![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on January 11, 2006, at 4:52:48
This subject has come up a few times lately, so how about a thread with things we've learned about getting over it? Ways and places to meet people, activities that help, etc. What can we do to meet people and make friends?
Isolation is quite painful, and I don't have any answers -- since I'm suffering a hell of a lot from it right now. Any answers will help me, too.
Let's throw all the ideas out there...
Posted by ClearSkies on January 11, 2006, at 8:21:18
In reply to Social isolation, posted by Racer on January 11, 2006, at 4:52:48
Enroll in intensive outpatient therapy LOL.
No kidding, this was the turning point for me. I felt obliged to go every day. It was very difficult for me to do. I did not like everyone in the group; I did not like the moderator. I walked away from the programme 2 weeks before I would have "graduated" because of the resistance I developed against the prinicples of the moderator.And I made a really good friend with whom I talk at least once a week. We get together every couple of weeks. This is the first friend I have made in real life, and not through babble, in over FIVE years.
So go get really sick so you need to get serious help and then you will get out of the house and make neat friends!
Not at all a joke.
ClearSkies
Posted by AuntieMel on January 11, 2006, at 15:00:08
In reply to Re: Social isolation, posted by ClearSkies on January 11, 2006, at 8:21:18
That was my answer! (Honest Racer, she got it from me)
For a real answer, still thinking......
Posted by LegWarmers on January 11, 2006, at 15:01:50
In reply to Social isolation, posted by Racer on January 11, 2006, at 4:52:48
How about taking a class? yoga, art?
Posted by crazy teresa on January 11, 2006, at 16:18:18
In reply to Social isolation, posted by Racer on January 11, 2006, at 4:52:48
I've found the best way for me to get beyond isolation is to do things for others.
Volunteer to deliver meals on wheels, sign up for the benevolence committee (the group who makes the food for funerals, etc.) at church, sign up to be a counselor at the local Crisis Pregnancy Center or whatever cause it is that you feel passionately about. Most of us want to help others during hard times, anyway. The feeling we get when we do help others is a great counter to the feelings of isolation.
If you find a cart of clearanced fresh flowers at the store, buy one or two boquets, pull out the bad looking flowers-- you can still come up with 3 or 4 smaller boquets to give away; either give them to someone who would greatly benefit from knowing you're thinking of them, or what's even more fun, is to give them to others for no good reason at all.
I did this one day when Aldi had ordered way too many flowers and they had marked their fresh boquets down to .50 each. I bought 24 bouqets; spent $12. I had more fun driving around town giving flowers away!
People were shocked that I was there at their door for no other reason than to give them flowers and to let them know I was thinking of them-- no ulterior motives involved (other than my not having a house full of rotting flowers.)
The most fun is to give them to complete stranges! LOL! It's very puzzling to them. They're not sure if you're being unusally nice, or you're just not quite 'right'...
For those of us who enjoy trying to save the world, it's also great fodder for cheesy fantasies like: I gave this strager some flowers, he (who had never done so and was an *sshole) took them home to his wife, she was so touched she gave him great sex and their dying marriage was saved. (Which of course then makes it all about me, but no one got hurt in the actual distribution of flowers or making of this fantasy!)
And yes, then I had to listen to my cheap (and I mean that in the most loving of ways!) ;~} husband saying you spent $12 and then wasted your entire day and a tank of gas doing what???
But if you think about it, I felt better for having spent a little money inpulsively (during this isloated event-- this would not be a good thing if you were to so this everyday and it adversely effect your finances... ) and my time in this way than I would have, had I gone to the mall and overspent on stuff I never needed in the 1st place. And it would have been $50 to see the T, and I've never left an appointment with her feeling all that great. There was no guilt involved when I was done... And I felt REALLY GOOD ABOUT MYSELF! Who'd'a thunk?
Once I explained where I was coming from, my husband was excited about what I'd done and we had a great evening chatting about those whom I'd seen that day. His knowing they had asked about him, cared about him, fed his ego a big fat smam-ich! It was just a big love-fest all the way around. And that mood continued in our home for quite some time.
