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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by dmlvt on July 8, 2006, at 13:10:02
Does anyone else out there simply get tired of trying to pretend all the time that you're feeling OK? At work, I am finding that it takes so much energy to smile or laugh or to simply engage in small talk. I told my wife yesterday that it's really difficult to to go through the motions so that I appear to be fine to others, while inside, I feel completely different.
Yesterday, I found myself writing something to my wife in an e-mail that I knew she'd find funny, something that would normally make me laugh to myself as I typed it. Yet, I felt nothing.
I certainly don't want to spend time at work appearing morose and anti-social, yet the energy it takes to be social is incredible.
How did I end up here? I'm the biggest joker I know, always laughing and making other people laugh. These days, nothing seems amusing at all to me.
It's the same thing at home. I want the kids to think that I'm fine so that they don't worry about me. My wife knows that I'm faking it here too.
I'm going to a wedding later today. I won't know anyone there. My wife kindly offered to let me skip it, but I know she'd prefer me to be there. So, I'll go and I'll pretend to be OK. My wife will have some drinks and have a great time and I'll be there to drive her home safely at the end of the night. But, I'd rather just take a nap and stay home.
dmlvt
Posted by curmudgeon on July 8, 2006, at 13:15:32
In reply to Tired of faking it, posted by dmlvt on July 8, 2006, at 13:10:02
Yeah, it's kinda like treading water. Not really swimming with the other fish but going through the motions anyway. And if I stop, I drown. I remember when swimming used to be fun but I'm too tired now.
Posted by Poet on July 8, 2006, at 13:53:36
In reply to Tired of faking it, posted by dmlvt on July 8, 2006, at 13:10:02
Hi dmlvt,
I successfully faked enjoying the Fourth of July holiday and, last evening, drinks and a movie with some friends. Yup, I know how much energy it takes to fake that smile and create that don't worry about me I feel great illusion.
I wish you could stay home and nap. Frankly, I never want to be social and I'm tired of dragging myself out and pretending.
Poet
Posted by rubenstein on July 8, 2006, at 13:56:00
In reply to Tired of faking it, posted by dmlvt on July 8, 2006, at 13:10:02
Me too!
I am tired of acting as if nothing bothers me.
That I am magically better.
I am tired of being the one that makes people smile
That brightens people's day
and then the one that crashes at home alone
But I am not really sure how not to fake it
Part of me will alwys be a performer.
Rachel
Posted by Phillipa on July 8, 2006, at 22:04:32
In reply to Re: Tired of faking it, posted by rubenstein on July 8, 2006, at 13:56:00
Where's the magic formula? Love Phillipa
Posted by cloudydaze on July 10, 2006, at 13:16:19
In reply to Re: Tired of faking it, posted by rubenstein on July 8, 2006, at 13:56:00
I feel like a performer everyday. Sometimes I think I should win an award for best actress!
The hardest is college. It's hard to pretend to be normal there, when I feel like I don't belong anywhere, but especially not THERE. It's hard not to cry during critiques. It's hard to not take it personally when other students, and teachers point out flaws in my work. Even when I know that the purpose of critique is to critisize everyones work, sometimes I feel like it's all targeted at me.
College is torture. It means being put on display for others to rip you apart freely...and you're supposed to just sit back and take it. Sometimes I wonder if they see the pain in my eyes, even though I try so hard to conceal it. They see me smiling and nodding in class, but inside I'm destroyed. No one knows that I end up hating myself at the end of the day, because my work wasn't flawless. Because they found something, no matter how small, to fixate on.
Yes, it is tiring to wear a mask of deception. Sometimes i feel like the world's biggest liar.
> Me too!
> I am tired of acting as if nothing bothers me.
> That I am magically better.
> I am tired of being the one that makes people smile
> That brightens people's day
> and then the one that crashes at home alone
> But I am not really sure how not to fake it
> Part of me will alwys be a performer.
> Rachel
This is the end of the thread.
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