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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 26. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on June 23, 2006, at 19:27:04
I'm freaking myself out. I have a slight tightness in my back and I keep cracking it. I'm thinking I must have cancer in my back.
I'm doing bad things. I went to this online support site for people with breast cancer and I posted inappropriate things and I upset a lot of people. I was highly insensitive and I didn't even realize it. I think I need to stop posting there or else I might get banned or someone might send the police after me.
I'm such a freak, why can't I interact like a normal person?
I feel guilty now whenever I post because I'm not helping others. I'm sucking the energy out of people.
I'm a horrible person.
Deneb*
Posted by Dinah on June 23, 2006, at 19:36:41
In reply to I feel anxious, posted by Deneb on June 23, 2006, at 19:27:04
Are you back on Risperdal?
It seems like you do better when you're on Risperdal - both interpersonally and in terms of negative thoughts.
If you don't want to be on Risperdal, maybe your pdoc can suggest a similar drug.
I rather like Risperdal myself.
And listen, if you're upset about what people might think of you on Risperdal, don't be. If a medication is effective for you, it doesn't matter what it's used for in other patients.
Rogaine was originally invented for another purpose, but it was discoved that it also helped with hair. That doesn't mean that everyone who uses Rogaine has the original condition. I think Viagra had a similar story.
If I stop taking my Lamictal, I see if I'm getting headaches more often and I go back on. Don't you think you can see similar effects when you stop taking Risperdal?
It's your choice, of course. With the help of your pdoc. What is it you want from your life? If this is what you want, then choosing to go off your medications is a good choice. If you prefer how your life was on Risperdal, you probably want to go back on.
In the end, it's got nothing to do with you being good or bad. It has to do with the choices you wish to make.
Posted by Deneb on June 23, 2006, at 19:46:51
In reply to Re: I feel anxious » Deneb, posted by Dinah on June 23, 2006, at 19:36:41
Dinah, I still think it's just a coincidence that I messed around with Risperdal and began thinking bad thoughts again. I think stress is the number one culprit.
I didn't even change my meds that much. I reduced it, then ran out of it. Tonight I'll take it again. I don't know. I just don't believe I'm that sensitive to meds.
I dunno. I'm just going to let my pdoc decide. I don't know what the hell is going on with me anymore. I'm just going to tell her the things I did, the things that happened to me and what happened with me and let her decide how to make me better.
Deneb*
Posted by Dinah on June 23, 2006, at 19:59:27
In reply to Re: I feel anxious » Dinah, posted by Deneb on June 23, 2006, at 19:46:51
You might look back over the archives. If I recall correctly, which I might not, this is not the first time there has been a correlation between how you feel and your Risperdal dose.
You'd know that better than I would, but maybe it would be useful for you to save your posts during the time period that you reduce your Risperdal so that you can look back at them later.
I do that sometimes.
Posted by llrrrpp on June 23, 2006, at 20:40:49
In reply to Re: I feel anxious » Deneb, posted by Dinah on June 23, 2006, at 19:59:27
Deneb,
you have been under a lot of stress lately, I hope you're feeling a little better. Were you able to get your prescription refilled today? I hope so. It's not a great idea to mess with the meds when you're under stress. Too many variables, too much shock to your system.Keep things simple. Did you sleep too long again today? I hope you got everything done that you needed too. At least the weekend is here, right?
I don't think you're a terrible person at all. You tend to say extreme things about yourself, but just because you think they're true doesn't mean that we have to!
I think you're all right D,
hope your Friday gets better and that you get some good sleep tonight. I think it's time for an update on ButterTart, maybe, if you're up for it?
your friend,
-ll
(who is trying to avoid eating buttertarts - both pastry and hamster)
:)
Posted by Phillipa on June 23, 2006, at 20:46:33
In reply to Re: I feel anxious, posted by llrrrpp on June 23, 2006, at 20:40:49
Deneb it's true you do so much better on your resperidol and it's such a tiny amount. Can you take it now? And how is buttertart? Love Phillipa
Posted by Deneb on June 23, 2006, at 22:04:55
In reply to Re: I feel anxious, posted by llrrrpp on June 23, 2006, at 20:40:49
Yes, I got my prescription refilled today. I used my new pill box and organized all my meds. I added some vitamins too, children's chewable vitamins. :-)
I chose not to sleep last night. I'd gotten too much sleep already. I got tired in the morning and slept for about 2 hours. My sleep schedule is really crazy. I'm alternating between sleeping all day and not sleeping at all.
