![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tabitha on June 6, 2008, at 23:37:55
It's there. Mostly sad over Slinky, it doesn't make sense to me. Why did she do it now? My brain goes nuts wondering. Her b/f sent me pictures and she looked pretty close to what I imagined. Her last days seemed so normal, I wonder if it was accidental.
My brain goes nuts. It's incomprehensible that anyone could die, at any minute. Seems like with that knowledge staring at us, we'd do something different with our lives. But what? All I get is, maybe kindness is the most important thing. Yet I don't live that way. I'll never be Mother Teresa or even close.
Posted by ClearSkies on June 7, 2008, at 8:37:33
In reply to Big ball of sadness, posted by Tabitha on June 6, 2008, at 23:37:55
I can't get past this, Tabitha. I didn't get to know Slinky like many others did here. She would post and I would post and we never connected and that's the way it ever was, to my regret then and much more so now. At least we have this place to share about how we're feeling. That's something, I guess.
ClearSkies (I used to post as Partlycloudy. Don't know if you know me or not but I've been around since 2003.)
Posted by Dinah on June 7, 2008, at 11:02:49
In reply to Big ball of sadness, posted by Tabitha on June 6, 2008, at 23:37:55
I'm feeling the same way. So much so that's it's really hard to talk about.
I do agree that kindness and thoughtfulness is the most important thing in life. It's such an important way to make a difference. But I don't think it's necessary to be Mother Theresa to make that difference. Slinky spoke of you often this last time she visited the board. You can't keep someone else alive, no one can. But you very clearly did make a positive difference in her life. As you did in mine. Your comment all that long time ago about my pigtails and quizzical expression still affects how I see myself.
Not many of us can change the world in history making ways. But I'm guessing you change the world all the time in your moments of kindness to others.
Posted by Tabitha on June 7, 2008, at 11:04:38
In reply to Re: Big ball of sadness » Tabitha, posted by ClearSkies on June 7, 2008, at 8:37:33
Hi CS, yes I remember you and how your name evolved as your skies cleared. I guess many babblers are "at risk", but somehow knowing that doesn't lessen the shock much.
Posted by Tabitha on June 7, 2008, at 11:08:46
In reply to Re: Big ball of sadness » Tabitha, posted by Dinah on June 7, 2008, at 11:02:49
Aww Dinah, now you've made me cry. But in a good way.
Yes I'm torn between wanting to talk about it and just wanting to distance myself from this place to avoid the grief.
Posted by Gabbee on June 7, 2008, at 15:01:25
In reply to Re: Big ball of sadness » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on June 7, 2008, at 11:08:46
***But I'm guessing you change the world all the time in your moments of kindness to others.
Like the phone call at Christmas, I won't forget that Tabitha.
About kindness. I don't want to interrupt the thread too much about this, but what would we do without all the bitter cynics who make us laugh, or think about the world a different way? Or the talented artists who are known to be ornery. Just small examples of humans who wouldn't be primarily described as "nice" or "kind" but still our lives are better for their contributions.
Posted by Tabitha on June 7, 2008, at 22:47:47
In reply to Re: Big ball of sadness » Tabitha, posted by Gabbee on June 7, 2008, at 15:01:25
I was glad to have you to talk to that day. It was a pretty lonely Christmas.
Nice to see you dear.
About the kindness, I guess it's losing someone that brings it to the forefront. I never look back and regret not being funnier or more interesting, I regret not being kinder. Or just not being able to connect more somehow.
Posted by ClearSkies on June 8, 2008, at 11:14:37
In reply to Re: Big ball of sadness » Gabbee, posted by Tabitha on June 7, 2008, at 22:47:47
> Or just not being able to connect more somehow.
This is what is gnawing at me. I had no connection but never fully realized it until I read through the archives these last couple of days. Who have I been kidding?
Posted by Gabbee on June 8, 2008, at 14:21:42
In reply to Re: Big ball of sadness » Gabbee, posted by Tabitha on June 7, 2008, at 22:47:47
I didn't know whether to post this or not, because I didn't want you to be embarrassed, like you'd mentioned this just to have the whole thread focus on how kind you are, which I know you didn't.
But I decided to mention it because it had an immeasurable impact, but you probably didn't give it a second thought.
It was years ago, and I was having one of those bottomless terrifying dark nights (well, weeks) of the soul.
You wrote to me, and purposely just kept telling me about all the "normal" stuff you were doing, decorating for Halloween, what the neighbours were doing. It was so comforting, just being reminded that life was going on out there.And about two years ago, I did the same thing for someone else, someone I barely knew but who's situation I could relate to.
