![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 4 to 28 of 67. Go back in thread:
Posted by gabbix2 on January 28, 2004, at 18:58:23
In reply to I would not do that, posted by PhoenixGirl on January 28, 2004, at 16:35:09
Posted by sb417 on January 28, 2004, at 22:15:48
In reply to I would not do that, posted by PhoenixGirl on January 28, 2004, at 16:35:09
Hi Phoenix Girl. I agree with you. You should definitely not denigrate yourself or sell yourself short in order to be accepted by your co-workers. I read your post with interest because I have had similar problems in the past. Do you like the job? Is it a career-oriented job that you want to stay in, or is it sort of a stop-gap job that you plan to leave? One solution might be to try to find a job with a male supervisor and mostly male colleagues. Women can be very cruel to each other, especially when the jealous women are in jobs that don't contribute to their self-esteem. Sometimes people (and perhaps women more than men) take out their job frustrations and feelings of hopelessness on each other, rather than risk losing their jobs by expressing their anger at the boss or at management or "the system." I think it might help to look for a new job with more men. Also, sometimes the nature of the job can contribute to low morale, which again leads employees to take out their anger on each other. Is your job interesting and meaningful or is it "just a job"? When people are involved in interesting work that they love, they are less likely to focus on extraneous things like what their colleagues look like, etc. Further, it might be helpful for you to focus less on yourself. Although your co-workers may indeed be jealous of you, I believe that if you weren't there, they would probably give someone else a hard time. I think the problem has very little to do with you, and a lot to do with their own unhappiness with their own sorry lives. If you can look at it that way, and at the same time start looking for another job with better colleagues, I think your life and work will get much better.
Posted by Angielala on January 29, 2004, at 12:09:24
In reply to Jealous women at work - what to do about them?, posted by PhoenixGirl on January 27, 2004, at 19:20:36
Hey PG!
It's really ironic that you posted this. I'm doing reseach for a book that I am writing about females vs. females- learned competition.
Whether it nature or nurture, it seems girls are "taught" to be the best girl they can be. Have great clothes, have the look, be smart, have the attention of males (I find with lesibans and bisexul females, they have learned that female competition is silly and something that society cast upon us at a very young age. I don't know why it seems that a sexual preference changes how we are brought up- it's part of my research) and all that jazz.
Phoemix, I understand where you are at. I'm no beauty queen, but I get plenty of attention. I don't dress up- I wear jeans and sweaters. I'm about 140 and 5'9"- pretty average, not skinny, but not overweight. I change my hair color weekly- for fun. I have short hair... and yet, females in my office are so threatened by me. It's everywhere. It's harder for females to make new female friends as they get older than it is for men. Why is that? Because we are taught at a young age that we have to be better than the other girls if we are to "succeed" in finding the perfect "husband" (again, my research hasn't delved into the sexual preferences just yet- they differ a lot) the right job, and the right "rung" in the socirty ladder. Females feel like they need to fight other females... which is one reason I believe there is gender bias in the office- females aren't competing with the males, they are competing with the females. This crap we are taught at a young age is programmed and it comes out all over the place, and it seems females don't know what's going on.
What I try to do to discharge all that negativity from a new female around me, is to talk a lot. Try to find something of interest you can talk about. One thing that isn't a good idea is to put yourself down in order to gain another female's respect. I fell into that hole a long time ago, and became the "loser" in a popular girls clique. I would say, "Wow- you are so pretty, I wish I was like that" and their little egos would soar, and they'd come to me next time for an ego boost. So I had a bunch of really popular fake friends- not what I was looking for. You really have to let another female know that they have nothing to fear from you.
Since I have become engaged and have this rock on my hand, I cannot evem begin to tell you how many more women talk to me openly. Why? Because they know I'm off the market for men, I'm not going to be stealing theirs or flirting with any others.
