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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fallsfall on August 21, 2003, at 16:48:19
Are you there? I miss you!
(and Don't pick up the phone)
Posted by kara lynne on August 21, 2003, at 19:40:32
In reply to Kara Lynne?, posted by fallsfall on August 21, 2003, at 16:48:19
Hi fallsfall,
Thank you for thinking of me--I needed that. I seem to be falling into the black hole of Calcutta these days.The ex emailed me today saying 'You said you didn't want to be friends. That makes me quite sad." Which of course triggered Ye Olde Wound, and dug it in deeper how easily he could let our (romantic) relationship go. No, I didn't call him. But I am having a hard time believing there will ever be anyone else to call.
I took a risk and tried to find out what happened between me and a friend of mine; she essentially said I hurt her many years ago by not returning a phone call and she could never trust me again, even though I apologized. (I apologized today, even though I don't remember the incident.) Then I brought up some similar feelings I had and she said 'See, we're just too neurotic to ever be friends, we'd mess it all up." And walked away.
And another one bites the dust.
I feel like Pigpen from the Peanuts cartoon, leaving a little trail of psychic dirt wherever I tread.
I am treading off to get Chinese food, take it home and hide under the covers with my cat.
Thank you for thinking of me, fallsfall.
Posted by fallsfall on August 21, 2003, at 22:09:44
In reply to Re: Kara Lynne?, posted by kara lynne on August 21, 2003, at 19:40:32
Kara,
Glad to see you! Sounds like life has been easier for you.
You didn't call him! Good for you!
Whether your relationship with "Ex" worked out or not has absolutely nothing to do with your chances of finding another man in the future. Well, except that if you were still with "Ex" you wouldn't be looking for another man. So you would be missing out on a wonderful guy out there who is dying to meet you! Your chances of finding another guy are the same now as they were before you started going out with "Ex". Hopefully, your next guy will have a better name than "Ex".
I think that your friend was looking for an excuse. I'm impressed with your bravery of asking her about it. Sigh.
I used to waitress in a Vietnamese restaurant. I am partial to good oriental food. Hope the cat didn't eat too much!
Posted by Tabitha on August 22, 2003, at 10:34:26
In reply to Re: Kara Lynne?, posted by kara lynne on August 21, 2003, at 19:40:32
Hi KL, I'm sorry about the conversation with the ex-friend. That sure wasn't what you needed right now, was it? It sounds like you might be blaming yourself a bit though-- please don't do that. If she could not accept an apology, and could not listen in kind to your feelings, well then-- she doesn't really have very good friendship skills, does she? You reached out, took a risk, shared some vulnerable feelings with her-- that shows courage.
I know starting over with relationships is hard. When you have too few.. then the remaining ones take on more importance than they really warrant, and little hurts get magnified, and you start blaming yourself for not having the satisfying relationships you need. At least that's what happens with me.
I know this is a difficult transition for you, but keep connecting with your feelings, and reaching out to people-- eventually you'll find the friends and partner you need.
Posted by kara lynne on August 22, 2003, at 11:16:25
In reply to Re: Kara Lynne? » kara lynne, posted by fallsfall on August 21, 2003, at 22:09:44
Hi fallsfall,
life easier? My post (?!)I've been having a hard time with some meds--actually I've been staving off panic.
That last email from the ex set me off pretty good--I keep wanting to contact him so he will 'unreject' me (which of course will never happen). I'ts so hard to see this as anything other than rejection even it is has more to do with his inability to be in a relationship.
The Chinese food was overpriced and not all that great--but the cat's on Flagyl so none for her.
Posted by fallsfall on August 22, 2003, at 12:22:37
In reply to Re: Kara Lynne?/ fallsfall, posted by kara lynne on August 22, 2003, at 11:16:25
life easier? My post (?!)
Life easier? What was I thinking? Well, thinking is hard these days, so that could account for it. Or my fingers just typed something (wishful thinking?) that didn't relate to what I was thinking at all. I do feel like I'm in a daze these days. The hot, humid weather is really getting to me. I've had stresses in therapy. Stresses with my kids. I'm not sleeping well. Who knows what I was thinking? Thank you for giving me a chance to clarify. I know that things are rough for you.
But Don't Call Him!
I think I'll stop typing now before I do something else stupid.
Posted by kara lynne on August 22, 2003, at 12:54:00
In reply to Re: Kara Lynne » kara lynne, posted by fallsfall on August 22, 2003, at 12:22:37
Yes, we wouldn't want anyone laboring under such a misconception...
But please don't stop typing fallsfall, nothing you've done is stupid. You can think/ type anything you want.
I'm sorry you're stressed--are you feeling better today?
Posted by kara lynne on August 22, 2003, at 14:13:17
In reply to Re: Kara Lynne » kara lynne, posted by fallsfall on August 22, 2003, at 12:22:37
If I said something that hit you the wrong way I sincerely apologize. Of course you know things are rough; I was lamely trying to make light of myself for that.
I just want to make sure you know how much I appreciate your voice here. I look forward to anything you have to say.
Posted by fallsfall on August 22, 2003, at 17:31:48
In reply to fallsfall, posted by kara lynne on August 22, 2003, at 14:13:17
Everything is fine. I think we are in sync.
But Don't call him!
I can't decide what to say.
I hope you have a good weekend!
I'm taking my dogs for a walk with my daughter, and I have a barbeque on Sunday. So that should be good. Monday I'm hoping my 3 kids will go ice skating with me - we used to skate together 3 years ago. I just have to confirm with my youngest. That will be fun.
Posted by kara lynne on August 22, 2003, at 20:14:20
In reply to Re: fallsfall » kara lynne, posted by fallsfall on August 22, 2003, at 17:31:48
Skating! How fun.
I will try to invent things to do for myself. I am saying to myself, So what-- it's Friday night. What makes Friday night any more important than Tuesday night. There is nothing more intrinsically sad about being alone on a Friday night. When men are mean, we move on.
That kind of thing.
Posted by kara lynne on August 23, 2003, at 13:20:20
In reply to Re: Kara Lynne?, posted by Tabitha on August 22, 2003, at 10:34:26
Thanks for the kind words. It's kind of hard not to blame yourself when your obviously being blamed, but it is the challenge at hand. Unfortunately I have to work with this woman and see her from day to day. She's very happy acting like nothing is ever wrong but it was really eating at me so I had to ask.
I still wonder how it is holier to be passive about your aggression (as this woman is).
She said some hurtful things to me the other day, but somehow it ends up looking like I am the villain for whatever sin I committed years ago that I don't even remember. I am not to be trusted, we are too 'neurotic' to be friends...and she can just walk away in all her self righteousness (she's the yoga teacher I talked about awhile ago).She said she hoped that now that I brought this up things wouldn't be awkward and we could go back to normal. I said that things really weren't 'normal' as far as I was concerned and that's why I brought it up to begin with.
But as my boss said (even though I find this a bit ouchy) 'What other people think of me is none of my business". It's her choice; if she doesn't want me as a friend there's nothing I can do about it. Nor would I want to at this point. But I do have to see her and her oversmiling 'Everything's just beautiful' yogini presentation everyday---when I'd like to just haul off and punch her one.
This is the end of the thread.
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