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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 51. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Kath on April 24, 2007, at 9:38:14
Saw him on Friday.
Lately he's been very withdrawn; uncommunicative; etc not sure if it's due to the psychosis (those symptoms ARE on the list his worker gave me). Sent his worker an email on the weekend; waiting to hear from her.
Part of me is LOVING the lack of contact with him.
I really shouldn't call (it'd be better for me not to).
I think he's MY addiction!
Kath
Posted by zenhussy on April 24, 2007, at 11:00:06
In reply to Trying to 'disengage' somewhat + not phone son, posted by Kath on April 24, 2007, at 9:38:14
Posted by Phil on April 24, 2007, at 11:18:17
In reply to Trying to 'disengage' somewhat + not phone son, posted by Kath on April 24, 2007, at 9:38:14
Kath
I know how strong that 'pull' is to do something. It's like it just rolls around in your brain continuously. At least, that's the way I am.
I wish you strength, wisdom, and hope.Phil
Posted by TexasChic on April 24, 2007, at 19:28:46
In reply to Re: Trying to 'disengage' somewhat + not phone son » Kath, posted by Phil on April 24, 2007, at 11:18:17
Keep in mind, if you give in you're just hurting him more in the end. You have to be hard on yourself now and let him work this out on his own. I can only imagine what hell this must be for you. I don't have a kid so I'm sure its way harder than anything I've ever had to deal with. I'm sending good vibes your way.
-T
Posted by Kath on April 24, 2007, at 20:08:37
In reply to Stay strong, posted by TexasChic on April 24, 2007, at 19:28:46
Thanks you-all.
I didn't phone him. He phoned me (that's OK with me; I'm glad I didn't phone him though).
He said he'd 'messed up' on the weekend with cocaine & realizes he's not in control of his drug use & he needs help/wants to go to rehab.
I should be glad, but I wish he was in a different place. I'm trying to be thankful he's interested at all. I wish he didn't have his requirements:
- wants to go to some sort of short-term rehab; doesn't want to be 'locked up in rehab' for the whole summer. Wants something like a month or so
- wants to get his drug use under control. Says he knows he'll be using, but wants to be able to keep it under control.
He said that he'd probably be willing to go back in the fall if he needs to for a month or so. He doesn't think he can be away from his friends for more than a month! It seems so strange to me.
I feel SHAME about not being greatful that he wants to go to rehab at ALL!!!
I wonder what's wrong with me.
Kath
PS - we both have appointments with his worker tomorrow.
Posted by dreamboat_annie on April 24, 2007, at 20:22:00
In reply to Son wants to go to rehab 'for about a month'......, posted by Kath on April 24, 2007, at 20:08:37
(((Kath)))
I'm glad he called you, but am sorry that you didn't hear what you were probably hoping to hear.
I don't think there is anything wrong with you, or your reaction, at all. I would have had the same reaction as you. He is making a half-*ssed attempt at recovery and it sounds like he doesn't want to do the hard work and turn his life around. It is a scary proposition - giving up friends, changing habits and past-times - it is basically starting over. As a recovering alcoholic, I tried the I'll just use occassionally, and it didn't work for me. I can't be a social drinker or an occasional drinker. Others can be quite successful at it, so try not to despair. At least he is willing to take the first step and from there he may be willing to go that extra mile.
My thoughts are with you and your family. I am sending you strength and good vibes to help you through this.
Take good care of you, ok
Annie
> Thanks you-all.
>
> I didn't phone him. He phoned me (that's OK with me; I'm glad I didn't phone him though).
>
> He said he'd 'messed up' on the weekend with cocaine & realizes he's not in control of his drug use & he needs help/wants to go to rehab.
>
> I should be glad, but I wish he was in a different place. I'm trying to be thankful he's interested at all. I wish he didn't have his requirements:
>
> - wants to go to some sort of short-term rehab; doesn't want to be 'locked up in rehab' for the whole summer. Wants something like a month or so
>
> - wants to get his drug use under control. Says he knows he'll be using, but wants to be able to keep it under control.
>
> He said that he'd probably be willing to go back in the fall if he needs to for a month or so. He doesn't think he can be away from his friends for more than a month! It seems so strange to me.
>
> I feel SHAME about not being greatful that he wants to go to rehab at ALL!!!
>
> I wonder what's wrong with me.
>
> Kath
>
> PS - we both have appointments with his worker tomorrow.
Posted by TexasChic on April 24, 2007, at 20:30:06
In reply to Son wants to go to rehab 'for about a month'......, posted by Kath on April 24, 2007, at 20:08:37
I don't think you should feel ashamed, its apparent he only wants to do things on his terms, which doesn't sound very practical. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but I'm glad you're seeing someone about it to keep things in perspective. You can't keep it all in inside and remain rational.
