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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by gardenergirl on April 15, 2004, at 22:35:16
Hey all,
I know I've posted about my office drama recently. It's simmered down a bit, although most of us are getting the silent treatment or random grunts in response to our saying hi or bye. (Personally think this is rather childish, but I'd rather have this than in my face all of the time.) But I've recently been talking with the director, who is my boss and my dissertation chair (perhaps unfortunately) about what has been going on. He has the mistaken idea that I took the drama outside of our office into the GA's office, who are my responsibility. Now I agree with him, if I did that, that would be a big mistake on my part. The thing is, I didn't do it. They found out inadvertently because one of the people involved made a phone call to a faculty person about this while in their office. (She couldn't use our office because the person involved was there.) It's pretty hard for the GA's to ignore the story they overheard from a sobbing advanced student. And it's a small office, afterall.I am quite comfortable in my knowledge that I did not disclose to them what was going on. Still he blames me. I admit I asked them early on if they knew of what was going on and if so, was if affecting them? If it was, it's my responsiblity to protect them from this and to address it with the director and/or intervene as their boss. I was quite clear, when it became obvious that they did not know, that I would not discuss it further and that they should take pains to stay out of it. Perhaps that piqued their curiousity, but I did not tell them anything about what was going on. Just that there was conflict downstairs.
My boss thinks that my "conscious motivation" was to protect them and to check out if they were affected. He asked me what I thought my "unconscious motivation" was in mentioning it at all. Earlier in the conversation he also asked me what I thought was being triggered in me, unconsciously, to explain the intensity of my response to this woman. This converstation took place within a conversation when I told him that the three of us who were hurt by the other individual were looking for help and for him to act as the director, not as a therapist. We needed direction on what to do, not necessarily his conceptualization of what was going on. Understanding is great, but that did not tell us what we should or should not be doing in response. We all feel like his marionnettes. I know this was probably hard for him to hear, but I really believe he needed to know that he could have stopped all of this cold if he had stepped in as director and called us on the carpet and told us to behave. And that we felt used and set up by him and the rest of the faculty. We did not apprciate it.
Needless to say, he seemed really angry. It was after this that he asked me about my unconscious motivations. Whether he was angry with me or not, I think this was a boundary crossing if not a violation. The content of my unconscious and my own pathology is none of his business. The fact that he asked about it suggests that he has been analyzing it himself and has a hypothesis. I say, "stay the h*ll out of my head!" "That is between me and my T, thank you very much, and we are doing quite nicely in the exploration, without your 2 cent analysis." Now of course I really didn't say this, I just sat there fuming. We ran out of time in the meeting, and clearly were both pissed when we came out of the office. His secretary swore she could see smoke coming out from under the door. :)
I think I hit a nerve with him, as he had said in a prior conversation that he was mad at himself for not containing it in the basement himself sooner. (Duh! Go with that feeling!)
Whether that led him to hit back by asking about my unconscious motivations and role in the situation, or whether he would have asked that anyway, does this seem like a boundary issue to y'all? Am I overreacting? I wanted to march back in there and tell him that my unconcious was between me and my T (who he is somewhat competitive with as my T is the director of the competing clinic on campus). Fortunately I stopped myself. But I am so angry with him. Was he wrong? Am I wrong?
Help! I think if he were a CBT therapist he would have just told us what to do, and we would all have lived happily ever after, or at least know we tried what the boss said. Instead, I get a homework assignment (read this article) and I get a free analysis. Lucky me!
Any thoughts or suggestions are welcomed.
gg
Posted by Speaker on April 16, 2004, at 8:41:01
In reply to Boss who is also a psychoanalyst (kinda long), posted by gardenergirl on April 15, 2004, at 22:35:16
Wow! What a twisted scenerio. It does sound like at bit less analysis and a little more action. Your boss needs to be a boss and get the situation under control...no matter who said what to whom. Sorry this stuff is so frustrating!!!
Posted by fallsfall on April 16, 2004, at 11:03:53
In reply to Boss who is also a psychoanalyst (kinda long), posted by gardenergirl on April 15, 2004, at 22:35:16
GG -
Sounds like a complicated situation. I don't have enough brain cells awake yet to respond, but I wanted you to know that I'm listening and I'll try to have something brilliant/comforting to say soon.
Hang in there!
Falls
Posted by All Done on April 16, 2004, at 17:31:38
In reply to Boss who is also a psychoanalyst (kinda long), posted by gardenergirl on April 15, 2004, at 22:35:16
(((gg))),
I'm not sure I have any advice for you. I just wish your boss would start acting like a boss instead of an analyst. If he's going to accept that kind of position, he needs to know when to step into each role and it's frustrating that he doesn't seem to know how or when to do that.
Well, I seem to be extolling the power of the weekend to everyone around me. Hopefully, you don't have to work this weekend, so can you take a breather from the drama and maybe Monday look at it from a fresh perspective? Hopefully, your boss will do the same.
Sorry about all this office cr*p. I know it can be so terribly frustrating. Deep breaths.
Take care,
All Done
Posted by gardenergirl on April 18, 2004, at 13:15:24
In reply to Re: Boss who is also a psychoanalyst (kinda long) » gardenergirl, posted by All Done on April 16, 2004, at 17:31:38
Thanks speaker, falls, and alldone. I have a plan for tomorrow that involves me admitting what my behavior (crying in his office) may have contributed to a blurring of roles. I think I'll stay away from the words "boundary crossing" or "violation." But I think this will give him the opportunity to say something similar if he wishes. If not, I'm pushing the mental "role reset" button and we'll see what happens.
Thanks for your support and thoughts. I'll let you know how it goes. I was planning to call my T before I see my boss tomorrow a.m., but one of my friends from the office drove with me to a conference yesterday, and we talked the whole thing out and came up with this approach. It's nice to have so many stand-ins to talk to, when I just need to bounce something off of people rather than be analyzed.
Thanks again.
gg
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