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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AdaGrace on July 23, 2005, at 0:16:24
And how do you fix that?
Posted by Nickengland on July 23, 2005, at 5:56:11
In reply to Uncomfortable in my own skin, posted by AdaGrace on July 23, 2005, at 0:16:24
I used to be like this till I found the right medications and supplements...
Kind regards
Nick
Posted by partlycloudy on July 23, 2005, at 6:10:27
In reply to Uncomfortable in my own skin, posted by AdaGrace on July 23, 2005, at 0:16:24
> And how do you fix that?
>Well, it's the only skin we have... it's something that you should cherish and protect, AdaGrace. What is it about your skin that's making you uncomfortable?
I get worried when you sound so troubled like this. I know you still mourn, and worry about the pain of your loss not subsiding like you expected.I mostly worry that you're not treating your whole self with the great respect and admiration that a survivor like you deserves. And your skin keeps that self contained.
Oh jeez, I don't know if I make any sense at all. But what I mean to say is:
moving forward is difficult
it is worth the journey
the pain of loss does fade with time and distance
you are stronger than you know
andI care very much that you still hurt after all this time.
pc
Posted by Nickengland on July 23, 2005, at 7:13:32
In reply to Uncomfortable in my own skin, posted by AdaGrace on July 23, 2005, at 0:16:24
Sorry if my post came out abit harsh, after reading partlycloudys and then mine...I thought perhaps maybe it did.
I honestly did find myself saying aloud "I dont feel comfortable in my own skin" Then when I got my medication right...I found myself just feeling "right" again...no longer un comfortable but of course not everyday is perfect.
How is it you feel uncomfortable?...I know thats maybe a hard question to answer, the only way I could descibe it, is to say what you did...
I very much hope you find some relief soon..
Warm regards
Nick
Posted by AdaGrace on July 23, 2005, at 7:43:43
In reply to Uncomfortable in my own skin, posted by AdaGrace on July 23, 2005, at 0:16:24
yet I have no choice.
PC, the distractions I provide myself are short lived and soon the heartache returns. I feel very stupid and foolish for not being able to go forward. Yet I cannot get rid of the dead roots I still carry around inside.
Nick, it doesn't matter, I understood what you meant. It's just not about creepy crawly skin. Theres some deep seated pains in here that I just cant seem to kick.
Posted by partlycloudy on July 23, 2005, at 8:49:50
In reply to Re: Don't Like Me, Don't want to be me, posted by AdaGrace on July 23, 2005, at 7:43:43
> PC, the distractions I provide myself are short lived and soon the heartache returns. I feel very stupid and foolish for not being able to go forward. Yet I cannot get rid of the dead roots I still carry around inside.
>Gulp! I hate to say this, 'cause I think you've heard me say it before, but outside help is what ultimately brought me forward and incorporate my traumas into the Past instead of the Present, where I was letting them fester and hold me back. I realise that you have many demands from family and work on your time and attention, and making that extra space for looking after AdaGrace seems impossible... but
if your car had a flat tire, you'd take it to be fixed.
if your tooth ached, you'd go to a dentist and have it repaired.
if your roof had a hole in it, you'd stick a bucket under it (no, no, that's not what I mean!!) forgive me for trying to make light of your pain.You know what I mean, sweetheart. You done be broken. There are people who help to fix broken people like us. They are therapists, and no one needs to know you're seeing one, or what it's for, or anything. Can you consider trying this route, just to see if it helps?
love,
pc
Posted by Nickengland on July 23, 2005, at 9:12:02
In reply to Re: Don't Like Me, Don't want to be me, posted by AdaGrace on July 23, 2005, at 7:43:43
>Theres some deep seated pains in here that I just cant seem to kick.
Medication, therapy - are you trying to kick the pains using this?
