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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 30. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on January 25, 2005, at 22:46:41
As soon as I catch up on my work, I'm going to reward myself by having my name legally changed. I'll leave my first name the same to avoid total confusion. Legally change the second name to the name I choose, and choose to be called by my middle name.
I've found out what steps I need to take to do it. I'm really excited.
And possibly a tad hypomanic.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 25, 2005, at 23:37:00
In reply to I've decided about the name thing,, posted by Dinah on January 25, 2005, at 22:46:41
I didn't know you were thinking of changing your name.
I don't know what is appropriate to say. I am happy for you?
I would like to change my name.
Perhaps this is arrogant, but before I publish would be good. Saves later confusion.Only trouble is I want to change it to my posting name. Then I wouldn't be anonymous any more :-(
Posted by Susan47 on January 26, 2005, at 0:20:16
In reply to I've decided about the name thing,, posted by Dinah on January 25, 2005, at 22:46:41
Anybody have the figures handy on the percentage of people who have their names changed who have been in therapy? I'm being polite, I don't know how to say it. I vaguely recall having a discussion with my psychiatrist about this issue, when I had a psychiatrist, and he told me not to do it. I mean, really, he actually told me NOT to change my name! Don't you think that's different? Well, he said he liked my name and he said changing a name was unnecessary, but I honestly just don't know. Does it change something? If so, what? Who here has experience with changing their name and what did it do for you? Dinah should I take this to another thread or is it okay here? And I'm really curious about this. Hm.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2005, at 0:28:21
In reply to Re: I've decided about the name thing,, posted by Susan47 on January 26, 2005, at 0:20:16
I just like the sound of my posting name better.
I don't feel a familial obligation to keep my birth name.
I don't suppose it would change anything other than what people called me.
Maybe I would see it as a bit of a f*ck you to the people who named me.
Maybe I would see it as a symbolic way of disowning them.
I still like the idea...
Posted by 64Bowtie on January 26, 2005, at 3:23:25
In reply to I've decided about the name thing,, posted by Dinah on January 25, 2005, at 22:46:41
Posted by Dinah on January 26, 2005, at 6:50:00
In reply to (((Dinah))) marie sounds perfect to me... (nm), posted by 64Bowtie on January 26, 2005, at 3:23:25
My IRL name is a made up 20th century name that hasn't been acceptable since the fifties. My parents named me it ten years too late.
My mother never liked it and claims that my father named me after an old girlfriend. My father said she's nuts.
I do like the pet name he made of my first name, but it isn't appropriate for anyone over two.
I just don't like it. No deeper reason than that. My given middle name is ok, but not what I would choose.
So why not? It's a nice treat to myself.
Posted by Susan47 on January 26, 2005, at 7:01:26
In reply to I like it too. But it's not my IRL name., posted by Dinah on January 26, 2005, at 6:50:00
I agree with what you said. If there's no deeper reason than the way your name sounds, why not?
I guess I wonder about the psychological implications of changing your name. Seriously, I don't like my name but I kind of wonder right now if that's not because of the deeper psychological aspect of who named me. I have issues around my own name, I think for that reason so maybe my psychiatrist was just saying I should look at the reasons why I want to change my name, that it didn't sound a bad name. I kind of wonder though if it wouldn't just be a nice fast track to feeling better.
Posted by just plain jane on January 26, 2005, at 9:53:18
In reply to Re: I like it too. But it's not my IRL name., posted by Susan47 on January 26, 2005, at 7:01:26
>Anybody have the figures handy on the percentage of people who have their names changed who have been in therapy?
<<Not me. Not interested in statistics.
>I'm being polite, I don't know how to say it. I vaguely recall having a discussion with my psychiatrist about this issue, when I had a psychiatrist, and he told me not to do it. I mean, really, he actually told me NOT to change my name! Don't you think that's different? Well, he said he liked my name and he said changing a name was unnecessary, but I honestly just don't know.
<< If you've never liked your name, any time is good to change it, IMO. And he can pissoff.
>Does it change something?
<<Certainly has for me.
>If so, what? Who here has experience with changing their name and what did it do for you?
<<My chosen, now legal, first name is the root of the nickname I had in high school. Changing it was the first real step of freedom from the grasp of my parents' abuse. My mother used my given first name as a bludgeon, I've always hated the name as mine since I can remember. I identify very happily and comfortably with my chosen name; fits me like skin.
>Dinah should I take this to another thread or is it okay here? And I'm really curious about this. Hm.
> I agree with what you said. If there's no deeper reason than the way your name sounds, why not?
<<It's your name. In several cultures a new name is chosen at "adulthood". Doesn't matter WHAT your reason is, if it's what you want.
> I guess I wonder about the psychological implications of changing your name. Seriously, I don't like my name but I kind of wonder right now if that's not because of the deeper psychological aspect of who named me.
<<Geez, so you'd grant yourself one really big step of freedom from the psychological chains? Can't see how that is a bad thing.
>I have issues around my own name, I think for that reason so maybe my psychiatrist was just saying I should look at the reasons why I want to change my name, that it didn't sound a bad name.
