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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Angela2 on July 11, 2007, at 13:56:29
Does anyone ever avoid things they know are good for them? I do sometimes, out of fear. I'm like, but what if this and I'm not sure today is the right day to go. Maybe I'll go tomorrow. I'd really like to stop doing this cuz it's getting in the way of my life.
Posted by Honore on July 11, 2007, at 17:43:43
In reply to avoiding things, posted by Angela2 on July 11, 2007, at 13:56:29
All the time. Sometimes I feel like I'm saving them for later, and other times, I feel like I"m just not "up to it" right then, and think I'll be up to it some other time. Then I'm usually not, so I keep putting it off, and off.
I'd like to stop that, at least on small doable thing-- things that I'm not not doing because they're so emotionally hard. More like they're a little scary, or a little difficult, or call on aptitudes that I don't think I have, or feel worried I don't have enough. I guess I avoid that feeling of inadequacy-- or the mistakes or poor execution of the thing--
but I also never learn to do it better. So I'm trying to think that it's not as if everyone is so great the first time-- it's more that a lot of people just do it-- or don't have the amount of anxiety. And even if there are lots of people who are better than me, at least I'll get better than I am. Not that that always gets me over the resistance, but sometimes it does.
Honore
Posted by Angela2 on July 11, 2007, at 17:56:08
In reply to Re: avoiding things » Angela2, posted by Honore on July 11, 2007, at 17:43:43
I really don't want to settle on this becoming a habit. I don't want to settle for this being who I am or what my life is like. I wanna feel the fear and do it anyway, because I usually feel better once I've done it.
Thanks for responding Honore. I guess we are in the same boat with this. If you ever need encouragement, let me know.
Posted by Phillipa on July 11, 2007, at 22:57:30
In reply to Re: avoiding things, posted by Angela2 on July 11, 2007, at 17:56:08
Angela it's exposure theraphy you do something even though you're afraid and give yourself a pat on the back. They say anxiety can't kill you but it sure feels like that. Also known as flooding.
Posted by Honore on July 12, 2007, at 15:04:50
In reply to Re: avoiding things » Angela2, posted by Phillipa on July 11, 2007, at 22:57:30
Thanks, Angela. I definitely could use encouragement. If you let me know what you're struggling with, I'll also try to do the same for you.
Today, I'm trying to work on not staying stuck in my painting-- I tend to rework things forever, rather than moving forward. It's hard for me to focus on that-- so today I'm trying to keep it in mind--
That's pretty much a pattern with me on a lot of things-- going to appointments, doing assignments-- etc
How about you? anything in particular?Honore
Posted by Sigismund on July 12, 2007, at 15:33:59
In reply to Re: avoiding things --Angela2, posted by Honore on July 12, 2007, at 15:04:50
Yes, of course. You sound (by implication) conscientious, to me.
I frequently do not do things I should out of a sense of (one would have to say) despair.
I just experience a wall of some kind of prohibitive feeling when I consider my finances.
In fact, it is rare and lovely to find areas where the free flow of feeling allows freedom of movement.There are some things you can't do when frightened though....those things where fear is (shall we say) forbidden, like parties (if not going out in public).
I rang this stockbroker up yesterday about an administrative matter, and he had on his hale and hearty upper middle class act, and I thought, 'you wretched jerk, people go broke having stockbrokers like you'.
Honestly, I really don't know how people get by in this world...it is so damn complicated.
Posted by Angela2 on July 12, 2007, at 19:57:58
In reply to Re: avoiding things --Angela2, posted by Sigismund on July 12, 2007, at 15:33:59
Yeah, I guess I am a bit conscientious in that after I avoid the situation, I feel bad or guilty. I'm glad I'm not alone, but would really like to change. And yes I agree, the world is indeed a complicated place..
Posted by Angela2 on July 12, 2007, at 20:00:24
In reply to Re: avoiding things » Angela2, posted by Phillipa on July 11, 2007, at 22:57:30
Yeah I know what exposure therapy is. The thing w/ me is that if I don't "have to" do it, I might just choose not to. I am trying tho. Thanks Phillipa.
Posted by Angela2 on July 12, 2007, at 20:04:29
In reply to Re: avoiding things --Angela2, posted by Honore on July 12, 2007, at 15:04:50
Honore, good for you for noticing and trying. I want to do the same thing. With me it's with social things. Like support groups that are fun once I get there, it's just hard getting there.
Posted by confuzyq on July 14, 2007, at 13:56:51
In reply to Re: avoiding things --Angela2 » Honore, posted by Angela2 on July 12, 2007, at 20:04:29
Hi Angela,
I have that tendency too and it sure is something worth keeping in check. Don't ever do what I did: find a way to WORK at home too. My main issue with avoiding things felt like inability to multi-task, prioritize, flow, get a decent amount out of a day (even tho I only have myself to take care of). So when our physical office closed and I got the "opportunity" to continue with the company but work from home, I thought it would be a godsend as far as getting things done in my own time frame... and when I felt up to it.
I thought it would be freeing but it has become a prison, I virtually never HAVE to deal with anything I don't want to anymore, or when I don't feel up to it, and worst of all my tendencies towards progress-thwarting perfectionism and procrastination have mushroomed. And I'm terrified that I wouldn't even remember how to function acceptably if I had to get back out there now... Which I SHOULD do, to salvage whatever I have left of a lifestyle, and re-learn a little self-discipline (doing things whether I want to or not, and not being free to take forever in doing them).
It's great that you are staying mindful of the risks of letting the avoidance tendency become entrenched!
Posted by Angela2 on July 23, 2007, at 14:59:25
In reply to Re: avoiding things » Angela2, posted by confuzyq on July 14, 2007, at 13:56:51
I do let it take over me sometimes though. I hate it. Thanks for the response confusyq. take care
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