I told them why, that odd as it sounded, you'd done it for me, and it really helped. I said "I'll keep writing to you about my trips to the grocery store, and what I'm doing around the house.. and I don't expect an answer, it's just something that helped me when I was suicidal" Afterward she told me that those emails were little lifelines during that time.
So you just never know what an effect you may be having.
Posted by Tabitha on June 8, 2008, at 18:08:52
In reply to Re: Big ball of sadness » Tabitha, posted by ClearSkies on June 8, 2008, at 11:14:37
Hi CS, I'm not sure I understand-- do you mean you didn't connect with Slinky, or with others? I felt bad that I didn't see her last post to me for 2 days, but then, looking at all she posted, there wasn't really any indication she was in trouble. In fact one of her messages said she wasn't suicidal. So of course in hindsight folks feel bad, but we couldn't know what was coming.
Posted by Tabitha on June 8, 2008, at 18:11:37
In reply to Re: Big ball of sadness, posted by Gabbee on June 8, 2008, at 14:21:42
(((Gabbee))) oh thanks, babe. I probably just didn't realize you were in such bad shape or I wouldn't have been rattling on about mundane things. I'm glad that it helped, and that you were sweet enough to try and pass similar help along to someone else.
Posted by Gabbee on June 8, 2008, at 19:02:09
In reply to Re: Big ball of sadness » Gabbee, posted by Tabitha on June 8, 2008, at 18:11:37
No, that's why you did it!
I won't get into the whole story, but you knew what you were doing!
Posted by ClearSkies on June 8, 2008, at 20:34:39
In reply to Re: Big ball of sadness » ClearSkies, posted by Tabitha on June 8, 2008, at 18:08:52
> Hi CS, I'm not sure I understand-- do you mean you didn't connect with Slinky, or with others? I felt bad that I didn't see her last post to me for 2 days, but then, looking at all she posted, there wasn't really any indication she was in trouble. In fact one of her messages said she wasn't suicidal. So of course in hindsight folks feel bad, but we couldn't know what was coming.
Mostly with Slinky. When I started to look in the archives, I saw that I had responded to so many of her posts, and they had all dead ended. Mostly to do with drinking, on the Substance board. I had always known that I knew her but didn't know her - but reading through the threads brought it home to me that she had never actually responded to any of my posts where I tried to reach to out to her.
And I think that happens a lot to me - yes, particularly on the Substance board. Where I read that people say they are looking for help, or don't know what to do with their issues. And I post and I post and I post. And they mostly dead end. I guess I'm not connecting with anyone, I wouldn't know, but I would think that someone not responding back, and us not ever getting a back and forth conversation started means that I'm not making a connection.
I don't really want to put myself out there at the moment. But I'm feeling an enormous disconnect with people on the boards, generally.
CS
Posted by Tabitha on June 9, 2008, at 12:29:19
In reply to Re: Big ball of sadness » Tabitha, posted by ClearSkies on June 8, 2008, at 20:34:39
I don't follow substance board much. All I have to add to the topic is variants of "alcohol and drugs are really bad ideas when you have mental illness" but I end up offending folks who are just venting about their use, or don't see any alternative.
Give yourself credit for trying to reach out. I understand why you'd want a break from that board though.
Posted by AbbieNormal on June 9, 2008, at 17:46:24
In reply to Re: Big ball of sadness » Tabitha, posted by ClearSkies on June 8, 2008, at 20:34:39
Cut yourself some slack! On the substance board, like in life - often people reach out for help, and then faster-than-you-can-say-budweiser they pull that hand right back and pop open a brewsky. It's not you! They just ain't quite ready to commit.
The "comtemplative stage" can last a life time.
Abbie
Posted by ClearSkies on June 9, 2008, at 18:31:26
In reply to Re: Big ball of sadness » ClearSkies, posted by AbbieNormal on June 9, 2008, at 17:46:24
Yeah, you're not the first person today to tell me cut myself some slack... the truth of it is that I don't have the resilience at the moment to put myself out there on that board any more.
It's not that my own sobriety is at any risk, because it's as strong as ever. But I don't think it's a good place for me to be extending my wholehearted support, which really needs to be reciprocated in order to be healthy. It's one thing to help yourself by helping another person - it's something else (and something utterly lacking, for me) to put yourself out there and not ever see it mean anything to the other person.
So I'm in retreat mode.
Posted by AbbieNormal on June 9, 2008, at 20:16:22
In reply to Re: Big ball of sadness » AbbieNormal, posted by ClearSkies on June 9, 2008, at 18:31:26
Do whatever you need to do to take care you!
Maybe yoga? Stand on your head, exhale slowly, and blow away those dust bunnies. :-)Ab
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.