This was also a fantastic teaching tool to use with my children. Not a 'do what I tell you' kind of lesson, but one which could only be learned by having participated in the rewards resulting when selflessness is practiced and our selfishness is forgotten, if only for a short time.
Bake some cookies and deliver a treat to 3 of your neighbors; do this again tomorrow and treat 3 more neighbors. The neighbors will be thrilled (be sure they don't find a pubic hair in your baked good! ROFLOL!); you'll be getting out (the visits can be short and sweet-- nothing too overwhelming) and you will feel really good (compared to the feeling of isolation.)
Plus, If you like to bake, you're getting your fix; but not the extra poundage you end up with from getting the fix and eating it all yourself.
If you don't like to bake, or don't have time, those frozen loaves of bread dough work just as well. Unthaw overnight in frige, bake for 20 min. the next day, you're a hero.
Crazy t's presentation tip: You can make someone feel extra special by using a beautiful china plate to hold these special homemade (or not homemade) treats. I shop at garage sales for pretty plates during the summer, spending about .10 to .25 a plate. For some reason, the recipients love that they get to keep the plates!
Motivation to get out and actually do these things: In winter, I get tired of bing stuck at home and I've accumulated these plates which are MUCH to pretty to sit in the basement doing nothing but gathering dust. And I woulnd't want to have to add haording pack rat to my list of imperfections... ;~}
Depression is the worst in my life when I am being the most selfish and self-centered. Finding little ways to bring joy into your own life, as well as into others' is much easier for me than to even call a friend and tell them I'm feeling crappy and isolated. The ulterior motive sneals back in there somewhere in my head, and prevents me from calling... she has enough to deal with without my bothering her kind of thing...
crazy t (Martha Stewart in my wet dreams... )
Posted by LegWarmers on January 11, 2006, at 16:36:03
In reply to Re: Social isolation » Racer, posted by crazy teresa on January 11, 2006, at 16:18:18
Wow, sounds great Martha!
Posted by littleone on January 11, 2006, at 20:16:00
In reply to Social isolation, posted by Racer on January 11, 2006, at 4:52:48
These are pretty obvious ones, but they have helped me in the past. I wouldn't say it helped me out of my shell at all. I don't really talk to the other people. It's more like they just got me to be with people which cuts back on the isolation a little.
At one stage I took embroidery classes each weekend. I probably went for 2 or 3 months. Generally there were often the same people there, which made things a little easier. (And I do beautiful stitching work now, when I'm not in my black hole).
The other thing I've done is join a hiking club. Because a hike takes all day, there's lots of time to talk on the track to the person in front/behind you. Or you can talk to no one and just be with others. Sometimes on a hike there'll be people I've met before on previous hikes, and there's always someone new to talk to.
I think my T sees this as an opportunity to make friends. To ask someone I've seen a few times to come on a hike with me on another weekend (ie not with the club, just with us). I think he's right, but I also think this isn't happening any time soon.
Posted by Phillipa on January 11, 2006, at 20:54:58
In reply to Re: Social isolation » Racer, posted by littleone on January 11, 2006, at 20:16:00
On Holloween we gave out beenie babies instead of candy. The parents and kids were overwhelmed. Couldn't believe we were giving them out. They all said they'd be back next year. Little did they know we were moving and wouldn't even be there. Plus when they were popular we bought at least two of evey one they had issued. Hundreds of beenie babies. And after we moved when furniture was delivered we gave the delivery men a bag of stuffed animals. When I think of the money Ty made on us we could have paid for all the new furniture. But they were all grateful for the animals. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by Lucia Francisca on January 11, 2006, at 21:09:01
In reply to Re: Social isolation » Racer, posted by crazy teresa on January 11, 2006, at 16:18:18
Gosh, what a beautiful post, teresa! Random acts of kindness, very nice....
I really like this thread. I hope we can continue it. Isolation is really a problem for me too as well, Racer. I know isolation can contribute to depression, but it's hard to find solutions to isolation; I know it's not easy.
