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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by woolav on April 21, 2005, at 10:33:22
I left my ex and got divorced in 2003. I have since moved and re-married. (we have a daughter together) but at first things were really bad, bitter, between us. and now that we have moved on, we have become civil. (which makes my daughter happy) But now he calls me to just chat or tell me about a girl that he's seeing or broke up with. I dont mind talking to him, bc i have forgiven things that happened in the past and it's like talking to an old friend now. But, is this healthy? My husb doesnt like it at all and is very insecure (even though i would never go back to my ex) but new hubby doesnt like us being friends..what do you guys think????
Sandy
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on April 21, 2005, at 10:55:26
In reply to my ex husband wants to be friends., posted by woolav on April 21, 2005, at 10:33:22
I think you should take your current husband's feelings into consideration and keep the realtionship on a friendly and polite level, talk about things which involve your daughter. Otherwise, this causes too much jealousy for your current husband.
Try imagining if the shoe were on the other foot. Would it bother you if your husband and his ex were chummy?
I have given up things because my husband doesn't like them and vice versa. In the end, I think it lets eachother know how special you are to eachother.
Posted by partlycloudy on April 21, 2005, at 11:33:24
In reply to Re: my ex husband wants to be friends., posted by Miss Honeychurch on April 21, 2005, at 10:55:26
I completely agree.
Posted by broken on April 21, 2005, at 12:32:20
In reply to my ex husband wants to be friends., posted by woolav on April 21, 2005, at 10:33:22
*Maybe* I can offer a point of view similar to your current husband.
My current wife and I have a great relationship. We are past the early jealousy stage, and have figured out the best way to make our relationship exciting for both of us.
When we first married, she and her ex were pretty bitter also, but they had two children together, so it was always civil. Later on, he wanted to be friends. Made several calls to chat to her, and always called while I was at work. I had no worries over my wife leaving me, but I found his behavior disrespectful to both myself and our marriage. Although they had a bond through the children, she had a new life and a new marriage. That fact seemed lost on him, since he was not married at that point.
After a discussion with my wife, I spoke to him and made the point ( as delicately as possible to keep things civil ) that I disagreed with what he was doing. Luckily, for everyone involved, especially the kids, it went ok. Not great, but ok. Now, many years later, he is married with stepchildren as well, and the relationship is a friendly one for all involved.
Believe it or not, I have even called him and discussed discipline issues dealing with my stepkids. I have been lucky I admit, but it wasn't just luck. It was also work for everyone involved.Anyway, sometimes it's more than being insecure. It might be your current husband feeling that your ex has no respect for him or your marriage. Just an idea, hope it helps in understanding..
Broken
Posted by sunny10 on April 21, 2005, at 12:55:31
In reply to Re: my ex husband wants to be friends. » woolav, posted by broken on April 21, 2005, at 12:32:20
also beware of your ex "using you"... I not only agree with the other posters, but I have been in a position where my ex "needed a friend", so he just picked me because we had a son in common.
What wound up happening is that he was still expecting me to be his emotional sponge... spouting out angry rages about motorists and whatever new girl he met on the internet, et cetera.
I didn't need that in my marriage, and I certainly didn't need it while trying to move on...
And your new husband shouldn't have to deal with any more of your ex than he has to for the kids- which includes your mood after being on the phone with the ex!!!
Posted by Spriggy on April 21, 2005, at 17:58:39
In reply to Re: my ex husband wants to be friends., posted by sunny10 on April 21, 2005, at 12:55:31
My husband and I have very strict rules regarding the opposite sex (and my oldest son has a different father).
Keep it short, polite but don't get personal.
My husband is a pastor and he won't even counsel another woman unless I am present.
I think you should keep your conversations with your ex about your daughter and try to keep it brief.
Before my husband adopted my oldest son, we ran across this same thing with my son's biological father.
I began to realize it wasn't healthy for my marriage and I cut out any friendliness other than being polite.
Posted by 10derHeart on April 21, 2005, at 21:04:57
In reply to Re: my ex husband wants to be friends. » Miss Honeychurch, posted by partlycloudy on April 21, 2005, at 11:33:24
Posted by woolav on April 25, 2005, at 10:00:30
In reply to Re: my ex husband wants to be friends., posted by Spriggy on April 21, 2005, at 17:58:39
This is the end of the thread.
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