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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 24 of 24. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexandra_k on March 30, 2005, at 22:47:15
Over the past couple of weeks I have been pretty variable.. Up and down.. Calm one post, getting wound up the next, pleasant one post, dismissive the next.
I am sorry if I have hurt anyone or if anyone is wondering that they may have said something wrong to me or anything like that.
Nobody has said anything to upset me or hurt me or even to annoy me.
It is just me and my baggage.
jyl and gabbi - I'm sorry.
spoc. Sorry.
phillipa (I owe you babblemails!)
sunny (I owe you too)
and damos, of course :-)
and 10derheart.Anyone else I have missed?????
I am sorry.
I don't have as much time as I used to and that is really frustrating to me.
And the time I do have - I am pretty wound up and strung out.
I try to zip through posts because I really want to join in and Babble and I don't want to slip away and I am afraid you guys will forget me if I don't keep up a good posting rate...
But I have been misreading and making mistakes and making fairly thoughtless comments and not taking the time to care for people. Basically. To think about it and carefully phrase things and be supportive.
And I really am genuinely very sorry for that.I may well just have to post less.
I don't know.
I see there is a problem there...
And I'll have to figure it out.
Posted by Dinah on March 30, 2005, at 23:03:04
In reply to Sorry peoples..., posted by alexandra_k on March 30, 2005, at 22:47:15
Do what you need to to have a good life, in real life.
I won't forget you if you don't post as frequently, Alexandra.
Who could forget you? :) You're unforgettable. You're Alexandra.
Do what's best for you. Babble will be here if you need it, or when you want it (as long as Dr. Bob is here and behind it.)
Posted by alexandra_k on March 30, 2005, at 23:11:32
In reply to Re: Sorry peoples... » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on March 30, 2005, at 23:03:04
Posted by Dinah on March 30, 2005, at 23:36:47
In reply to Re: (((Dinah))) (nm), posted by alexandra_k on March 30, 2005, at 23:11:32
When I thought some more, I realized that I think you're being a bit harsh with yourself on Babble related behavior. Is it possible you're being a bit harsh with yourself elsewhere?
(Not that it still isn't fine to take a break to do needed outside activities.)
Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on March 30, 2005, at 23:40:08
In reply to Sorry peoples..., posted by alexandra_k on March 30, 2005, at 22:47:15
Good luck with school.
Posted by alexandra_k on March 30, 2005, at 23:46:24
In reply to Re: Sorry peoples... » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on March 30, 2005, at 23:03:04
> Do what you need to to have a good life, in real life.
Oh Dinah, it isn't about that.
It is about me having so much work that I have to do IRL. So I simply can't babble as much as I used to - no matter how much I want to.I am finding that lack of time frustrating. And the quality of my posts is suffering because of it. And that isn't so good for my online relationships - and they are really very important to me.
Posted by alexandra_k on March 30, 2005, at 23:47:10
In reply to Don't worry about it Alexandra » alexandra_k, posted by Gabbi-x-2 on March 30, 2005, at 23:40:08
Posted by Damos on March 31, 2005, at 0:05:59
In reply to Sorry peoples..., posted by alexandra_k on March 30, 2005, at 22:47:15
((((((((((Alexandra_k))))))))))
I think you're being way to hard on yourself kiddo.You just do whatever you need to do for you, okay. No-one expects you to be anything other than who and how you feel at that moment. And don't you go worrying about being forgotten okay, there's at least one little black duck who'll never forget you.
Now place your palms on the screen, close your eyes and just "feel the love" that's here for you. Just know that you're incredibly special and precious to so many of us.
Your little aussie mate,
Damos :-)
Posted by 10derHeart on March 31, 2005, at 0:07:51
In reply to Sorry peoples..., posted by alexandra_k on March 30, 2005, at 22:47:15
You don't owe me a thing. I don't think that way. It's an honor to know you, and whenever you do or don't post, or Babblemail, or whatever, will never change that.
I understand completely about the stress and school and frustration.
And...well, everything Dinah said.
You are extremely special.
It was lovely of you to post this.
But, it does seem overly hard on yourself.
(And I've been told by two good Ts that I'm an expert at being that way...so I should know...)