-T
Posted by Phillipa on April 25, 2007, at 11:40:30
In reply to Son wants to go to rehab 'for about a month'......, posted by Kath on April 24, 2007, at 20:08:37
Kath don't know how I missed this has the meeting taken place yet? I'm so glad he called you. See he cares and loves you. I hope he does well in rehab sounds like it will be good for both of you. Write when you can. Love Phillipa
Posted by fayeroe on April 25, 2007, at 17:22:59
In reply to Son wants to go to rehab 'for about a month'......, posted by Kath on April 24, 2007, at 20:08:37
Kath, i'm a substance abuse counselor and no way is your son interested in getting clean. he's interested in getting people off of his back for using.
you can't "control" cocaine usage. it is one of the hardest drugs to get off of anyway. it affects the part of the brain which knows right from wrong.
he is blowing smoke right now. my suggestion is to be firm and let him bottom out to the point where good treatment is all that will change him.
i've had patients who were court-ordered into treatment and they could give a flip about getting clean.
'
hope this helps. i know i'm hard-nosed, but i've seen it from both sides. my kids and other patients. pat
Posted by Declan on April 25, 2007, at 19:11:47
In reply to Re: Son wants to go to rehab 'for about a month'...... » Kath, posted by fayeroe on April 25, 2007, at 17:22:59
It's hard to know why anyone would ever (really) want to be clean when they could get coke.
Maybe you just have to get so sick that you come to a position deep down that you have finally had enough?
Posted by Kath on April 25, 2007, at 19:28:49
In reply to Re: Son wants to go to rehab 'for about a month'.., posted by Declan on April 25, 2007, at 19:11:47
I think that my son wants to believe that he can go to rehab & be able to still use drugs afterwards & 'be in control' of it!
I don't believe that can happen - not for long, anyway.
I tend to believe what the hospital psychiatrist in Vancouver told me. That guys my son's age (23) who have that lifestyle usually have to hit their heads against a brick wall a few times before they really 'get it' that they can't do drugs. I don't know is he'll ever 'get it'. But I can gently hope.
Today he saw his worker (so did I separately) - I love it that she's there for the whole family - & is interested in a 28 day program that is for people with mental health issues as well as substance abuse. It includes cognitive behaviour therapy. I sorta think 'what can 28 days do?' but I guess it's something. Who knows; maybe something will stick in his mind that he can call upon later.
I suspect that it might turn out to be a revolving-door thing with him into rehab & out of, etc.
I'm feeling pretty relieved that he's agreed to see his worker daily & he seems to feel pretty good about that. She is a mental health worker who specializes in addictions as well.
I appreciate the input of each & every one of you who posted. It means a lot to me & I love the support here!
Thank you all & wouldn't a group hug feel great right about now?
love, kath
Posted by fayeroe on April 25, 2007, at 19:28:52
In reply to Re: Son wants to go to rehab 'for about a month'.., posted by Declan on April 25, 2007, at 19:11:47
> It's hard to know why anyone would ever (really) want to be clean when they could get coke.
>
> Maybe you just have to get so sick that you come to a position deep down that you have finally had enough?To quote Bob Dylan, "just when you think you've lost everything, you find out you can always lose a little more"..........
Posted by fayeroe on April 25, 2007, at 19:35:38
In reply to Thanks all of you, for your support......., posted by Kath on April 25, 2007, at 19:28:49
>
> Thank you all & wouldn't a group hug feel great right about now?
>
> love, kathone coming your way from Texas!
Posted by Phillipa on April 25, 2007, at 20:02:38
In reply to Re: Son wants to go to rehab 'for about a month'...... » Kath, posted by fayeroe on April 25, 2007, at 17:22:59
Wow I was lucky as my Son as a teen did coke and sold it too. Also took himself off no couseling. Incredible. Love Phillipa
Posted by Declan on April 25, 2007, at 20:30:28
In reply to Re: Son wants to go to rehab 'for about a month'.., posted by fayeroe on April 25, 2007, at 19:28:52
Hey, great quote.
Posted by fayeroe on April 25, 2007, at 20:37:57
In reply to Re: Son wants to go to rehab 'for about a month'.. » fayeroe, posted by Declan on April 25, 2007, at 20:30:28
> Hey, great quote.
helps keep my head straight about my life.........pat
Posted by zenhussy on April 28, 2007, at 16:04:28
In reply to Thanks all of you, for your support......., posted by Kath on April 25, 2007, at 19:28:49
Posted by fayeroe on April 28, 2007, at 16:40:06
In reply to rehab lite won't cut it w/ him...stay the course! (nm) » Kath, posted by zenhussy on April 28, 2007, at 16:04:28
i like that. rehab "lite"........and of course, i agree. 30 days is hardly enough time to detox fully and get your game back. you learn to say what the counselors want to hear in that length of time..........
