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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 19 to 43 of 43. Go back in thread:
Posted by wildcardII on June 16, 2006, at 14:45:19
In reply to not wanting children...can anyone relate?, posted by saturn on June 15, 2006, at 17:20:57
i never *planned* on any and can understand what you're saying but now that they are here, i couldn't imagine life w/o them...just NO MORE!! ;O) there is nothing wrong w/ how you feel...
Posted by Kath on June 16, 2006, at 15:35:33
In reply to Re: not wanting children...can anyone relate? » Michael83, posted by Declan on June 16, 2006, at 0:59:34
Hi Declan,
I have what you want. I have great relationships with my kids. During the mid-late teen years it wasn't like that. But we do love each other & act & speak like it, but I find it terribly hard & wrenching seeing their difficulties/poor decisions/addiction/ etc. I'm improving very recently, but it's almost more than I can bear sometimes.
Kath
> Gee Michael
> All I want is a kid where we can talk to each other nicely. Havard graduate? (Nothing against it.)
> What matters though? Can we live life well, can we be kind and good to each other? That's all, really.
> Me and my expectations, personality, making a display....how tiring it all is.
> Declan
Posted by Kath on June 16, 2006, at 15:37:19
In reply to Re: sometimes they change » Michael83, posted by AuntieMel on June 16, 2006, at 10:07:13
So much for generalizations! Lucky you.
:-)) Kath
> My Toyota Tercel (with the stuffing coming out of the seat with the giant sub-woofer in the back) driving, Eminem listening,baggy jean wearing tongue pierced punk kid graduated college last year and is working on his masters.
>
> He's now officially a rocket scientist.
Posted by Michael83 on June 16, 2006, at 15:54:21
In reply to Re: sometimes they change » Michael83, posted by AuntieMel on June 16, 2006, at 10:07:13
One example proves nothing for the majority, but consider yourself in the minority. You're lucky and should be proud, your case is not the case for most. But on the other hand, a college degree alone does not make a kid successful as a person. Maturity, virtue, civility, and intelligence (college does not equal intelligence) are all important factors.
But good for you though (I mean it).
Posted by Dinah on June 16, 2006, at 17:22:01
In reply to Re: sometimes they change » AuntieMel, posted by Michael83 on June 16, 2006, at 15:54:21
> Maturity, virtue, civility, and intelligence (college does not equal intelligence) are all important factors.
At age ten, my son has more of those than most adults, myself included. My only concern about having children is being a worthy mother to him.
He's a person I admire greatly. I'm very lucky to have him as a son.
Posted by AuntieMel on June 16, 2006, at 18:46:21
In reply to Re: sometimes they change » AuntieMel, posted by Michael83 on June 16, 2006, at 15:54:21
You are right - and it took him a few years to get it himself.
A few years and Uncle Sam.
Did I mention he's 30?
It seems that *everyone's* (ok, maybe not all, but I see it a lot) *everyone's* boy child flounders a while before finding themselves these days.
So many, many times did I see them get out of high school, maybe do a semester of college and then - well, it takes them a while.
How old is your's?
Posted by Michael83 on June 16, 2006, at 19:03:25
In reply to Re: sometimes they change » Michael83, posted by AuntieMel on June 16, 2006, at 18:46:21
>>>>It seems that *everyone's* (ok, maybe not all, but I see it a lot) *everyone's* boy child flounders a while before finding themselves these days.
I see it a lot too, which is why I would never have kids. 50/50 chance you'll have a boy and boys are nothing but little punks. Well I wasn't. ;) But most are. Most of my friends have always been female because of this. I can't stand to be around most males under the age of 30. They're just unbearable. Although I was fortunate to go to a school that had a high concentration of decent and intelligent kids, both male and female, but my school was not typical for the majority.
>>>>>>>>How old is your's?
I don't have kids and let's just say I'm young enough (early 20s) to feel odd being asked that question. :p
Posted by antigua on June 16, 2006, at 20:18:10
In reply to Re: sometimes they change » AuntieMel, posted by Michael83 on June 16, 2006, at 19:03:25
Did you flounder?
antigua
Posted by Jay on June 17, 2006, at 0:09:47
In reply to Re: sometimes they change, posted by Dinah on June 16, 2006, at 17:22:01
> > Maturity, virtue, civility, and intelligence (college does not equal intelligence) are all important factors.