Now I mentioned that I don't dress up. I'm still ok to look at, but I don't wear make up, or put my hair up in curls or any of that- it's fun to do, but I just on't have the time to do that everday. So you'd think that more females would feel comfortable around me- nope. There is another fear that females have- the fear of the tomboy. Adult female Tomboys- look like me, yet they only have male friends. They can't stand females for the most part. This is because many women can't grasp at why a female would only spend time with males, if not just to flirt, etc.
I could get really deep into this, but I don't want to offend anyone with too many of my ideas. These are just my opinions. I am fascinated with female relationships- because once we let our gaurds down and make friends with a female and it turns out to be a great friend, that is a bond strnger than any other. If females just put their egos away and tried to dicharge all those negative feelings from other females, imagine all the new girlfriends we'd have? We'd be running the country (the USA anyways) if we all bonded together. We'd be far better off if we (meaning females) all gave each other (other females) a chance.
The pretty, quite, shy type get it the worst too. Make sure to smile, keep your head up, and to be real with other females. Hey- for the most part we all get our periods, right? Bring it up- "God these cramps are killing me!" And if they give you a blank stare, don't feel bad, It takes a LOT to de-program what society (for the most part) teaches young girls.
Sorry for the rant/essay haha
> I have had a problem with jealous women in general. At work, you can't just decide to not be around them, because you have to go to work. So, I need help in managing this.
> Women are generally insecure about their looks and resentful of other women who have something they don't. I am certainly not saying this in arrogance, it's simply the truth - other women are jealous of me because I'm tall, have a good figure, and am considered very pretty. People tell me I should be a model (I am too depressed for that and the modeling world is by nature really shallow, so I don't want to be in it. I've always been a depressed "outsider" and I can't imagine being one of the "in" crowd).
> Anyway, there is a hate-at-first-sight phenomenon that happens, especially among black women. I live in Atlanta, and there is a black culture here that resents whites. Add that to the female jealousy, and it gets ugly.
> I have rarely seen bad attitudes toward me expressed by men, especially white men. My boss is a black woman though, which is not cool. She is such a bitch, ugh. She treats the black employees much better than the whites. Christ, a workplace full of gay white men would be ideal - no unwanted sexual advances from straight men or lesbians, and no resentful ugliness from straight women or blacks of either gender.
> I've been kind to everyone of at work from the start (regardless of gender or race), and I am very shy, quiet, and socially anxious. I think that because of this, the vipers make bolder affronts against me because they can.
> Any thoughts or suggestions on how to deal with this problem at work? I don't think there is a way to keep them from resenting me because the resentment is based on what their eyes see. I don't want my career to be hindered by these kinds of people, so I need to learn how to handle it now.
>
Posted by PhoenixGirl on January 29, 2004, at 16:17:01
In reply to Re: Jealous women at work - what to do about them? » PhoenixGirl, posted by Angielala on January 29, 2004, at 12:09:24
Thanks for all the interesting feedback. I totally agree that women fighting each other is hurting our progress. If your man is steal-able, you should let him be stolen and find a man who is worthy of you. That bears repeating, and I want to shout it from the mountain top: IF YOUR MAN IS STEAL-ABLE, LET HIM BE STOLEN AND FIND A MAN WHO IS WORTHY OF YOU! A man of honor and character, a man who really loves you, will not leave you. Why should you settle for less.
Back to the jealous other women. Someone asked if I'm sure that jealousy really is the problem. Yes I'm sure, because
1. The hate comes only from other women, not men.
2. They will make insulting comments about my appearance. To try to tear down the asset of the better-looking woman.
3. Rumors spread about me supposedly thinking I'm better than others because of my appearance. That is incredibly untrue, and it says something about what's going on in their minds, because it is an invention of their minds.
4. I get these hate stares from women I don't even know. The only thing a stranger knows about you is how you look, because have never spoken to you. Their animosity is about what their eyes see...That is all the info they have about you.
It's also the *way* they look at me. They'll give me the "up and down", and then this angry look comes on their face.
So far, the best way I can think of to minimize the imact of jealous women is to have confidence in yourself and be yourself. Respect for yourself generally makes other people respect you too.
