![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 3 to 27 of 36. Go back in thread:
Posted by Toph on November 12, 2004, at 10:27:54
In reply to Re: Ya-Ya Sisterhood » Toph, posted by partlycloudy on November 12, 2004, at 9:13:54
> You can be an honourary one, Toph, if I may be so bold.
Not today, pc, I'm feeling a little bloated.
Posted by Susan47 on November 12, 2004, at 13:55:45
In reply to Re: Ya-Ya Sisterhood, posted by Toph on November 12, 2004, at 10:27:54
I can easily pretend you're a sister, Toph. NEver having seen you and you're no different than any of the other people on here, are you? Sister doesn't always mean female, I think we should change the meaning of sister.
Posted by Toph on November 12, 2004, at 15:48:15
In reply to Re: Ya-Ya Sisterhood, posted by Susan47 on November 12, 2004, at 13:55:45
I'd be proud to be a sister, Susan. But I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do when we go off to the bathroom together. Do we actually hold a conversation between stalls?
Seriously, when my son left for Colorado, it left me alone with 2 daughters and my wife. Needless to say, the movies we rented dramtically changed (I never even knew you could fry green tomatoes). I wish that guys could be as open with each other as women are. We always seem to be competing to see who can drink the most, buy the most, swear the most, win the most. It's not easy talking about one's vulnerability with other guys, but women don't seem worried about sharing problems at all. Must be some primal maternal instinct of females to support each other to promote the survival of the species' young or something.
I'm not entirely handicapped at this sort of thing though. As a social worker, I work primarily with women who treat me as one of the girls, at least they have no reservations about talking about their latest hair styling, intimate things about their husbands, their hot flashes, and stuff. But I always feel like I'm eavesdropping here. I admire the guys who feel comforable to just jump in on PBS. Anyway, thanks for offering me to be a sister. I feel like you've given me a big "You go girl!"
-Toph
Posted by AdaGrace on November 12, 2004, at 20:52:22
In reply to Re: Ya-Ya Sisterhood » Susan47, posted by Toph on November 12, 2004, at 15:48:15
All men should experience cramps at least once in a blue moon........but oh wait, they do, it's called male whining. Happens around my house about once a month.
Posted by Susan47 on November 12, 2004, at 22:07:41
In reply to Re: Ya-Ya Sisterhood » Toph, posted by AdaGrace on November 12, 2004, at 20:52:22
Do you think AdaGrace knows you're a man?
Sometimes, and Ada please know that i'm not attacking you I like you and think you're sweet. I do believe we women sometimes get into a habit of bashing guys and I can understand why some guys are a bit scared of us, I mean, really. I work in retail now so I'm an expert (spell that espert, heeeheee) okay I've seen men with their wives and girlfriends and they care so MUCH about what we think and feel it's awesome and I think if women really understood that about their men (at least the ones that go shopping with them, hmh.) then they'd back off a bit.
Now where the heckdid all of that come from? Sorry, Ada and Toph, I'm way off base and outta line but I just like men so much ... if only they didn't all want to express themselves below the waist ... oh no, now I"VE DONE IT. TOPH PLEASE FORGIVE ME. What do you think about women, Toph? Am I on or off?
Posted by alexandra_k on November 13, 2004, at 3:06:45
In reply to Okay, Toph, posted by Susan47 on November 12, 2004, at 22:07:41
The female of the species is more deadly than the male.
Females can be so nice, so sweet, so nurturing, so caring...
But nobody can stab you in the back or be a right b**** like a female. Cat fights, ugh. Guys, on the other hand get pissed, and then forget their drama by a couple of days.
I know I am making horrible generalisations... But, well, in general I suppose.
Posted by AdaGrace on November 13, 2004, at 7:16:20
In reply to Ya-Ya Sisterhood, posted by Toph on November 12, 2004, at 9:01:23
My previous post was done in a drunken stupor and during a angry feeling towards hubby. No offense was meant towards you, and I realize now after re-reading all that has been written on this thread that perhaps you really were not being facetious or "catty" as we women like to refer to ourself. Your original post perhaps means more to me know having re-read it. There does seem to be a better bond that women can share their feelings and support each other. It often amazed me that men do not do that like women do.
However, having experiences some of your humor.......could it not be that when you wrote that, there was a little tongue in cheek going on?
Posted by AdaGrace on November 13, 2004, at 11:38:20
In reply to Ya-Ya Sisterhood, posted by Toph on November 12, 2004, at 9:01:23
That this movie is the epitomy of my life......all the way through the end.
I am not Vivianne Walker, but a smaller less vibrant carbon copy of her and her daughter.
The movie is my live, all twisted up in a ball, rounded out by
"I can hear the clinking of the ice in the glass Mamma, sounds of my happy childhood"!
