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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on July 14, 2006, at 19:44:25
I HAVE PROBLEMS!!! I'm not a "normal" person. I really have problems! I'm damaged. I'm not right in my ^%%&ing head! Who would want me?
My ex boyfriend just saw my ad in that dating site. He's doing really well and I'm still nowhere. I don't think I should subject anyone to my messed upness. I'm glad he's doing well. Good thing I stepped out of the picture.
I think I should lock away from society on an island or somewhere. I don't belong. I should keep my craziness (not good craziness) to myself.
I'm even crazier than most here on Babble. Who am I kidding? I'm messed up! Obsessive Bob love, dramatic death posts, unmatched euphoric type happiness followed by catastrophic crises. What the hell???
How did I turn out like this?? It's not like my childhood was traumatic.
Why can't I do anything??? I'm not doing anything! I sleep all day for a few days, then I don't need sleep for a few days and I pace around the house and look at my hamster. I haven't been outside in days! I don't read or clean or do anything productive. I just surf the web and pace the house. What's wrong with me?!?!
Nothing to do, but pace around the house, pace around the house, pace around. Sit here, stare at screen, stare at screen, stare at screen. What's wrong with me?!!! Why don't I do anything??? I may as well be a vegetable.
Pace the house and think of Bob, how crazy is that? I'm seriously messed up! Obsess about cancer, obsess about Bob. The real world?? What the hell is that? Am I in the real world?
People??? Contact? Contact with people?
I've become less and less functional over the years. What's wrong with me???? At this rate, I'm going to be catatonic soon!
Aaahhhh!
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on July 14, 2006, at 19:47:41
In reply to I just realized something... *rant*, posted by Deneb on July 14, 2006, at 19:44:25
> I'm even crazier than most here on Babble.
Sorry, I didn't mean to say that people here are crazy. I meant to say that I may be more ill than I realize.
Deneb*
Posted by TexasChic on July 14, 2006, at 20:35:55
In reply to Re: I just realized something... *rant*, posted by Deneb on July 14, 2006, at 19:47:41
I feel the same way sometimes. I've been sleeping alot lately too. I think the more you sleep and don't get out, the harder it becomes to leave the house.
I think a job would give you a good reason to get out. I think work is the only reason I leave the house most of the time. That and going to see my T.
You're a great person Deneb. You just have to learn to believe it. I believe you can bring yourself out of this slump. You just need to find something to do!
-T
Posted by Phillipa on July 14, 2006, at 21:22:42
In reply to Re: I just realized something... *rant* » Deneb, posted by TexasChic on July 14, 2006, at 20:35:55
Deneb do you have any hobbies? And by the way when's the last time you saw your pdoc? Does he/she know how you're spending you time? And about your obsession with Dr. Bob? I think an appointment may be in order. I like you too Deneb and want what's best for you. And I like seeing you happy. Love Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on July 14, 2006, at 21:36:43
In reply to I just realized something... *rant*, posted by Deneb on July 14, 2006, at 19:44:25
You've been out with friends a couple of times just recently, haven't you? That's more than I've done. :)
You ought to see if you can get the DBT skills book at your library, or read gg's links, and join us. That would give you something to do.
Some structure in your life would probably be helpful to you. School doesn't start for a while. What do you think you can do in the meantime to force you to wake up at approximately the same time and stay awake? I remember when I was off for the summer, my sleep cycle got way messed up. I'd stay up reading till dawn then sleep all day. It's really important for good mental hygiene to keep as regular hours as possible.
Have you thought of volunteering at your animal shelter? I did it for a while, and it had the advantage of not requiring a long term commitment, at least ours didn't. I walked dogs. I didn't stick with it long, because I'm scared of most animals except dogs, but I found the dog walking very rewarding.
I always thought that when I had the time, I'd like to train dogs for the shelter. I know there are people who wash and groom dogs, or help train them so they'll be more appealing to potential owners.
