely expressing it in your dreams?
>
> In your dreams, is it a man or a woman?
>
> Is he/she a stranger or someone you know or have seen somewhere?Well, sometimes I have lucid dreams where I can control my dreams and I would often conjure up a man to have sex with. I'd literally go searching for a man in my dreams and pick a random good looking guy to have sex with. LOL
Sometimes I have weird dreams about having sex with the people in my life, like my sister, aunt, pdoc etc., but I don't think they are meant to be taken literally.
Gosh, it sure sounds like I have an awful lot of sex dreams now. LOL
Posted by sigismund on November 27, 2010, at 21:26:14
In reply to Re: I think I am a queer » B2Chica, posted by Deneb on November 27, 2010, at 21:03:02
>Most of the differences are learned I think.
Growing up in the 70s everyone (I knew) believed this.
When we had kids I was only too pleased for them to be androgenous, particularly so when people could not tell which sex they were. But the boy was fascinated by machines and computers and the girl dressed up the cat in baby clothes and wheeled her about in the pram. Eventually I decided I'd been wrong.
Posted by ed_uk2010 on November 28, 2010, at 7:59:27
In reply to Re: I think I am a queer, posted by sigismund on November 27, 2010, at 0:42:57
> > i dont see myself as either male or female
>
> Good. Quite right. Me too.I think you're definitely male Sigi!
Posted by sigismund on November 28, 2010, at 15:34:10
In reply to Re: I think I am a queer » sigismund, posted by ed_uk2010 on November 28, 2010, at 7:59:27
>I think you're definitely male Sigi!
Oh no, I wanted to be a girl.
I was one of those worrying boys who talk a lot to their mothers.
Perhaps I suffer from body dysmorphic disorder?
Posted by sigismund on November 28, 2010, at 16:17:31
In reply to Re: I think I am a queer » ed_uk2010, posted by sigismund on November 28, 2010, at 15:34:10
I've just out taken the chainsaw for a workout to stimulate my masculine energies.
Posted by ed_uk2010 on November 28, 2010, at 17:33:34
In reply to Re: I think I am a queer » ed_uk2010, posted by sigismund on November 28, 2010, at 15:34:10
> >I think you're definitely male Sigi!
>
> Oh no, I wanted to be a girl.
>
> I was one of those worrying boys who talk a lot to their mothers.
>
> Perhaps I suffer from body dysmorphic disorder?You're funny Sigi, do you still wish you were a girl? (or did that pass?)
Posted by sigismund on November 28, 2010, at 17:39:52
In reply to Re: I think I am a queer » sigismund, posted by ed_uk2010 on November 28, 2010, at 17:33:34
>do you still wish you were a girl?
On and off, yes. There are certain advantages :)
My ambivalent relationship with feminism has perhaps cooled my enthusiasm?
I always felt offended about generalisations made about men.
Posted by ed_uk2010 on November 29, 2010, at 13:20:03
In reply to Re: I think I am a queer » ed_uk2010, posted by sigismund on November 28, 2010, at 17:39:52
>I always felt offended about generalisations made about men.
Which in particular Sigi?
Posted by sigismund on November 29, 2010, at 15:07:28
In reply to Re: I think I am a queer » sigismund, posted by ed_uk2010 on November 29, 2010, at 13:20:03
>Which in particular Sigi?
I thought you were going to ask what might be the advantages, in which case I was going to thank you and have a little think about how to answer.
However, you weren't.
Feminists often say men should get their act together, and of course stereotypes (often true, no doubt) about male violence.
It's like when a feminist talks about how pornography is degrading to women, and you naturally think "Its not restricted to women at all".
There has, of course, been a sea change in relations between the sexes in my lifetime. If you watch "Madmen", you can see how it used to be, and it wasn't very nice, so I don't want to complain to loudly.
Posted by ed_uk2010 on November 29, 2010, at 15:20:28
In reply to Re: I think I am a queer » ed_uk2010, posted by sigismund on November 29, 2010, at 15:07:28
>It's like when a feminist talks about how pornography is degrading to women, and you naturally think "It's not restricted to women at all".
Perhaps veeeeery old people still think that only women are in porn?
Is pornography involving men degrading to men?
Posted by sigismund on November 29, 2010, at 22:44:24
In reply to Re: I think I am a queer » sigismund, posted by ed_uk2010 on November 29, 2010, at 15:20:28
>Is pornography involving men degrading to men?
Can be.
I read a book years ago by Andrea Dworkin's something or other, John Stoltenberg "On Refusing to be a man".
It was terrible. As you undressed (or were undressed by) your partner you were meant to ask permission every inch of the way. The guts of the book was that at the moment of orgasm all men became subsumed into a fantasy of male omnipotence for which they had to do something I can't remember and don't think it worth the while trying to either.
Posted by ed_uk2010 on December 1, 2010, at 11:52:58
In reply to Re: I think I am a queer » ed_uk2010, posted by sigismund on November 29, 2010, at 22:44:24
>As you undressed (or were undressed by) your partner you were meant to ask permission every inch of the way.
Sounds like hard work. You mean the man has to ask the woman permission? Like, baby - can I take your socks off?
Posted by sigismund on December 1, 2010, at 11:59:19
In reply to Re: I think I am a queer » sigismund, posted by ed_uk2010 on December 1, 2010, at 11:52:58
>You mean the man has to ask the woman permission? Like, baby - can I take your socks off?
Baby can I take your socks off is kind of cute. You needed to keep asking permission to establish that it wasn't rape.It actually sounds quite kinky, putting it like this.
Posted by ed_uk2010 on December 11, 2010, at 15:00:45
In reply to Re: I think I am a queer, posted by sigismund on December 1, 2010, at 11:59:19
>You needed to keep asking permission to establish that it wasn't rape.
Strange. If you are with a partner, can't you just assume that it's OK to proceed unless you are instructed otherwise? I can't imagine asking permission at every single step!
This is the end of the thread.
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