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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Fallen Angel on March 21, 2004, at 17:54:38
How can I get rid of it? I hate it!
I've been dating this guy now for 5days.
I've seen him a couple of times before and I always liked him a lot. He's pretty,smart,cute,basicly the perfect boyfriend.
And the first time I saw him I knew he was THE guy for me. Now am dating him and I feel so insecure!!! Its so stupid cause 3days ago I really was in love with him,but know am affraid to commit myself. I don't know why!! I just know I want to be with him but I can't. And it really is tearing me apart!! please,whay can I do about this?? thank you
Posted by pegasus on March 21, 2004, at 19:07:05
In reply to commitment problems, posted by Fallen Angel on March 21, 2004, at 17:54:38
Hi Fallen Angel. I'd like to help you, but dealing with a long time commitment problem is probably not something that you are going to solve with whatever advice we are able to give you here. Which is not to say that you shouldn't ask for advice. A lot of people here have had similar problems. And I certainly wish you good luck. It's just that the usual way to overcome these things is through therapy, which gives you the time to explore all of the complicated reasons why you, individually, are having committment problems. You might want to seriously consider looking into therapy if you don't already have a therapist.
- p
Posted by Dinah on March 21, 2004, at 20:12:22
In reply to commitment problems, posted by Fallen Angel on March 21, 2004, at 17:54:38
I think it would be way more scary if you *were* ready for a commitment after five days. That would be pretty unrealistic and likely to scare him big time.
Why don't you just relax and enjoy getting to know one another? Then after five months, or even five weeks, you can start wondering if this is someone you could one day think of committing yourself to.
Posted by Fallen Angel on March 22, 2004, at 10:57:46
In reply to Re: commitment problems, posted by pegasus on March 21, 2004, at 19:07:05
Hey,thank you for responding.
I think you both are right. I have to take it easy and enjoy the ride but I also have to talk to my therapist. Dinah,it isn't that I want to marry him or anything.
Its just when he calls and ask if I could meet him,I always want to find an excuse so I don't have to go.I did that to my first boyfriend.I do that cause am scared!luckily I have'nt done it with this guy. I almost did it today,but I found the strength to go. I am afraid to let him in.
Do you think that telling him would help? I want to tell him. Is that a good idea?
Again thank you for responding.
xxx
Posted by Bubbaleh on March 23, 2004, at 13:33:52
In reply to Re: commitment problems, dinah and pegasus., posted by Fallen Angel on March 22, 2004, at 10:57:46
I wouldn't tell him until you know him better. You might scare him off, and then you'll never know if you can overcome your commitment trouble. Sometimes, if you wait about five dates before dropping bad news like commitmentphobia on your date, it gives him or her enough time to get to know you and not be scared off. The trouble with this plan is, if you have commitmentphobia, you might not be able to stick around for five dates!
By the way, I am just repeating what I read about revealing mental issues in general to possible partners.
Good luck!
This is the end of the thread.
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