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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 29. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kara lynne on July 27, 2003, at 23:43:09
I hope I feel better when I get out of here.
I think I have body dysmorphic disorder. It sounds so trite to over-focus on the physical, but it feels awful to be doing it. I think it started with my mother who doesn't exist except as an image, which she is always hating and reflecting back to me. I remember her coming to pick me up at school in the 3rd grade and wanting her to look like the other mothers who appeared more warm and nurturing. My mother competed with me instead, and was always trying to look hip and fashionable. She just looked harsh to me.
Anyway, stressed over moving. My new landlord (very nice) said, "You can go get your boyfriend to put in some blinds and I'll pay for them." He just expected me to have a boyfriend.
Sad.
Posted by Kar on July 28, 2003, at 1:04:01
In reply to I'm moving in a few days., posted by kara lynne on July 27, 2003, at 23:43:09
Hello dear. We meet again. i don't know if you're still there. I bet you will feel better. Might take a while- I guess everyone responds differently to moving. Isn't that one of the Five Biggies Stressors? Sounds like a change of venue would also maybe help you move along out of the mode you were in before...maybe??
> I think I have body dysmorphic disorder.
Could it be yet another awful manifestation of the depression? I knowt that I'm far far far from happy with my body but howdy do i loathe the way I look when i feel down. And my mom was always supportive and all that. What I'm saying is I don't think it sounds trite->and reflecting back to me.
Wow I just read an article about raising little girls and how you as a mother figure or caretaker should never look in the mirror and comment on how "fat you are"...blahblah. it must make a huge difference.>competed with me instead,
insecure?>He just expected me to have a boyfriend.
no not sad. He must've looked and you and said to himself, "Well boy howdy look at this woman- she's got it together...she don't need no man but I sure as shootin' bet she has one. I guess I've got me no chance. Shoot!"...It'll get better soon. Anticipatory anxiety is the worst.
Posted by Dinah on July 28, 2003, at 4:44:28
In reply to I'm moving in a few days., posted by kara lynne on July 27, 2003, at 23:43:09
I know you hated this apartment, so I'm glad you're getting the chance to move. The stressful part will be over soon, and the earplugs can be thrown away.
Posted by Phil on July 28, 2003, at 7:13:27
In reply to I'm moving in a few days., posted by kara lynne on July 27, 2003, at 23:43:09
When a guy says you can let your boyfriend, it isn't idle chatter. He's being quite aggressive.
'I'm not seeing anyone.'
'Well, hey, I could stop by...'
You might want to set some boundaries early on, kara lynne. If he asks, 'What are you up to today?' Tell him you're off to the shooting range to break in your new .38 with the Sheriff's Dept. Your brother, dad, sister, mother was a cop.
If he is a nice single guy, you will be able to call him over to change lightbulbs, vacuum, change your oil, etc.
I used to think women sometimes were mad at me but they really liked me. Now that I'm older, I think they like me but they're really mad at me.Have fun
Posted by kara lynne on July 28, 2003, at 13:19:45
In reply to Re: I'm moving in a few days., posted by Phil on July 28, 2003, at 7:13:27
Thanks guys, but the guy is 87 or something and has never seen me. Ok, not 87 but older and married (older than you Phil!). I think he was just being nice.
I know it's odd that he's never seen me, but it was one of those word of mouth things--my friend knew someone who had a good deal on an apt. and was moving--I called her---she called him---it was all arranged over the phone.
So out with the earplugs, in with the ant-chalk. (Apparantly they come with the good deal.)
Posted by tina on July 28, 2003, at 14:16:58
In reply to I'm moving in a few days., posted by kara lynne on July 27, 2003, at 23:43:09
of course he expected you to have a boyfriend......you're probably very attractive :)
My mother was always overweight and now I am obsessive about not gaining weight. I've had all the eating disorders there are out there and I still obsess about the way I look. Sometimes I think my looks are the only important thing and when I'm not happy with them, I get very depressed.
I wish you an easy moving day Kara. I'm glad you have a nice landlord.
all the best
tina
Posted by kara lynne on July 28, 2003, at 15:28:03
In reply to Re: I'm moving in a few days. » kara lynne, posted by tina on July 28, 2003, at 14:16:58
Hi Tina,
It was so nice to get a post from you. I know you're going through quite a time yourself; I think you have amazing strength. I also relate to the overwhelm about decision making--I'm going through it myself right now about moving: what am I going to do with the cat, how will I get the money , who can I get to help me, I can't stand asking anyone to help me---and then I just sit here staring at boxes and not doing anything.I wish it was that my landlord thought I was attractive, but he's never seen me! I did however, not let that be known when I was talking to my ex. I told him what the landlord had said about having my boyfriend come and help me with the blinds-- and that I'd said I had no boyfriend. Ok, so it's stupid and high school, but that's about his level so why not.