Posted by Bobby on January 29, 2004, at 18:13:05
In reply to Jealous women at work - what to do about them?, posted by PhoenixGirl on January 27, 2004, at 19:20:36
Hi Phoenix Girl,
I am from the Atlanta area and I understand how jealous some black women can be. But you need to realize just how limited their "men" pool is. There are so few available black men to choose from---therefore the aggresive and teritorial attitudes thrive. It's really hard for them sometimes. I guess that could apply to all women but I have always gravitated to women of color. I love them---I'm married to one. We have two wonderful children and have been together for almost 10 years. Still--she can be jealous. I don't mind. Anyway, I only wish you the best Phoenix Girl. Real beauty comes from loving yourself.
White guy from Georgia,
Bobby
Posted by sb417 on January 29, 2004, at 19:04:34
In reply to I love Black women » PhoenixGirl, posted by Bobby on January 29, 2004, at 18:13:05
Bobby, you have great company. Robert DeNiro also loves black women. I think all of his girlfriends/wives have been black.
Posted by Dinah on January 29, 2004, at 19:35:31
In reply to Re: Jealous women at work - what to do about them?, posted by PhoenixGirl on January 29, 2004, at 16:17:01
Perhaps some insight from an ugly poster might be useful.
No, we don't hate you because you're beautiful. Really. Not past maybe college, anyway.
While I am ugly myself (and there are those who have seen my photo, and will vouch for me), I know enough beautiful women to know that some of them have a wide circle of friends including plain and pretty ones. And others don't have so many. There must be more to the story than sheer beauty.
And I can't say I've ever looked at a woman and decided to dislike her because she's better looking than me. Or perhaps more to the point for my own values, I've never looked at a woman and decided to dislike her because she's smarter than me. Or even because she's at ease socially (which is something I could admit to envying). Why Karen Kay and Gabbi and Tabitha and Slinky and Elle and Miss Honeychurch and Gardenergirl (sorry if I've missed some of you beautiful women) are all far lovelier than I, but I still like them very much. My bestest friend ever was prettier than I was, smarter than I was, more socially adept than I was, and more culturally literate than I was. And I know plenty of plain women who are friends with beautiful, intelligent, and socially adept women, so I don't think I'm an angel or an anomoly.
You know, when I was growing up people would tell me sometimes that the other kids picked on me because they were jealous that I was the smart kid. That wasn't the reason. :( The other two smart kids were quite popular, really.
So let's consider some other alternatives. And if you don't mind, I'll leave out ones that make broad generalizations about races. I feel uncomfortable enough generalizing about pretty and ugly people. And women.
I will admit to feeling self conscious around beautiful and or wealthy and or socially adept people (of either sex). Shades of high school, I guess. But it isn't based on envy, more on awareness of my lack of social skills and awareness of my plainness. But if the beautiful, wealthy, and socially adept people are friendly to me, I feel at ease and am as friendly as I can be (given my own social reserve). So maybe your shyness combined with your beauty causes others to feel self conscious and reluctant to approach you? But maybe if you are friendly to them, they'll feel more comfortable. I know it's a lot to ask. I have trouble being actively friendly myself, and know that my social activity suffers for it.
Or there are combinations of features that give off a certain impression, regardless of actual temperament. For example, even at my happiest, people are always coming up to me to tell me to cheer up, which is quite lowering to the mood, I assure you. So I assume I have a melancholy cast to my features. Is it possible that your beauty includes a patrician quality that may appear, regardless of the actual truth of the matter, to be aloof?
Anyway, just a couple of possible alternatives that don't include the entire ugly portion of the populace being consumed with envy. Do you have a therapist, perchance? Mine is very happy to point out the various things about my person that may cause my social life to suffer.
Well, that's just my input as an ugly unpopular woman. Perhaps some beautiful popular women could give a different perspective?
Posted by Karen_kay on January 29, 2004, at 19:42:48
In reply to Re: Jealous women at work - what to do about them?, posted by PhoenixGirl on January 29, 2004, at 16:17:01
Well, I think I look kind of "prissy" but it's only because of my own issues I have yet to deal with, as in the more anxious I am the more makeup I cake on. But, I understand what you're saying in a way. Girls aren't always ladies. They are catty! But I like a good cat fight.