Posted by antigua on July 23, 2005, at 13:26:04
In reply to Re: Don't Like Me, Don't want to be me, posted by AdaGrace on July 23, 2005, at 7:43:43
You DO have a choice. It may not seem like it, but you really do. You can change your circumstances. You don't have to do it all at once, but even small changes will help. You do deserve to be happy and have a fulfilling life.
I always hurt so much for you and am sending positive motivation your way!
antigua
Posted by crazy teresa on July 23, 2005, at 13:58:17
In reply to Uncomfortable in my own skin, posted by AdaGrace on July 23, 2005, at 0:16:24
Adagrace,
I'm so sorry you feel this way. I felt like that for a long time after our daughter died. I found that going to a grief support group really helped me feel more normal. Until then, I was soooo angry that the world hadn't stopped. I wanted everyone else to be as devistated as I was. I was angry that I was a good mom and people who neglect/abuse/kill their children kept having live children. I felt like every time I left the house, people were saying, "She's the one that had the dead baby," because I felt so guilty and ashamed, as if I could have/should have prevented it. The only way I could describe the feeling to my husband was that I wanted to crawl out of my skin.
Sharing with others who truly understand was so freeing for me. It didn't make the pain go away and I still grieved, but it validated what I was going through. Unless you've been there, it's impossible to understand.
Nobody around me wanted to talk about it. In retrospect I understand why they were so uncomfortable. Nobody knew what to say, or if they should say anything at all. When you're in a room with others who have been there and they're expressing all the same thoughts and emotions, you realize you're not alone, you're not crazy, you can laugh, you can cry, you can be yourself, and you can begin to heal.
Teresa
Posted by AdaGrace on July 24, 2005, at 8:24:16
In reply to Re: Don't Like Me, Don't want to be me » AdaGrace, posted by partlycloudy on July 23, 2005, at 8:49:50
You know I did go last fall. Three times. That first session was extreemly painful and embarassing because I had to explain why I was there.
I guess I just would like the next therapist to already know the problem before I get there so I don't have to tell all the sick, sordid, embarassing details of my patheic life.
Can I just send some cliff notes ahead of me?
Or, perhaps I could just be ordered to go. Um like Girl Interrupted. I personally might like to be committed because I would like the break from the world. And somebody else can cook the meals, and bring me a tray. Okay, that was probably offensive to others. I appologize. but seriously, I mean , can I just voluntarilly put myself in a psych hospital? or does there have to be a suicide attempt or completely delusional episode that makes my surrounding loved ones call in the white coats?
Of course I would need to take a day off work if I go to a therapist. That way I can make an appointment for the gyno (I want a new one, someone older than 12 who actually has had experience with women who's hormones are completely out of wack). I need to make an appointment for the dentist and the eye doctor. Oh, and I need to go to a dermatologist about my skin (burn scar stuff).See I can have like an all day doctor overhaul. Because, there is no other way to take off that much time at work for all these appointments. AND did I mention that my kids all need their physicals, eyes checked, and teeth cleaned.
And it's July 24th. Only 1 more month to do this in before school starts. BUT you typically can't get in for maintenance visits to any kind of doctor for 6 to 8 weeks.
So once again I have messed that up because I havent made the appointments in time.Did I mention that I live and work an hour from any major town that has doctors, lawyers, or indian chiefs? So it's not like I can just pop by after work.
I'm not trying to be catty PC, I'm really not. And I know what you say is true, and I agree with you. It's just this life I have, this forever running in circles prevents me from even attempting to "fix the flat tire". One time I went 3 years without going to the gyno because I just didn't have time to take off work. As of right now, I haven't been to the dentist in over two years, and I know I need to go, my teeth hurt and I am pretty sure I have a few cavities. I need to get my car fixed, it has serious transmition trouble I think, but I don't have the time to take it in to the shop and I can't be without it for more than a day because I have the only vehicle that runs in this family. There are so many things to do and so little time. I end most of my days looking at the clock at 5 and wondering what the h*ll I got done, and where did the time go. Then the evening is the same way, only it's 11 or 12 and I realize I have been up for 20 hours and once again haven't accomplished everything I could.