"I never understood those underwear up your crack thing, they don't cover a GD thing".
"Keep your dirty cotton farmer hands off me, I can't stand you to touch me, I hate you Shep, I HATE YOU"!!
"She's never gotten over a single thing in her selfish boose soaken life"!
I'm tired of this worn out 'Oh how I've suffered', 'hand me a nebutol', Scarlett O'Hara Thang"
"Forgive me Father for I have sinned.....I want to be free, I want to be unatached, I want to be famous".. "You must suffer your pain in silence my child"."Shep, did I ruin your life"? "I always thought it was the other way around".
and last but not least.....
"Daddy, did you get loved enough"?
"Honey, What is enough? The question is, did you get loved enough"?Oh please, please forgive me for not quoting word for word, I am usually clinking the ice in the glass while I am watching it in my self centered booze soaked life.
And Oh goodness, I have watched it, and watched it, and watched it........over and over and over.....
Posted by Jai Narayan on November 13, 2004, at 14:45:42
In reply to women can scare me., posted by alexandra_k on November 13, 2004, at 3:06:45
I know I have 4 sisters!
It's only recently that I have moved through each sister in therapy.
And then there's my mother.
Now that woman has taken me all my life.
But there's nothing like a close woman friend you can relax with.Jai
Posted by Toph on November 13, 2004, at 14:51:03
In reply to Ya-Ya Sisterhood, posted by Toph on November 12, 2004, at 9:01:23
I just got my new computer from Dell so I couldn't respond until now. I started this thread because I notice how women dominate the Social board. I was, Susan, a little afraid to join in conversation here. It reminds me of the bar scene when you notice someone interesting and she's hanging with a group of women. It's tough enough to be rejected by one, but a whole group?
I've written several responses to your question asking me about women. I've had to erase each one as hopelessly sexist, juvenile, stereotypic or self-serving. Suffice it to say that I love women. They are my best friends and my wife has complemented my sorry existence in ways I never thought possible after my painfully failed marriage.
Again, I reiterate that women seem to be getting a lot out of congregating here on Social. Maybe some of you have thoughts on why men seem to prefer blooding each others' noses on Admin or comparing their stuff on PB rather than sippin' Margaritas here on Social.
-Toph
Posted by AdaGrace on November 13, 2004, at 15:24:02
In reply to Sisterhood, posted by Toph on November 13, 2004, at 14:51:03
Toph, you can talk to me, I will listen.
Posted by just plain jane on November 13, 2004, at 19:49:33
In reply to Sisterhood, posted by Toph on November 13, 2004, at 14:51:03
Toph says:
"Again, I reiterate that women seem to be getting a lot out of congregating here on Social. Maybe some of you have thoughts on why men seem to prefer blooding each others' noses on Admin or comparing their stuff on PB rather than sippin' Margaritas here on Social."I'm thinkin' it's mainly 'cause men, in general, seem, to me, to be scared shytless of getting involved in this type of conversationalism and communication.
And I've been "one of the guys", uncomfortable and a misfit with the "typical" women all my life.
just plain tomboy jane
Posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 7:40:24
In reply to Re: Sisterhood » Toph, posted by AdaGrace on November 13, 2004, at 15:24:02
I don't want a lot, AdaGrace, I just want what everyone else here does, I want to be happier. I pretty much have what I need.
Posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 7:53:01
In reply to Re: Sisterhood and » Toph, posted by just plain jane on November 13, 2004, at 19:49:33
>
...it's mainly 'cause men, in general, seem, to me, to be scared shytless of getting involved in this type of conversationalism and communication.
>You're probably right, jpj, in general a guy can dismiss a dis from another guy as just some jerk, but when a women rejects him, well, that injures in a different way that is harder to minimalize. On the other hand, I've seen some guys here who have earned the respect of most of the Social Boarders and don't hesitate to jump right in. I guess I'm old fashioned, men should care more about wanting the respect of women.
> And I've been "one of the guys", uncomfortable and a misfit with the "typical" women all my life.
>
> just plain tomboy janeI bet you can spit, scratch and swear with the best of 'em, jane.
-Toph
Posted by Susan47 on November 14, 2004, at 11:22:05
In reply to Sisterhood, posted by Toph on November 13, 2004, at 14:51:03
Can I share something about sensitive men? I know the reason I fell in love with my therapist is because he is a thinker and he knows deeply about relationship. That sounds wacky, I know, but there it is, imperfect wording and all. I love men like you. And I see them every day at work, at the theatre, on the street. I even see them when they're with each other (read two guys together) and they're always eager to relate to us women. But what I've noticed is that women turn men off because they're defensive a lot. Since my therapy I've been a lot less defensive and I've learned that men do have everything we do in the way of ability to socialize. I'm starting to gather the cognition that women actually expect men to behave in ritualistic, unthinking, unemotional ways and that's why they do it. Men really WANT to please us. We need to recognize that, and respond to it.