Lighten up, woman, give Alenandra a break, she deserves one!
(((Alex)))
Posted by alexandra_k on March 31, 2005, at 2:57:27
In reply to Re: Sorry peoples... » alexandra_k, posted by Damos on March 31, 2005, at 0:05:59
(((Damos)))
:-)
Thanks.You are very special to me too.
I haven't started on those exercises yet - but I remember about them and think 'I really should do those' as I am trying to get off to sleep.I shall print them off tomorrow.
And start this weekend
:-)
Posted by alexandra_k on March 31, 2005, at 3:01:16
In reply to Re: Sorry peoples... » alexandra_k, posted by 10derHeart on March 31, 2005, at 0:07:51
> You don't owe me a thing. I don't think that way.
Aw, I know you don't. I don't either - but it is about reciprocity. And sometimes when I am in a bad place or am really struggling or whatever then I just seem to suck down the good things other people say to me and it doesn't even touch the sides. And I give nothing back.
I think I have been doing that a bit :-(
I don't know...
Am having a bit of a hard time of it.
But the hardest thing is not being able to spend as much time on the boards as I would like to. Can't read all the threads I would like to. Can't make all the responses that I would like to. And the ones I do make... Well I should really put a bit more time into them too.:-)
Thank you.
Posted by Spoc on March 31, 2005, at 3:25:35
In reply to Re: Sorry peoples... » 10derHeart, posted by alexandra_k on March 31, 2005, at 3:01:16
Awww, so much going on behind the scenes, so much stress already... The last thing you needed was something to make you feel worse! :-(
I know just from lurking that no one is going to forget about you if you have to take a break. I think lots of people pop in and out, and you are memorable. And, are open and really care anytime you do wonder if you were wrong. All the makings of a longtimer/oldtimer here!
Best of luck with your studies, pleased to meet ya. :-)
Posted by alexandra_k on March 31, 2005, at 3:37:13
In reply to Re: Sorry peoples... » alexandra_k, posted by Spoc on March 31, 2005, at 3:25:35
:-)
Pleased to meet you too.
You know... I think I did have a break from Babble last year from about March till about October...
Or hang on... Did I start up again a bit earlier than that... I am not sure...
I shall have a look through the archives some time.. When I have the time.. I remember trying to find the first posts I ever made a while back. That was fun :-)
Have been thinking about it and, well, that is pretty much our academic year. I haven't babbled and worked at the same time before. But we started on the 7th of March.
That is probably why I am finding it so hard.
I have been (fairly much...) on holiday all the time I have been babbling.I mean, I have had stuff to be getting on with (in theory) but no major pressures (aside from the odd seminar) and no students.
I never thought of that...
Posted by alexandra_k on March 31, 2005, at 3:39:15
In reply to Sorry peoples..., posted by alexandra_k on March 30, 2005, at 22:47:15
For not getting what you were saying about those posts over on the faith board. The posts didn't sink into my brain so well.
But you were right - the whole song was posted. And I kept going on that it wasn't. Without even having had a look.
I am sorry.
Posted by justyourlaugh on March 31, 2005, at 10:57:14
In reply to Sorry peoples..., posted by alexandra_k on March 30, 2005, at 22:47:15
i was not hurt with any of your posts..
i want you to post more..
jyl
Posted by sunny10 on March 31, 2005, at 11:33:20
In reply to alex.. » alexandra_k, posted by justyourlaugh on March 31, 2005, at 10:57:14
I'm sorry that I didn't get a chance to see this yesterday.
Hon, we ALL have our ups and downs, and you are going through a great deal right now. Please don't be too hard on yourself.
I can't really consider myself as "knowing you all that well", but I can tell when you've been rushed, distracted, et cetera...It's in such opposition to the rest of your posting history that it was completely obvious to me.
I know I didn't take any of it personally- so I'm refusing your apologies. You have nothing at all to apologize to me FOR!!!
Take back the apology along with this ((((((((((((((((((cyberhug)))))))))))))))
Do what you need to to keep Alexandra_K A-OK !!!
kisses,
sunny10
Posted by alexandra_k on March 31, 2005, at 14:01:32
In reply to alex.. » alexandra_k, posted by justyourlaugh on March 31, 2005, at 10:57:14
I thought (in hindsight) that I may have given you a hard time.
