![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Scott in Vermont on July 13, 2004, at 10:32:03
You have all helped me on a journey that has not been an easy one. My first post on Babble was on the Meds board, and I wanted to know if anyone else here took Lexapro and lifted. I was terrified to ask anything else, and I sure as all get out didn't want to be honest about anything or talk about anything that mattered, let alone tell you anything "real" about myself (telling you I lifted wasn't threatening, telling you I was in a bitter divorce and that I constantly struggled with suicidal ideations was).
But over time I read what you all posted, and I felt a lot more comfortable, and started opening up here. I started giving a bit of myself to others, sharing my experiences in hopes that what I had already been through might help give some perspective to someone else, and also sought advice from others who may have experienced the things I was starting to go through.
In all, I found Babble to be a very positive experience.
I have developed some very nice friendships here. I have feelings for people here that I cannot quite explain in a way that would sound ration to anyone else that has not had those same feelings in a similar situation. Suffice to say, there are some Babblers here who have made a rather profound impact on my "behind the scenes" life, and I thank them for that. You know who you are.
I would be remiss if I failed to thank Dr. Bob for making all of this possible. Yes, in the cosmic scope of things, we're all part of a long-term psychosocial experiment that he's probably going to publish a huge analytical text on that will alter the course of psychotherapy for the next 20 years, and honestly, I really hope that he does and that it DOES change things. So three cheers for Dr. Bob!
And it is here that I come to the meat of my post- I am leaving Babble. Not for a little while, but for good. I am not well, I am cycling faster and faster, my meds change every month, my pdoc is frustrated (not with me, but with himself and with how my condition is screwing with me, and how every time we think we have cornered it, it slips out around us and we wind up chasing it... again) my T is worried and upped me to weekly appts again, my girlfriend is keeping track of me 24/7, and I think I'm going to take some time off from the world (meaning I'm thinking about checking myself in) because while I'm ok this very minute, I won't be in about an hour.
Babble is a mixed blessing for me. I like being here, but I make people worry. People care about me and people like me, and then *poof*, I disappear and I'm gone and people wonder what the heck is going on and then I come back all enigmatic and I sometimes post a lot worse than I really am, and then other time I am a lot worse than I really post. So I am going to stop posting.
However, I have a pretty good friend here. You'll never guess who it is. I have asked them (appointed them, actually... ha) to be my point of contact, so if anyone ever wants to know how I am doing, they'll keep you updated. And as always, I can be reached (probably... I don't check it very often so don't freak out if I don't respond for a few days) at my email address: scottinvt@hotmail.com
Be well, my friends. I promise I'll do my best to do the same. And if I can, I will come back someday. That's not being dramatic, that's just being hopeful. But know this- I'm not coming back until I'm better. And that's that.
-Scott in Vermont
Posted by partlycloudy on July 13, 2004, at 10:54:23
In reply to Thanks to everyone! (read this), posted by Scott in Vermont on July 13, 2004, at 10:32:03
Scott, my heart is sick at your news. I hope that you and your doctors find a solution that works for you. I truly hope that you'll be able to return quickly, and I wish you godspeed in your recovery.
with much affection,
partlycloudy
today it's a storm.
Posted by gardenergirl on July 13, 2004, at 11:20:51
In reply to Thanks to everyone! (read this), posted by Scott in Vermont on July 13, 2004, at 10:32:03
Scott,
I'm so sorry that you are feeling worse. It must be really difficult right now. I'm glad that you are taking steps to insure your safety. You've been through a lot from what I've read in your posts. Please take gentle care of yourself, and thanks for letting us know.
> Babble is a mixed blessing for me. I like being here, but I make people worry. People care about me and people like me, and then *poof*, I disappear and I'm gone and people wonder what the heck is going on and then I come back all enigmatic and I sometimes post a lot worse than I really am, and then other time I am a lot worse than I really post. So I am going to stop posting.I just wanted to add here, that your posting style is your own. Yes, we may worry, and I know we post that we wonder how some people are, but please don't take causing that worry upon yourself and feel guilty about it. (Although I know that is easier said than done, :)
I'm glad you will have a point of contact. Please take care of yourself. You are valuable.
(((((Scott)))))
gg
Posted by B2chica on July 13, 2004, at 11:42:51
In reply to Thanks to everyone! (read this), posted by Scott in Vermont on July 13, 2004, at 10:32:03
(((((((((((((((Scott)))))))))))))))
You ARE an incredible man. i admire you and care a great deal about you, even though it seems i "don't know you". i have that in quotes because i always read your posts and i feel a connection with you. Understand. I delt with rapid cycling and it was SOOO painful for me, i couldn't take it. lucky for me it was the medication they first put me on that caused it. I also shared your experience with babble. my first time was on the meds board, i lurked for a while before i finally posted and when i did i gave as little info as possible. infact i've only recently began to post deep personal information and feelings-i thank the community of babble for that.
however there are times that i can't seem to come read here let alone post because of how it makes me feel.Please know that reading your posts have MANY times put a smile on my face when noone IRL could. Know you gave me the giddyness of sharing 'log' with someone :) and the inspiration of even if you couldn't care for yourself you held ever so tightly onto that AMAZING love you have for your children and ALWAYS putting their needs ahead of yours or anyone elses'.
