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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 29. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Karen_kay on January 30, 2004, at 20:54:02
So, I don't normally do this but my boyfriend just wailed at me! And I can't help but laugh at how ridiculous this is but he's irritated at me because he fell asleep and he hates taking naps. So, somehow it's my fault that he fell asleep and took a nap? Then, he awoke irritated because he fell asleep and was even more irritated because he was cold. Then, he was even more irritated because he was also hungry. Well, I just happened to walk into the situation and ask, "Why are you irritated?" and he started in on me, blaming me because he was cold, hungry and because he fell asleep. Oh, yeah and I just know how much he hates taking naps late at night.... I told him to eat something, turn the heat up and go back to bed, and now he's even more irritated. I'm glad :) I've done my job for the day... Now he's kissing my rear because he feels bad for running me off with his grumpy attitude. So, where is that proposal I've been waiting for? For crying out loud, I can't put up with this crap for ever... Watching out for sleep cycles, hunger and the weather is driving me batty I tell you!!!
Posted by deirdrehbrt on January 30, 2004, at 21:13:15
In reply to Now I'm irritated!, posted by Karen_kay on January 30, 2004, at 20:54:02
I think that sometimes when men get comfortable with someone that they tend to vent on them. You can catch their pent-up wrath for the tiniest infraction of their rules, wants, wishes, etc.
I don't think that it means that He doesn't love you, it's just that he's very comfortable, and doesn't get effective feedback for bad behavior.
Maybe you could point it out to him at a non-threatening time, maybe somehow you could let him know what you go throug when he's behaving like that.
I was married, before I got into therapy, to someone like that. It's hard when you don't want to talk about something important just because you are afraid of upsetting them. It's hard to get yelled at because "You know I don't like that" and you don't remember cooking it ever before.
I can't speak from experience on how to change that behavior, but learning about myself, I at least know my boundaries; I know that I don't deserve the bad behavior, and if someone wants to be with me, they have to leave that behind. 14 years was plenty for me, and I don't want it again.
Dee.
Posted by DaisyM on January 30, 2004, at 21:48:52
In reply to Re: Now I'm irritated! » Karen_kay, posted by deirdrehbrt on January 30, 2004, at 21:13:15
Sick men are the worst...I have lots of experience.
You *could* torture him...get sexy when you know he isn't up to it or interested. (Yeah, I have a mean streak!)
Or, make yourself really comfortable in another room and don't invite him.
Sounds like he needs a time out and you could use some extra TLC. Hope it gets better. Try hot chocolate with pep snaps.
Posted by 64Bowtie on January 31, 2004, at 0:50:40
In reply to Now I'm irritated!, posted by Karen_kay on January 30, 2004, at 20:54:02
Good for you, gal. I feel so proud of you and how you're handling "him". I hear this "bad habit" showing up alot.
I hope I don't sound like a broken record. See how the "dissatisfaction reflex" rears its ugly head in adulthood? Invariably, revisiting this natural condition of infancy, causes nothing but trouble for adults. The viscera (the gut) is in charge of the brain just long enough to make alot of trouble.
I, however, do advise you not to relate that "he" is acting like an infant. May cause toooo much hassle. I hear you seeing past your own tendancy to react "dissatisfied" with "his" behavior. You remained in the "here-and-now" allowing you to consider your options.
Congrats, Rod
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 31, 2004, at 10:04:16
In reply to Now I'm irritated!, posted by Karen_kay on January 30, 2004, at 20:54:02
Karen, if I were a guy I'd be your perfect boyfriend - notice when you got your hair cut, compliment your cleavage, buy you more boots and patent leather shoes (why do I assume you like those? Did you mention it or am I imagining?), take naps and not get angry at you when I woke up, cook you dinner, and wear pants that covered my butt (well, I think I would actually wear a kilt non-stop, nothing sexier);)
Posted by Karen_kay on January 31, 2004, at 11:50:03
In reply to If I were your boyfriend.., posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 31, 2004, at 10:04:16
Ahhhh.. Miss Honey... Are you hitting on me?? If I were your husband (or Bean, whichever you prefer) I'd thank you for the card and staple it to my forehead, that way I could read it all the time. If I were your husband I would take you to the most romantic places in the world, spare no expense, as you are the most beautiful person in the world and deserve to be surrounded by the most beautiful and exotic places as well, so your beauty can be enhanced. If I were your husband, we would never fight and I would listen to you talk about Bean until you were blue in the face. And then I would ask another question about Bean. If I were your husband, I would bring you breakfast in bed, because you are starting to get a bit too thin. If I were your husband, I would buy you diamonds and rubies (oh, I love rubies too!) as it brings out the auburn in your lovely hair. If I were our husband, I would paint your fingernails and toenails, so they could match. And that way I could spend some extra time with you. Also, you could eat bon bons and watch TV. If I were your husband, I would thank you for your support.... Miss Honey, will you divorce your husband and marry me??? :)
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 31, 2004, at 17:18:27
In reply to Re: If I were your boyfriend.. » Miss Honeychurch, posted by Karen_kay on January 31, 2004, at 11:50:03
Ah, all of that is well and good, but how are you in bed??? That's the deciding factor!