I'm glad you understand about that looks obsession-- it can really be debilitating. And I think our mothers have a profound effect on the whole thing. I read a great autobiography about one woman's struggle with eating disorders, but I forget the title right now. It was pretty graphic, though and disturbing--not a simple, happy ending. But very real. If you want I'll post it for you later (when I unpack)--but I'd understand if you didn't.
Thanks again, and all the best back to you.
Posted by kara lynne on July 28, 2003, at 16:54:58
In reply to Re: I'm moving in a few days./ tina, posted by kara lynne on July 28, 2003, at 15:28:03
My therapist said there was a reason they came up with that phrase.
Someone just walked in and noticed my hair--said it was 'dramatic'.
This makes me want to hurt myself.
I know it was not meant in a bad way.
Part of the problem is that I am trying to look perfect for that imaginary meeting with the ex. How approprate that everything keeps going wrong.
I didn't ask for dramatic hair. I don't want dramatic hair. I would probably put off moving if I could find the right person to make my hair less dramatic.
The only thing I can do is go into hiding.
If only the color had been right, of course the relationship would have worked out...
Posted by gabbix2 on July 28, 2003, at 17:17:21
In reply to Bad Hair Day, posted by kara lynne on July 28, 2003, at 16:54:58
Oh Kara Lynne
I'm sorry, your day sucks. I'm just sorry.
I'm sorry your hair is dramatic, I'm sorry your ex is a reprobate, I'm sorry I can't be there to help you move, I'm sorry I can't show you that my hair is waaaayyy worse than yours. I'm sorry I can't help you wallow in teenage behavior (cause I surely would!) And talk about the time you get your hair look just right and you make him die with regret as you walk away with your new *beau*
even if he is my friends brother...I'm sorry. :(
Cause I'd like to be there too.
Posted by kara lynne on July 28, 2003, at 19:35:54
In reply to Re: Bad Hair Day, posted by gabbix2 on July 28, 2003, at 17:17:21
"make him die with regret as you walk away with your new *beau*"
Oh, thank you for indulging my inner teenager. Why can't you just come over? I have Grandma's Tummy Mint tea, and contrary to my ex's belief I *can* boil water...
I just spent an hour on the phone with the phone guy obsessing over which new telephone number to take. The odd thing is this guy was really into it with me. He said he usually doesn't think about it all that much, but then it turned out he had all kinds of secret thoughts about numbers that he shared with me.
I was starting to feel really sick about obsessing over these little things; it's obviously how I'm dealing with stress these days. I mean I'm OBSESSING big time. But it was nice to have this man giving me all sorts of good reasons why I should pick one phone number over another. He even sang a song that went with the number I took.
Oh you know your days are sad when phone operators are your high point.
Friend's brother...??
(((((Gabbitron))))))
Posted by tina on July 28, 2003, at 21:11:21
In reply to Re: I'm moving in a few days./ tina, posted by kara lynne on July 28, 2003, at 15:28:03
Thanks for the strenth kudos Kara. I think you have a lot of it too. It's strange how strength is seen by others but I feel like I have none at all. I feel like a total wimp. I'm sick of crying and being so up in the air about everything. I need to make decisions but there just aren't any ideas I have that are feasible so the decisions have to wait. that's the hardest part. Being so dependent on someone else's decisions. Having to wait until they make theirs before I even know what I CAN do.
I do hope you get settled in your new place and find it the sanctuary of peace that you need right now. I really wish you every good thing Kara.
keep in touch
tina
Posted by gabbix2 on July 28, 2003, at 22:54:54
In reply to Gabbi-girl, posted by kara lynne on July 28, 2003, at 19:35:54
Gabbitron.. Oh I love it..
She's bad she's blonde she's mad as hell
GABBITRON>>>>>>
no one will call her sweetie again!OY My friends brother.. he's amazing looking.
IF you just need envy material he's your man.
Charming, smart funny but not
overly so, model gorgeous,but not "too pretty" and of course a bastard, married but it doesn't seem to get in the way of his social life grrrrrr...
Posted by kar on July 29, 2003, at 0:40:27
In reply to Re: Gabbi-girl » kara lynne, posted by gabbix2 on July 28, 2003, at 22:54:54
>She's bad she's blonde she's mad as hell
Men find that appealing I hear...Wow I was sure that "friend's brother" thing was referring to mine. Not married OR a bastard.
But getting through a big big long yucky sticky ouchie 5 year relationship. Damaged goods for now. He's 40, incase anyone's interested.
East coast of these UUUnited states.
Posted by gabbix2 on July 29, 2003, at 1:25:23
In reply to And don't call her sweetie aGAIN, KL, posted by kar on July 29, 2003, at 0:40:27
Oh yeah, like I'd advertise HIM Kar shhhhhhh!
Posted by kara lynne on July 29, 2003, at 1:38:46
In reply to Re: And don't call her sweetie aGAIN, KL » kar, posted by gabbix2 on July 29, 2003, at 1:25:23
How does he feel about *slightly* ; )
older women?I would so like to make it up to him...
