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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by smokeymadison on December 5, 2004, at 16:14:49
Okay,
i just started working for this homecare place. i help take care of three mentally and physically handicapped women in their home. there are usually three of us workers there at a time, so it is not like i am doing this alone. i get along with the other workers very well, but i am having some problems with the clients.i picked up on the fact that one of the women is bisexual--i am myself. she is moderately mentally handicapped but fully mobile. she is constantly trying to touch me--hugs, kisses, slapping my butt--the works. the second time she touched me i told her not to, i said "no touch" she got offended and said that she was just trying to be nice. i said that i knew she was, but the rule is that she is not allowed to touch me that way. i could write her up, there is a procedure for that, but i would prefer to find some way to explain to her w/out hurting her feelings that she can't act like that. any ideas?
also--the other workers there are constantly talking about her right in front of her--which makes her very angry and frustrated. i am brand new there and don't feel like i have the right to tell them to back off talking negatively about her right in front of her. ideas???
there is another women who is nearly immoble--i feel so sorry for her. she was sexually abused by her dad and when she relives the episodes she has seizures. i am afraid to touch her to move her or pick her up for fear that she will go into reliving the abuse.
i am not used to this kind of work. i find it meaningful work--unlike any other job i have had--but this is going to take some getting used to and some thinking on my part on how to handle these women.
any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Posted by sunny10 on December 5, 2004, at 16:51:37
In reply to tough (but fun) new job: advise?, posted by smokeymadison on December 5, 2004, at 16:14:49
I feel for you but have no experience in these things... am hoping these guys can help. They both have done some work in types of "social work" and hopefully I got their attention for you...
Best of luck !
Posted by Susan47 on December 5, 2004, at 21:53:27
In reply to tough (but fun) new job: advise?, posted by smokeymadison on December 5, 2004, at 16:14:49
Smokeymadison, you said that you're working for a homecare place. Did they provide you with any training? What's your background? The place that hired you *should have* a responsibility to help you out with this problem. I say should, because if you live in the States, my understanding is that things don't always work the way they're supposed to, in these systems. I think it's worse there than in Canada, where I am, but I could be wrong. Now you'll probably write and tell me that you live in the UK or Canada and I'll be a donkey's ear yet again. I work in Canada and I can honestly tell you that this country is going to the dogs.
Posted by smokeymadison on December 5, 2004, at 22:58:24
In reply to Re: tough (but fun) new job: advise?, posted by Susan47 on December 5, 2004, at 21:53:27
I live in Ohio. The homecare place is suppose to train me but the workers i talked to at the house had been there for months and had yet to be trained. I have a background in psychology. I am just working full time until next fall when i can afford to go back to school and finish my undergrad degree in psychology and social work.
i feel like my education is definately going to help me in this situation. i have studied mental retardation. It is just one thing to study it and quite another to work with people who have mental retardation and other issues!
SM
Posted by Susan47 on December 6, 2004, at 7:22:18
In reply to Re: tough (but fun) new job: advise? » Susan47, posted by smokeymadison on December 5, 2004, at 22:58:24
Once again, the mentally ill slide around under the bar and get treated as less-than-human.
Your employer is unethical.
Posted by Susan47 on December 6, 2004, at 7:23:10
In reply to Re: tough (but fun) new job: advise?, posted by Susan47 on December 6, 2004, at 7:22:18
Posted by GeishaGirl on December 6, 2004, at 11:42:21
In reply to tough (but fun) new job: advise?, posted by smokeymadison on December 5, 2004, at 16:14:49
Hi smokey,
I'm so sorry that you've been thrown into a new situation without proper training. I've heard of this way too often.
I also feel that your co-workers have no right to speak about someone when they are right in front of them, as if the person doesn't exist and have feelings. You said that, other than this, you have a good relationship with your co-workers. Have you tried having a non-threatening conversation with them? Do you think that they'd understand what you are saying from a philosophical standpoint? When I run into a situation where I don't want argue philosophical points with people because I feel they won't get it, sometimes (if I get along well with them) I'll talk more about how it makes me feel uncomfortable personally, rather than theoretically. That helps me sometimes.
If this feels too uncomfortable right now, is there a chance that you could somehow validate the woman's feelings regarding these issues while the others aren't around? I would be concerned, like you are too. I've had that happen to me as a recipient of services. It feels really traumatic to me.
Regarding the hugs and kisses, etc. Is this a problem with the other workers as well? I'm just asking because I kinda feel like a conversation with her may go differently if it were happening to others, as well. How does she learn and experience life? I feel learning a bit about this would make it easier for you both to on the same wavelength. I can understand your reluctance to file a report.
I am a sexual abuse survivor, so I can tell you how I'd like to be treated. I've had debilitating flashbacks/ reexperiencing, although not to the point of seizures. I always feel more comfortable when someone is going to touch me if they let me know what they are doing first and then ask me if it's okay for them to do that. And that the person stops doing what they are doing (even if for a little while) if I say that I'm uncomfortable or if the other person senses that I'm uncomfortable and not saying anything myself. I also like it if I feel uncomfortable with doing things a certain way, that other options that have the same end result are presented to me. It makes me feel like someone is really concerned about my feelings and I feel more comfortable around the person.
Personally, I wouldn't puts this to her in terms of her being a sexual abuse survivor. To me, this kinda thing goes in general for trauma survivors. And also, anyone else for that matter.
If something happens and she has seizures, please don't blame yourself. Sometimes, from my experience, just about anything can trigger a flashback. It may not even have anything to do with you or how you are when you are with her. When I am in that kind of delicate state, all that people can do for me is try their best to not make things worse for me. I really like when people ask me what my needs are or if things are okay with me (this is in general for me, not just for sexual abuse issues) and then respond to my needs. I will still have certain experiences, even if my friends were perfect.
I commend you for doing this work. It's hard and usually for crappy pay and sometimes not enough support. I believe you are right, though. This kind of support work is fufilling. I'm so glad that you care as much as you do. Hope all goes well for you and those you help care for.
Geisha Girl
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