I'm going to try to wake up at a decent hour.
Buttertart is doing fine. He's alternating between running frantically in his wheel and just lying down doing nothing. It's really cute. My Mom gave him a piece of apple and he enjoyed it very much.
Deneb*
Posted by Racer on June 24, 2006, at 1:41:51
In reply to Re: I feel anxious » Dinah, posted by Deneb on June 23, 2006, at 19:46:51
> Dinah, I still think it's just a coincidence that I messed around with Risperdal and began thinking bad thoughts again. I think stress is the number one culprit.
>
>Deneb, it might be a coincidence that you messed around with your Risperdal, and began thinking bad thoughts again.
On the other hand, since the same coincidence seems to occur EVERY TIME you "mess around with your Risperdal," I'm thinking maybe there's some stronger sort of correlation there? Maybe, dare I say it, even a causal relationship of some sort?
I'm sorry you're feeling icky right now, and I'm glad you're going back on your meds. It might be worth creating some sort of a journal, so that you cna figure out if there's as clear a pattern as I think there is...
Posted by Deneb on June 24, 2006, at 2:44:49
In reply to May I point out a pattern? » Deneb, posted by Racer on June 24, 2006, at 1:41:51
I just have extreme difficulty believing that taking just 0.75mg Risperdal has such a profound effect on me. How can skipping it change me so quickly?
I'm going to ask my pdoc if it's possible that reducing and stopping Risperdal can bring bad thoughts back. I really don't think my bad thoughts had anything to do with meds, it has to do with this whole cancer scare.
I think people tend to remember all the times I stopped my meds and did badly, but they don't remember all the times I'm taking my meds and still do badly.
I'm very surprised at the number of people telling me that Risperdal helps me. They feel pretty strongly about it too. This makes me consider the possibility that it helps me a lot, but...
I don't like thinking that I may have some sort of "chemical imbalance" (whatever that really means). I'm ashamed. :-(
Deneb*
Posted by fayeroe on June 24, 2006, at 4:42:48
In reply to Re: May I point out a pattern?, posted by Deneb on June 24, 2006, at 2:44:49
deneb, when you were at PC recently, were you taking your risperdal?
as someone who has studied psych meds quite a lot recently, in school, it is really detrimental to start and stop them and then start them again. your body gets really screwed up and things go down hill fast.
for your own safety and for your emotional ups and downs, i'd stay on the risperdal all the time. i would not mess with the dosage or the frequency of the doses.
remember your doc knows more than you do about meds. that's why you have a doc. to help you. i never adjust my dosage without consulting my Pdoc. it's isn't safe. and we want you to stay safe. xoxoxo fayeroe
Posted by Dinah on June 24, 2006, at 7:22:02
In reply to Re: May I point out a pattern?, posted by Deneb on June 24, 2006, at 2:44:49
Yes. .75 mg Risperdal is enough to make a difference if you stop taking it.
It's not enough for controling psychosis, no. But you aren't psychotic.
It is enough to provide a safety net for mood dips, so that you don't dip too low. It is enough to provide some mood stability so that upsets don't build on themselves. It is enough to help with rejection sensitivity, and I know I use it for that.
I know you feel uncomfortable with the idea that something makes you do better with Risperdal than without. I suspect the fact that it's an antipsychotic has to do with that. I don't hear you being as upset about your other meds.
It's not *just* an antipsychotic. It's used by many people for things other than psychosis. And if anyone assumes anything about you by what medication you're on, well then, it's a teaching opportunity.
