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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by JerryPharmStudent on October 24, 2006, at 4:17:29
things arent going well. had to srop out of school this semester. I'm alone.
Posted by Lindenblüte on October 24, 2006, at 10:45:30
In reply to need support, posted by JerryPharmStudent on October 24, 2006, at 4:17:29
> things arent going well. had to srop out of school this semester. I'm alone.
>Hi Jerry,
I'm sorry to hear that you're not doing well. I understand if you're feeling all alone, but is there some activity you think you could manage so that you can have some routine to your life, and be around people?Here's what I can force myself to do, even on my worst days. Get dressed. Pack laptop or book or magazine. Ride bus to the bookstore, the cafe, or the library. (or walk, depending on my energy). Sit and read. sip coffee or tea. listen in on others' conversations, play on p-babble if I can get wireless internet. Come home. Feel somewhat more like a member of society.
Even if you're not enrolled in school, perhaps there are some clubs or organized activities around campus that might catch your interest?Some guest lectures or talks you might wish to attend?
Concerts? Lots of free concerts around universities.
You could participate as a volunteer for a political candidate?
You could help with carpentry and painting for a drama production (or to build homes for a charity organization, like habitat for humanity)
This is all pretty ambitious. I'm getting a little ahead of myself right now.
Here's some generic warm support for you (((((((((Jerry))))))))) safe cyber hugs, and I hope you feel better asap.
Remember that even on the crappiest days, you can still find one or two beautiful things. You just have to look for them. Keep your eyes, ears, and heart open. Let me know what you find today that is beautiful.
-Li
Posted by wishingstar on October 24, 2006, at 14:35:10
In reply to need support, posted by JerryPharmStudent on October 24, 2006, at 4:17:29
Hey Jerry, I'm so sorry things are that hard for you right now. Lindens advice sounds really great.. I too like to get some books together and sit at the bookstore cafe for awhile.. at least then I dont feel quite so isolated (even though you dont have to talk to anyone if you dont want to).
The real reason I'm posting is just to say I'm here and I understand. I am (was) a graduate student myself until about three weeks ago. I also was forced to drop out because things have just gotten too hard. So you're not the only one. I really do understand (on some level anyway) and I wish I knew how to help. Hang in there. Feel free to send me a babblemail if you ever need someone to talk/listen.
Posted by Declan on October 24, 2006, at 14:57:14
In reply to Re: need support » JerryPharmStudent, posted by Lindenblüte on October 24, 2006, at 10:45:30
Hi Jerry
With me it made a difference finding an AD (tianeptine) that was of enough use and then finding a way to meet some nice (nonmainstream) people who didn't think I was too weird, which I managed by volunteering at our community radio station. It took the best part of forever to do that, which is such a waste of time. The thing that made a difference was the human contact, but the human contact wouldn't have happened without the drug, which I suppose is no news to you.
Declan
Posted by ClearSkies on October 24, 2006, at 16:52:39
In reply to Re: need support, posted by Declan on October 24, 2006, at 14:57:14
> Hi Jerry
> With me it made a difference finding an AD (tianeptine) that was of enough use and then finding a way to meet some nice (nonmainstream) people who didn't think I was too weird, which I managed by volunteering at our community radio station. It took the best part of forever to do that, which is such a waste of time. The thing that made a difference was the human contact, but the human contact wouldn't have happened without the drug, which I suppose is no news to you.
> DeclanWhat a great story - thank you for sharing this, Declan.
Jerry, I have dropped out of more things than I have joined up for. That sounds really dismal, but it has proven to be more important that I do what I am well suited to do. If admitting that I am not "up to", or more accurately, not suitable for, some positions/situations, it is an admission of self-knowledge, and not defeat.
By my standards. By what is best for me, not what is best for a resume. It has taken a long time for me to accept that I have to define my own markers for success. Slightly askew.Jerry, I hope that you share with us here and come to realize your integrity and inner strength that the rest of us have seen.
