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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 40. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by judy1 on May 2, 2004, at 13:30:55
This is a reaction to Gracie's death. I know it's impossible to discover why someone leaves here, and w/o shar's research we never would have found out about Gracie. I worry so much about people I meet and get to know and then talk about suicide and disappear. I think I must be venting because I cannot think of a solution- can any of you?
thanks, judy
Posted by karen_kay on May 2, 2004, at 13:38:20
In reply to How do we keep track of people here?, posted by judy1 on May 2, 2004, at 13:30:55
i know several people have my email address. and keep in touch with me that way. i was actually worried about tiny, but saw her post today and that helped (though i realize she's having a tough time, i'm not quite as worried about her because i've heard from her).
ummm, there's a member's page where people can list their email addys. that could help people to stay in touch with eachother, especially those who haven't been seen for a while. but, people who are concerned about privacy would have to list them. that would be a concern. possibly those people who have formed connections could exchange emails with someone else they enjoy talking to here?
any other suggestions?
Posted by shar on May 2, 2004, at 14:50:03
In reply to How do we keep track of people here?, posted by judy1 on May 2, 2004, at 13:30:55
I have the same concerns.
In the faq there is a reference to Babblemail, but I don't know if it is working or not. I'm going to try it. It enables someone to email someone using their screen name here and not get access to their email address (or give out one's own).
Alternately, anyone that would like to send me personal information, can send it to shar_from_babble at yahoo. I would be very appreciative to hear from those I'm close to here. I hate not knowing how to contact those I feel closest to.
Shar
Posted by Emme on May 2, 2004, at 15:49:44
In reply to How do we keep track of people here?, posted by judy1 on May 2, 2004, at 13:30:55
I've often wondered the same thing. It's hard to know why someone vanishes, especially if they don't happen to correspond with anyone privately.
Here's an off the wall idea. It's probably completely absurd and totally impractical given the size of the board, but what the hey. How about a PSB roll call a few times a year where an e-mail message goes out to everyone just asking them to check in with a quick one liner to let us know they're okay? Of course anyone who didn't want to be included could opt out at any time.
> This is a reaction to Gracie's death. I know it's impossible to discover why someone leaves here, and w/o shar's research we never would have found out about Gracie. I worry so much about people I meet and get to know and then talk about suicide and disappear. I think I must be venting because I cannot think of a solution- can any of you?
> thanks, judy
Posted by Fallen4MyT on May 2, 2004, at 16:01:33
In reply to How do we keep track of people here?, posted by judy1 on May 2, 2004, at 13:30:55
I cant think of an answer either but it saddens me too....I wonder on a few people I use to talk with in here..I do not think they hurt themselves but dont see them post..its a huge and fast moving site so maybe I have missed the posts but I just wanted you to know...I know the feeling
hugs
> This is a reaction to Gracie's death. I know it's impossible to discover why someone leaves here, and w/o shar's research we never would have found out about Gracie. I worry so much about people I meet and get to know and then talk about suicide and disappear. I think I must be venting because I cannot think of a solution- can any of you?
> thanks, judy
Posted by Dinah on May 2, 2004, at 19:14:20
In reply to Re: How do we keep track of people here?, posted by karen_kay on May 2, 2004, at 13:38:20
The trouble is that many of us *did* have Gracie's email address. She quit answering them the same time she quit posting. Which might have meant something caused her to make a complete break, or it might (as it did) have meant something else. That's why I was as concerned as I was. People stop posting for various reasons, but only a few also stop replying to email. Gracie wasn't the only one, but it is a lot rarer.
I don't know that there is any way. I suppose if anyone knows someone's real name and place of residence they'd be able to really check, but aside from that, we're bound to be worried sometimes.
I know how you feel, though, Judy. It's been bothering me quite a bit. We often quit hearing from people on Babble. And I always like to assume it's because they went on to feel better and don't need it anymore.
Posted by shar on May 2, 2004, at 22:05:10
In reply to Re: How do we keep track of people here?, posted by Dinah on May 2, 2004, at 19:14:20
Maybe give our names, addresses, phone number, and a contact person to someone we trust?
Shar
Posted by mair on May 2, 2004, at 22:24:09
In reply to Re: How do we keep track of people here?, posted by shar on May 2, 2004, at 22:05:10
Shar
About a year ago, I lost contact with one of my closest babble friends. She had tried to commit suicide a couple of times, so maybe she finally succeeded. I had a name, address, and phone number (home and work). Both phone numbers were disconnected, and I've emailed her numerous times. Your post about Gracie (whom I remember very fondly) has got me thinking that maybe I should renew my efforts to find her. Quite awhile ago I ran an archive search for her in the biggest newspapers in her city and in the city where her mother lived. Neither yielded any info which I took to be a good sign. I'm not all that computer saavy and I don't really know how to do a decent search. My most fervent hope is that she went back into a hospital or closed up her business and went back to live with her mother. Unfortunately I don't have her mother's name. If she was ok, I'd like to think she would get in touch with me, but I got to be sort of a pest, trying to convince her that she had reason to hope, so I may be the last person she wants to talk to.
