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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by verne on April 10, 2007, at 4:56:57
I don't believe in instant, "fast food" relationships on the internet. I'm more into ridiculous fantasies involving former girlfriends. Found her registered at West Covina High School but I'm too afraid and ashamed to contact her.
Otherwise, I have no friends. Maybe one. I have a daugher but if I make her a friend she'll be co-dependant. I live in almost complete isolation. Prisoners in solitary confinement have more contact with others.
When are people ever real on this board? Larry Hoover is one of the few. I don't even know him and he was kind enough to offer me a ride to the next PB convention. (no can do) That's "real" - not artificial hugs and emoticons.
I don't get how people get anything out of online communication (or french films). I'm always amazed at how people love and hug each other online.
Have you seen the dating commercial? I'm in love with the "bad date" who says, "let's talk about something fun, like magic!" I think I've fallen for the actor not the bit.
Anyway, after years of message boards I don't see the point. Never been much for chat but I'm more alone now than I was six years ago.
I must sound like a zombie or the unfinished Conan sequal. I'm completely alone, isolated, and sound like a dating probe.
I think it's great, that so many couples get together. Yet why must they disguise their conversation with an awkward exchange about drug side effects?
Just let it hang out.
Verne
Posted by karen_kay on April 10, 2007, at 7:09:38
In reply to Why is this Thread About Me?, posted by verne on April 10, 2007, at 4:56:57
first, i'll start with the drug side effects. if i discuss drug side effects, more than not, i'll be likely to talk of a hang over (ick! that's a side effect i can always do without!).
well, i can be horribly dense and perhaps i'm completely missing everything you're trying to get across with this post, but i've found a handfull of friends from here that i do stay in real-life contact with. (sometimes they're even lucky enough to even make out with me! just sometimes, when i get mr kk out of the house! god, i hope he passes this one by, i'd hate for him to go after mister bob and all. mister bob wouldn't stand a chance...)
seriously though, (or am i?) i've met some incredible (ly crazy) people here. and we do stay in contact. and perhaps one day we will make out and give real hugs and kisses (you listening hussy?). and those people do seem to help me get by on thsoe day swhen i feel it's nearly impossible.
i'm wondering..... so, are you doubting the sincerity? is that what it is? i think, in a room full of 'fake' (well we are kinda fake, considering we can't see eachother, hear our voices, or notice that most of us are in our underpants while we post, even larry hoover) people, there should be a few you should be drawn to. i think that's what most of us do. we tend to connect with a few, by our words.
all in all, isn't that all we have anyway?
verne, (kk beign as sincere as her eyes are brown, if possible, i'd give you a ride (in a car) anywhere you needed to go! i remember the last block you got (geez, this black hole mind of mine, i'll spare you the side effects of my meds, possibly causing confusion between you and another poster) i thought (and posted) 'i wanted to get to know you better' i wasn't lying about that. no reason to either.
so, from someone else who never gets french films either (except that one where they steal children and harness their dreams. remember that one? probably not, i don't, so don't know why you would either...) how are you today verne?
Posted by madeline on April 10, 2007, at 7:13:35
In reply to Why is this Thread About Me?, posted by verne on April 10, 2007, at 4:56:57
Ah! Welcome back.
I never quite know how to respond to your posts-
except I will admit that I've developed a thing for elliot on Scrubs. Also, the chic on medium I like as well, but I don't think it has reached the level of a thing.I have so many bad dates in my life that the online dating commercials just reflect my experience. I find much humor in that.
What perhaps is humorless is that most of those dates developed into 2-3 month long relationships, punctuated by intense boredom, a splattering of righteous indignation, and marked self-congratulation at my benevolence.
Currently I'm dating a very sheepish young man whom I fear to be impotent. This one may make it into 6 month range.
And yet, I have known love - the intense kind of love that replaced the dread. Klonopin helped immensely with that.
I understand online communication in all of its forms. It maintains a level of superficiality that can be quite comforting. In most cases it was never meant to be real, so there is no expectation, no intrusion.
I'm sorry, this thread was designed to be about you.
Nonetheless, welcome back. You were missed.
Maddie
Posted by Phillipa on April 10, 2007, at 12:34:23
In reply to VERNE!!!, posted by madeline on April 10, 2007, at 7:13:35
Very missed Verne. Welcome back. Love Phillipa
Posted by verne on April 10, 2007, at 12:59:55
In reply to VERNE!!!, posted by madeline on April 10, 2007, at 7:13:35
Thanks for the kind words Karen, Madeline, and Jan.
Almost forgot I posted here last night. Actually had almost two weeks of sobriety and blew it over the garden. Gardens are a killer. I focused on the natural privacy fence garden and decided against a vegetable garden this year. I don't have the will or wherewithal to tend it.
I didn't even get around to mowing the lawn. I don't want to make a couple other "holdouts" across the street, feel bad by mowing first. This is Iowa where most people mow whether it needs it or not, where every last fallen leaf is bagged, and no tree goes untrimmed. They glare at my deep "drifts" of leaves and nature gone mad.