For example. Deneb, I do better with Risperdal than without. That doesn't mean there's anything shameful about me. Risperdal isn't just for psychosis, and I rather wish they'd change the name of the class of drugs.
Posted by Dinah on June 24, 2006, at 9:49:29
In reply to Re: May I point out a pattern? » Deneb, posted by Dinah on June 24, 2006, at 7:22:02
And I regret that.
I was concentrating on addressing Deneb's concerns, and not the larger picture. And I should have kept in mind both.
There is of course nothing at all shameful about psychosis. Although sadly we live in a world that often evokes shame in a person about mental illness. I hope that through education and empathy the world will come to accept that illnesses are illnesses and no shame at all is involved.
Posted by Racer on June 24, 2006, at 10:24:19
In reply to Re: May I point out a pattern? » Deneb, posted by Dinah on June 24, 2006, at 7:22:02
> I suspect the fact that it's an antipsychotic has to do with that. I don't hear you being as upset about your other meds.
>
> It's not *just* an antipsychotic. It's used by many people for things other than psychosis.I don't know if it helps, but you know what sort of drug is given to horses a lot? Anti-psychotics. In people, at least, they're called anti-psychotics. When we give them to horses, they're sedatives, long acting sedatives, anti-anxiety medications, etc. Acepromazine, a cousin to thorazine, is probably the most used. Fluphenazine is used post surgery, to keep them calmer while they recover. Both those are used as often as not as training aids, too. (No, don't ask me what I think of that...) I can't think right now what the other names are. I only know that I was quite surprised when I looked some of those up way back when and discovered I was feeding my horse high doses of APs.
I agree with Dinah -- and think you expressed yourself pretty well, dear -- that it seems as though you're objecting to the common name for the class of drugs Risperdal is in. Listen closely: You, Deneb, are NOT psychotic. You know that. Your pdoc knows that. I know that. Dinah knows that. We ALL know that. Deneb is not psychotic.
But the Risperdal -- call it a heavy anxiolytic, if you like, or a longer acting tranquilizer if that's better -- really does make a difference.
Hope that helps.
Posted by wildcardII on June 24, 2006, at 11:18:01
In reply to For whatever it's worth, posted by Racer on June 24, 2006, at 10:24:19
~when i was having such severe nightmares that it increased my anxiety and caused severe insomnia, my pdoc rx'ed seroquel which is *classified* as an anti psychotic but he wanted the sedative effect... he didn't know i was pregnant at the time so i didn't use it but i know several people that use these antip's for the same reason....
Posted by llrrrpp on June 24, 2006, at 11:31:23
In reply to she's right! » Racer, posted by wildcardII on June 24, 2006, at 11:18:01
> ~when i was having such severe nightmares that it increased my anxiety and caused severe insomnia, my pdoc rx'ed seroquel which is *classified* as an anti psychotic but he wanted the sedative effect... he didn't know i was pregnant at the time so i didn't use it but i know several people that use these antip's for the same reason....
Yes, my pdoc prescribed me seroquel for the same reasons. I have voices in my head that tend to appear in the week hours of the morning. They are like the chorus in a Greek tragedy- providing repetitive and anxiety provoking commentary on events past present and future which are out of my control. Kept me from sleeping much. Am I psychotic? probably not, but I was having lots of problems with these disruptive thoughts. The seroquel helps a lot. Even a tiny dose. I prefer to think of it as the pink pill, not as an antipsychotic. my 2 cents.
-ll
Posted by gardenergirl on June 24, 2006, at 15:10:14
In reply to Re: May I point out a pattern? » Deneb, posted by Dinah on June 24, 2006, at 7:22:02
I had a similar reaction to being prescribed Lamictal. I knew that it was used as a mood stabilizer for Bipolar, although it's technically an anticonvulsant, I think. My pdoc reassured me without me asking that she didn't think I was bipolar. But I had this moment of thinking, "Oh. I have to fill this at the pharmacy. Oh." As if the pharmacist might suddenly look at me differently or think, "Oh, she's like that..." None of that happened, and I'm not one to usually worry about stigma, but I had such a similar reaction. It's sad that we might feel ashamed of our diagnoses and even more sad that we might feel ashamed of our treatment. Because getting treatment is a very very good thing. It's something to be proud of.