I wouldn't at all mind some pointers on how to go about finding her. I'm feeling like I really should have made more of an effort.
Thanks
Mair
Dinah doesn't know my real name, but she's the only current babbler whom I can think of who has enough bits and pieces of info to help track me down. Zo and my now lost friend both had my phone number. It's not a bad idea at all to think that each of us should maybe designate at least one person with the information needed to find us. Like you, I hate the feeling of powerlessness that accompanies the worry about the disappearance of a friend.
Posted by tinydancer on May 3, 2004, at 2:18:56
In reply to Re: How do we keep track of people here? » shar, posted by mair on May 2, 2004, at 22:24:09
This is a tough one. I am sorry I worried anyone, I kept meaning to post something but I didn't have the energy. I am open to anything if anyone can come up with a solution.
Posted by chemist on May 3, 2004, at 2:20:15
In reply to Re: How do we keep track of people here?, posted by tinydancer on May 3, 2004, at 2:18:56
> This is a tough one. I am sorry I worried anyone, I kept meaning to post something but I didn't have the energy. I am open to anything if anyone can come up with a solution.
chemist here...how about exchange of email addresses with condition that real name not be disclosed? all the best, chemist
Posted by NikkiT2 on May 3, 2004, at 5:38:11
In reply to How do we keep track of people here?, posted by judy1 on May 2, 2004, at 13:30:55
For me.. I have a list of people my husband has to contact if anything should happen to me.. Rach is on the list, so I know she would let Babblers know on my husbands behalf..
I keep the list in an easy to find place (and he knows where it is) and it would be used for serious illness / hospitlisation aswell as death.. just the email addresses of various friends who I know would want to know..
So.. never fear.. if anyhting were to happent o me.. you would hear about it..
Nikki xx
Posted by Escher Dementian on May 3, 2004, at 6:52:08
In reply to Babblemail? » judy1, posted by shar on May 2, 2004, at 14:50:03
I agree with this caring thread of thinking so wholeheartedly... Thank you judy1 for beginning it. shar, i would be willing to pass on my info to you through [shar_from_babble at yahoo] ~did i get that right?
i like the idea of an option available for private email data to be given somewhere here... (ooops, maybe it already is?)
One thing: as someone who really likes the opportunity for protected anonymity here, too, do you think we might also be able to state our preferences for use of our email info? For example, perhaps an small set of questions provided that might suggest preferences like, "if i suddenly disappear, after X days...." or even just a few suggestions available to invite personal perameters for our info or email use?This would feel comfortable for me, anyway.
With great compassion and caring,
from someone with perhaps great shyness,
Escher
Posted by fayeroe on May 3, 2004, at 7:11:32
In reply to Re: How do we keep track of people here? » tinydancer, posted by chemist on May 3, 2004, at 2:20:15
>
> chemist here...how about exchange of email addresses with condition that real name not be disclosed? all the best, chemistChemist, as long as everyone is on "the up and up", your suggestion would be okay. But I'm sure several of the babblers remember a certain person who this time last year posted some "scary untruths" and when people, myself included, responded to this person by giving our e.mail address, we suddenly became the target of the most vicious mail ever!! This was definitely beyond the pale, but what transpired during that person's "run" on the board was horrible. Another babbler started a new board up and suddenly there were two venues to use for the venom. Easter day and Mother's day, I'll never forget. AND yes, a lot of us blocked this person but not soon enough. Now there was a plus side to this. 5 of us became very, very close and four of us e.mail and phone each other often. To make a long story short, I favor something through Babble.
Posted by NikkiT2 on May 3, 2004, at 7:45:35
In reply to Re: Babblemail?, posted by Escher Dementian on May 3, 2004, at 6:52:08
Just a quick note..
The reason people don't put their email address in its correct format is that "web bots" scan the pages of web sites (including this one) and can pick up the email addresses and then start spamming them.. tis why we write email addresses out long hand (eg, nikki dot t at whereever dot com)..
Just for future info!
Nikki x
Posted by Escher Dementian on May 3, 2004, at 8:39:30
In reply to Re: Babblemail? » Escher Dementian, posted by NikkiT2 on May 3, 2004, at 7:45:35
Oh!
(gosh, i'm sorry, shar~~ i didn't realize)Thanks for the heads up, Nikki...
*blush*
Posted by Scott in Vermont on May 3, 2004, at 10:12:05
In reply to How do we keep track of people here?, posted by judy1 on May 2, 2004, at 13:30:55
Here's an idea from my kid's school.
There is a "phone tree". A call goes out to the primary, and the primary contacts their secondaries. The secondaries then call all the people on their list.