I just moved halfway across the country about a year and a half ago with my husband, who relocated for a new job. For the first time in my 30 year old life, I wasn't within an hour's driving distance of my parents and 2 sisters. It's been lonely. We don't really have any relatives or close friends out here. It's hard to meet new friends; I live in the suburbs and we don't have kids, everyone else seems to have kids around here. We may move to the big city soon; that may be better.
Anyone have good ideas on how to make new friends? I meet a few people at work, but they mostly have kids too; I don't have anyone I can just call up to hang out with or go to lunch/dinner. I read somewhere that to make new friends you really have to know what your passions are and pursue those hobbies and get to know people who share your interests. I love art and culture and music....but there's not as much cultural stuff happening in my rather boring suburb, so maybe I should move to the city?
Anyways, any advice on how to make new girlfriends would be appreciated.
Thanks! And hang in there Racer! Lucia
> I've found the best way for me to get beyond isolation is to do things for others.
>
> Volunteer to deliver meals on wheels, sign up for the benevolence committee (the group who makes the food for funerals, etc.) at church, sign up to be a counselor at the local Crisis Pregnancy Center or whatever cause it is that you feel passionately about. Most of us want to help others during hard times, anyway. The feeling we get when we do help others is a great counter to the feelings of isolation.
>
> If you find a cart of clearanced fresh flowers at the store, buy one or two boquets, pull out the bad looking flowers-- you can still come up with 3 or 4 smaller boquets to give away; either give them to someone who would greatly benefit from knowing you're thinking of them, or what's even more fun, is to give them to others for no good reason at all.
>
> I did this one day when Aldi had ordered way too many flowers and they had marked their fresh boquets down to .50 each. I bought 24 bouqets; spent $12. I had more fun driving around town giving flowers away!
>
> People were shocked that I was there at their door for no other reason than to give them flowers and to let them know I was thinking of them-- no ulterior motives involved (other than my not having a house full of rotting flowers.)
>
> The most fun is to give them to complete stranges! LOL! It's very puzzling to them. They're not sure if you're being unusally nice, or you're just not quite 'right'...
>
> For those of us who enjoy trying to save the world, it's also great fodder for cheesy fantasies like: I gave this strager some flowers, he (who had never done so and was an *sshole) took them home to his wife, she was so touched she gave him great sex and their dying marriage was saved. (Which of course then makes it all about me, but no one got hurt in the actual distribution of flowers or making of this fantasy!)
>
> And yes, then I had to listen to my cheap (and I mean that in the most loving of ways!) ;~} husband saying you spent $12 and then wasted your entire day and a tank of gas doing what???
>
> But if you think about it, I felt better for having spent a little money inpulsively (during this isloated event-- this would not be a good thing if you were to so this everyday and it adversely effect your finances... ) and my time in this way than I would have, had I gone to the mall and overspent on stuff I never needed in the 1st place. And it would have been $50 to see the T, and I've never left an appointment with her feeling all that great. There was no guilt involved when I was done... And I felt REALLY GOOD ABOUT MYSELF! Who'd'a thunk?
>
> Once I explained where I was coming from, my husband was excited about what I'd done and we had a great evening chatting about those whom I'd seen that day. His knowing they had asked about him, cared about him, fed his ego a big fat smam-ich! It was just a big love-fest all the way around. And that mood continued in our home for quite some time.
>
> This was also a fantastic teaching tool to use with my children. Not a 'do what I tell you' kind of lesson, but one which could only be learned by having participated in the rewards resulting when selflessness is practiced and our selfishness is forgotten, if only for a short time.
>
> Bake some cookies and deliver a treat to 3 of your neighbors; do this again tomorrow and treat 3 more neighbors. The neighbors will be thrilled (be sure they don't find a pubic hair in your baked good! ROFLOL!); you'll be getting out (the visits can be short and sweet-- nothing too overwhelming) and you will feel really good (compared to the feeling of isolation.)
>
> Plus, If you like to bake, you're getting your fix; but not the extra poundage you end up with from getting the fix and eating it all yourself.
>
> If you don't like to bake, or don't have time, those frozen loaves of bread dough work just as well. Unthaw overnight in frige, bake for 20 min. the next day, you're a hero.
