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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by justyourlaugh on May 3, 2005, at 22:56:33
i trust in your soild advice..
my son (grade 9) will not "hang" with his best buddy any more because he is smoking dope...
i love him..he has been another child to me because of his parents working obligations...
i want to reach out to him..but i know i should just "rat him out"..lose my sons trust...
i have so many other "kids" that want to be here...how do i draw the line? can i keep caring about "latch key kids".?
parents..please..they need us all the time!
j
Posted by Tamar on May 4, 2005, at 14:31:29
In reply to please dont redirect..., posted by justyourlaugh on May 3, 2005, at 22:56:33
> i have so many other "kids" that want to be here...how do i draw the line? can i keep caring about "latch key kids".?
> parents..please..they need us all the time!By 'latch key kids' do you mean children of working parents? In fact, children whose parents work are not more likely to be delinquent or get into drugs than children of stay-at-home mothers.
Posted by justyourlaugh on May 4, 2005, at 15:16:05
In reply to Re: please dont redirect... » justyourlaugh, posted by Tamar on May 4, 2005, at 14:31:29
i was speaking of the kids who gravitate to my home...looing for a friendly ear..something to eat..
can you back up your statement?
Posted by Tamar on May 4, 2005, at 18:45:14
In reply to Re: please dont redirect..., posted by justyourlaugh on May 4, 2005, at 15:16:05
> i was speaking of the kids who gravitate to my home...looing for a friendly ear..something to eat..
> can you back up your statement?Delinquency is strongly correlated with poverty and unemployment. In these circumstances the mother is more likely to be a SAHM because she is unemployed. If a child has two working parents, poverty is less likely to be a problem, and there are typically lower rates of delinquency. However, a child of a working single parent (particularly an abandoned mother) may be at more risk because a single woman usually earns less than a single man and may not be receiving financial support from the child’s father. She is also likely to be under more emotional strain than a married woman.
Nevertheless, causes of delinquency usually involve a number of factors, and parental status is only one. There are many other factors that can contribute to delinquency: social exclusion, social breakdown in the neighbourhood, physical abuse and domestic violence, to name but a few.
Posted by sunny10 on May 5, 2005, at 8:28:31
In reply to Re: please dont redirect... » justyourlaugh, posted by Tamar on May 4, 2005, at 18:45:14
kids should not be smoking dope.
justyourlaugh's son has been exposed to this other child and is probably confused and hurting that his friend would rather smoke dope than be with jyl's son.
And jyl has been a "surrogate mother" to this dope-smoking child. For whatever the reason and whatever the statistics.
jyl- my advice would be NOT to "rat out the child", but to talk to him about the dangers of drugs as if you were his parent. Tell him you smell it on him if you don't want to involve your son in the "discovery part". His parent/s have given you that right by relinquishing their parental control in the afternoons. At the same time, you need to make it very clear that if you ever hear of him doing this again, you will take him straight to his parent/s.
I know this may sound unorthodox, but so are latchkey kids, we have to move with the times and, above all, PROTECT OUR OWN KIDS. If the other child's parent/s give you a hard time for "daring to speak to their child about drugs and not going straight to them", you tell them that they dare to leave their child free to roam about influencing YOUR child with their behavior!
Okay, that's MY opinion on the matter... strictly my own... take it as you like...
-sunny10
Posted by justyourlaugh on May 5, 2005, at 11:06:18
In reply to Re: let's focus on the problem at hand..., posted by sunny10 on May 5, 2005, at 8:28:31
thankyou for posting sunny..
he was over again last night and wouldnt even look at me...
he knows i care..
thank for the "focus"
j
Posted by sunny10 on May 5, 2005, at 11:44:24
In reply to Re: let's focus on the problem at hand... » sunny10, posted by justyourlaugh on May 5, 2005, at 11:06:18
if one of them isn't "truly yours"...
I know you can't help yourself from worrying in any case!
'Cause you are a very caring person; it's in your very nature...
Posted by AuntieMel on May 5, 2005, at 15:16:46
In reply to Re: let's focus on the problem at hand... » sunny10, posted by justyourlaugh on May 5, 2005, at 11:06:18
my tuppence
It is a tricky one. On one hand you want to keep your own son out of trouble, but on the other you've known this kid for a good while and don't want to see him get caught up in drugs or in trouble.
I think I would have a talk with him - and not let him squirm out of it. You could, kindly of course, tell him that he is welcome over any time but he can't bring his drugs with him or have them on him any time your son is around.
And tell him you'll be very supportive of him if he quits.
But I'm dead serious about not having them around your son. If he gets caught they are both in trouble. And it's really hard to get out of - even if your son doesn't even know he has it. Trust me on that one - It's cost me about 5000.00 USD to get my daughter out of that bind. And the other person wasn't even a friend - a college roommate.
Posted by Tamar on May 6, 2005, at 5:09:19
In reply to Re: let's focus on the problem at hand..., posted by sunny10 on May 5, 2005, at 8:28:31
Good advice.
And I’m all for social responsibility. I just think it’s best exercised without prejudice.
It’s common for people to pre-judge working parents. I only ask that people think twice before making assumptions, because attributing problems to the parents’ employment status is unlikely to be useful. Getting to the true cause of the problem (if you really want to focus on the problem in hand) means engaging with the complexities of the situation. It’s also the best way to protect your own kid.
I do think it’s a good idea to talk to this boy about drugs. A lot of kids find it easier to accept the facts when they come from a trusted adult outside their own family. He’s lucky to have you as that trusted adult.
Posted by sunny10 on May 6, 2005, at 10:22:53
In reply to Re: let's focus on the problem at hand..., posted by Tamar on May 6, 2005, at 5:09:19
I thought we should go back to talking about the boy instead of parents in general.
Glad you all understood and didn't take offense!
That means a lot to me- I've been feeling like I don't make much sense these days, so thanks!!!
This is the end of the thread.
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