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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 16, 2004, at 21:44:48
My friend and I met at a therapy group years ago. She and I shared a lot then. Even back then, my friend was a person that ran literly from her problems. She ran from project to project. I kept going to therapy and she kept on with moves, having children and divorcing and remarrying, etc. She would call me time to time. She would always promise to call and tell me she loved me as a friend. But, I had enough one day. I sat home waiting for the phone to ring like I had so many times and someting inside said, "ENOUGH!" I called her and told her how I felt about not ever calling me when promised and how she when I did talk to her she said nothing about herself anymore. She never really shared things about herself as the years went by. I heard a baby in the background one time when I called one time. I said, "Gee, that sounds like an infant." She said "That's my daughter." I was like, "What! We had talked many times and you never even told me you were pregnant!" She said, "It must must have slipped my mind." I was totally dumbfounded.
She of course made up excuses this last time around for not calling me, but even when she didn't have kids. She would promise to call me on a Friday night at 8:00 p.m. and no call. She would promise to send a letter and no letter was sent. I didn't trust her anymore. I didn't care what excuses she had. It was too many years of the same behavior, which she blamed on her personality. I said, this is a behavior problem and not a personality problem that I am not going to put up with any more. I don't know, but I believe when people act like this they are pushing others away. I told her that she has been pushing me away now for years, but now I am finishing this. I feel sad. I wonder why I have let this on so long. But, she had time for other friends when I called. After doing an inventory of my life, this is actually the 2nd time I had a friend like this. They are unavailable and unreliable. They stand me up. Except this time - I got the chance to say they hurt me and it was over. I hope this is a change for me in recognizing this, but it's still very painful.
Posted by fallingstar on August 17, 2004, at 0:00:12
In reply to Breaking up is so hard:(, posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 16, 2004, at 21:44:48
Hi Shadowplayers721,
I was curious about your post and decided to read it. In my past I have shut people out because of being severely depressed and have hurt some of my friends which I have never been proud of. I don't think it was very nice what she did and after so long enough is enough. The hardest part is the grief of losing a friend who chooses to break off a friendship without you're knowing it. Recently, I feel like the jilted friend. I had not heard from my best friend for two months, after I decided to come back to my husband ( i was staying with her and her mom while I was trying to set some rules I guess you could say), and I came back to him (which she basically got angry over). Well after I told her how I felt about our friendship and the need for privacy, I finally heard a pitiful peep via email from her about some things I left there, and she was wondering if I was her friend anymore. I am hurt right now, and don't even want to deal with anyone. Sounds like your friend had other problems though, including selfishness. I hope and pray you get over this, and make new more caring friends.
God bless
Posted by ghost on August 17, 2004, at 8:48:41
In reply to Breaking up is so hard:(, posted by Shadowplayers721 on August 16, 2004, at 21:44:48
it's really tough when people don't live up to your expectations (so to speak)... or don't trust you/share with you as you do to them. i think we let it go on because we want things to be different. we hang onto hope that things will change.
good luck. i know things will improve soon. good for you for finally realising that you can't take it any more. it's too bad for her, but good for you.
ghost
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