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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by CareBear04 on April 16, 2004, at 15:14:01
hi everyone,
i don't know if i'm posting in the right place because this is sort of med-related, but the heart of the issue is about a relationship, so i figured this was the place. this might be a little long, but please read.i've been seeing this guy, and i really like him. the problem is that he coincidentally happens to be the close friend of one of my best guy friends. over the past year and a half, i had a lot of problems. i made two serious suicide attempts and was hospitalized twice and had to take two semesters off from school before i was correctly diagnosed as bipolar and we found the right meds. during this time, my friend was really there for me. he sometimes even visited me twice a day in the hospital. i didn't realize how upset i'd made him until he told me recently that during this time, he'd talked about me with one of his friends, who just happens to be the person i'm seeing. my friend says that he didn't use my name when talking about me, but he thinks there's about an 85% chance that the guy has made the connection that i was the friend with all the problems. he hasn't said anything to me, and since i'm now very stable, i didn't see the point of bringing up the subject of my mental health.
everything has been great so far in the few weeks i've been seeing this guy. the other night, though, i did something really stupid, and i'm afraid it might be a relationship-ender. my dr. has prescribed all sorts of sleeping meds for me, but what works best is ambien. i'm not supposed to take it anymore because it sometimes causes me to hallucinate. the other night, i couldn't fall asleep and i wanted to get up early the next day, so i took ambien, anyway. right after i took it, this guy called. i stupidly picked up and managed to carry on a normal conversation for about five minutes before i started slipping into this really vivid hallucination. he says that i got really silent and then started talking about my curtains being people and other really strange things. i think i told him that i wasn't supposed to take ambien, but that i did, anyway. he was really disturbed by all this, as anyone probably would be.
i guess we were supposed to go out tonight, but he cancelled on me. he's a doctor, a surgical intern, and he said he has to be at the hospital until late. i don't know whether he just doesn't want to see me. one possibility is that he thinks i have a substance abuse problem. even worse, he could know everything about my psychiatric history and just not have said anything. he might conclude that, while i seemed fine, this ambien incident proves that i'm really still unstable and a liability. as a doctor, i think he's actually more freaked out, not less, by what he knows about psychiatric illnesses. in a professional role, he might be understanding of his patients who have them, but in a personal capacity, i don't think he wants to date someone not "normal."
he said he would call tonight. does anyone have any suggestions for what i should say? i really really like him, and i just want him to give me another chance. i'm afraid he's going to cut me off now in order to prevent himself from getting even more attached to someone he thinks might do something to hurt him. what can i say-- without saying too much and scaring him off-- to assure him that i'm stable and under professional care?
thanks for reading. please, if anyone has advice, let me know!!
cb
Posted by Wildflower on April 16, 2004, at 15:27:48
In reply to a bad situation-- please advise!!!, posted by CareBear04 on April 16, 2004, at 15:14:01
Almost all of us have a part of the past that we would like to remain secret. My opinion is that if you're stable now, there's no point in bringing it up until you feel more comfortable with the guy.
Since he's an intern, he probably is really busy. I'd wait and see if he calls before you jump to any conclusions. As for telling him about the Ambien, that's up to you. I'm not sure how bad the conversation got that night but he should understand. You may want to ask your mutual friend for advice if you haven't already done so.
Hang in there and keep us posted! (I know that's the most dreaded phrase but that's all you can do right now.)
Posted by Tootercat on April 16, 2004, at 16:05:10
In reply to a bad situation-- please advise!!!, posted by CareBear04 on April 16, 2004, at 15:14:01
CB,
How long have you been "seeing" your friend? If you think there is any depth to your relationship you may want to talk to him about what happened. Secrets usually have a way of biting us in the butt. If he cares for you your being bipolar is not going to scare him away and it would actually explain your phone incident a lot more comfortably than him "thinking" you're a druggie.
If he can't "handle" that you have a medical condition then in my opinion he isn't worth investing in. Bipolar isn't something that is going to "go away" and you don't need to have to be "on guard" for the duration of your relationship. Sometimes it is a blessing to have these things happen.Hugs,
Toots
Posted by fayeroe on April 16, 2004, at 21:07:47
In reply to Don't borrow trouble that hasn't happened.... » CareBear04, posted by Tootercat on April 16, 2004, at 16:05:10
I agree with everything that Tootercat says........
Posted by CareBear04 on April 17, 2004, at 9:32:58
In reply to Re: Don't borrow trouble that hasn't happened.... ?Tootercat, posted by fayeroe on April 16, 2004, at 21:07:47
thanks everyone for your responses. i met yesterday with one of my best friends who echoed what tootercat wrote-- that this was really a good opportunity to talk about something that is important. she reminded me that i'm stable and in control and i should show him that i'm comfortable with myself by being willing to talk about it. it was still really hard. i went over to his apt, and we talked about other stuff for a few hours before he asked me what i'd wanted to talk to him about. it was a really awkward conversation that neither of us really wanted to be having. it turns out that he did know about my psychiatric past. he doesn't remember the details, but he had discerned that i am the person that he heard about. he said it doesn't matter... that it's in the past now. he wanted me to know that whatever happens between us won't be because of my being bipolar. he said that we all have about us that we wish we could change. he asked me what happens if i don't take my medications, and he asked me what meds i'm on. he said all the right things, but it was an uncomfortable conversation with little eye contact, and i felt like he was just saying what he felt like he should. then he seemed to change. i was sitting at his table, and he was on the couch, and he got up and put his arms around me and reminded me that this doesn't define who i am and told me not to let anyone make me feel bad for any of this. i guess things went well overall. i'm really glad the worst is over with. thanks again for all your advice! cb
Posted by poppi on April 18, 2004, at 1:19:53
In reply to a bad situation-- please advise!!!, posted by CareBear04 on April 16, 2004, at 15:14:01
Sorry folks but you have been had. Too much info to start with and none of any relevance in the end!
Posted by deirdrehbrt on April 18, 2004, at 2:25:15
In reply to Re: a bad situation-- please advise!!!, posted by poppi on April 18, 2004, at 1:19:53
Carebear,
I think you did fantastically! Not only did you deal with a very important subject early, but it seems you have an ally now. He is someonw who can watch out for you, and maybe let you know when things are getting strange.
I hope that the meds keep your Bipolar Disorder under control, but sometimes it takes a while to find the right combination. As you know, sometimes there can be nice long spells between the mania and the depression.
I hope that you can get rid of the Ambien. Maybe you can work with the others and find out things like how long it takes to go to sleep, etc. and then you can plan your evenings better.
Anyway, that was fabulous work, and I'm really proud of you.
Dee.
Posted by deirdrehbrt on April 18, 2004, at 2:28:02
In reply to Re: a bad situation-- please advise!!!, posted by poppi on April 18, 2004, at 1:19:53
Poppi,
Was that meant as humor, I truly hope so.
Dee.
Posted by fayeroe on April 18, 2004, at 7:53:13
In reply to Re: a bad situation-- please advise!!!, posted by poppi on April 18, 2004, at 1:19:53
> Sorry folks but you have been had. Too much info to start with and none of any relevance in the end!
I'm curious. What do you mean "you have been had." Are you saying that the Carebear posts weren't truthful?
This is the end of the thread.
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