What sort of thing do you find interesting to do?
I wouldn't think it's terribly useful to label yourself as crazy, is it? Wouldn't it be more useful to just decide what conditions help you to feel at your best? Do you generally feel better on meds? Or if you get regular sleep? Or if you have something to do so that you don't get bored?
Sometimes it helps to wonder what your typical patterns might do for you. Even if they feel awful, sometimes they serve a purpose. My OCD obsessions often distract me from real problems. They're so ridiculous that I can easily dismiss them, and my anxiety. While often there is something not at all ridiculous that they keep me from thinking about.
Euphorias and crises tend to make one feel fully alive. While life without euphorias and crises can seem a bit mundane at times. Life can often be mundane.
Or, like my obsessions, they can provide focus to something that might be a distraction from a real concern that requires real action and calls for real anxiety.
As an exercise, I sometimes thank my obsessions for trying to help me by distracting me. And ask them what's so scary that they'd rather I worry about whether I ran over someone in the car.
Might it be an interesting exercise for you to ask what good deed your euphorias and crises are trying to do for you? Are they trying to distract you from discontent or anger or fear?
I'm not discounting a biological element to my OCD. And some would say it's nothing but biology. But I suspect our brains and our bodies are complex and more than able to make use of biological traits.
Therapy can be a good way to tease apart those threads, although I understand that you aren't really interested in therapy? Or maybe it isn't available to you?
Posted by Deneb on July 14, 2006, at 21:40:29
In reply to I just realized something... *rant*, posted by Deneb on July 14, 2006, at 19:44:25
I'm really angry right now. I just deleted two posts I wrote with the words HATE and KILL. I hate how I got kicked off that cancer support site. People there got me kicked off. I deleted the first post to write a post that wouldn't scare people here. I ended up writing another post with the words HATE and KILL. I don't want people to think that I'm out to kill anyone.
I might scare Dr. Bob. I don't want people to think that I could get so angry that I will kill. I don't want Dr. Bob to think I could be unstable like that. He might be afraid to see me again.
I hate this! I feel so irritable. Angry and bored and stupid anxiety attacks. Just want to kick stuff!
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on July 14, 2006, at 21:50:16
In reply to Re: I just realized something... *rant* » Deneb, posted by TexasChic on July 14, 2006, at 20:35:55
Thanks TexasChic, I think I need a job too, anything really, to get me out of the house doing something. I think I may be experiencing some sort of cabin fever.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on July 14, 2006, at 21:54:27
In reply to Re: I just realized something... *rant*, posted by Phillipa on July 14, 2006, at 21:22:42
I used to have astronomy as a hobby but for some reason I've stopped. I suppose I could start again.
My pdoc is on vacation right now. I'll see her sometime in August.
Thanks for responding Phillipa.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on July 14, 2006, at 22:25:47
In reply to Re: I just realized something... *rant* » Deneb, posted by Dinah on July 14, 2006, at 21:36:43
> You've been out with friends a couple of times just recently, haven't you? That's more than I've done. :)
Yeah, I have, haven't I? I went to the Canada Day BBQ and to the water park.
>
> You ought to see if you can get the DBT skills book at your library, or read gg's links, and join us. That would give you something to do.I'll go see if I can find it in the library.
>
> Some structure in your life would probably be helpful to you. School doesn't start for a while. What do you think you can do in the meantime to force you to wake up at approximately the same time and stay awake?I think I need to find something to do for the day.
> It's really important for good mental hygiene to keep as regular hours as possible.
Yeah, I'm beginning to see why.
>
> Have you thought of volunteering at your animal shelter? I did it for a while, and it had the advantage of not requiring a long term commitment, at least ours didn't. I walked dogs. I didn't stick with it long, because I'm scared of most animals except dogs, but I found the dog walking very rewarding.No, I've never thought of that. I've never walked a dog before. I don't know if I know how.