Posted by Karen_kay on January 31, 2004, at 17:42:27
In reply to Re: If I were your boyfriend.. » Karen_kay, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 31, 2004, at 17:18:27
Well, Miss Honey, since you asked.... If you want me to be COMPELTELY honest... It depends whether or not I have an emotional attachment to the person or not. With my boyfriend, for the first few years, it was great. Now that I actually know him (maybe it's just because I don't like him??) it's not so good. But, with strangers, well..That's a different story. But, I think we can work something out cutie pie! Maybe if we just didn't talk???
BTW, are you hitting on me? I think I'm receiving mixed messages here... :)
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on February 1, 2004, at 11:39:39
In reply to Re: If I were your boyfriend.. » Miss Honeychurch, posted by Karen_kay on January 31, 2004, at 17:42:27
I am indeed flirting with you! I like to flirt with both sexes, although girls often times seem less comfortable with it. I just don't get the big deal. Isn't it fun to flirt? So many women though think you're a lesbian if you do flirt or start getting paranoid about their own sexuality.
I'm a heterosexual, but flirting is so much fun! I love it when anyone flirts with me, from the cashier at 7-11 to Bean (well, OK, I WISH on that one. I don't think he has ever flirted with me, much as I coax him to!) My wish is for women to loosen up a little and enjoy their sexuality. I know there are a lot of factors which contribute to somewhat repressed sexuality, I just wish it weren't so.
And sometimes you can get really outrageous when flirting with girls because you know it won't lead anywhere. Just innocent fun. It can get really funny. However, these instances are few and far between because of the aforementioned reasons. sigh...
So I stick with flirting with my husband and waiters and the occasional telemarketer.
Posted by Karen_kay on February 1, 2004, at 12:42:33
In reply to Re: If I were your boyfriend.., posted by Miss Honeychurch on February 1, 2004, at 11:39:39
I flirt with everyone!!! I love to flirt with old men! And they always wink! I love the wink! ;) And girls too! I was at a wedding once and I kept flirting with the waitress who was bringing drinks. She came up to me and said, "I couldn't help but notice you were making eyes at me." I just said, "Indeed I was." I was so drunk that night! I always pet coats too. I was at a restraunt one night and stopped a girl and asked to pet her coat and she said, "Honey you can pet anything you want." I asked my boyfiend if she was hitting on me and he agreed she was.
I always flirt with Bubba and he flirts back. I love that. He always tells me there's no harm in flirting. I just have a problem with going the next step. But, since I've been on my meds, I've been fine. I once started flirting with a guy at a coffee shop and asked for his number and he sai he wasn't interested. So I said, "Well, I've been turned down by guys a lot more attractive than you are." I handle rejection pretty well, if you haven't noticed....So, are you coming my way soon, or do I have to make a special trip to your part of the woods sometime? I think that women like it when girls flirt, they just don't admit it. I'm completely flattered when anyone flirts with me, regardless of what they look like or who they are. I love it when I'm walking to class and a car stops in the middle of traffic to let me cross the street. And then they yell out the window, "Hey girlie, you look good." I don't care if it's a Porsche or a Garbage truck. I always wave and keep walking. I'd stop and talk if I had the time :)
I once got a cell phone bill for $250 and I tried to flirt my way out of it. The guy was so flattered (I have a radio voice, years of training) I kept saying, "Well Charlie, what can I do for you to get out of this mess I've created?" He kept saying, "Well hun, Iwish I could make it go away, but I can't delete it from my screen." I'm not one to get on the phone and create a fuss. I'm very nice and friendly about things like that and am very kind to telemarketers as well. I used to work at a telemarketing place and I know how much it sucks.