I wish I could post more too :-)
Posted by alexandra_k on March 31, 2005, at 14:02:20
In reply to Re: alex.., posted by sunny10 on March 31, 2005, at 11:33:20
Posted by Shy_Girl on April 2, 2005, at 22:55:13
In reply to Sorry peoples..., posted by alexandra_k on March 30, 2005, at 22:47:15
Sorry, I'm late in replying.
The best thing you can do is to live a happy life (in real life). I will remember you even if you never post again because you've really helped me. It would be selfish to ask you to spend so much time here. I would be happy to know you are doing well in real life. Don't be hard on yourself :)Best of luck
P.S. I don't have time/energy to read every post and that's ok with me
Posted by alexandra_k on April 3, 2005, at 1:03:17
In reply to Re: Sorry peoples..., posted by Shy_Girl on April 2, 2005, at 22:55:13
:-)
You know you really helped me too.
You got me thinking about things...
How far I have come.
Sometimes I am so busy working for goals (that I am terrified I will fall short of) that I don't really look at how far I have come. And I need to do that to be happy with where I am at now.So thanks to you too.
Posted by alexandra_k on April 3, 2005, at 22:00:03
In reply to Re: Sorry peoples... » Shy_Girl, posted by alexandra_k on April 3, 2005, at 1:03:17
Actually, I mean that very seriously.
I thought that I really might kill myself if I found myself in the situation I am in now.
I tried to tell myself that it wouldn't be that bad and that I really shouldn't do that - but I was scaired that I would do that should that happen.But in talking to you I realised how far I had come and somewhere in there I found the courage to not get into that horrible black space where that seemed like the only option. I took it hard - and times were tough there for a while. And it was reflecting on all that stuff I said to you that helped me come through that.
You helped me more than you will ever know.
Posted by Shy_Girl on April 4, 2005, at 20:59:59
In reply to Re: Sorry peoples..., posted by alexandra_k on April 3, 2005, at 22:00:03
> Actually, I mean that very seriously.
> I thought that I really might kill myself if I found myself in the situation I am in now.
> I tried to tell myself that it wouldn't be that bad and that I really shouldn't do that - but I was scaired that I would do that should that happen.
>
> But in talking to you I realised how far I had come and somewhere in there I found the courage to not get into that horrible black space where that seemed like the only option. I took it hard - and times were tough there for a while. And it was reflecting on all that stuff I said to you that helped me come through that.
>
> You helped me more than you will ever know.Wow, I'm really glad you were there to help me and hence help yourself :-) It's pretty amazing how people can connect with one another without ever meeting. I realized something as well, that of my illogical thinking. I thought that death was better than failing in school...but what is the purpose of doing well in school?...For me, it is not about money or even success...it is about learning, being happy and making sure I can live a decent life. I realized that I can continue to do these things with or without getting a degree. If I can be truly happy if I don't get a degree...I will choose happiness. I choose to get a degree because I like to learn, but I'm not going to sacriface my sanity for it. If I get my PhD in my 60s, that will be ok with me (as long that that is what I wanted to do). If I'm not smart enough to get a PhD, that's ok because I don't need one to enjoy life :-)
Take care of yourself (((Alexandra)))
Shy_Girl
Posted by alexandra_k on April 4, 2005, at 23:52:06
In reply to Re: Sorry peoples..., posted by Shy_Girl on April 4, 2005, at 20:59:59
You too ShyGirl.
There is a message for me in that as well...
Posted by alexandra_k on April 4, 2005, at 23:54:48
In reply to Re: Sorry peoples..., posted by Shy_Girl on April 4, 2005, at 20:59:59
And to remember my students. To see them as people. People like me - I was an undergrad once too. I am feeling like I am getting to know them. And that makes teaching more enjoyable. Even if I am doing what I am doing now for the rest of my life (teaching first years) - I do enjoy that. While it is true I would prefer to be doing research, it is also true that I love philosophy and teaching it is the next best thing. And not just second best. I can learn from my students. And I feel like I have discovered the enjoyment in that again.
This is the end of the thread.
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