Posted by Phillipa on April 28, 2007, at 19:20:09
In reply to Re: rehab lite won't cut it w/ him...stay the course! » zenhussy, posted by fayeroe on April 28, 2007, at 16:40:06
Ever watched Intervention? Good show and they seem to have pretty good results with long term treatment if the person stays in the program. Love Phillipa
Posted by Declan on April 28, 2007, at 20:36:36
In reply to Re: rehab lite won't cut it w/ him...stay the course! » fayeroe, posted by Phillipa on April 28, 2007, at 19:20:09
Maybe people in this situation need something that cannot be provided by the medical profession.
Like a sense of meaning and purpose, something that makes them want to get out of bed in the morning, something to live and breathe inside them.
Posted by fayeroe on April 28, 2007, at 20:46:22
In reply to Re: rehab lite won't cut it w/ him...stay the cour, posted by Declan on April 28, 2007, at 20:36:36
> Maybe people in this situation need something that cannot be provided by the medical profession.
>
> Like a sense of meaning and purpose, something that makes them want to get out of bed in the morning, something to live and breathe inside them.they do have a sense of purpose and a reason to get up...........drugs!!!! i've worked with them and until they "bottom" out, it is pretty hopeless. an addict has more excuses, lies, denial than Carter has little liver pills. my BS meter is really high.
the reason that will usually motivate them is knowing that they are dying unless they quit. OR their money is cut off and someone quits enabling them. and then they hit the streets and find out life is pretty damned sh*tty out there.
Posted by Kath on April 30, 2007, at 12:47:00
In reply to Re: rehab lite won't cut it w/ him...stay the cour, posted by Declan on April 28, 2007, at 20:36:36
> Maybe people in this situation need something that cannot be provided by the medical profession.
>
> Like a sense of meaning and purpose, something that makes them want to get out of bed in the morning, something to live and breathe inside them.******Declan - I totally agree.
I think they need the whole rehab thing to deal with the drug part.
I think that the long-term rehab - (as Zen says, 'lite' wouldn't do it for my son) hopefully would touch on the pain that probably had a large part in causing drug abuse in the first place, but what about the part you mentioned??? How to fill the empty part?
Any thoughts? It must be different for every person.
hugs, Kath
Posted by Kath on April 30, 2007, at 12:53:12
In reply to Re: rehab lite won't cut it w/ him...stay the cour » Declan, posted by fayeroe on April 28, 2007, at 20:46:22
> > Maybe people in this situation need something that cannot be provided by the medical profession.
> >
> > Like a sense of meaning and purpose, something that makes them want to get out of bed in the morning, something to live and breathe inside them.
>
> they do have a sense of purpose and a reason to get up...........drugs!!!!************Pat, I think Declan means something positive to replace THAT sense of purpose & reason to get up!! :-) How does a person find meaning in life? Maybe some people are fortunate enough to have it & some are unfortunate enough not to have it? I dunno. My son says his life is pretty empty right now. The vibes coming from him are that he has no power to change that.
Obviously he's where he is due to his own actions & inactions. I only can hope that in working with his mental health case worker there might be a spark of hope but as you say - it usually is a case of hitting bottom. He's already hit what I would consider bottom if it were ME!!! It's pretty depressing & scarey to me.Kath
PS - I have no idea how you can do your job & not get depressed & cynical & down....I would be all of those, I think! I admire people who can do those types of jobs ongoing!
hugs, Kath
Posted by Kath on April 30, 2007, at 12:54:35
In reply to rehab lite won't cut it w/ him...stay the course! (nm) » Kath, posted by zenhussy on April 28, 2007, at 16:04:28
I agree. Lite won't do it.
What do you mean by stay the course?
I'm trying to stay detached; to take care of me while being detachedly & selectively supportive.
It's a hard balance to attain.
hugs, Kath
Posted by Declan on April 30, 2007, at 17:42:22
In reply to Re: rehab lite won't cut it w/ him...stay the course! » zenhussy, posted by Kath on April 30, 2007, at 12:54:35
There must have been plenty of people who have addressed the problem of what to do once you have succeeded in abstaining from drugs.
I like the idea that drug abuse is a lust for life gone wrong. (This idea comes from the Iggy Pop album of the same name.)
The only thing that comes to mind is exploring, and it's the wrong century for that (drug use being a kind of exploration).
There must be some way to sublimate this stuff.
Telling someone to do a 9 to 5 and pay the mortgage off doesn't seem to cut it.
Of course, having the right friends and acquaintances is important.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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