And hmmmm, risperdal helps with rejection sensitivity? Hmmmm. Recently it's been worse for me again, and nardil isn't completely covering it. Hmmmmm.gg
Posted by Deneb on June 24, 2006, at 15:28:19
In reply to Re: May I point out a pattern?, posted by fayeroe on June 24, 2006, at 4:42:48
> deneb, when you were at PC recently, were you taking your risperdal?
Yes. I just reduced them.
> as someone who has studied psych meds quite a lot recently, in school, it is really detrimental to start and stop them and then start them again. your body gets really screwed up and things go down hill fast.
Don't some people take meds as needed?
> for your own safety and for your emotional ups and downs, i'd stay on the risperdal all the time. i would not mess with the dosage or the frequency of the doses.I agree. Change is unpredictable. I should keep everything the same when I'm doing well. Placebo effect or whatever, everything should be the same.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 24, 2006, at 15:41:49
In reply to Re: May I point out a pattern? » Deneb, posted by Dinah on June 24, 2006, at 7:22:02
I don't think any type of mental illness is shameful, but if meds help me, I'm ashamed that I need them. Not sure if I make sense. The shame only applies to me, not other people.
I take my meds everyday thinking that they mostly give me a placebo effect. I don't like thinking there might be something wrong with my brain, even though rationally I'm pretty sure there is something wrong with me mentally. There's evidence throughout my life.
Yeah, don't make too much sense right now.
Deneb*
Posted by Deneb on June 24, 2006, at 15:54:23
In reply to Re: May I point out a pattern?, posted by gardenergirl on June 24, 2006, at 15:10:14
I really do have problems. I don't like to think I do, but I do have problems. I've had mental problems since I was a child, starting with horrible anxiety. I even think I may have been a little delusional at times. I have personality problems, and they have negative effects on those around me.
I bet everyone at the Babble get-together saw my weirdness. I have problems and they are noticeable in real life.
Deneb*
Posted by llrrrpp on June 24, 2006, at 15:59:43
In reply to Re: May I point out a pattern?, posted by Deneb on June 24, 2006, at 15:41:49
hi Deneb*
would it help at all if you think of the meds as brain-vitamins? Some people's brains need a little more vitamin serotonin or a little less vitamin dopamine? You can think of them more asmaintainance for a healthy brain rather than a treatment for a broken brain?
just a thought
I know what you mean though. I was completely freaking out when my pdoc gave me all these samples. I was thinking- 'HOW can I leave the office with all these pill boxes? Everyone's going to think: "oh boy, she's in BIG trouble, she's CRAZY!"' He noticed my distress and produced a little plastic bag. Now I keep all my meds concealed from the world in a little plastic bag. It's a private thing. You don't need to be ashamed. Maybe you'd feel less ashamed if you weren't on the meds, but you'd probably be feeling kind of yucky in other ways.
Plus, there are LOTs of people who take psych meds. They are some of the most popular and commonly prescribed drugs in America (thinking Canada's pretty similar). I bet that tons of people you never would have suspected of taking "meds" have had to take them, or are taking them currently. I found this out when I was freaking out about starting AD's for the first time. 4/10 people in my class have benefitted from some kind of psychopharmacology, and there may be even more, but I'm not good enough friends with them, or they're not open about it.
We're lucky, Deneb*, to live when we do, because the medicines are better now than they have ever been, and the public attitude towards mental illness is probably better too.
hang in there- stick with your pdoc's recommendations. She's the expert. You're the guinea pig. umm hamster.
-ll
Posted by Adrift on June 24, 2006, at 16:23:42
In reply to I have problems, I have to accept that, posted by Deneb on June 24, 2006, at 15:54:23
> I really do have problems. I don't like to think I do, but I do have problems. I've had mental problems since I was a child, starting with horrible anxiety. I even think I may have been a little delusional at times. I have personality problems, and they have negative effects on those around me.