Oh, Miss Honey, you should call me sometime and we could flirt with eachother over the phone! Now, not phone sex or anything like that.. Just harmless flirting! It'd be great fun! I'm the greatest flirt.
I was making eyes with this older man from my car and my boyfriend rolled the window up on me... HE used to get so mad when I did that. He doesn't get so mad anymore. But, now he locks the windows. They're tinted so now people can't see me :(
Posted by leo33 on February 1, 2004, at 15:06:53
In reply to Re: If I were your boyfriend.. » Miss Honeychurch, posted by Karen_kay on February 1, 2004, at 12:42:33
It sounds like you are a d--- tease. Women love to mentally torture men and then when they fight back or lash out at them, women then say the guy is the bad one. Women have it so easy in this world, everything is handed to them if they want or they can get it for themselves. Often playing with sex as a weapon and then complain about being cat called or whistled at or worse being raped or beat. I wish that women would have to live as a man in this world for one year so they could see that it is worse on our side than yours. I would love to see a movement for men's rights and feelings as I am tired of the male bashing by overly superficial women who dream about money and diamonds rather than true affection and love. You have a better chance than men for buying yourself rubies and diamonds than a man has. There are more jobs available for women than men and from my generation the women make more money than men but women still look to the man to provide for them. Who provides for the men? Who buys us diamonds? Who asks us out on dates or to have sex? Who protects us and provides security for us? No one is the answer. Women in America are having their cake and eating too and still find a way to complain about it. Try living your life as a sex starved man and then you will have something to complain about.
Posted by Karen_kay on February 1, 2004, at 15:45:39
In reply to Re: If I were your boyfriend.., posted by leo33 on February 1, 2004, at 15:06:53
Woah Leo....
(You have to imagine that I'm talking to you in a very calm manner. I'm not upset in the least bit. And I'm holding your hand the whole time, ok?)
Where did that come from, hun?? I've never had anything handed to me. I work very hard for everything I have. My mother has never once helped me out in any way and my boyfriend doesn't just pay my bills for me, I assure you. (And I am not a d***tease)Now, personally (and I can only speak for myself) I have never complained about being cat-called or whistled at. In my previous post, I said I rather enjoyed it and would stop to talk if I had the time.
Also, I actually met my boyfriend by approaching him. I have no problem approaching men and asking for what I want, whatever that may be.
Furthermore, the first diamond I ever owned was bought by me. I don't expect my boyfriend to buy me diamonds. Just as I don't expect him to do anything for me. I can do things for myself. I buy my own clothes, pay my own bills, pay my own tuition, and buy my own medication. However, if I'm in a crunch, I ask my boyfriend to help me out. And he does the same. I expect that. I expect that he would ask for help if he needs if, just as I expect him to help me out when I need it.
I'm tempted to look up statistics on CEO's in America and find out exactly how many are men versus how many are women. Though I'm not certain, I'm tempted to say it is quite slanted in favor of the men. And I'm sure it isn't because men are smarter. I'm sure it's because of the glass ceiling.
Funny, my friend and I were having a discussion just yesterday. What if we awoke to find that we were men. I said it would be horrible. I couldn't flirt my way into a bar. I couldn't flirt to get what I want. I couldn't wear makeup and be girlie. My whole identity is based upon being flirty and girlie and I wouldn't change that for anything. But, I don't torture men. And I don't use sex as a weapon. I would much rather have true love and affection than any diamond that some man could give me. But, I don't see true love anywhere around. So, I'll continue in my "evil" ways until then. But, if you could be so kind as to point me in the right direction, I sure would appreciate it!
Posted by gabbix2 on February 1, 2004, at 16:24:15
In reply to Re: If I were your boyfriend.., posted by leo33 on February 1, 2004, at 15:06:53
Women have it so easy in this world, everything is handed to them if they want or they can get it for themselves.
In this *world?*
Genital mutilation? Forced Prostitution? Child Brides? Suttee (bride burning)
> Often playing with sex as a weapon and then complain about being cat called or whistled at or worse being raped or beat.People are not raped or beaten because they flirt.
If that's true quite a few little girls must have developed some sophisticated flirting skills before puberty.However even if what you stated was true I'll put it this way: Owning an expensive house does not excuse someone's breaking into it
> I wish that women would have to live as a man in this world for one year so they could see that it is worse on our side than yours.
If we need to live in your body to see things from your perspective then the same should hold true for you should it not?