I think that women are taught at a young age to socialize in a way that inspires competition. That's why I personally befriend the men. And I don't really get along with the females that I usually work with. There's too much drama. And besides, you can't really flirt with the women. Well, you can, but you don't know how they'll take it..
Anyway, I don't know what to tell you. At this point you could try to be nice, but that will only result in more BS, as they'll say your kissing butt. You could just ignore the shots. That works well. If it's also happening to someone else, you at least have an ally. Also, try flirting with the men. That would be even better. If it isn't going to stop, why not at least give them something to hate you for? That's what I'd do. Then again, you're not me...
Posted by gabbix2 on January 29, 2004, at 20:03:32
In reply to Re: Jealous women at work - what to do about them?, posted by Karen_kay on January 29, 2004, at 19:42:48
Well I worked with a girl who WAS a model,
actually now she's a regular on a T.V show called Da Vinci's inquest, I don't know if you guys get in the U.S. it's a Canadian Show,
she also did frequent spots on the X files
And she was drop dead GORGEOUS! And you know, none of the women who worked their hated her on sight.
She was one of the most loved people I worked with, and we had to work closely together 12 hour shifts in a tough environment.
Actually, she was pretty well recieved every where we went.
I've had several other friends who aren't models
who are very physically attractive and none of them have been been given a rough time by the (ahem) "plainer" masses.
But then, none of them were given to making sweeping statements about the attitudes
or intentions of others either.
Posted by shar on January 29, 2004, at 22:16:27
In reply to Re: Jealous women at work - what to do about them?, posted by gabbix2 on January 29, 2004, at 20:03:32
I have to agree with Dinah and Gabbix on this one. Plus, I was around during the birth of the feminist movement (well, let me clarify...I was not a suffragette, women already had the vote). I'm referring to the mid/late 1960's into the 70's. Actually, I was quite active in 'the movement.' So, my perspective is extremely different from that of Phoenix girl and some of the other writers.
My 20's and later years were spent not full of competition and envy and hate towards other women, but with an understanding of the inherent value of women (ok, men, too...I'm really more of a humanist than feminist, but I like using feminist because it has become an f-word, and I want to do what I can to bring it back into normal conversation) and the things women share (body, mind and spirit) that connect us. Plus, I was committed to righting what I perceived as wrongs perpetrated on women just because they WERE women (such as equal pay for equal work, reproductive rights, the opportunity to be educated, work options that did not include being harrassed sexually by others--that kind of thing).
Moreover, I was raised with a view of beauty that had a little hook: if someone wasn't beautiful inside, they weren't beautiful; and, alternately, if someone was beautiful on the inside, they were beautiful. It was the whole book...cover thing.
I was physically attractive (tho I would not say I am now), I have always been a tomboy (no makeup and jeans, except sometimes for parties the black off the shoulder minidress with a red sequined cummerbund, and 4 inch heels type thing), somewhat rebellious, very bright, and counted among my friends males AND females from the top to the bottom of the socioeconomic ladder and several races and creeds thrown in. I've always had more female than male friends, talked about boys, played make-up, played Barbie and war games. I never 'stole' a man (ick!), and never had one 'stolen' (tho I did have one who had a one-night-stand); nuff said on that score. I'm very competitive, but it shows itself more in board games than begrudging others their gifts.
There have been women I did not like, and men, too. Actually, it would be more accurate to say there are characteristics and traits I don't like and don't want to be around, regardless of the chromosomal makeup (or physical features) of the bearer.
Stereotypes really concern me a lot. Whether they are about women or blacks or eye-ties (like me) or short people or smart people.....they may contain a kernel of truth, but by and large they simply don't hold up very well if one looks at the gender/ethnicity/brains of individuals rather than "them" (groups). And, even looking at groups is pretty tricky. A body of research has shown that roles more than traits differentiate males and females, and there are greater within-group (same sex) differences than between-group differences (male vs. female) when measuring traits.