>
> I bet everyone at the Babble get-together saw my weirdness. I have problems and they are noticeable in real life.
>
> Deneb*
Sometimes its hard to remember this, but we are all so self-centered that no one really spends much time noticing others because we are so busy thinking about ourselves. How much time do you spend focussing on a single person's faults? Not that much.
Posted by llrrrpp on June 24, 2006, at 16:33:13
In reply to Re: I have problems, I have to accept that » Deneb, posted by Adrift on June 24, 2006, at 16:23:42
> >
> > I bet everyone at the Babble get-together saw my weirdness. I have problems and they are noticeable in real life.
> >
> > Deneb*
>
>
> Sometimes its hard to remember this, but we are all so self-centered that no one really spends much time noticing others because we are so busy thinking about ourselves. How much time do you spend focussing on a single person's faults? Not that much.I spend a lot of time focussing on a single person's faults (myself, of course)
When I told a few of my friends that I had major depression, only one of them wasn't surprised... Even our friends don't notice sometimes.
-ll
Posted by gardenergirl on June 24, 2006, at 17:55:39
In reply to Re: May I point out a pattern? » fayeroe, posted by Deneb on June 24, 2006, at 15:28:19
Hi Deneb,
> Don't some people take meds as needed?
Some medications are specifically prescribed for "as needed use", which can be written as "prn". Many other medications are written to be taken regularly. If you check the label of your risperdal prescription, it should say whether you are to take it "as needed" or regularly. If it is not clear, that's definitely a question for your pdoc.
Also, I know it can be quite unpleasant to feel labelled or otherwise identified as "having problems". What if you were to look at your treatment (all that it entails) as "helping you feel healthy" versus "because of a problem"? Would help it feel less shameful?
Take care,
gg, who wants Deneb to just be well regardless of whether or not she has any "problems" :)
>
> > for your own safety and for your emotional ups and downs, i'd stay on the risperdal all the time. i would not mess with the dosage or the frequency of the doses.
>
> I agree. Change is unpredictable. I should keep everything the same when I'm doing well. Placebo effect or whatever, everything should be the same.
>
> Deneb*
Posted by Phillipa on June 24, 2006, at 20:31:50
In reply to Re: May I point out a pattern? » Deneb, posted by gardenergirl on June 24, 2006, at 17:55:39
Deneb I know a lot of people who are not comfortable doing this but I talk about meds with people that are neighbors or waiting in lines. Right now three out of four of my neighbors next door and across the street are on psych meds. And we joke about it. I really don't think it has the same social stigma it used to. Just like talking about cardiac meds or insulin. Don't worry so much. And life has changed so much stress. Love Phillipa
Posted by Emme on June 25, 2006, at 7:55:08
In reply to Re: May I point out a pattern?, posted by Deneb on June 24, 2006, at 2:44:49
Hello Deneb,
I haven't posted to you before, but I saw this thread and had a few thoughts.
> I just have extreme difficulty believing that taking just 0.75mg Risperdal has such a profound effect on me.
Some people need very low doses. Yes, 0.75 mg could make a difference.
> I'm going to ask my pdoc if it's possible that reducing and stopping Risperdal can bring bad thoughts back. I really don't think my bad thoughts had anything to do with meds, it has to do with this whole cancer scare.
Doesn't have to be one or the other.
fear of cancer + lack of medicine = not good
I agree with whoever said this is not a good time to rock the boat.> I think people tend to remember all the times I stopped my meds and did badly, but they don't remember all the times I'm taking my meds and still do badly.
From what I've seen, your bad is much worse without your meds.
> I don't like thinking that I may have some sort of "chemical imbalance" (whatever that really means). I'm ashamed. :-(
Your illness is no fun and I understand the stigma discomfort. But we are in good company! I don't know if this will help, but check out this list of famous, highly respected people who have/had either depression or bipolar disorder.
http://www.geocities.com/coverbridge2k/artsci/famous_people_depression.html
Heck, the list even includes Freud himself. :)
emme
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