>
> Crazy t's presentation tip: You can make someone feel extra special by using a beautiful china plate to hold these special homemade (or not homemade) treats. I shop at garage sales for pretty plates during the summer, spending about .10 to .25 a plate. For some reason, the recipients love that they get to keep the plates!
>
> Motivation to get out and actually do these things: In winter, I get tired of bing stuck at home and I've accumulated these plates which are MUCH to pretty to sit in the basement doing nothing but gathering dust. And I woulnd't want to have to add haording pack rat to my list of imperfections... ;~}
>
> Depression is the worst in my life when I am being the most selfish and self-centered. Finding little ways to bring joy into your own life, as well as into others' is much easier for me than to even call a friend and tell them I'm feeling crappy and isolated. The ulterior motive sneals back in there somewhere in my head, and prevents me from calling... she has enough to deal with without my bothering her kind of thing...
>
> crazy t (Martha Stewart in my wet dreams... )
Posted by Lucia Francisca on January 11, 2006, at 21:11:41
In reply to Re: Social isolation » Racer, posted by crazy teresa on January 11, 2006, at 16:18:18
"Finding little ways to bring joy into your own life, as well as into others' is much easier for me than to even call a friend and tell them I'm feeling crappy and isolated."
Why is that? Gosh, I thought it was just me who finds it hard to call up friends and reach out. I guess I just really fear rejection--it's even harder to call up a friend and feel she doesn't have enough time or energy to listen. My family is actually pretty good on this one--my mom and sisters are good people for me to reach out to, except of course, family always drives me a little crazy too.... :) Lucia
> I've found the best way for me to get beyond isolation is to do things for others.
>
> Volunteer to deliver meals on wheels, sign up for the benevolence committee (the group who makes the food for funerals, etc.) at church, sign up to be a counselor at the local Crisis Pregnancy Center or whatever cause it is that you feel passionately about. Most of us want to help others during hard times, anyway. The feeling we get when we do help others is a great counter to the feelings of isolation.
>
> If you find a cart of clearanced fresh flowers at the store, buy one or two boquets, pull out the bad looking flowers-- you can still come up with 3 or 4 smaller boquets to give away; either give them to someone who would greatly benefit from knowing you're thinking of them, or what's even more fun, is to give them to others for no good reason at all.
>
> I did this one day when Aldi had ordered way too many flowers and they had marked their fresh boquets down to .50 each. I bought 24 bouqets; spent $12. I had more fun driving around town giving flowers away!
>
> People were shocked that I was there at their door for no other reason than to give them flowers and to let them know I was thinking of them-- no ulterior motives involved (other than my not having a house full of rotting flowers.)
>
> The most fun is to give them to complete stranges! LOL! It's very puzzling to them. They're not sure if you're being unusally nice, or you're just not quite 'right'...
>
> For those of us who enjoy trying to save the world, it's also great fodder for cheesy fantasies like: I gave this strager some flowers, he (who had never done so and was an *sshole) took them home to his wife, she was so touched she gave him great sex and their dying marriage was saved. (Which of course then makes it all about me, but no one got hurt in the actual distribution of flowers or making of this fantasy!)
>
> And yes, then I had to listen to my cheap (and I mean that in the most loving of ways!) ;~} husband saying you spent $12 and then wasted your entire day and a tank of gas doing what???
>
> But if you think about it, I felt better for having spent a little money inpulsively (during this isloated event-- this would not be a good thing if you were to so this everyday and it adversely effect your finances... ) and my time in this way than I would have, had I gone to the mall and overspent on stuff I never needed in the 1st place. And it would have been $50 to see the T, and I've never left an appointment with her feeling all that great. There was no guilt involved when I was done... And I felt REALLY GOOD ABOUT MYSELF! Who'd'a thunk?
>
> Once I explained where I was coming from, my husband was excited about what I'd done and we had a great evening chatting about those whom I'd seen that day. His knowing they had asked about him, cared about him, fed his ego a big fat smam-ich! It was just a big love-fest all the way around. And that mood continued in our home for quite some time.
>
> This was also a fantastic teaching tool to use with my children. Not a 'do what I tell you' kind of lesson, but one which could only be learned by having participated in the rewards resulting when selflessness is practiced and our selfishness is forgotten, if only for a short time.