ClearSkies
Posted by Phillipa on October 24, 2006, at 18:50:04
In reply to Re: need support, posted by ClearSkies on October 24, 2006, at 16:52:39
Clear Skies I can relate and that was wonderful advise. Jerry give yourself some time before you try and tackle something else. Your mind needs time to accept. Love Phillipa
Posted by fayeroe on October 24, 2006, at 22:11:20
In reply to need support, posted by JerryPharmStudent on October 24, 2006, at 4:17:29
> things arent going well. had to srop out of school this semester. I'm alone.
i'm sorry, Jerry. i, too, had to drop out of something that meant a great deal to me. i try to fill my days with reading, walking, my pets, the library, etc. i'm going in to Austin tomorrow for lunch with my daughter and a friend. it's easy to isolate after a disappointment. talk to us.........pat
>
>
Posted by JerryPharmStudent on October 24, 2006, at 23:36:05
In reply to Re: need support » JerryPharmStudent, posted by fayeroe on October 24, 2006, at 22:11:20
WOw - you all are angels. So supportive. IF I could only find such people in my town. I like hte idea of taking my laptop to a coffeehouse,etc - problem is that I live in a small college town and everyone knows everyone - so it would be hard to dodge unwanted conversations. But , I guess any human contact would be nbetter than none? Other problem is that I get nervous around groups of people - so it's like a catch 22. My energy is low and I can barely keep up with showering everyday. I have a great little doggie named Tinker - she's at my parents' place which is about 2 miles from me. I love spending time with her. Just 5 mins with her make me forget everything - jusst holding her. But I'm not allowed to have her in my apt. And my mom's mad at me for dropping out of school. She thinks that I should be in school "no matter what - even if you feel bad." Funny - she's a nurse.
Anyway, I have terrible dysphoria. I used to love listening to music - it warmed my soul. Now it's like I'm listening to static. I'd pay almost anything for music to touch me the wya it used to.
It's been 15 years now that I've been battling depression. Every med, combo, ECT, VNS - my depression is extremely resistant. Researchers at teh U of Minnesota were even baffled by my case. Here's what Im on:
Adderall - 20mg TID
Klonopin 4mg qd
Hycodan ( hydrocodone - Rx by reasearchers at the U of M - helps a lot) 5 mg qd
Remeron 60mg HS
BuSpar 15mg BID
Ambien Cr 12.5mg HS
Lexapro 20mgDont know what else would help with the dysphoria. WHen I sleep - I have TERRIBLE TERRIBLE nightmares - I belive from the Remeron - but my curent doc says the Remeron should help me a lot. Is there anything to stop the nightmares?
I also go 2-4 days into hypersolomence (sp?). It's like my mind wants me to escape and forces me to sleep without taking my meds - then I'm almost ina coma like state trapped in horrific nightmares.
I'm just at such a loss. A voice inisde just keeps saying "It will all end in your suicide/death."
Anyway - thanks for the support - please keep posting or bablemail. I can use it..........
Jerry
Posted by Phillipa on October 24, 2006, at 23:47:56
In reply to Re: need support, posted by JerryPharmStudent on October 24, 2006, at 23:36:05
Jerry I feel for you. Yes dogs are wonderful friends. You have been and are currently going through so much. If you babblemail me I'll give you my e-mail address if you like. Love Phillipa
Posted by madeline on October 25, 2006, at 7:32:13
In reply to need support, posted by JerryPharmStudent on October 24, 2006, at 4:17:29
It's okay Jerry. I've quit a lot of things too and it really is alright.
Nightmares can be really awful, but they are usually our brain trying to tell us something. It's funny, I didn't used to think that way, but after years of thinking about my dreams, I have changed my mind - there is something to them.
I hope you are in therapy and I would talk about my dreams there. Are there any recurrent themes? Are the dreamscapes elaborate or sparse? Why were you so scared, what lead up to the fear?
I would also post your drug list over on the babble board. There are some smart people over there who might have some pretty good insight into your pharmacology. I will admit that the inclusion of the opioids is a bit surprising to me.
Finally, the desire to seclude yourself when really depressed can be overwhelming and that is something that you must fight with all of your being. But you might not be ready to deal with a bunch of strangers (they hurt don't they) but trust that one day you will.
I think your connection with the little dog is wonderful! I have a house filled with pets and I simply can not tell you how many times they have saved me. I feel the same way you do about animals.