>
> At age ten, my son has more of those than most adults, myself included. My only concern about having children is being a worthy mother to him.
>
> He's a person I admire greatly. I'm very lucky to have him as a son.
>
>Finally....I was hoping someone would say something. You are so *right on* Dinah...thank you. People should think of having a child as not a *right*, but a privilege. I still consider myself a parent, even though my little one passed away as an infant. My heart broke for good, and I still have all of that endless, boundless love inside of me. I hope to become a Dad again, and would love my child unconditionally. My parents taught me that..you *always* love your children...period. Even as bad as my depression has been, or as bad as the world may seem. You just do it...no questions.
I have a nephew who is 17, and he has been in trouble with the law, has done all sorts of "criminal" acts. His Mom, my sister, and her hubby still show an undying love for the boy. As trying as it has been...it's a show of what real love is about.
Jay
Posted by saturn on June 17, 2006, at 9:45:37
In reply to Re: not wanting children...can anyone relate? » saturn, posted by Poet on June 16, 2006, at 9:56:33
> Hi Saturn,
Hi Poet.
> I'm a great mother to my pets, so maybe I was wrong about being a lousy mother to humans, but I still don't regret not having any.
I think I will also be a great father...to my pets. People often suggest that I'll regret not having children, but I think I'm much more likely to regret having them...similiar to your feelings. Thanks for the feedback. Saturn.
Posted by Gabbi~G on June 17, 2006, at 15:57:36
In reply to Re: sometimes they change » Michael83, posted by AuntieMel on June 16, 2006, at 10:07:13
guaging a persons worth and integrity by the fit of their pants..
wise words indeed
Posted by Declan on June 17, 2006, at 16:29:33
In reply to Re: not wanting children...can anyone relate?, posted by greywolf on June 16, 2006, at 6:31:30
I've never had so much fun as spending time with my kids when they were learning to speak. It starts with imitation, so that for example all machines were "googooglydah"s to begin with, which is a very young child's attempt to copy the sound of a starting machine, and then they became "goodah"s and then the lawnmower graduated to being an "awnmoaner", and so on. All things with screens became "plutas" and so arcade games thingos became "stand up plutas".
It's a very interesting process and much the most fun for me in parenting. I just wanted to get the kids saying anything so I could listen. I really enjoyed my kids around age 2; no terrible twos.
Declan
Posted by Declan on June 17, 2006, at 16:34:27
In reply to Re: sometimes they change » AuntieMel, posted by Michael83 on June 16, 2006, at 19:03:25
It might be an Australian thing, probably not, but teenage girls seem a lot more challenging to me than teenage boys......they are a hell of a lot more verbal and much scarier to fight with.
Declan
Posted by Declan on June 17, 2006, at 16:41:23
In reply to Re:Thank you Dinah.. » Dinah, posted by Jay on June 17, 2006, at 0:09:47
30 years ago my partner, my current wife, we, had an abortion. It was the best thing to do at the time, I guess, but just recently we planted a camellia in memory of the life we destroyed, not (as I say) without reason. Having seen the kids grow up, it is clearer to me what is involved.
I'm struck by what you say ....'my heart broke for good'
Declan
Posted by Dinah on June 17, 2006, at 17:41:59
In reply to Re: not wanting children...can anyone relate?, posted by Declan on June 17, 2006, at 16:29:33
My son was so funny when he was little. He never did babytalk much. He said vifins for vitamins, meatmall for meatball, and ameriflag for american flag. And he loved to pick up sticks and rake leaves with them while telling us "ba-ah-boo", so we called them ba-ah-boo sticks, although we never did figure out what that meant.
But he was sort of late talking, and when he started talking he would talk fairly well. We walked in on him a couple of times in his room. He was practicing his vocalizing in his crib well before he started talking. Apparently he was self conscious about baby talk in front of us, but practiced making the sounds alone.
(He's still sort of like that.)
FWIW, every single person who commented on childrearing while I was pregnant told me that boys were easier than girls. Personally, I think it's the individual. I was easier than my brother. But my son is as easy as pie. Or maybe "onlies" are easier to raise...
Posted by Declan on June 17, 2006, at 18:11:11
In reply to Re: not wanting children...can anyone relate? » Declan, posted by Dinah on June 17, 2006, at 17:41:59
Our first was a boy and he learned to speak much more slowly than our daughter, so we could see the way he picked it up, bit by bit.