One neighbor told me several times how much he "hated" my natural privacy fence - umpteen different semi-evergreen vines - my attempt to block the view of his well-manicured yard and all his lawn ornaments, not to mention a 20 foot flagpole flying the American, Iowan, and occasional holiday flag. I'm not sure whether he's declaring war or a hurricane. The last time we spoke (3 years ago) he said in shock, "you don't have any shoes on!" I'm barefoot about ten months out of the year.
Gee, I'm talkative for being so hungover. This is really brutal. I would love to quit for good.
Verne
Posted by verne on April 10, 2007, at 13:01:32
In reply to Re: VERNE!!!, posted by verne on April 10, 2007, at 12:59:55
Posted by scratchpad on April 10, 2007, at 13:27:50
In reply to Re: VERNE!!!, posted by verne on April 10, 2007, at 12:59:55
I'm glad you're back.
I hope you don't get blocked again soon.
I am a mess.
I appreciate the email friendship we were able to maintain in the past.
I'm not so hot right now.Online communication is quite real, but does require two parties to make it work. I'm sorry that I left my half fall down. I didn't mean it to, but I'm very depressed. I hope that you will forgive me.
Please hang in here so we can all appreciate your contributions to babble. The penalties are very tough, but I do believe they are (mostly) fair.
Welcome back, Verne.
Scratchpad
formerly ClearSkies
Posted by verne on April 10, 2007, at 13:39:47
In reply to Dear Verne, posted by scratchpad on April 10, 2007, at 13:27:50
Hi Scratchpad,
Thanks for the nice welcome. Hope I didn't get myself blocked right off last night. I had planned on sticking to the alternative board and staying out of trouble on the social and admin boards. My experiments with herbs and supplements is almost a full time job now.
I, too, still struggle with depression. I don't know why I occasionally drink since the klonopin takes care of the anxiety. I'm not a typical alcoholic but overdo it when I do drink. Meditation helps me more than AA. (I used to race out of AA meetings for the nearest bar)
Hang in there, yourself. I'm hoping to get back in shape and swim again this summer. This has been the roughest winter yet. I drank more since December than I had all of last year. Built another pyramid of empty bottles in the garage.
I think I'm older now than I've ever been before, too. Strangely, still hopeful.
take care,
verne
Posted by Kath on April 10, 2007, at 19:37:35
In reply to Why is this Thread About Me?, posted by verne on April 10, 2007, at 4:56:57
Jeez - I'm always saying luv & hugs or
(((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))) ing people.Maybe I'm an idiot?? I dunno.
Maybe I'm a loser for feeling so close to people who I haven't met, but I DO feel close!! I can't help it. I think I'm 'real' here. I sure bare my soul...sometimes I think embarassingly so.
I'm so sorry that you're alone verne. Also, I appreciate that you're so open.
And even though I don't know you, I DO care about how you feel. I assume you're a fellow-Canuck if Larry was going to give you a ride...sounds like even a fellow-Ontarian.
Kath
Posted by karen_kay on April 10, 2007, at 23:02:30
In reply to Re: VERNE!!!, posted by verne on April 10, 2007, at 12:59:55
i've yet to mow my yard either. it hasn't been raked. yet somehow i've found time to clean the coy ponds.
so, we had a week of nice weather (i too was outside barefoot, finding 2 4-leaf clovers, onnly to step on glass, so they weren't meant for me!), i planted lillies, lilacs, and various other plants. only so they could be wiped out with thsi sudden cold weather that jsut came through.
what a wasted effort, eh? well, at least i didn't waste my time doing something useful like mowing the yard or raking!!! (and it sure was nice drinking soem beer in the sunshine. was that what you were drinking?)
(was today any better than yesterday? i hope tomorrow is the best day ever for you! i hope you take that as me coming on to you, because that's exactly what i'm doing (geez, at least i hope you're cracking a smile?! seriously (not that i wasn't being serious), have a wonderful day!!!)
Posted by Larry Hoover on April 11, 2007, at 8:25:43
In reply to Why is this Thread About Me?, posted by verne on April 10, 2007, at 4:56:57
Hey verne! Glad to see you back.
> When are people ever real on this board?
IMHO, this board can be realler than real life. It all depends on what you're talking about, though.
> Larry Hoover is one of the few. I don't even know him and he was kind enough to offer me a ride to the next PB convention. (no can do) That's "real" - not artificial hugs and emoticons.
I feel like I made a difference, verne. Thank you for acknowledging that.
I regret, however, that my own health precludes the road trip, this year. In health, I can get to Iowa in a day, though, so a future event can still be pencilled in.
I do recall seeing the remarkable 'orderliness' of even rural properties, out that way. Kind of obsessive, perhaps, but it obviously was a communal obsession.
Lar
Posted by verne on April 11, 2007, at 20:23:21
In reply to Re: Why is this Thread About Me? » verne, posted by Larry Hoover on April 11, 2007, at 8:25:43
Larry,
I had no plans of attending the PB convention - especially if it's in San Diego. I'm in no shape to travel anyway.