>
> Bake some cookies and deliver a treat to 3 of your neighbors; do this again tomorrow and treat 3 more neighbors. The neighbors will be thrilled (be sure they don't find a pubic hair in your baked good! ROFLOL!); you'll be getting out (the visits can be short and sweet-- nothing too overwhelming) and you will feel really good (compared to the feeling of isolation.)
>
> Plus, If you like to bake, you're getting your fix; but not the extra poundage you end up with from getting the fix and eating it all yourself.
>
> If you don't like to bake, or don't have time, those frozen loaves of bread dough work just as well. Unthaw overnight in frige, bake for 20 min. the next day, you're a hero.
>
> Crazy t's presentation tip: You can make someone feel extra special by using a beautiful china plate to hold these special homemade (or not homemade) treats. I shop at garage sales for pretty plates during the summer, spending about .10 to .25 a plate. For some reason, the recipients love that they get to keep the plates!
>
> Motivation to get out and actually do these things: In winter, I get tired of bing stuck at home and I've accumulated these plates which are MUCH to pretty to sit in the basement doing nothing but gathering dust. And I woulnd't want to have to add haording pack rat to my list of imperfections... ;~}
>
> Depression is the worst in my life when I am being the most selfish and self-centered. Finding little ways to bring joy into your own life, as well as into others' is much easier for me than to even call a friend and tell them I'm feeling crappy and isolated. The ulterior motive sneals back in there somewhere in my head, and prevents me from calling... she has enough to deal with without my bothering her kind of thing...
>
> crazy t (Martha Stewart in my wet dreams... )
Posted by crazy teresa on January 11, 2006, at 21:48:29
In reply to Re: Social isolation, posted by Phillipa on January 11, 2006, at 20:54:58
LOL! Fondly, Phillipa, how evil of you to move away! I love it!!!
Our family got sucked into the Beanie Baby craze, but you know, it was something we all did together as a family and had a great time doing it.
My husband, 2 kids and myself would jump in the car and search for those damned things every Saturday, all day long, while hubby's sister and her family were out doing the same thing in another part of the country.
We would call each other screaming with excitement when we'd score! And because my husband and his sister are VERY competitive, there was always a lot of good adreneline going.
I hope the bastards at Ty are enjoying all that money. We stopped when The End was not the end. Go ahead and take my money, but don't make me feel like an idiot in the process...
So what are we coming up with that will catch on like those beanies? Some kind of mental illness toys? Cha-ching!
Posted by Phillipa on January 11, 2006, at 22:06:42
In reply to Re: Social isolation, posted by Phillipa on January 11, 2006, at 20:54:58
Oh this year we will give out psycho babies. Ones that never shut up and scream all day and night. To torment anyone you don't like. Will be delivered when they are not home and placed where they will hear them but can't find them. He He. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by crazy teresa on January 11, 2006, at 22:20:39
In reply to Re: Social isolation » crazy teresa, posted by Lucia Francisca on January 11, 2006, at 21:09:01
Church is a great place to meet others with like interests. It's nice because your contact is limited on Sun. mornings, so if you need to ease yourself in, you can, but there are usually other times offered throughout the week to go back and meet.
Going to a group at church isn't just limited to the study of faith and religion. For example, our church has a group of scrapbookers. The say a general prayer of thanks at the beginning of the meeting, but the rest of the time it's all about scrapbooking and socializing with others who share like interests.
They also trade supplies and ideas, etc. There have been some amazing bonds formed in this group. Not everyone who attends to scrapbook, necessarily attends church to worship.
Church could also offer a safer (not sure that's the word I'm looking for-- maybe it's CIVIL!) place to meet other couples. Don't get me wrong, I'm not on a soapbox ranting how everyone needs to be in church. I'll leave that one to you and God.
I'm just thinking there are places to meet people where I might feel more threatened than I would at a church-sponsored function.
Sure, you can go to a bar to meet people, but the odds are higher that when you leave your husband to go pee, there might be some other woman putting her boobs in his face, etc. So far I haven't had to worry about those kinds of things at an ice-cream social... Know what I mean? ;~}
What part of the country are you in?