> You have a better chance than men for buying yourself rubies and diamonds than a man has. There are more jobs available for women than men and from my generation the women make more money than men
Women still make 74 cents to every dollar a man makes, and on average only 10% of higher echelon positions corporations are held by women.
It's not easy.. for any of us.
Posted by Elle2021 on February 1, 2004, at 22:31:54
In reply to Re: If I were your boyfriend.., posted by leo33 on February 1, 2004, at 15:06:53
> Women love to mentally torture men
All of them? Isn't that a hasty generalization?
>Women have it so easy in this world, everything is handed to them if they want or they can get it for themselves.
What makes you believe that?
>Often playing with sex as a weapon and then complain about being cat called or whistled at or worse being raped or beat.
Complain about being raped or beaten? Hmm, seems like a good thing to complain about.
>I wish that women would have to live as a man in this world for one year so they could see that it is worse on our side than yours.
And you know it's worse being a man because you've also lived in the body of a woman? It would be really hard to assert the point your trying to make without having had the chance to live as both sexes.
>Try living your life as a sex starved man and then you will have something to complain about.
The way you talk about women makes me feel offended; it seems as if you have some issues regarding women.
Elle
Posted by Dinah on February 1, 2004, at 23:27:40
In reply to Re: If I were your boyfriend.., posted by leo33 on February 1, 2004, at 15:06:53
> It sounds like you are a d--- tease.
Dinah here, acting as deputy for Dr. Bob.
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Thanks,
Dinah
PS: Follow-ups regarding posting policies, and complaints about posts, should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration; otherwise, they may be deleted
Posted by kid47 on February 2, 2004, at 12:45:19
In reply to Re: If I were your boyfriend.., posted by leo33 on February 1, 2004, at 15:06:53
Posted by Karen_kay on February 2, 2004, at 14:07:38
In reply to Re: If I were your boyfriend.., posted by leo33 on February 1, 2004, at 15:06:53
Just one more thing to add hun... If you have that opinion of women, is it a wonder why you are a sex-starved man? Think about it....
Posted by gardenergirl on February 2, 2004, at 17:18:07
In reply to Re: If I were your boyfriend.. » leo33, posted by Karen_kay on February 2, 2004, at 14:07:38
Ooh, Ooh, that's what I wanted to say! Darn it. Ya beat me to it.
gg
Posted by shar on February 2, 2004, at 18:07:17
In reply to Re: If I were your boyfriend.., posted by leo33 on February 1, 2004, at 15:06:53
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 2, 2004, at 23:45:49
In reply to Re: If I were your boyfriend.. » leo33, posted by Karen_kay on February 2, 2004, at 14:07:38
> is it a wonder why you are a sex-starved man?
The idea is to be supportive here. Please be sensitive to the feelings of others -- even if yours are hurt -- and don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused or put down.
If you have any questions about this or comments about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways to express yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
or redirect a follow-up to Psycho-Babble Administration. Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Karen_kay on February 3, 2004, at 5:22:30
In reply to Re: please be civil » Karen_kay, posted by Dr. Bob on February 2, 2004, at 23:45:49
I really didn't think that would get me one, but if you think I deserve it, I must. Again I'm sorry. I'm striving towards perfection... :) (But I still hope we're friends of course!)
Posted by Jai Narayan on February 3, 2004, at 19:05:50
In reply to Darn it Dr. Bob :( » Dr. Bob, posted by Karen_kay on February 3, 2004, at 5:22:30
Hey my sweet Karen Kay, how are you doing? You know we love you and we are here for your support. I am sorry, this "please be civil" must feel awful but remember...you are a wonderful person. I know you are.
yours
Jai Narayan
Posted by Karen_kay on February 3, 2004, at 19:31:31
In reply to Re: Darn it Dr. Bob :(, posted by Jai Narayan on February 3, 2004, at 19:05:50
When is that darn full moon going away???? It's causing me ALL sorts of problems.... That PBC didn't sting that much really. It was the disappointment in Dr. Bob's eyes that hrut the most :( Ah, I'm but a child, only learning...
Thanks Jai....
Posted by Karen_kay on February 3, 2004, at 19:39:20
In reply to Re: Darn it Jai :) » Jai Narayan, posted by Karen_kay on February 3, 2004, at 19:31:31
Posted by Penny on February 4, 2004, at 8:44:57
In reply to Darn it Dr. Bob :( » Dr. Bob, posted by Karen_kay on February 3, 2004, at 5:22:30
KK,
Ummm...watch the PBCs!!! We can't have you being blocked...what would we all do for laughs then?
P
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