Finally, about men not being competitive with each other in the way that women do, it might not look the same because certain behaviors are proscribed for men, but it happens. And, sometimes the solution is to take out on women what they'd like to do to the men at work.
Shar the Feminist Med-head who doesn't even know whether or not this treatise made any sense.
Posted by Karen_kay on January 29, 2004, at 22:43:41
In reply to Re: Jealous women at work - what to do about them?, posted by Dinah on January 29, 2004, at 19:35:31
Dinah! I hardly doubt for one second that I am anywhere as attractive as you are. I really wish that you wouldn't say that you aren't attractive. Though I haven't seen a picture of you, I happen to know for a fact that you are very beautiful. AND DON'T MISTAKE THIS AS ME BEING INSINCERE IN THE LEAST. Honestly, I'm not.
Is there even a such thing as pretty or ugly people anyway? And those of us who "boast" about our attractiveness, do you really ever think about what we really look like? Or what we really think about ourselves? Sure, some of us talk quite a bit, but talking and thinking are two different matters indeed.
Actually, I'm glad you brought this up. I'm fine with the way I look. Quite happy actually. But, I didn't used to be. I used to think that I didn't even look human. But, I am so wrapped up in the fantasy that if I can fool myself into looking like everything is OK, then everything is OK. And, if I can forget everything that happened, then nothing ever happened. And if everyone that sees me thinks, "Well, she looks like she has her shit together, then I can fool myself into thinking that I have my shit together." And that's my biggest problem. But, don't think for one second that I'm not jealous of every other person out there who is comfortable enough to just be who they are and admit that they don't have their shit together and just laugh about it. And admit they have problems, like everyone else. The only ugly person I know is ME! And that's the honest truth hun!
Posted by gardenergirl on January 29, 2004, at 23:15:11
In reply to Re: Jealous women at work - what to do about them?, posted by shar on January 29, 2004, at 22:16:27
You sound like my kind of woman! Although I was a child in the sixties, I feel like I would have fit in with feminists who paved the way for where we are now (still a ways to go) and in the humanist movement.
Thanks for such an eloquent post and for sharing of yourself!
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on January 29, 2004, at 23:19:01
In reply to Re: Jealous women at work - what to do about them?, posted by Dinah on January 29, 2004, at 19:35:31
Great post, Dinah. I just have one quibble.
>Why Karen Kay and Gabbi and Tabitha and Slinky and Elle and Miss Honeychurch and Gardenergirl (sorry if I've missed some of you beautiful women)
YOU FORGOT TO INCLUDE DINAH! She absolutely belongs in the above group!
I'm sure it was just an oversight. But I wanted to make sure that she is included for her beauty. It means a great deal. You mean a great deal.
gg
Posted by Psychopoppy on January 29, 2004, at 23:31:29
In reply to I would not do that, posted by PhoenixGirl on January 28, 2004, at 16:35:09
Hi
I guess I did not explain myself well enough. I certainly was not suggesting you putting yourself down. Maybe it was my interpretation but the sense I got from your original post was that perhaps these jealous women you mention were somehow not connecting with you or were finding you unapproachable. And another feeling I got from you post was that you'd like to be able to get past this cold distant vibe and perhaps get to a warmer and more comfortable place in your job-social environment. And, thats why I suggested sort-of ice-breaker stratgies. I dont mean to assume that you have in any way brought this upon yourslef and need to do things to fix it. Although I have seen some women who seem to have distanced themselves from the general populace of a work place (for whatever reason), and then later it was revealed that they felt unconnected to others and felt as if other were jealous of them (again for many reasons) and hence thought it best to keep a cold arm's length from everyone. Of course, the jealousy is real and (quite stupid really in my opinion) and some women seem to have a pretty high bitch-factor than others...but its not always a lost cause, as in some women could overcome that given time and more knowledge.