Posted by crazy teresa on January 11, 2006, at 22:25:15
In reply to Re: Social isolation » Phillipa, posted by Phillipa on January 11, 2006, at 22:06:42
and it's hurting my tummy... ROFL!!!
Pleeeease allow me to design their little t-shirts. They will all be named Bob...
I'm gonna hav'ta cal 911 for an oxygen tank...
Posted by crazy teresa on January 11, 2006, at 22:29:49
In reply to Re: Social isolation » Phillipa, posted by Phillipa on January 11, 2006, at 22:06:42
this much fun in the future???
I seem to be bringing out a side of Fondly, Phillipa that I've not seen before...
But it's AWESOME!!!
Posted by Phillipa on January 11, 2006, at 22:32:35
In reply to Can't stop laughing..., posted by crazy teresa on January 11, 2006, at 22:25:15
What about the girl pscho babbies? Maybe Bobi? Just a thought. Maybe we could use the DSM manual. Name some Miss Depression, Miss Anxiety. Miss panic attack. Better stop here. Fondly, Phillipa ps I hope I didn't offend anyone. I have depression/anxiety and who knows what else crazy or looney I guess.
Posted by sleepygirl on January 11, 2006, at 23:02:27
In reply to Social isolation, posted by Racer on January 11, 2006, at 4:52:48
Posted by LegWarmers on January 11, 2006, at 23:08:50
In reply to Can't stop laughing..., posted by crazy teresa on January 11, 2006, at 22:25:15
> and it's hurting my tummy... ROFL!!!
>haha my tummy hurts too
Posted by muffled on January 12, 2006, at 13:14:14
In reply to Re: Can't stop laughing..., posted by LegWarmers on January 11, 2006, at 23:08:50
Posted by Lucia Francisca on January 12, 2006, at 17:25:25
In reply to Making new girlfriends. » Lucia Francisca, posted by crazy teresa on January 11, 2006, at 22:20:39
Midwest, suburbs of Chicago.
> Church is a great place to meet others with like interests. It's nice because your contact is limited on Sun. mornings, so if you need to ease yourself in, you can, but there are usually other times offered throughout the week to go back and meet.
>
> Going to a group at church isn't just limited to the study of faith and religion. For example, our church has a group of scrapbookers. The say a general prayer of thanks at the beginning of the meeting, but the rest of the time it's all about scrapbooking and socializing with others who share like interests.
>
> They also trade supplies and ideas, etc. There have been some amazing bonds formed in this group. Not everyone who attends to scrapbook, necessarily attends church to worship.
>
> Church could also offer a safer (not sure that's the word I'm looking for-- maybe it's CIVIL!) place to meet other couples. Don't get me wrong, I'm not on a soapbox ranting how everyone needs to be in church. I'll leave that one to you and God.
>
> I'm just thinking there are places to meet people where I might feel more threatened than I would at a church-sponsored function.
>
> Sure, you can go to a bar to meet people, but the odds are higher that when you leave your husband to go pee, there might be some other woman putting her boobs in his face, etc. So far I haven't had to worry about those kinds of things at an ice-cream social... Know what I mean? ;~}
>
> What part of the country are you in?
>
>
Posted by crazy teresa on January 13, 2006, at 8:52:15
In reply to Re: Making new girlfriends. » crazy teresa, posted by Lucia Francisca on January 12, 2006, at 17:25:25
I'm in IL; let's go shopping!
I'm sure the bobster would LOVE to meet us and buy us lunch! ROFL!!!
Posted by JenStar on January 13, 2006, at 9:08:50
In reply to Re: Social isolation » Racer, posted by crazy teresa on January 11, 2006, at 16:18:18
Crazy T,
this is a beautiful post! Wow. What awesome ideas. You are creative, brave and funny (and nice!)I think I want to try the flower idea myself!
JenStar
Posted by crazy teresa on January 13, 2006, at 9:43:00
In reply to Re: Social isolation » crazy teresa, posted by JenStar on January 13, 2006, at 9:08:50
This is the end of the thread.
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