My idea is that people pick other people here that they trust, and those people steward that information. So if someone comes up missing for a while, someone can say "Hey, has anyone seen so-and so?" and the person who stewards "so-and-so's" info would email them, or call, or whatever the arrangement is. That way, everyone is dealing with people they trust, and we all know who has who's information, it's between us and not part of the board or part of any Intenet-accessable list.
From what I have observed here so far, there are some "old" Babblers (meaning they have been around for some time) and people tend to trust their opinions and trust their intent. In the true spirit of community, I think we can look to our own to take care of our own. Feedback on this idea, please. It won't be simple to start up, but once it is up and active, it could be very effective and still maintain a level of "security" for people who feel uncomfortable about such things.
Posted by judy1 on May 3, 2004, at 11:15:48
In reply to Babblemail? » judy1, posted by shar on May 2, 2004, at 14:50:03
shar,
did it work? I posted Dr. Bob on admin to ask if he had any suggestions.
take care, judy
Posted by judy1 on May 3, 2004, at 11:17:29
In reply to Re: How do we keep track of people here?, posted by Scott in Vermont on May 3, 2004, at 10:12:05
my son's school has something similar, I think that's a good suggestion. thank you for providing it- judy
Posted by judy1 on May 3, 2004, at 11:25:25
In reply to How do we keep track of people here?, posted by judy1 on May 2, 2004, at 13:30:55
about privacy, being burned if we provide our addys, etc. I basically copied shar's address, judy_from_babble, but rarely check my mail there. I also think that if most of us are really depressed we wouldn't have the energy to write here, so thank you Nikki for making sure you are covered by your husband (although I pray nothing happens to you). I posted on admin to ask if Dr. Bob had any ideas, but he would probably be concerned about privacy.
anyway- thank you all so much for your suggestions. and especially thank you for posting if you are taking a break for any reason- it's very reassuring to me.
take care, judy
Posted by chemist on May 3, 2004, at 13:26:58
In reply to Re: How do we keep track of people here? » chemist, posted by fayeroe on May 3, 2004, at 7:11:32
> >
> > chemist here...how about exchange of email addresses with condition that real name not be disclosed? all the best, chemist
>
> Chemist, as long as everyone is on "the up and up", your suggestion would be okay. But I'm sure several of the babblers remember a certain person who this time last year posted some "scary untruths" and when people, myself included, responded to this person by giving our e.mail address, we suddenly became the target of the most vicious mail ever!! This was definitely beyond the pale, but what transpired during that person's "run" on the board was horrible. Another babbler started a new board up and suddenly there were two venues to use for the venom. Easter day and Mother's day, I'll never forget. AND yes, a lot of us blocked this person but not soon enough. Now there was a plus side to this. 5 of us became very, very close and four of us e.mail and phone each other often. To make a long story short, I favor something through Babble.
>
wow! i realize there are some scary types out there - especially on the beloved internet - but assumed that nothing like what you describe was in the realm......all the best, chemist
Posted by justyourlaugh on May 3, 2004, at 15:16:46
In reply to Re: How do we keep track of people here? » fayeroe, posted by chemist on May 3, 2004, at 13:26:58
hi fay..
i realize that it was a horrible time,
however, as you said good did come of it.
i didnt want to bring it up, but even though it was vicious, i feel we did help her.
she needed help and was not gracious.
but we did help..
feel good about that.
jyl
Posted by fayeroe on May 3, 2004, at 15:21:40
In reply to Re: How do we keep track of people here?fay, posted by justyourlaugh on May 3, 2004, at 15:16:46
I don't have very good feelings about it. She definitely needed help but she hurt a lot of people and scared some. I do hope that she is doing well.
Posted by Dinah on May 3, 2004, at 16:46:11
In reply to Re: How do we keep track of people here?, posted by Scott in Vermont on May 3, 2004, at 10:12:05
To be completely honest (and to ease the concerns of those of you who might worry if I disappear) there is someone on the board, perhaps even a few somebodies, who can contact me through non-cyber routes if they try. I also gave my husband instructions to let someone know should something happen to me. I'm not sure he'd follow through though. He doesn't think much of online relationships.
Not that I'm planning for it to be necessary.
Posted by noa on May 3, 2004, at 18:58:57
In reply to How do we keep track of people here?, posted by judy1 on May 2, 2004, at 13:30:55
Judy, et. al.,
This is an excellent question to raise. I've been reading the posts and the various ideas and am just soaking them in. I don't know what I think yet. But just wanted you to know I'm thinking about it.
Posted by karen_kay on May 3, 2004, at 19:19:58
In reply to Re: How do we keep track of people here?, posted by Dinah on May 3, 2004, at 16:46:11
there is also one person here who can get ahold of me through noninternet access if something were to happen as well. i do think it is wonderful that we are concerned about eachother. it shows how very much we care about eachother and are connected. how very wonderful that we are able to form relationships through babble. it really is great. ok, enough of my sappy crap. but, i do think it's really great we are so very concerned about eachother.
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