Only children, like first borns, don't have an older brother or sister to learn from.
There's a town near here called Mullumbimby, which was great with both of them, as you can imagine.
Declan
Posted by Kath on June 18, 2006, at 9:14:52
In reply to Re: not wanting children...can anyone relate? » Dinah, posted by Declan on June 17, 2006, at 18:11:11
Mullumbimby - WOW that'd be quite the thing for a little kid to learn to say!
That country is that in?
Kath
Posted by Kath on June 18, 2006, at 9:32:06
In reply to Re: not wanting children...can anyone relate? » Declan, posted by Kath on June 18, 2006, at 9:14:52
Sorry - it was probably inappropriate for me to ask what country!!!!!! Sorry
Kath
Posted by Declan on June 18, 2006, at 15:28:22
In reply to Re: not wanting children...can - Sorry Declan, posted by Kath on June 18, 2006, at 9:32:06
Hey, Kath, That wasn't innapropriate. Mullumbimby is in Australia and is in Northern New South Wales. I guess (but don't know) that it is an aboriginal name, pronounced Mullumblimbly by children.
Declan
Posted by Declan on June 18, 2006, at 17:50:29
In reply to Re: not wanting children...can - Sorry Declan, posted by Kath on June 18, 2006, at 9:32:06
Kath
You may be interested to know that as well as the large number of Mt Misery's and Lake Disappointment's there is a town in Australia called Useless Loop, known by locals proudly as The Loop.
Like the rest of the world, it is a very beautiful country (in spite of what we have done to it), and this morning, while walking the dog, I saw a complete double rainbow.
Declan
Posted by Kath on June 18, 2006, at 20:49:00
In reply to Geography » Kath, posted by Declan on June 18, 2006, at 17:50:29
Yes - I do find it interesting & funny.
WOW - to the double rainbow!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm all excited 'cuz I'm heading off camping tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by myself at Killbear Provincial Park - Ontario Canada. And yes there are bears there. A coupld of years ago I saw 2. One was walking across the road in front of my campsite & I thought it was a DOG, but it had a yellow tag on its ear! It was just moseying along!!
Kath's week away, except it's a week & a half & I did invite my lovely husband up for the weekend. LOL
I'd love to go to Australia one day. I have a PB friend, Deb in Australia. She & I are on the PB 2000 Board (not that it's very active!).
Take care, Kath
> Kath
> You may be interested to know that as well as the large number of Mt Misery's and Lake Disappointment's there is a town in Australia called Useless Loop, known by locals proudly as The Loop.
> Like the rest of the world, it is a very beautiful country (in spite of what we have done to it), and this morning, while walking the dog, I saw a complete double rainbow.
> Declan
Posted by B2chica on June 19, 2006, at 10:20:29
In reply to not wanting children...can anyone relate?, posted by saturn on June 15, 2006, at 17:20:57
i am in my first trimester and am not liking this at all.(preg. issues)
but i have real concerns about my 'abilities' or lack of to be able to raise children well. (so yes to saturns A and B) and i used to think that i would Never have an only child...but now i am thinking seriously about only one...
but ihave so many concerns with having an only child (the child's sake). you hear all these stories of why it's bad. but i have a cousin who's an only child and he turned out great...
what do you all think? would i be selfish to only have an only child?
b2c.
Posted by Declan on June 19, 2006, at 16:57:44
In reply to what about only one??, posted by B2chica on June 19, 2006, at 10:20:29
Of course not. It's impossible to say whether it's a good thing or not in advance. You should just try to find feelings you can trust. If you don't feel it's right, don't do it. How about that?
Declan
Posted by Dinah on June 20, 2006, at 11:11:31
In reply to what about only one??, posted by B2chica on June 19, 2006, at 10:20:29
I think the thinking on onlies is changing with time.
My son gets lonely sometimes. He has trouble with teasing and unkindnesses that many kids can shake off. And he's a bit "adult" for his age. But he has plenty of friends, many of whom are also "onlies". It's not so unusual any more, with many parents waiting until they're older to have kids.
I was both for a while, since I was older when my brother was adopted. I can't say having siblings was easier or better than not having them.
Posted by B2chica on June 20, 2006, at 12:02:10
In reply to Re: what about only one?? » B2chica, posted by Dinah on June 20, 2006, at 11:11:31
thanks Dinah, that helps.
b2c.
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