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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Toph on May 11, 2008, at 12:22:39
How many Ts have made a fortune listening to us blame our mothers for our angst, our rage, our insecurities? I suppose its much more difficult to face the truth that our mothers were good enough if not even very good. I gave up blaming my mom for my bipolar disorder years ago. Okay maybe I got a little lost among the 5 other kids. She did her best and even recognized something special in me. Imagine how much easier life would have been if I hadn't needed to vilify her for all my suffering. Some of the strength I have in coping with my illness I think I may have developed watching my mother cope with me.
I love my mother. I hope she knows it.
Happy Mother's Day to Alldone, kk, susan, Dinah, CS, and all the other PB mothers who I should have also mentioned.
Posted by Kath on May 11, 2008, at 16:10:15
In reply to Mom, posted by Toph on May 11, 2008, at 12:22:39
Hi Toph,
I have 2 kids, thanks!!!
Love, Kath
Posted by ClearSkies on May 11, 2008, at 16:49:00
In reply to Mom, posted by Toph on May 11, 2008, at 12:22:39
You're so sweet, Toph!
I will allow that being a stepmom counts, and a momcat, for this day.
thanks
CS
Posted by seldomseen on May 11, 2008, at 17:17:59
In reply to Mom, posted by Toph on May 11, 2008, at 12:22:39
"I suppose its much more difficult to face the truth that our mothers were good enough if not even very good"
That is certainly not the truth for everyone Toph. I wish it were. Boy do I wish it were...
Posted by Sigismund on May 11, 2008, at 19:44:15
In reply to Mom, posted by Toph on May 11, 2008, at 12:22:39
> Some of the strength I have in coping with my illness I think I may have developed watching my mother cope with me.
Hey, I love that.
Posted by Kath on May 11, 2008, at 19:59:24
In reply to Re: Mom » Toph, posted by seldomseen on May 11, 2008, at 17:17:59
> "I suppose its much more difficult to face the truth that our mothers were good enough if not even very good"
>
> That is certainly not the truth for everyone Toph. I wish it were. Boy do I wish it were...****(((((((((((((((((((((((you)))))))))))))))
I agree that not all mothers 'were good enough'.I am not sure if I agree with the statement that all mothers were 'doing the best they could'. If that statement is true, then some mothers' 'best' sure as heck wasn't good enough, in my opinion!
I believe that some parents were NOT good enough.
I believe that some parents were BAD & should NEVER have been allowed to have children.My own parents were really nice & were loving to me, even though my father was an alcoholic & that caused its own problems.
My heart goes out to those whose parents WERE the cause of pain & hurt.
It's one thing to blame ones parent & get stuck in that. Hopefully, the 'child' can heal & get past being stuck in the blaming - can go forward, past it, in a healed way.
I am very sorry that there are people who were really hurt as children.
love, Kath
Posted by Toph on May 11, 2008, at 22:28:33
In reply to Re: Mom » Toph, posted by seldomseen on May 11, 2008, at 17:17:59
> That is certainly not the truth for everyone Toph. I wish it were. Boy do I wish it were...
>
>Yeah, as a former child protection worker I know this all too well. I guess I was just confessing that when my life feels less than what I would like it to be its easier to blame my parents than to work hard at improving things of my own making. I am most loathsome when I'm angry, bitter or filled with self-pity. I admire the kids I've seen transcend the horrible lot they were given. Somehow learning to cope with faulty biochemistry seems less heroic.
I hope you have found some peace with the things you can't change seldomseen.
Posted by Kath on May 11, 2008, at 22:49:45
In reply to Re: Mom » seldomseen, posted by Toph on May 11, 2008, at 22:28:33
> Somehow learning to cope with faulty biochemistry seems less heroic.
********Dear Toph - I dunno.....it seems pretty darned heroic to me!!
luv & hugs, Kath
Posted by Toph on May 12, 2008, at 7:02:36
In reply to Re: Mom » Toph, posted by Kath on May 11, 2008, at 22:49:45
> > Somehow learning to cope with faulty biochemistry seems less heroic.
>
> ********Dear Toph - I dunno.....it seems pretty darned heroic to me!!