Aaaahhh.
Posted by AuntieMel on November 14, 2004, at 13:00:10
In reply to Re: Sisterhood and, posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 7:53:01
Add me to the spit and swear group. I don't scratch, though. I punch.
I've always had guys as friends. Very few girls. Not only do I trust the guys better to keep it 'close to the chest,' I pretty much prefer talking cars, soccer, current events, etc. over nails, fashion, and so on.
<speaking of which, I finally got the parts to fix the brakes in my opel gt and as soon as I charge the battery back up I can break it back in and get it inspected.>
Now I need to go gas up the truck and run down the road a piece to get pecans.
Posted by AuntieMel on November 14, 2004, at 13:55:23
In reply to Re: Sisterhood and, posted by AuntieMel on November 14, 2004, at 13:00:10
Posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 16:50:51
In reply to women can scare me., posted by alexandra_k on November 13, 2004, at 3:06:45
You girls are starting to scare me. Most of you are smarter than I, more organized than I, more considerate than I... now I discover you can beat me up, oh, and did I mention multiple orgasms?!! Seesh.
-Toph
Posted by AdaGrace on November 14, 2004, at 20:03:05
In reply to Re: women can scare me., posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 16:50:51
Men have multiples too, or so I have heard.
By the way, I have turned to men for a shoulder and was shut out. Maybe they were the wrong men, maybe I was too emotionally attatched, but I got the feeling that men (those in particular) could not handle the crying jags......
Just my own psycotic self loathing perspective, definitely not trying to generalize.
Posted by Susan47 on November 14, 2004, at 21:50:59
In reply to Re: women can scare me., posted by Toph on November 14, 2004, at 16:50:51
I'll bet your IQ is higher than mine.
Posted by Toph on November 15, 2004, at 8:24:56
In reply to Re: women can scare me - Toph, posted by Susan47 on November 14, 2004, at 21:50:59
> I'll bet your IQ is higher than mine.
Probably so Susan, if you're talking about Immaturity Quotient, that is.
Posted by Susan47 on November 16, 2004, at 0:13:23
In reply to Re: women can scare » Susan47, posted by Toph on November 15, 2004, at 8:24:56
Ouch, why on earth would you say a thing like that, Toph?
Posted by verne on November 16, 2004, at 1:08:15
In reply to Re: women can scare, posted by Susan47 on November 16, 2004, at 0:13:23
I think Toph was referring to his "own" IQ and being self-deprecating. He was referring to himself, not you.
It's easy to misread that kind of thing. Language is a mindfield.
verne
Posted by Toph on November 16, 2004, at 7:11:03
In reply to Re: women can scare, posted by Susan47 on November 16, 2004, at 0:13:23
verne's right, Susan, I meant that I had higher immaturity... and then proved it. Thank's verne for explanining.
-Toph
Posted by sunny10 on November 16, 2004, at 12:47:03
In reply to Re: men can offend, posted by Toph on November 16, 2004, at 7:11:03
I think the reasons we don't communicate amongst the sexes are twofold- both have been glossed over, but mentioned...
Men are highly competitive.
Women are highly nurturing.Men use intimidation tactics to indicate their alpha male status. (Pointing, yelling, growling, threatening, making fun of their opponent, et cetera) In this example, I don't mean the men are doing this in an intentionally "domestic abuse" way- it is merely an inbred way of communicating. As long as a "conversation" such as this one is between two equal males, the tactics are completely harmless (although they definitely CAN be harmful if any of those are used as control over their partner, which happens more than I like... I've been "controlled" by one such as this...)Women watch this and are either a little scared of the alpha male, or disgusted.
Women, on the other hand, are inbred to "take care of" "to soothe", to "ease burdens and sorrows". And our ever-changing hormones make it difficult to remain in a state of calm for very long (until lucky enough for full menopause- after we live through the hot flashes..) We are B****y, we moan, cry, et cetera. We show our weakness and we disgusts the alpha male. If we do not exhibit these tendencies, we are mostly treated as men, but that can be very scary as the "male" conversations start taking place and ultimately scares the bejeezus out of her! In 2004, however, our roles have changed immensely. We are expected to be able to do everything. We still ease everyone else's burdens, but have many of our own to deal with. So we turn to our "sisters' to help us.
Women are trying to be LESS sensitive to communicate with men, and men are trying to be MORE sensitive to communicate with women.
For myself, I'm glad that at least everyone here is trying...
My 2cents, for what their worth...
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.