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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by EtktRide on March 16, 2004, at 20:12:29
I am feeling totally alone in the world. My husband does not understand what I am going through. I am in such a rage for the past two days that I have been screaming at my kids. If I thought I could kill myself and my kids would get my life insurance, I would. I certainly am not any use to them. For the first time tonight, I took a razor to my leg, just to see if I even felt pain. I didn't. How is that even possible? If I tell my husband that I feel suicidal he tells me that it is the most selfish thing he has ever heard of. Maybe it is. My insurance turned down my claim to see my pdoc and I cannot afford my meds so I have been off them for two days. I am angry and pissed and ready to just quit. I am so tired of being unhappy mywhole life withonly intermittant happiness. I told my husband that he did not realize how hard it was to be me, and he said that I did not realize how hard it was to be him, married to me. See? more proof that I am of no value. and being human does not count as of value to this world. one is not valuable simply because one exists. it does not work like that. if i could diappear I would, but right now the only benefit is that my kids have someone to watch them during the day, but even that is tenuous when I am in a rage. And where tyhe hell are all the articles on how to prevent child abuse if you are the potential abiser. NO i have not abused my kids, but when i am raging i am so scared that i might. what the hell? do they think that people WANT to abuse their kids? or maybe you just crack for a moment, but then the moment is over and the damahge is done? What do you do then?it cannot be UNDONE. actually i am even more pathetic for not being able to simply quit be pathetic. it is pretty sad when an intelligent person cannot seemt o get it together. whatever...
Posted by octopusprime on March 16, 2004, at 20:44:55
In reply to Kids keep me alive (pathetic rant), posted by EtktRide on March 16, 2004, at 20:12:29
Hi.
I'm so sorry you're finding it difficult to get the help you need and have asked for. Please go to the hospital and tell them how you are feeling. Maybe an American can tell you what kind of hospital won't turn you away if you can't afford to pay.
You're worth it. You're worth being on the earth. You're not alone. I'm willing to listen to you rant and rave about how much it hurts. It will get better. One more hour, one more day at a time ...
Please find somebody to talk to in person that will help you sort through this.
Posted by fallsfall on March 16, 2004, at 20:48:22
In reply to Kids keep me alive (pathetic rant), posted by EtktRide on March 16, 2004, at 20:12:29
I do understand where you are, and it is not someplace that anyone wants to be.
Try calling your pdoc and telling him that the insurance won't pay for your visit and that you had to stop your meds. There are ways to get free meds (samples from the doctor, hospitals have programs, drug manufacturers have programs). Stopping meds, in itself can be crazy-making.
Please call your pdoc and see if he can help.
You can also try arguing with your insurance company (or better yet, get your pdoc to argue with them).
Good luck
P.S. "time-outs" are as much for the parent as they are for the child...
Posted by mair on March 16, 2004, at 21:46:39
In reply to Re: Kids keep me alive (pathetic rant) » EtktRide, posted by fallsfall on March 16, 2004, at 20:48:22
I agree with everything fallsfall said - you need to get someone on your side. The pdoc should know about you quitting your meds and maybe he/she can advocate with the insurance company.
I've always worried about the impact of my moods on my kids, particularly when they were younger, and I was not being treated. But both my therapist and my husband thought I worried too much. My guess is that you are the center of your kids' universe in far more positive ways than you give yourself credit for. How old are they? Any chance of getting a babysitter for part of the day to give yourself a break?
Mair
Posted by justyourlaugh on March 16, 2004, at 22:33:41
In reply to Re: Kids keep me alive (pathetic rant), posted by octopusprime on March 16, 2004, at 20:44:55
i agree with above posts..
you need some support now!
i was told by a friend who had a mother that struggled daily with her life and kids..
he told me he would so much rather have her "there" than not..
please trust the love the kids have for you..
you are so important to them...
..
never stop meds especially ad,s cold turkey..
see a doctor !
call a crisis line!
please..
you are in my prayers
j
Posted by All Done on March 16, 2004, at 22:45:08
In reply to Kids keep me alive (pathetic rant), posted by EtktRide on March 16, 2004, at 20:12:29
EtktRide,
I'm with everyone else - try to find someone who can be with you in person. But, I would like to add, if that fails, we are here for you, too. Keep posting if you have to. I've found there are a lot of good people here who can give you great advice and hold your hand through the tough times.
I truly believe the first step to being a good mother is making sure you take care of yourself first. And know that your kids love you more than anyone in the world.
Take care,
All Done
This is the end of the thread.
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