And did I mention Mr. Man had another bout with his heart that sent him to the hospital a few weeks ago? Nice little vacation for me sleeping in the chair at his bedside. Not to mention the mental trauma of having to listen to his neverending one liners like "take care of the kids after I'm gone" "It's okay, I've lived a good life" or "be sure to tell the kids I loved them" This of course is followed by my "you're not going to die, shut up before I pull my hair out at the roots"
My head is spinning PC. Vultures are circling me. The only time I get to myself is the way to and from work and the time I spend up at night after everyone goes to bed. I guess this is when I sit and dwell on all the pain and hurt I feel and can't seem to get over.
Posted by partlycloudy on July 24, 2005, at 12:00:15
In reply to Re: First Session, posted by AdaGrace on July 24, 2005, at 8:24:16
Actually, a p-doc can get you admitted as an in-patient if it is necessary. You don't have to have "done" anything. It's been suggested to me a few times but I haven't been brave enough to go through with it. Instead I put on the "I'll do my homework" face and tough it out, until recently with work and home. And now, just at home, which is just as difficult as working.
Sorry. This wasn't to be about me.
My suggestion, should you choose to consider it, would be to call and make an appointment now, instead of waiting while you feel worse. I know how discouraging it is to try yet another new therapist - shouldn't we have resumes we can hand them? - finding the right T can help to get us going in the right direction.Don't give up, sweetie.
partly
Posted by Racer on July 24, 2005, at 12:53:54
In reply to Re: Don't Like Me, Don't want to be me, posted by AdaGrace on July 23, 2005, at 7:43:43
> yet I have no choice.
>
> PC, the distractions I provide myself are short lived and soon the heartache returns. I feel very stupid and foolish for not being able to go forward. Yet I cannot get rid of the dead roots I still carry around inside.You and I haven't had much contact, so I'm going to try to be very gentle with this, AdaGrace. It's coming from concern for you, not from any critical view, which I really hope comes across.
I think that you're doing yourself a disservice by trying to find distractions. Hard as it is, the best way to heal grief is to face it head on so that you can experience it, process it, and then heal. I use a kinda gross analogy, but it works for me: it's like an abcess. The skin might heal over it, but you'll still have the infection raging until you grit your teeth and have it debrided. Without the debridement, the skin might look whole, but that infection is eating away at your flesh, and your bone, and destroying you inside. It's not poetic, but then neither is the process of unresolved grief.
But just like you wouldn't start cutting out that abcess yourself, you really need some professional treatment to debride that grief. That's where the therapist comes in.
I get the feeling you know that PartlyCloudy is right. Here's my question for you: if you don't take the steps to get the help you need now, where will you be in five years? And what are the consequences of taking that time now? If the absolute worst happens right now, but the therapy works, where are you likely to be in five years? Even if the therapy is only partly successful, you're still likely to be in a much better position to deal with whatever is going on.
Oh, and a word from someone who grew up with a mother who didn't take the time to take care of herself, emotionally: don't say that you're soldiering on for anyone else. The best thing you could do for anyone else in your life, anyone else who cares about you, is to get the help you need now. Don't the people around you deserve the best AdaGrace they can get? And don't you deserve even a fraction of the care you give others?
Listen, I'm sitting here knowing that I've felt as awful as you can imagine, I've heard people saying things to me that all boil down to, "just pull yourself out of it, you *should* be over it by now." Guess what? You'll be over it when you're over it, and not before. The best way to get there, though, based on everything I've read, heard, or experienced, is to go through the full process of grieving, no matter how much it hurts, and then get help recovering from the pain.
Good luck to you, and I hope that things improve for you soon.
Posted by Ilene on July 24, 2005, at 21:42:46
In reply to Re: First Session, posted by AdaGrace on July 24, 2005, at 8:24:16
You can put yourself in the hospital if you are feeling suicidal. I've been there a couple of times.
I.
This is the end of the thread.
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