So, basically in my post, I meant to suggest an approach to connect to people (if that is something you want from your work place). Of course putting oneself down is not what I would do either, but then bragging and conceit is the other extreme. What I suggested was something is between. Just a way to connect to someone with a somewhat low self-esteem by just showing to them that you're not perfect. I dont mean to offend you but as we all know very well, noone is perfect.... so acknowledging that is not putting yourself down......but rather a sign of self-assuredness.down with jealousy, and vive la tolerance !
Posted by Psychopoppy on January 29, 2004, at 23:59:50
In reply to Jealous women at work - what to do about them?, posted by PhoenixGirl on January 27, 2004, at 19:20:36
I totaly second all of those who have commented (and reiterated) the ludicrousy and inaccuracy in making broad, general statements and assumptions regarding people of any one race or any one culture or any one sex or whatever combination thereof.
I have lived on five different continents in my life (and travelled to many countries) and what I have learnt is that the one thing that every place has in common is... their inhabitants, although having certain group commonalities, exist in all different varieties and variations.
So no matter how big or small a group you consider (ex. Americans, Bostonians, Upper-east-side blacks, folks who work at Enron Corp., Building 7, the sixth floor, marketing division, all the division asst.managers.....), there's plenty of individual differences to go around and if one took the time to actually look, the variety (and diversity) would become obvious.SO, when I hear people say things like..."I think that whole group of people hates me for whatever reason or that they all behave in such-and-such way towards people who are like this-or-that (double generalization), then its so screamingly clear that the analysis needs to be turned inwards, as in, into the self.
Posted by Dinah on January 30, 2004, at 0:57:10
In reply to Re: Jealous women at work - what to do about them? » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on January 29, 2004, at 23:19:01
Thanks to both of you. :) But I just wanted to make clear that I was merely referring to the body I find myself in. Fact is that I'm on the range of plain to ugly and I don't mind that a bit. I could look much better if I lost a lot of weight. Some faces wear extra weight well. Mine doesn't. My therapist says I could slide a bit up the scale if I bothered with proper hair and makeup, but obviously it isn't worth it to me. So I really wasn't putting myself down. It was just an honest appraisal.
I've told this story before, but in case you haven't heard it. My looks are very characteristic in my family. So much so that my mother once was stopped on the train by a stranger and asked if she were a (Grandmother's maiden name), which she was. :) And found out a lot about that family's origins in the process.
I look just like my mother who looks just like my grandmother. My mother is an unattractive woman. But my grandmother? She was beautiful. And if you ever forgot it, you just had to look at the reflection in my grandfather's eyes. I wish I could tell which one I looked more like, but you just can't see it from a mirror.
Posted by All Done on January 30, 2004, at 1:17:12
In reply to Re: Karen Kay and Gardener Girl, posted by Dinah on January 30, 2004, at 0:57:10
But my grandmother? She was beautiful. And if you ever forgot it, you just had to look at the reflection in my grandfather's eyes. I wish I could tell which one I looked more like, but you just can't see it from a mirror.
>>Oh, Dinah. You have such a lovely way with words.
Would we be able to see your beauty in the reflection in your husband's eyes? What about your son's? Even your puppy's?
I'm guessing we would...
Posted by shar on January 30, 2004, at 1:29:19
In reply to Re: Karen Kay and Gardener Girl » Dinah, posted by All Done on January 30, 2004, at 1:17:12
I have no doubt that you are the most beautiful person in the world in your doggies eyes, because dogs can see the essential 'us'. I think I am to mine, and it matters.
And, as far as beauty--physical things fade with time, which is why it's so sad to be overly concerned with them. I'm in the 'respect my elders' crowd, even if they are no longer pretty they are so many more important things. I bet if we met (even tho I'd be the elder) I might find you extremely appealing even if you are not beautiful. Appeal is one of those qualities that last, in sort of ephemeral, interesting ways.
Don't deny it! If we meet and you're ugly and unappealing, I'll tell you straight out....:)
Shar
Posted by shar on January 30, 2004, at 1:31:38
In reply to Dinah, posted by shar on January 30, 2004, at 1:29:19
good old Abe, who wasn't terribly handsome, but he was a beautiful man.