Posted by kara lynne on July 29, 2003, at 2:15:58
In reply to Re: I'm moving in a few days./ tina » kara lynne, posted by tina on July 28, 2003, at 21:11:21
What decisions do you have to wait for from other people? That must be very frustrating.
On the other hand, maybe you can take some solace in knowing that you've done all you can for the moment.--the rest is up to the powers that be. Wouldn't it be nice to have faith in that-- although I do believe things become clearer with time. If only we didn't have to spend it in so much pain.
I'm holding good thoughts for you.
Thank you for yours.
Posted by lostsailor on July 29, 2003, at 2:44:12
In reply to Re: I'm moving in a few days./ tina, posted by kara lynne on July 29, 2003, at 2:15:58
For what it's what, you know Aurora and I would help you for a small catnip charge...Not just for her, but me too so I have something to give her when she orders me around on the way home. I really hate her driving.Imagine all of us babblers helping!!! What an image I have at the moment. Phones constantly busy calling therapists and pharmacies, people slipping on dropped med bottles while moving furniture. Crying fits and group screaming…
The whole place would be in an uproar.
JYL, could be painting murals on your wall and tabbi decorating with new crafts. You can sit and coordinate. You have been thru a ton lately and deserve a break.
We're all rooting for you. I hope you know that.
~tony and Aurora
Posted by kara lynne on July 29, 2003, at 16:49:21
In reply to Re: I'm moving in a few days.--kara, posted by lostsailor on July 29, 2003, at 2:44:12
Posted by Hoping on July 29, 2003, at 17:51:24
In reply to Thank you tony. (nm), posted by kara lynne on July 29, 2003, at 16:49:21
It is storming like there's no tomorrow here right now. I don't know where you live Kara Lynn, but i'm hoping for the best for you right now. I know you've been through a lot. I'm worried about your cat too. I'd gladly take it in........already have two cats and a dog, what's one more?
Posted by kara lynne on July 29, 2003, at 19:45:27
In reply to Re: Thank you tony., posted by Hoping on July 29, 2003, at 17:51:24
Oh Hoping! You're so sweet to care about my little kitty. She's so sensitive---why do I have to have such a mirror for a kitty.
The thing is I feel cruel doing this to her; she's just, and I mean *just* begun adjusting to this move and I'm going to yank her chain again. But what am I going to do--stay here for the rest of my life? She already controls me more than she should...
I'm considering just keeping her in the bathroom for a few hours rather than boarding her somewhere. I can't see how it would be any more traumatic for her to be in a bathroom she knows than a cage in an unfamiliar environment.
Storming, huh? It's storming pretty well inside me at the moment...
Posted by noa on July 29, 2003, at 19:47:17
In reply to Re: I'm moving in a few days., posted by kara lynne on July 28, 2003, at 13:19:45
Maybe he's mentioning the boyfriend to kind of check out if you have one..who knows maybe he has a grandson or a nephew he wants to set you up with! ; - )
Posted by Hoping on July 29, 2003, at 20:00:46
In reply to Re: I'm moving in a few days. » kara lynne, posted by noa on July 29, 2003, at 19:47:17
Kara Lynn, i understand about the constant storm going on inside. I have it all the time. Sleep doesn't even come easily and i wake up immediately aware of what the reality of my life is. I have two great teenage kids (of course the boy is a little easier than the girl), am divorced for one year, and have a love affair going on with a man that isn't available if you know what i mean. I swear i'm not the homewrecker type, and i know none of y'all know me and so can't really make any other judgement about me. But he is the most fantastic thing, and since i'm almost 43 now i know a little about men. It will probably end badly, i know, but i can't do anything but stay with him for now. I'm hooked like a teenager. I have a decent job with decent pay but the job sucks actually. I work to live, not live to work, that is for sure. Somebody here get to know me, i will be a great friend.
Special thanks to Kara Lynn, who always has answered me..........thank you, you are obviously very special.
Posted by kara lynne on July 29, 2003, at 20:27:41
In reply to Re: I'm moving in a few days., posted by Hoping on July 29, 2003, at 20:00:46
I'll be your friend! I bet you would be a good friend; that is no small thing in my book. I think it's one of the most important things in life.
I'm glad to hear you survived divorce (with two teenagers, no less), but sorry you have found yourself with an unavailable man. What makes him so fantastic that it cancels out an inevitable unhappy ending? I ask that sincerely, not judgementally, because I am asking myself the same question. I want to know why I want to keep going back to a dead end relationship and I can't figure out the answer. Nothing makes it worth it in the end.
Oh it is an enigma.
I am the eggman.
Posted by kara lynne on July 29, 2003, at 20:28:34
In reply to Re: I'm moving in a few days. » kara lynne, posted by noa on July 29, 2003, at 19:47:17
Posted by gabbix2 on July 29, 2003, at 20:54:51
In reply to What about Kar's *brother*?? (nm), posted by kara lynne on July 29, 2003, at 20:28:34
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