<< Who gives a shyt if he thinks it sounds good or bad. You are the one who identifies with your name, not him. Your name, as I feel, is a HUGE component of how you perceive yourself.
>I kind of wonder though if it wouldn't just be a nice fast track to feeling better.
>>Fast tracks have been given a lot of bad press.
Susan (and allaya)
If you have a birthmark, scar, anything about you that causes you personal discomfort, that you really dislike, and you could make it less visible, more comfortable, who among us would choose not to?just wondering jane
Posted by Dinah on January 26, 2005, at 10:02:12
In reply to Re: I like it too. But it's not my IRL name., posted by Susan47 on January 26, 2005, at 7:01:26
I have no particular illusion that changing my name will make me feel better. I gave that illusion up on my wedding day. You know when little girls dream of their wedding day, and they just know that they will feel so wonderful and it will be like nothing they've ever felt before sort of like being a Disney fairy princess? I just felt like me in a very pretty dress. :)
I think it's more a matter of dissonance. My name has a fairly distinct image and it doesn't at all match who I am. Dinah matches who I am. Plus it's dated, and a name with no real historical significance. I like names that are either tried and true like Elizabeth and Catherine, or ones that have family connections, or ones that go back forever. That's not saying that those sort of names are objectively better. It's just a personal sort of preference.
I don't want to rid myself of my family connection through it either. I actually would have liked the name my mother would have named me. And I've kept my maiden name.
There's no deep psychological reason. I just don't like my name, don't think it fits me, and would prefer one I like and that fits me.
(P.S. I don't think it's just me who thinks it doesn't fit me. My husband never ever calls me my name. My therapist only uses my name when he's making appointments or is exasperated with me. I'm pretty sure when people look at me they don't think of Xxxxxx. But that's not my motivation either. Just an interesting aside.)
Posted by Susan47 on January 26, 2005, at 10:03:45
In reply to yes. I have. » Susan47, posted by just plain jane on January 26, 2005, at 9:53:18
Ew, janey, I love your method of evading the censor... like what you said, too.
Okay, what you said makes a lot of sense to me.
What about the repercussions of hurting my parents? Did you have to deal with that?
Posted by Tabitha on January 26, 2005, at 11:15:21
In reply to Re: I like it too. But it's not my IRL name. » Susan47, posted by Dinah on January 26, 2005, at 10:02:12
Great idea, Dinah, changing the middle name then using it. I also don't like my first name-- it's dated, sounds kinda b*mbo-ish, doesn't fit my personality, and I don't like the story of how my parents picked it. My chosen name is Elizabeth. (Catherine always reminds me of catheter, so I don't like it much. But I like the old fashioned multi-syllabic names too. How about Rebecca?)
I think my T ruined my idea of changing it a few years ago-- she asked me what kind of personality characteristics I'd have with the name Elizabeth, then said how about just adopting those characteristics without changing the name? So I thought maybe it was some kind of self-acceptance issue. Well here it is years later, my self-acceptance is better, but I still don't like my name. Maybe it's time to reconsider...
P.S. I did not asterisk B*MBO-- the program did it.
Posted by Susan47 on January 26, 2005, at 12:10:00
In reply to Re: I like it too. But it's not my IRL name. » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on January 26, 2005, at 11:15:21
I like that the program works that way, I hope it does the same for *ss.
Posted by Susan47 on January 26, 2005, at 12:11:10
In reply to Re: I like it too. But it's not my IRL name., posted by Susan47 on January 26, 2005, at 12:10:00
look out for us a bit more? Wouldn't that be lovely? I have trust issues and the way he operates sometimes doesn't help much.
Posted by gardenergirl on January 26, 2005, at 14:10:32
In reply to Re: I like it too. But it's not my IRL name., posted by Susan47 on January 26, 2005, at 12:10:00
I hated my given name growing up. I also hated the other name my parents considered: Emily. But now I've grown into my given name, and I think it suits me. And I've grown to love the name Emily, too.
One thing that was nice about my given name is that it was not popular at the time. I wasn't a Karen or Lisa or Jennifer. There were tons of girls with those names in my school. But there was always one other with my name, and she was in all my classes. Even in college...one other Xxxx. But that's okay.
When I got married, I dropped my given middle name (Marie, which I liked) in order to make my maiden name my middle name. I didn't want to hyphenate. But you'd be surprised how confusing this is for people since I sign my whole name now. And some people (hee hee, typed poople first!) still try to use Marie.
Ack! Changing names can be a complicated thing. How do you let people know?
gg
Posted by mair on January 26, 2005, at 17:34:36
In reply to Re: I like it too. But it's not my IRL name., posted by gardenergirl on January 26, 2005, at 14:10:32
Dinah - I don't like me name either (at least my nickname) but while the legal process may be doable, I think there are a lot of practical hurdles. You have a certain professional identity. How do you get people to stop using your given name even if you don't legally change it?
All the more power to you if you pull this off.
Mair
Posted by Dinah on January 26, 2005, at 17:42:17
In reply to Re: I like it too. But it's not my IRL name., posted by mair on January 26, 2005, at 17:34:36
At work I don't think I'll bother. I even sort of like having a complete work/personal split.