One thing that I did when I was at my most depressed was to start volunteering at a big cat rescue facility. At first it was tough to deal with the people there, but the animals really nurtured my soul. Over time I made a lot of really good people friends there too. Animal people are usually really good people - kind and gentle and more than a little scared of people too! It's so funny that most of us there would rather come face to face with a tiger than another human! But the key was that we can be scared of each other TOGETHER!
I would try and find a place where you can volunteer around animals - a no kill shelter, or a zoo or a sanctuary like I did. It really helped.
I'm thinking of you
Maddie
Posted by Lindenblüte on October 25, 2006, at 7:37:38
In reply to Re: need support » JerryPharmStudent, posted by Phillipa on October 24, 2006, at 23:47:56
Hi Jerry,
I have strange dreams when I take seroquel (like eating chicken prepared with the food additive Abilify), but only 1 nightmare in 6 months.I used to take 25 or 50 mg to help me fall asleep at night. More recently, my pdoc has increased my dose to 300 mg, because it has been shown to be a powerful and fairly fast-acting anti-depressant for bipolar depression. Now, while I've never been told that I'm bipolar (and I would never diagnose myself as such), it's possible that it may work for different people in different ways.
I was super sleepy (IMPOSSIBLE to get up in the am) for the first 3 weeks of increased dosage. Now I'm starting my 3rd week at the full 300mg dose, and it's actually getting easier every day to wake up in the am.
See what people say regarding seroquel and nightmares.
The hypersomnolence and nightmares sounds like you may not be experiencing all of the sleep stages your body is demanding. You are resting, but not truly in a restorative sleep. Is this possible? I don't know which drugs you are on that might be interrupting your sleep cycle. I've heard that benzodiazepines (specifically klonopin) may have this effect if taken in the evening.
Whatever you decide to do, regarding your meds, please know that babble will be here for you.
I'm sorry that depression is sapping all the joy out of life. It's such a cruel disease. At least you can still enjoy your dog :) I have 2 suggestions for you-
1) does your landlord or maintenance staff live in an apt immediately adjoining yours? If not, and if your doggy is quiet, I think you might be able to get away with keeping your dog at your place for a weekend or during some days. My landlord had similar restrictions, but my roommate was forced to take care of her brother's dog when he had to go work in Hong Kong one summer. This is a big dog- German Shepard mix. Barked a lot too. My landlord never said anything- even though my roommate (little Chinese woman) was out walking the beast several times a day, all summer long!
2) do you own a pair of largish headphones? you can wear these when you go out to places where you might run into folks you know. They will be much less likely to disturb you if you're reading a book and have big headphones on. Just seeing people, perhaps by walking around the neighborhood in the evening when people are walking their dogs will help you. No conversation required- just say Good Evening, and keep going
I know when I am really really depressed I tend to get paranoid, thinking that everyone is whispering about what a FREAK I am, and what a FAILURE... etc. The truth is that people are usually so absorbed in their own lives that they don't pick up on subtle changes in behavior that seem so symptomatic of insanity to myself!
You have a fairly substantial change in behavior to explain, namely taking the semester off. Well, you won't be forced to explain it to anyone. If they ask where you've been, what you're up to, it might be because they MISS YOU! Not because they think you're a drop-out, and want to confirm the rumors.
Have a set of stock phrases ready:
"I'm taking a leave of absence for health reasons" (at which point annoying people will ask you What's Wrong?)
You can respond "It's really something I'd rather not discuss."
"I'm still going through different tests to figure out exactly what's wrong."
then you can tell them that "I'm pretty stressed out, and depressed too, but I'm really hoping to start classes again after Winter Break".
"Well, you haven't seen me around, because I'm not taking classes this semester."
Or, you can just keep the focus of conversation on THEM. Most people are more than happy to talk about themselves.
"Jerry, I haven't seen you around much! Are you still in school?" "Hey! What's up? I haven't seen you around EITHER! How's _______ going for you?"
or just have your headphones on (no music necessary) and pretend to ignore them :) wave a quiet unenthusiastic wave when you see them, but don't say anything! :)
-Li
Posted by ed_uk on October 29, 2006, at 11:05:36
In reply to Re: need support, posted by ClearSkies on October 24, 2006, at 16:52:39
Hi Jerry
I'm so sorry you had to drop out. I dropped out too and I feel like I might have made a bad decision. I'm not unhappy at the moment though, which is always good.
Love
Ed
This is the end of the thread.
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