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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Stryker88 on March 15, 2004, at 2:40:19
recently this cute shy girl started working at my job, at a janitorial company, she is just my type, non materialistic, down to earth and nice. She is from Bulgaria and I have a serious crush on her almost to the point of being obsessed. HERE IS THE PROBLEM SHE IS MARRIED FOR 5 YEARS. I am an attractive guy, good physique etc, but I have never been in a serious relationship, in fact I have only had sex twice, and I am 27 years old. I know that sounds strange to you and just imagine how it feels to me. This is not about sex, I just think she is sooo cute and sweet, and it really is making me depressed to know that I can never be with here because she is with some other guy. I FEEL SOO ALONE AND ISOLATED FROM EVERYONE IN THE WORLD, and I am beginning to wonder if I will ever meet a girl like here that is actually single.
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on March 15, 2004, at 10:02:07
In reply to Please Help, I need advice, I am very down, ******, posted by Stryker88 on March 15, 2004, at 2:40:19
Stryker, Believe me, I have been in your shoes. And as cliche as this sounds, the minute you stop looking for someone, he/she shows up out of nowhere and completely unexpected.
It's cold comfort I know, but trust me, it always happens this way. Hang in there!
Posted by kid47 on March 15, 2004, at 10:28:14
In reply to Please Help, I need advice, I am very down, ******, posted by Stryker88 on March 15, 2004, at 2:40:19
I'm sorry but I don't have a lick of advice. But I gotta tell you. I can sure relate and empathize with your situation. Good luck!
kid
Posted by Sebastian on March 16, 2004, at 22:19:32
In reply to Please Help, I need advice, I am very down, ******, posted by Stryker88 on March 15, 2004, at 2:40:19
I will say one thing. Don't tell her you are interested. Big problems. She might quit. You will feel very weird. Rejected. On the other hand you might ruin a 5 year marrage. I would let her do all the work, if she does any. Thats the safest thing to do.
Posted by Forest Gump on March 17, 2004, at 9:05:14
In reply to Please Help, I need advice, I am very down, ******, posted by Stryker88 on March 15, 2004, at 2:40:19
Sounds like you need to go for it. However, she is married but hey go for it and see what happens. Sounds as though you might want to focus on someone not married that could be a bit messy for everyone.
Posted by Bubbaleh on March 17, 2004, at 20:01:46
In reply to Re: Please Help, I need advice, I am very down, ******, posted by Sebastian on March 16, 2004, at 22:19:32
Maybe I am old-fashioned, but it seems to me that everyone gets hurt in extra-marital relationships. Everyone loses their self-respect, especially if the involved people have any sense of morality (which I hope you do, Stryker).
If you have a therapist, you might want to discuss with him or her why you are so attracted to someone who is married.
Posted by TexasChic on March 18, 2004, at 11:01:51
In reply to Please Help, I need advice, I am very down, ******, posted by Stryker88 on March 15, 2004, at 2:40:19
Dude, I hear you. Sometime it seems impossible to find someone. The only consolation I have is that alot of people settle because they're afraid of being alone. So I know I'm one of the people who is not willing to do that, even though its hard. It sure is taking a long time for it to pay off though! :-)
In my opinion, which of course you can take it or leave it, is that the married chic is a bad idea. Not only could she have some huge killer husband, but there is the possibility of her calling it sexual harassment. They are really coming down on that stuff, so be careful.
Also, you might ask yourself if she is really all that or if it just seems that way because you can't have her. Its alot safer to want someone you can't have, because you are free of responsibility. I know I've done that alot in the past. That might not be your situation, but I thought I would just throw it in.
Hang in there!
Posted by greywolf on March 18, 2004, at 18:18:58
In reply to Re: Please Help, I need advice, I am very down, ******, posted by Forest Gump on March 17, 2004, at 9:05:14
Do not "go for it." Be respectful of her marital relationship. You will want others to show you the same consideration someday.
Posted by emmaley on March 18, 2004, at 19:58:22
In reply to Please Help, I need advice, I am very down, ******, posted by Stryker88 on March 15, 2004, at 2:40:19
Aaarrrrrrrrgggggghhhh, my first post disappeared.
Anyhow, I want to let you know that I was touched to read your post. I found it brave that you were willing to let yourself be this vulnerable in a post. Thank you for that.
Also, I am wondering if it's really about the girl? I know that attraction is a powerful thing, and you seem to genuinely enjoy this girl's presence. However, you also put in caps that you feel alone and isolated from everyone in this world......
First, I want to say that I am so sorry that you feel that way. I imagine that it feel painful to feel that alone. (All the more glad that you posted here.)
Second, I am wondering what would happen if we stop focusing on what the eyes can see (the girl and your attraction towards her) and instead fosuing on what the eyes can't see (your inner world) for a while? It just sounds like a part of you really longs for certain interpersonal relationships to fulfill your certain needs, like we all do. I wonder if you are getting enough of your inner needs filled? Such as feeling connected to your community, friends, and family? Or loving yourself the way you deserve? Just food for thought.
Do you have a therapist? I hope you do, since I am a firm believer in good therapy, and it seems like such a ripe and good opportunity for you to do some inner work.
Take gentle care,
Posted by kid47 on March 19, 2004, at 8:47:20
In reply to Re: Please Help, I need advice, I am very down, **, posted by emmaley on March 18, 2004, at 19:58:22
Very thoughtful response. You are one smart cookie!!
kid
Posted by Bubbaleh on March 22, 2004, at 19:47:19
In reply to Re: Please Help, I need advice, I am very down, **, posted by emmaley on March 18, 2004, at 19:58:22
Emmaley, are you a therapist in disguise? Maybe a therapist who has a reason to post on Dr. Bob's board?
Posted by emmaley on March 24, 2004, at 0:23:16
In reply to Re: Please Help, I need advice, I am very down, ** » emmaley, posted by Bubbaleh on March 22, 2004, at 19:47:19
Wow, one of my tiny fears coming true.......I really do talk like a therapist huh? I am not a licensed therapist; in other words, not a full-fledged healer yet. I am more like an apprentice healer....since I am in an MFT program. I have shared this on the psychology board.....and how keen your observation is to remind me to do the same here!
I suppose I am trying to take care of myself by separating my professional life from my personal. I consider Babble personal, so I don't necessarily share that I am in training to become a therapist right now, because I wish to be seen for the person that I am rather than the persona that I take on, although they do overlap. After all, they don't call therapists "wounded healers" for nothing. Human beings, after all, are human beings........ :) :) :)
Sometimes my friends call me a psych nerd in very loving and teasing manners as well. I suppose there is an element of truth of what they say.......yikes.
Hope you are doing well.
This is the end of the thread.
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