Fortunately I don't know that many people. :)
A woman at our church merely said that she had decided to go by her middle name. No one thought twice about it. Fortunately no one has to know that my middle name has recently been changed.
Posted by 64bowtie on January 26, 2005, at 18:28:20
In reply to I like it too. But it's not my IRL name., posted by Dinah on January 26, 2005, at 6:50:00
(((Dinah))),
...or who ever you really are IRL......! OMG, I don't want to irritate.....lol
Slowly, very slowly, I am developing 2 dictionaries:
1. Special meanings for coaching lingo
2. Message Board acronymsSlowly...., very slowly.........
I'm not reaching out to be rescued. I am a puzzle person (sometimes I get juicy ones that are 4th and 5th dimensional in nature). I will continue to stumble along..., IRL..., OMG..., lol
Rod
RE: Thanks (((Sweetie))), for listening
Posted by just plain jane on January 26, 2005, at 21:21:54
In reply to Re: yes. I have., posted by Susan47 on January 26, 2005, at 10:03:45
> Ew, janey, I love your method of evading the censor... like what you said, too.
jackasses are among the cleverest of animals (toothy horse grin)
> Okay, what you said makes a lot of sense to me.
> What about the repercussions of hurting my parents? Did you have to deal with that?I sure did/do.
I changed my last name after my last divorce (number fourteen, i think :O ?). But rather than change it back to my maiden name (four letters that no one ever pronounced right), I changed it to my maternal great grandmother's maiden last name. It is as much mine as the one I was born with.
My father was ticked about it. I pointe out to him he didn't mind when I had taken another man's name, but he's ticked because I took a name legitimately mine, by virtue of ancestry. He was still mad, tough shyt. They raised me to be independent. It's MY frikin name.
When I changed my first name they were both crabby to me. Oh well. As an adult individual, I have the right to make decisions for myself. Would I let someone unrelated to me tell me what to do?
**not bloody likely**
so why should i let them dictate my choices? If they were as grown up as they (accidentally) raised me to be, they'd at least understand it is rightfully my choice. As are all personal decisions.
Actually, Susan, Dinah, et al;
My Dad got nasty with me about it last summer and i told him outright, as nicely and diplomatically as i could, that it was none of his business. He told me he'd never call me that.O well.
And you don't have to call me darlin', darlin'
You never even called me by my name...compliments to David Allen Coe.
just plain jane
Posted by antigua on January 27, 2005, at 9:36:56
In reply to Re: I like it too. But it's not my IRL name., posted by gardenergirl on January 26, 2005, at 14:10:32
I dropped my middle name and use my maiden name now, too, as my middle name. I thought a lot about this and I'm glad I did it. It is my professional name and is part of my signature now too. I get lots of questions on it, but I like it. It's the young girl grown up. I AM my first name, maiden name and married name now. I like the power of it. It makes me feel complete.
antigua
Posted by AuntieMel on January 27, 2005, at 10:22:12
In reply to Re: I like it too. But it's not my IRL name. » Susan47, posted by Dinah on January 26, 2005, at 10:02:12
And I like the name, too. It has a wonderful, friendly, homey feel.
Everyone assumes my parents liked Gone with the Wind. They may have, but it isn't where the name came from - was named for a great aunt. I didn't much care for the name, but at least I was always the only one in school - not just in class, in school! - until high school. I hated the new Melanie. Nice enough girl, but she had my name!
But if they were to pick a name that matched me, I probably would have been Scarlet.
Posted by partlycloudy on January 27, 2005, at 17:14:20
In reply to Re: I like it too. But it's not my IRL name. » gardenergirl, posted by antigua on January 27, 2005, at 9:36:56
I really like that! I don't use my middle name, as it has the same origins as my first name - like calling me Mary Maria (not quite like that). Once I realized how redundant my full name is, I just stopped putting the middle one on forms and stuff.
But you know how people meet you and they swear they've met you before? Whenever this happens, EVERYONE always thinks my name is Susan. It's very consistent, state to state, country to country. Overseas.
It isn't, and I don't feel like a Susan, but apparently many people think I must do.
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 28, 2005, at 2:16:14
In reply to Re: I like it too. But it's not my IRL name., posted by Susan47 on January 26, 2005, at 12:10:00
> I like that the program works that way
Thanks! :-)
Bob
Posted by Dinah on January 28, 2005, at 2:30:09
In reply to Re: Hooray! It did! » Susan47, posted by Dr. Bob on January 28, 2005, at 2:16:14
Tabitha's word isn't something I'd have told my son not to use, as long as he was using it in the appropriate context and not unkindly.
Posted by AuntieMel on January 28, 2005, at 9:34:00
In reply to But it's a bit of a prude, isn't it? » Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on January 28, 2005, at 2:30:09
if you want it in, type b1mbo? or bimb0?
Posted by Dr. Bob on January 28, 2005, at 22:07:11
In reply to Re: tips from password security » Dinah, posted by AuntieMel on January 28, 2005, at 9:34:00
> if you want it in...
FYI, that would count as language that could offend others...
Bob
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