S
Posted by Dinah on January 30, 2004, at 7:19:04
In reply to Re: Karen Kay and Gardener Girl » Dinah, posted by All Done on January 30, 2004, at 1:17:12
Hmmm, in my husband's eyes I wish I saw what I saw in grandpa's eyes. But I see the girl he fell for many years ago, and I can live with that.
Those rare times that my son's eyes lose the glaze of Star Wars and Nicktoons, I see a lovely mom reflected in them.
And Harry, oh Harry. He can gaze at me for hours, watching my every changing expression. And when he goes, I don't know what I'll do without the vision of myself I see in his eyes.
Who needs mirrors anyway? :)
Posted by Dinah on January 30, 2004, at 7:20:57
In reply to Also to Dinah (I forgot to mention), posted by shar on January 30, 2004, at 1:31:38
You mean Abe wasn't handsome??!!!! I had never noticed! ;)
(Thanks, Shar)
Posted by Karen_kay on January 30, 2004, at 8:00:43
In reply to Re: Karen Kay and Gardener Girl, posted by Dinah on January 30, 2004, at 0:57:10
From the description you have given about yourself in the past, I think you sound absolutely perfect. And I think that your therapist is a fool to try to suggest you could "slide up the scale" (what the hell??? does he keep a scale?) by keeping proper makeup and hair. I personally think pigtales (that's right, isn't it?) are SOOO cute and still wish my hair was long enough to wear them. Also, I wish I had the natural beauty and CONFIDENCE to go outside without makeup, like you do. And, let's not forget you inner beauty. Now, I could go back and research this site, but I'm lazy and lack motivation. I'm quite convinced that you are one of the lovliest people I know. Physical beauty is only enhanced by a beautiful spirit. So, that makes you So very beautiful.
BTW, my mother's side of the family has a history of mental illness. While the women tend to be lovely in their youth, they die very young, usually around 50. And they start going grey around 18. When they reach their 30's they appear to be more around 50. They look horrible! That's what I'm up against. My dad's side is different and live to be very old. But, at this point, it looks like I take more after my mother's side... Oh boy! Something more for me to worry about :)
Posted by Dinah on January 30, 2004, at 8:00:53
In reply to Re: Jealous women at work - what to do about them? » Dinah, posted by Karen_kay on January 29, 2004, at 22:43:41
You are so beautiful! Fabulous! Gorgeous!
And it's not *just* the lovely arrangement of facial features, the careful attention to grooming, or the quite admirable body.
It's also the way you support those who are in distress, and your wonderful way of reaching out to include everyone. And most of all, those wonderful smiles you keep in your handbag to give out to those who could use one (and those who don't even realize they could use them).
Which kind of makes it sound as if you need to perform to be beautiful. That isn't the case of course. Those things just illuminate your beauty. If you should find yourself short of smiles to hand out some days, we'd still see the beauty.
Posted by gabbix2 on January 30, 2004, at 13:22:22
In reply to Re: Jealous women at work - what to do about them?, posted by shar on January 29, 2004, at 22:16:27
Yeah, it made sense..
>Stereotypes really concern me a lot. Whether
they are about women or blacks or eye-ties (like me) or short people or smart people.....they may contain a kernel of truth, but by and large they simply don't hold up very well if one looks at the gender/ethnicity/brains of individuals rather than "them" (groups). And, even looking at groups is pretty tricky. A body of research has shown that roles more than traits differentiate males and females, and there are greater within-group (same sex) differences than between-group differences (male vs. female) when measuring traits.Finally, about men not being competitive with each other in the way that women do, it might not look the same because certain behaviors are proscribed for men, but it happens. And, sometimes the solution is to take out on women what they'd like to do to the men at work.
Posted by tabitha on January 30, 2004, at 17:16:32
In reply to Re: Reflections » All Done, posted by Dinah on January 30, 2004, at 7:19:04
I don't care what you say.. I'm sure you are adorable, with your pigtails, eccentric clothing, and slightly quizzical expression..
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