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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by AntiTrust on January 6, 2004, at 11:41:42
Well folks I have been divorce for 3 years now and remarried for 2 (different spouse lol)
My ex and I have joint custody and he has custodial of all three ranging from 14 to 7 yrs.
I took him back to court just last year for custodial but they turned me down. I guess the kids need to stay in the home and school and near family and get that with 'dad'...I only live 1 hour away but anyway....I am off track hereMY QUESTION IS: I have angoraphobia w/ panic and depression...Is that ANY grounds for my ex to get SOLE custody??
anyone know? or have comments? or can relate?
PLEASE POST!!!!!
Posted by Angielala on January 6, 2004, at 13:00:13
In reply to joint custody and mental diease question, posted by AntiTrust on January 6, 2004, at 11:41:42
This is something that I just don't understand. This is just apart of the stigma of being "different" or whatever people like to call us.
My personal opinion is that a mother has the same rights as the father in a custody battle. If you can feed and love you children and keep them safe-then why not?
What does the court say? Did they have to look over your medical records? I don't mean to get personal, so don't answer if it's uncomfortable, but were there any suicide attempts in the past? The only things I could think of that a judge (who does not know the whole story- sorry depositions and medical papers are NOT a outline of who you are...) could weigh the father being a better support than you would be a past attempt or endangering your children (even if it was a total mistake) I'm not sure of the whole history, but I can tell you this-
Having a panic attack disorder and angoraphobia are not valid reasons for taking a woman's children away from her. Unfortunately our system runs on loopholes, stigmas and money. Please don't blame any of it on you. You have a household of your own, with a new spouse to share your life with. Right there you have a lot going for you :)
Did the judge or any of your docs give you any advice as to how you can begin documenting your household as a safe, loving environment? Sounds silly, I know, but if you could build a case for yourself with the help of the new hubby (ie, we make this much money, we have this much in savings, I have a college fund setup, I have bedrooms for the kids...) Document the time with your kids, even if something wrong happens...
I'm not sure of the ages of your children or with they have any knowledge of why daddy has them and not you. If they are old enough, you can start a dialogue with them about what you suffer from- letting them know that it's a normal thing- that many many people go through it and you do everything you can to help it.
I can relate to all of this because my Godmother has bipolar, Anxiety, Mulitple Scorosis, and OCD. When she was divorced, she was told the kids would go with their father. She fought for 4 years, she built her own case, she proved that though she may suffer from mental illnesses, it doesn't mean she's insane and it sure as heck doesn't mean you are an unfit mother.
one thing she didn't take into consideration was all the stress that the battle put on her. It was a little rough, but with the help of her pdoc and psych, and with the help of her children, who were both old enough (11 & 13 at the time) to understand what their mother went through, she got custody.
It's easy for me to say all of this, and I know it's much harder to plan and act on. I just hope that I got you thinking, and I hope you know that it's not final, you can still get your children back... you just need to prove to everyone that you can walk outside with your children and be ok, that a panic attack will not endanger their lives... there are things that people who have no or very little knowledge about mental health need to be aware of.
I feel like I'm babbling...
Please let me know how things are going and when the court will allow you to fight it again.
> Well folks I have been divorce for 3 years now and remarried for 2 (different spouse lol)
> My ex and I have joint custody and he has custodial of all three ranging from 14 to 7 yrs.
> I took him back to court just last year for custodial but they turned me down. I guess the kids need to stay in the home and school and near family and get that with 'dad'...I only live 1 hour away but anyway....I am off track here
>
> MY QUESTION IS: I have angoraphobia w/ panic and depression...Is that ANY grounds for my ex to get SOLE custody??
>
> anyone know? or have comments? or can relate?
> PLEASE POST!!!!!
>
Posted by AntiTrust on January 6, 2004, at 13:08:35
In reply to Re: joint custody and mental diease question, posted by Angielala on January 6, 2004, at 13:00:13
how can i send you a personal email so I dont have to post more to my story here in detail?
Posted by Angielala on January 6, 2004, at 13:30:23
In reply to Re: joint custody and mental diease question » Angielala, posted by AntiTrust on January 6, 2004, at 13:08:35
> how can i send you a personal email so I dont have to post more to my story here in detail?
>
Posted by Susan J on January 6, 2004, at 15:10:49
In reply to joint custody and mental diease question, posted by AntiTrust on January 6, 2004, at 11:41:42
> MY QUESTION IS: I have angoraphobia w/ panic and depression...Is that ANY grounds for my ex to get SOLE custody??
>
> anyone know? or have comments? or can relate?
> PLEASE POST!!!!!<<I don't know if you are in the States or not? I can give you a general idea of what courts use to determine custody. It's a *best interests of the child* standard.
They look at the home, the school, the kids' hobbies, religion, health care, all that. Then, when a child is old enough to make a decision, the courts also factor in what the child wants.
I don't think mental health issues should be a determining factor in custody unless a person is truly disabled by those mental health issues. In addition, I think most states favor joint legal custody (school, health care decisions) and joint physical custody over a full custody situation with visitation. So, without knowing all the details, I'd say that mental health issues here are not a valid reason for a sole custody determination, whether legal or physical custody.
Hope that helps. Do you have a family law attorney?
Susan
Posted by AntiTrust on January 6, 2004, at 15:42:27
In reply to Best Interests of the Child(ren) » AntiTrust, posted by Susan J on January 6, 2004, at 15:10:49
I left state for a year during that time my ex divorced me, I had one of my children w/ me before the divorce and he 'convinced' me that the kids needed to be together and arrived early in the morning at sunrise to 'collect' our one child.
I was extremely depressed at the time and he knew it and used that to HIS advantage. the decision for custodial to go to my ex was, just that I lived in MI for one year then moved back (NY) and took this back to court, only got more visitation.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR INPUT BTW and I have had 2 legal aids and a paid laywer that bankrupted my new husband and I. I was DX w/ angoraphobia and such after the divorce, exept my ex knew of my depression i was being treated during the marriage.
This is the end of the thread.
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