>Yeah, Kath, I'm a real superhero alright, fighting neglect and inequality which can be the American way... with affect flatter than Nebraska, hands that tremble faster than San Andreas, able to escape psych detentions without the use of a laundry cart... look, up in the sky, give the bird, he's so plain, no, it's...
LITHIUM MAN!
Posted by Kath on May 12, 2008, at 9:19:17
In reply to Re: Mom, posted by Toph on May 12, 2008, at 7:02:36
LOL - thanks for the smile you just put on my face (& I was certainly NOT feeling like smiling - so that was a notable achievement).
luv, Kath
Posted by karen_kay on May 12, 2008, at 9:19:57
In reply to Mom, posted by Toph on May 11, 2008, at 12:22:39
it was a great mother's day for me. mister kk went to wrok on his sister's car, which broke down on the way to duckie's birthday party.
so, it was me and duck all day long. he played with his new toys, tried to potty on the potty chair (no luck yet, but he's trying!!), and pretty much gave me hell all day long. yup, he's jsut like his momma!
hope you had a good day as well! and thanks for the good wishes. i appreciate it!
Posted by Dinah on May 12, 2008, at 9:22:57
In reply to Mom, posted by Toph on May 11, 2008, at 12:22:39
Thanks Toph. :)
Posted by Phillipa on May 12, 2008, at 12:27:00
In reply to Re: Mom » Toph, posted by Dinah on May 12, 2008, at 9:22:57
I bought myself a present and listened to a lot of husband cursing at me. Oh well. Phillipa
Posted by rskontos on May 12, 2008, at 17:07:03
In reply to Re: Mom » Toph, posted by seldomseen on May 11, 2008, at 17:17:59
I second this seldom, sometimes I wish mine had just had dogs.
rsk
Posted by rskontos on May 12, 2008, at 17:09:21
In reply to Re: Mom, posted by Toph on May 12, 2008, at 7:02:36
Toph, we each have our fights and each are hard. There are no contests so go easy on yourself. I think it is nice you were giving thanks to your mom. Mine deserves none nor does my dad on Dad's day but that doesn't diminishes those that do do what they are suppose.
I am trying to be a good mom but I suspect I fail many days.
rsk
Posted by Toph on May 13, 2008, at 4:10:07
In reply to Re: Mom » Toph, posted by rskontos on May 12, 2008, at 17:09:21
rsk, I'm afraid the legacy of just good enough parenting continues with me, sadly. I regret every missed opportunity to be a bettter one.
Posted by Kath on May 13, 2008, at 7:07:03
In reply to Re: Mom » rskontos, posted by Toph on May 13, 2008, at 4:10:07
I bet you're both doing WAY better than you realize.
I think a lot of us have a 'compass needle' that swings way more easily to our not-so-great side than to our not-bad-at-all side!
luv, Kath
Posted by All Done on May 16, 2008, at 23:49:59
In reply to Mom, posted by Toph on May 11, 2008, at 12:22:39
Thank you for thinking of me, Toph! Being a mom is the most important and fulfilling thing I've ever done and it's nice to be remembered for it.
Try not to be so hard on yourself, though. (((((Toph))))) I bet your mom knows you love her. Think of it this way...do you think we'd be so quick to blame our moms or expect more from them if we didn't care for, need, and want to love them? And we rightfully want and expect them to return that love. But being a mom is hardly a perfect science. Mistakes are made along the way. I'm not saying it won't hurt if...make that when...N lets me know I've fallen short of some of his expectations, but I will know it's because I'm important to him. I can only hope I and my actions matter that much to my little guy.
Thanks again for thinking of me and all the other moms here.
Take care, Toph.
Laurie
Posted by Toph on May 18, 2008, at 14:02:21
In reply to Re: Mom, posted by All Done on May 16, 2008, at 23:49:59
Hi Laurie, seems like years since we talked.
I just know you are a good mom. Your words are saturated with momness. I suppose a parent has to be on guard of smothering or overprotecting their child as much as overlooking and neglecting them - but I'm fairly certain that you can't over-love them. You've always spoken so lovingly of your little guy, and you were never too proud to seek help when there was something you weren't too certain how to handle. Yes, I'm fairly certain you're a good mom with few regrets Laurie.
This is the end of the thread.
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