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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by NikkiT2 on November 3, 2003, at 16:53:48
A friend of mine died yesterday.. I know her through Borderline UK (the charity I do stuff for), and she was one of our most hard working volunteers. She suffered greatly from her BPD, and struggled through each day.
She was found dead yesterday by her ex husband. They are going to do an autopsy, but first indications are natural causes.. probably liver failure after years of paracetamol overdoses.Its really affected me strangely. Its not sunk in I think.. no tears or anything yet (I'm sure they will come at the funeral though).. bbut so many questions.. like, did she realise she was about to die, and did that knowledge make her feel any different about life.
These questions feel so morbid, and not right.. but I know grief takes strange forms.. But still.. I feel very unsettled by it.
Death is so damned permanent. I hate permanency.. Why can't we be given one final chance to say something to someone and ask any final questions??
A shaken Nikki
Posted by Ilene on November 3, 2003, at 17:27:48
In reply to Strange feelings after death of friend, posted by NikkiT2 on November 3, 2003, at 16:53:48
> A friend of mine died yesterday.. I know her through Borderline UK (the charity I do stuff for), and she was one of our most hard working volunteers. She suffered greatly from her BPD, and struggled through each day.
> She was found dead yesterday by her ex husband. They are going to do an autopsy, but first indications are natural causes.. probably liver failure after years of paracetamol overdoses.
>
> Its really affected me strangely. Its not sunk in I think.. no tears or anything yet (I'm sure they will come at the funeral though).. bbut so many questions.. like, did she realise she was about to die, and did that knowledge make her feel any different about life.
>
> These questions feel so morbid, and not right.. but I know grief takes strange forms.. But still.. I feel very unsettled by it.
>
> Death is so damned permanent. I hate permanency.. Why can't we be given one final chance to say something to someone and ask any final questions??
>
> A shaken NikkiI've been thinking about how people don't know they are going to die. Obviously, many people do, but when death comes suddenly you wonder whether there was something different about that person, and most of the time the answer is *no*.
Half my family was killed suddenly and gruesomely 16 years ago. While I was cleaning out my father's house after his death this spring I went thru boxes and boxes and boxes of photos. I shouldn't have done that to myself, but once I started I couldn't stop. My niece was only 3 1/2.
Then there are the friends with whom you lost touch, or people with whom you meant to reconcile ...
Ilene
Posted by Tabitha on November 3, 2003, at 20:25:28
In reply to Strange feelings after death of friend, posted by NikkiT2 on November 3, 2003, at 16:53:48
I'm so sorry Nikki. It sure would be nice to get all those questions answered, wouldn't it? It's so hard to get closure when it's just one-sided.
Posted by wordwitch on November 3, 2003, at 20:38:52
In reply to Re: Strange feelings after death of friend, posted by Tabitha on November 3, 2003, at 20:25:28
Dear Nikki,
My condolences on the loss of your friend.
I don't think the things you're thinking are weird or morbid at all. I think that death is part of life and it's probably more healthy to think about it than it is to do everything in our power to avoid thinking about it. I hope that doesn't sound preachy--what I'm trying to express is that I don't think you should find fault with yourself for not grieving in some undefined "right" way. We all experience grief differently--and even our own perceptions of grief change according to our own lives and the individual experience of grief.
At any rate, I offer my condolences again, and I wish you solace and comfort in your loss.
Liz (Wordwitch)
Posted by Dinah on November 3, 2003, at 21:37:14
In reply to Strange feelings after death of friend, posted by NikkiT2 on November 3, 2003, at 16:53:48
I'm sorry for your loss, Nikki. I think all sorts of strange feelings and thoughts in the face of an unexpected loss are perfectly understandable.
I'm sorry I don't recall, but do you have a faith base to help you struggle with these questions? Although heaven knows that it hasn't helped me overmuch when it comes to death.
Take care of yourself, and allow yourself full permission to grieve.
Posted by noa on November 4, 2003, at 1:25:13
In reply to Strange feelings after death of friend, posted by NikkiT2 on November 3, 2003, at 16:53:48
Sorry, Nikki, about your friend.
Posted by NikkiT2 on November 4, 2003, at 5:49:43
In reply to Strange feelings after death of friend, posted by NikkiT2 on November 3, 2003, at 16:53:48
I've just had a call to tell me a good family friend was found yesterday.. She'd been my hairdresser most ofmy life, and my mums, and we were really very close to her.. we even fixed her up with my sis in laws uncle..
She was only 45.. and her boyfriend found her dead in her bed last night.
Thats three friends in two weeks (the first was Mums best friend, but that was expected as she had Motor Neurone disease)..
Lets hope that as they say, things come in three's and this is the end of it.
Nikki xxx
Posted by fallsfall on November 4, 2003, at 7:00:15
In reply to And another..., posted by NikkiT2 on November 4, 2003, at 5:49:43
Oh Nikki,
This is quite enough. Please take care of yourself. That might mean talking with friends or family, or taking an extra nap, or watching a movie, or writing a letter to the people who you have lost to say those last few things, and of course, posting here.
((((Nikki))))
Posted by Dinah on November 4, 2003, at 8:29:57
In reply to And another..., posted by NikkiT2 on November 4, 2003, at 5:49:43
I am so sorry, Nikki. That is a lot to process at once. Be kind to yourself.
Posted by judy1 on November 4, 2003, at 9:49:59
In reply to And another..., posted by NikkiT2 on November 4, 2003, at 5:49:43
I'm so sorry Nikki. I imagine you're somewhat in shock and I would expect it to take a while for you to feel normal about things. Whenever a person of our own age dies, it's normal to question our own mortality, and I think this may be what's going on with your friend's death. I'm sure you know the stages of grief- and denial is a big one. Take care of yourself- judy
Posted by Liligoth on November 5, 2003, at 0:16:40
In reply to And another..., posted by NikkiT2 on November 4, 2003, at 5:49:43
so sorry to hear of all this sadness in your life right now. I understand how you feel having lost 2 friends to breast cancer 6 months apart. This was a couple of years ago & it really did my head in for a while. Try not to dwell too much on it if you can.
This is the end of the thread.
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