> I always thought that when I had the time, I'd like to train dogs for the shelter. I know there are people who wash and groom dogs, or help train them so they'll be more appealing to potential owners.That must take a lot of patience. It sounds like a worthwhile thing to do.
>
> What sort of thing do you find interesting to do?I'm not sure what I like to do. I think I would like to try a little of everything.
> I wouldn't think it's terribly useful to label yourself as crazy, is it? Wouldn't it be more useful to just decide what conditions help you to feel at your best? Do you generally feel better on meds? Or if you get regular sleep? Or if you have something to do so that you don't get bored?I think I need something to do. Regular sleep would be good.
>
> Sometimes it helps to wonder what your typical patterns might do for you. Even if they feel awful, sometimes they serve a purpose.My pdoc says that too. I tend to avoid things.
> Might it be an interesting exercise for you to ask what good deed your euphorias and crises are trying to do for you? Are they trying to distract you from discontent or anger or fear?
Maybe, I'm not sure.
Supportive therapy sounds doable, maybe I will look that up.
Deneb*
Posted by cloudydaze on July 17, 2006, at 0:10:46
In reply to I just realized something... *rant*, posted by Deneb on July 14, 2006, at 19:44:25
Everyone has problems of some sort. No one is perfect, even if they seem to be. Some peoples problems are more significant, or different than other's problems. This doesn't mean you're a freak or crazy. And what the heck is "normal" anyway? Normal according to who? I think being like everyone else would be quite boring...
Online dating may not be the best thing for you right now...it seems you're having a hard time dealing with some things...online dating could complicate things more. Are you just lonely?
Hearing from Exes is always hard. i don't care what people say. it's hard. Especially when it seems like they're coping better than you are. You don't need to compare your "sucess" against his. You are different people on seperate paths.
Maybe you need to limit your time online, and alternate with other things. You're going to give yourself a headache being online all the time.
It seems like you do need a hobby - maybe you're bored and need to try something new. Maybe just getting out and taking a walk would help. I get cabin fever - sometimes i just about lose my mind because it's been so long since i've had contact with people...i definately do better when i'm in school.
Maybe try doing something else for a change. It might make you feel better, and get your mind off your obsessions.
You remind me of me....quite a lot.
> I HAVE PROBLEMS!!! I'm not a "normal" person. I really have problems! I'm damaged. I'm not right in my ^%%&ing head! Who would want me?
>
> My ex boyfriend just saw my ad in that dating site. He's doing really well and I'm still nowhere. I don't think I should subject anyone to my messed upness. I'm glad he's doing well. Good thing I stepped out of the picture.
>
> I think I should lock away from society on an island or somewhere. I don't belong. I should keep my craziness (not good craziness) to myself.
>
> I'm even crazier than most here on Babble. Who am I kidding? I'm messed up! Obsessive Bob love, dramatic death posts, unmatched euphoric type happiness followed by catastrophic crises. What the hell???
>
> How did I turn out like this?? It's not like my childhood was traumatic.
>
> Why can't I do anything??? I'm not doing anything! I sleep all day for a few days, then I don't need sleep for a few days and I pace around the house and look at my hamster. I haven't been outside in days! I don't read or clean or do anything productive. I just surf the web and pace the house. What's wrong with me?!?!
>
> Nothing to do, but pace around the house, pace around the house, pace around. Sit here, stare at screen, stare at screen, stare at screen. What's wrong with me?!!! Why don't I do anything??? I may as well be a vegetable.
>
> Pace the house and think of Bob, how crazy is that? I'm seriously messed up! Obsess about cancer, obsess about Bob. The real world?? What the hell is that? Am I in the real world?
>
> People??? Contact? Contact with people?
>
> I've become less and less functional over the years. What's wrong with me???? At this rate, I'm going to be catatonic soon!
>
> Aaahhhh!
>
> Deneb*
This is the end of the thread.
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