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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cubic_me on January 7, 2005, at 13:38:45
I *hate* depression. It brings out the worst in me and all I can see is blood and blades and dead things and I want to hide and shrivel up and disappear, and tears just threaten and are never expelled, just bubbling, threatening. Everything aches and the world closes in and shuts everyone out and everything away.
Posted by justyourlaugh on January 7, 2005, at 14:12:23
In reply to Here it comes again (?trigger), posted by cubic_me on January 7, 2005, at 13:38:45
i do understand how "horror" walks along side of depression..
it is so hard when it comes dripping into our dreams , tantelizing us with her bright colour.
be good to yourself..
be safe.
j
Posted by Fi on January 7, 2005, at 18:52:16
In reply to Here it comes again (?trigger), posted by cubic_me on January 7, 2005, at 13:38:45
Oh, I hate it so much too!
If you can keep just a little corner of doubt in your mind that how you are feeling about yourself and the world is absolutely accurate when you are depressed.
It distorts your thinking, as well as being downright painful. I'm lucky enough that my bouts only last a couple of weeks. I try and see it as something horrible but that just needs to be plodded thru without believing the more alarming things I am thinking. A bit like flu.
But whatever, there are loads of people on this board who know how awful it all is. Including me.
Do take care of yourself- and get any help you need.
Fi
Posted by cubic_me on January 8, 2005, at 4:38:09
In reply to Re: Here it comes again (?trigger) » cubic_me, posted by Fi on January 7, 2005, at 18:52:16
I know that it is just distorted thinking, but it is so painful. I can feel it right to my fingertips.
I suppose I haven't been like this for a couple of months, and the time clouds my memory about how it actually feels.
And it always seems to come at the worst times - I have exams next weeks and the revision I've been able to do is practically non existant. I'm going to the library today so that I can't fall asleep or SI so easily.
Posted by vwoolf on January 8, 2005, at 9:44:03
In reply to Re: Here it comes again (?trigger), posted by cubic_me on January 8, 2005, at 4:38:09
It's the most miserable feeling. My only way to work against it at all is to move in some way, physically. It seems to counteract the sluggishness and negativity. I have recntly been given a pedometer, which counts the umber of steps I take in a day. When I'm feeling well, I take between about 12,000 and 15,000. As soon as I am depressed it drops to about 1,500 or 2,000 a day. Trouble is to find the mental energy to get myself going. But it sounds as if you are already going to the library. I hope it helps.
Take care.
Posted by Susan47 on January 11, 2005, at 22:21:48
In reply to Re: Here it comes again (?trigger), posted by cubic_me on January 8, 2005, at 4:38:09
What's happening?
Posted by Angel Girl on January 12, 2005, at 2:36:39
In reply to Here it comes again (?trigger), posted by cubic_me on January 7, 2005, at 13:38:45
I hope this bout doesn't last much longer for you. Please take care. Hugs.
AG
Posted by cubic_me on January 12, 2005, at 10:34:05
In reply to How are you now? » cubic_me, posted by Susan47 on January 11, 2005, at 22:21:48
I'm getting a little bit better thanks. I'm lucky that recently I only get really depressed for a few days at a time. I've had my first exam and it didn't go too badly, just 2 more to go. I've just been to group therapy and feel a bit vulnerable, but not as low as I did.
I broke my month without SI, but that's the way things go - I'm still here.
Posted by cubic_me on January 12, 2005, at 10:35:37
In reply to Re: Here it comes again (?trigger) » cubic_me, posted by Angel Girl on January 12, 2005, at 2:36:39
As I said in the post to Susan, I think I am coming out of it a bit. I'm trying to concentrate on work, so I might crash again when I finish my exams, but for now it's working.
Posted by Angel Girl on January 12, 2005, at 13:34:53
In reply to Re: Here it comes again (?trigger) » Angel Girl, posted by cubic_me on January 12, 2005, at 10:35:37
> As I said in the post to Susan, I think I am coming out of it a bit. I'm trying to concentrate on work, so I might crash again when I finish my exams, but for now it's working.
Good luck on the rest of your exams. I'm glad you're feeling a little better right now. Do you have any way of preparing yourself when you think you might crash soon?
AG
Posted by cubic_me on January 12, 2005, at 14:11:02
In reply to Re: Here it comes again (?trigger) » cubic_me, posted by Angel Girl on January 12, 2005, at 13:34:53
> Do you have any way of preparing yourself when you think you might crash soon?
Not really, I can sometimes delay it by keeping busy and trying to ignore what I'm feeling, but it always catches up with me in the end. Recently I've been able to tell my boyfriend more about how I'm feeling, and it helps to know that he knows.
Posted by Susan47 on January 12, 2005, at 15:52:43
In reply to Re: Here it comes again (?trigger) » cubic_me, posted by Angel Girl on January 12, 2005, at 13:34:53
Especially after your final exam, if the crash comes maybe we can help you through it. Try not to SI, just say NO NO NO NO NON NONONONONO
Posted by cubic_me on January 12, 2005, at 17:37:31
In reply to Cubic Me, Keep in Touch, posted by Susan47 on January 12, 2005, at 15:52:43
Thankyou so much Susan, I'll think of you saying NO NO NO NO NO NO NO when I want to SI and it will make me laugh!
I'll certainly keep in touch, my final exam is a week today, but I'm seeing my parents for a few days after that so I'm hoping to be ok for that (they don't know about my mental history, but that's a whole other story....!)
Posted by Susan47 on January 12, 2005, at 20:23:10
In reply to Re: Cubic Me, Keep in Touch » Susan47, posted by cubic_me on January 12, 2005, at 17:37:31
My folks don't know about my mental history either and if they ever did I'd be very embarrassed. The bar was always raised too high for me and I would want to literally die if they knew who I really was.
Posted by B2Chica on January 17, 2005, at 17:46:19
In reply to Re: How are you now? » Susan47, posted by cubic_me on January 12, 2005, at 10:34:05
-late response so hope things are better now.
just take one exam (stress level) at a time. And for crying out loud Be proud of that one MONTH!!! Broken or not one month IS a long time!
-friday i broke my 3 1/2 weeks with no cutting. i binged, purged AND cut. (don't mean to make this about me) but sometimes it gets So bad. we fall, we pick ourselves up and try again.
You are a beautiful young woman with such an incredible spirit. remember, you are ok. you are struggling but you are ok cuz you are fighting. take one at a time. do your best, that's all anyone can ask.
Take care CM
b2c.> I'm getting a little bit better thanks. I'm lucky that recently I only get really depressed for a few days at a time. I've had my first exam and it didn't go too badly, just 2 more to go. I've just been to group therapy and feel a bit vulnerable, but not as low as I did.
>
> I broke my month without SI, but that's the way things go - I'm still here.
Posted by cubic_me on January 18, 2005, at 4:20:09
In reply to Re: How are you now? » cubic_me, posted by B2Chica on January 17, 2005, at 17:46:19
Thankyou for your sweet sweet response, you are a treasure. Well done with your 3 1/2 weeks, I think we both achieved a lot. I've just got one exam left, tomorrow. When I get back from my parent's at the weekend I'll be back in my normal routine, and I'm looking forward to that.
I'm sorry I haven't been in touch recently, when I'm back in the swing of things, I'd love to talk more.
CM xxx
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