This is a tough battle (and this truly is a lifetime battle) but you have many people here that love you and ONLY want the best for you. Be proud of yourself for recognizing it may be best to "check in". Not only recognizing it but acting on it.
AND FYI! Mr. Scott from Vermont, people here worry and care about you because of the person you are. Nothing is going to stop that. and don't you DARE feel guilty or sad about that! When someone worries about another person, that means they are blessed with the ability to give love...what greater gift in life is there? What is life without giving love?
This is NOT of your doing. this is a choice each of us has made, willingly and lovingly. We ache to give love and if we're lucky enough to find someone as good and kind as you, wow...that's incredible and is a gift, not just to you but for us as well.I honestly am very glad to hear you say this (NOT that you're leaving) but that you are doing what you think is BEST for YOU! i can only hope i have this strength when i need it.
You WILL be VERY missed. and you will be SOOOOO welcomed when(if?) you decide to come back -and i DO hope you will come back-if only to say HI.please take care of yourself, and be well. I wish you nothing but health and happiness.
i don't believe in saying goodbye, so... i will see you soon.with very much love.
b2c.
Posted by tootercat on July 13, 2004, at 12:20:23
In reply to Re: Thanks to everyone! (read this) » Scott in Vermont, posted by B2chica on July 13, 2004, at 11:42:51
Scott,
Although I haven't posted much myself lately I check the board everyday. I will miss seeing how you are doing or in some cases NOT doing. I have appreciated your openess and honesty and ability to share how you feel; good, bad, better or worse. I wish you the best where your family and children are concerned and more than that I send you love and support where healing yourself is concerned. You have to do whatever it takes to get to a place that is acceptable or OK for you. If that means checking out for awhile....then do it. Just please please don't check out permanently. If you decide to come back in before you are "well" then do it. Don't feel that because you have said you won't means you can't. "Everything is subject to change based on NEW information" You help people here as much when you are hurting as when you are not.
With love and hope for you,Pam (Tooter)
Posted by tabitha on July 13, 2004, at 13:25:08
In reply to Thanks to everyone! (read this), posted by Scott in Vermont on July 13, 2004, at 10:32:03
I dunno Scott. It kinda sounds like you're cutting off a useful support, and it's hard for me to see how that's helpful. Sometimes I get this idea, that if I just quit identifying myself as a sick person, a troubled person, and just quit the therapy, and quit talking about my problems, and just started looking talking and acting like a more functioning person, that I'd get better. Then I imagine I'd kick myself for relying on my supports for so long. It's a seductive idea, but one I haven't tried yet. So I dunno. Maybe you're having a similar impulse? Just sick of the whole deal of yourself and your problems, and sick of talking about it, and even sick of getting support.
Regardless, I wish you the best, and I hope that if leaving here should turn out to be not a helpful thing for you after all, then I hope you'll return, even though you said you wouldn't. I'm sorry to see you go, just because I enjoy your posts, and I've been glad to have you here.
Posted by pegasus on July 13, 2004, at 14:03:11
In reply to Re: Thanks to everyone! (read this) » Scott in Vermont, posted by B2chica on July 13, 2004, at 11:42:51
I'm so so so sorry to hear about how hard it is to manage your health. I hope you'll feel welcome to change your mind if you are ever wanting to connect with us again. I think it's safe to say that none of us have noticed or minded if your posts and your inner state have not always jived exactly. And a lot of babble folks come and go.
So, just know that we all want to support you in whatever course of action is best for you at any given moment. And also, I want you to know that I've really enjoyed your company here, and I wish you well.
pegasus
Posted by Dinah on July 13, 2004, at 14:20:49
In reply to Thanks to everyone! (read this), posted by Scott in Vermont on July 13, 2004, at 10:32:03
Hi Scott,
I'm sorry to hear you're not doing well right now. I'm glad you are making decisions to put your health on the forefront.
But I echo others that if you find you want or need the support of Babble that you should feel very comfortable finding your way back here. Don't worry about worrying others. That's what Babble's for - to be open about things we can't be open about elsewhere.
Best of luck, Scott.
Dinah
Posted by AuntieMel on July 14, 2004, at 15:59:28
In reply to Thanks to everyone! (read this), posted by Scott in Vermont on July 13, 2004, at 10:32:03
Never is so final. Not posting until you are better seems to me to be a bit of an arbitrary commitment.
I am selfishly hoping that this is just a part of one of your cycles and that you will retract soon. But know that I will be thinking and wondering about you anyway - post or no post.
Do what is best for you.
"Do whatever you want to do. Be whoever you want to be. Just as long as you don't hurt anyone"
- Hair
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.