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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by roslynn on December 15, 2009, at 19:29:32
Hi everyone,
I have severe depression and had to move in with my mother after I lost my job. The problem is there is a huge personality clash between us and she is very controlling. I am grateful to have a place to live but I'm almost tearing my hair out at her controlling behavior and her treating me like a child.
I feel I am a failure now in every respect. I cant even function as an independent adult.
Is anyone out there?
Posted by inanimate peanut on December 15, 2009, at 22:09:53
In reply to Anybody there?, posted by roslynn on December 15, 2009, at 19:29:32
Hi Roslynn,
I live alone right now, so I can't identify with that part of your situation, but I also have severe depression and it makes every part of life 100 times harder. I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through tough times and I really hope things improve for you soon. Hang in there!
Posted by manic666 on December 16, 2009, at 4:15:22
In reply to Anybody there?, posted by roslynn on December 15, 2009, at 19:29:32
its a strange world, your mum is smothering you like a kid, an all i wanted was someone to talk things through an my old man is a nob of the first order.he did nothing just let me suffer,your not on your own turf now an your gonna have to bit the bullet,the more she tries the more you want out.
Posted by janejane on December 16, 2009, at 6:14:13
In reply to Anybody there?, posted by roslynn on December 15, 2009, at 19:29:32
You're not alone, Roslynn. I'm depressed too, and am barely functional much of the time these days.
Please don't feel like a failure. Right now a lot of people are losing their jobs. I'm lucky enough to be clinging to mine, but I've been laid off in the past so I know how tough it can be. And having depression on top of that makes it a thousand times tougher.
Try to focus on getting better, and be extra nice to yourself. (You've got to do it, since it seems like it's not coming from your Mom.) You were on your own in the past, and you can get back to that place.
I don't know why your Mom is so controlling, but maybe you can try to reframe it in your mind as a positive, like think of it as her misguided way of trying to help. Instead of feeling frustrated, pity her. If that doesn't work, then try your best to ignore her as it doesn't do much good to let it bother you. Try to let it roll off your back. I think it's possible she won't do it as much if she doesn't get a rise out of you. (Some people just like to push your buttons.)
Posted by Phillipa on December 16, 2009, at 10:55:34
In reply to Re: Anybody there? » roslynn, posted by janejane on December 16, 2009, at 6:14:13
Tough situation. Yes the economy is a mess and that adds to personal problems. What kind of work do you do. Are you receiving compensation? And Holiday times make things rougher for those with problems. Is your Mom happy or does she also have problems could add to this situation . I agee with let roll of back but it's hard to do. Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on December 16, 2009, at 11:50:19
In reply to Anybody there?, posted by roslynn on December 15, 2009, at 19:29:32
I sometimes wonder if mothers and daughters can coexist under the same roof after adulthood. Maybe it's an evolutionary thing.
You'll never be able to change her behavior, but maybe you could think about how to change your own steps in the dance? I think there's a book called "The Dance of Anger" you might be able to find at your local library.
Boundaries are hard when you live together, but maybe they are even more important.
Hang in there. You aren't a failure just because you need help right now. We all need help from time to time.(Venting at Babble actually can help, I think. It has kept me sane from time to time.)
Posted by Roslynn on December 16, 2009, at 11:57:29
In reply to Anybody there?, posted by roslynn on December 15, 2009, at 19:29:32
Thank you everyone for your words of support and ideas. I really appreciate it.
My mom has huge problems of her own (including never getting over her marriage to my bipolar dad which ended in disaster). I think this is part of the issue: she is unstable as well. So I am dealing with her stuff as well as my own illness.
Thank you for the book that was recommended--I will check it out.
Roslynn
Posted by TexasChic on December 17, 2009, at 21:38:21
In reply to Re: Anybody there?, posted by Roslynn on December 16, 2009, at 11:57:29
I completely understand! I had to live with my mother for a time and she is very controlling and has no comprehension of personal space. My best advice is to do whatever it takes to get out of there as soon as you can. Make it your #1 priority. Every day you have to endure her negativity will bring you down and make it that much harder to pull yourself out of your current situation.
Other than that, one thing that helped me was to ask my mom for help in certain matters that really weren't all that important. It helped satisfy her need to help/control. Also, be sure to see a therapist if you aren't already. A T can help you keep things in perspective. Certain churches and other charities have counseling for low prices or free.
Hang in there, it will eventually get better for you!
-T
Posted by Roslynn on December 19, 2009, at 18:11:16
In reply to Re: Anybody there? » Roslynn, posted by TexasChic on December 17, 2009, at 21:38:21
> I completely understand! I had to live with my mother for a time and she is very controlling and has no comprehension of personal space. My best advice is to do whatever it takes to get out of there as soon as you can. Make it your #1 priority. Every day you have to endure her negativity will bring you down and make it that much harder to pull yourself out of your current situation.
>
> Other than that, one thing that helped me was to ask my mom for help in certain matters that really weren't all that important. It helped satisfy her need to help/control. Also, be sure to see a therapist if you aren't already. A T can help you keep things in perspective. Certain churches and other charities have counseling for low prices or free.
>
> Hang in there, it will eventually get better for you!
>
> -TT,
Thank you so much for your helpful reply! It is good to know others have gone through similar things.
Roslynn
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