I'd like to move to a beach or lake in 2009 if I've been sober at least a year. (I've done it before, once for almost 2 years) I figure there's no point in taking my 3-ring circus on the road any time soon.
I've been examing maps and travel sites. The Finger Lakes region appeals to me. Meanwhile, there's plenty I can do in the way of recovery in Iowa. Borderline Skills book, Egoscue exercises, mediation, reading all those books I bought at amazon.com, etc...
Verne
Posted by Jai Narayan on April 11, 2007, at 23:27:17
In reply to Travel » Larry Hoover, posted by verne on April 11, 2007, at 20:23:21
> Larry,
>
> I had no plans of attending the PB convention - especially if it's in San Diego. I'm in no shape to travel anyway.
>
> I'd like to move to a beach or lake in 2009 if I've been sober at least a year. (I've done it before, once for almost 2 years) I figure there's no point in taking my 3-ring circus on the road any time soon.
>
> I've been examing maps and travel sites. The Finger Lakes region appeals to me. Meanwhile, there's plenty I can do in the way of recovery in Iowa. Borderline Skills book, Egoscue exercises, mediation, reading all those books I bought at amazon.com, etc...
>
> Verne
>
>
Verne, you are so freaking wonderful! I would be honored to have you in my state. I mean a state in the USA...
you are the best.
Jai
Posted by Larry Hoover on April 13, 2007, at 7:37:03
In reply to Travel » Larry Hoover, posted by verne on April 11, 2007, at 20:23:21
> Larry,
>
> I had no plans of attending the PB convention - especially if it's in San Diego. I'm in no shape to travel anyway.Well, it's not like we'd been formally planning, eh? I'm just touched that you felt my gesture the way I intended it, notwithstanding our mutual health issues.
> I'd like to move to a beach or lake in 2009 if I've been sober at least a year. (I've done it before, once for almost 2 years) I figure there's no point in taking my 3-ring circus on the road any time soon.
Just wondering....why make the move conditional on sobriety? In 2009, you're going to be two years older, anyway, sober or not.
> I've been examing maps and travel sites. The Finger Lakes region appeals to me.
I gather you mean upstate New York? Wine-making has become a big thing there. Would that be an issue? I'm also much closer to there, should it become a factor down the road.
> Meanwhile, there's plenty I can do in the way of recovery in Iowa. Borderline Skills book, Egoscue exercises, mediation, reading all those books I bought at amazon.com, etc...
>
> VerneMeditation is free, but for the time invested. Somehow, it seems to expand the remaining time. Keep up the good work, dude.
Lar
Posted by Declan on April 13, 2007, at 18:17:38
In reply to Re: Travel » verne, posted by Larry Hoover on April 13, 2007, at 7:37:03
>I figure there's no point in taking my 3-ring circus on the road any time soon.
Hello Verne
I know exactly whay you mean.
As I keep saying, I wish to travel.
I can certainly buy some of the neccessary items in many places in the world. But can I be sure?
Will I come down with back trouble?
Will my prostate flair up?
What about arthritis?
I suppose I can forget about my antioxidant network for the time being.
What will they think at customs?
And so on.
Declan
Posted by verne on April 13, 2007, at 23:34:07
In reply to Re: Travel, posted by Declan on April 13, 2007, at 18:17:38
I used to travel. I had a residence permit and lived and worked in Germany for years as a civilian before I was stationed in Berlin with the military. I used to sleep on night trains using my EuropaPass. Lived on Ibiza when they had only one disco and it was still out of the way. Now it's considered the ultimate "club" spot.
Now I'm afraid to go out of my yard. Especially when the brewbeast gets loose.
Jai, you're too kind. I might reach escape velocity in 2009 and leave Iowa for good. I still have hope. Just have a few loose ends and 16 tons of stuff to deal with first.
Upper New York State looks good with all those lakes. Met a guy on line from a town (can't pronounce: "Canadadaqua"?) Has a VA center so I would have free health care although I'm covered being army retired with tricare (not good). Not sick in the traditional sense, just the depression and anxiety.
This nice fellow from Canadquadadqa said this area was very new age and spiritual. Lots of history. I don't mind hippie, if it isn't too "mother earth news". (I lived in Eugene, Oregon, for two years and saw the earth news environmentalists up close - lived in a commune with a few)
They never do the dishes, won't do their chores, and protect fleas. Sure I generalize, but that's the only way my brain approximates "thinking".
Forgive me, I'm a little distracted. I've been messing around tonight with flaxseed, primrose, and omega-3 oil. I'm climbing the walls. I keep thinking I have to take this stuff "for my health", yet eventually I drink just to deal with the anxiety.
This runaway train, I call my body, is really hard to drive.
Vribble
Posted by verne on April 14, 2007, at 15:17:42
In reply to Re: Travel, posted by verne on April 13, 2007, at 23:34:07
Surveying the wreckage, it doesn't look like I got myself blocked anyway.
It's Saturday in Iowa: everybody with any sort of power tool has it cranked up. Makes me want to go out and buy a leaf blower.
My only power tool is the tv remote.
verne
This is the end of the thread.
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