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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Penny on July 18, 2003, at 10:15:19
Well, it's Friday and thank goodness for that. Not that I have any big plans for the weekend or anything, but a break is always good. At least I'm not as tired all day as I have been.
Paged my pdoc last night at 9 and then again at 10 - he called me back at 11 and I told him that I was really not doing well at all and could I see him today and he's going to see me sometime this evening. He always makes time for me, which is one of the things I am so thankful for.
Therapy was emotionally charged yesterday, but I am so thankful too for my therapist. I talked a lot about suicidal thoughts and some about my grandfather and she asked me if I started to lose control could I get somewhere safe, and I told her yes, but then, after going home, started to wonder about that so I paged my pdoc. My roommate said, "What's wrong" and I said "I don't feel well" and she said "Did you not have a good therapy session?" and I told her that there is really no such thing as a good therapy session. She responded that usually I feel better after therapy and I told her that I just felt bad in general and it had nothing to do with therapy and she wanted to know what spurred it and I told her nothing spurred it, I just didn't feel good. And she asked if my meds were working and I said I supposed not and I was paging my doctor. She just doesn't get it. Just has a different perspective on things, I suppose.
Trying very hard to motivate myself to start working on my sociology course, but really really don't want to. I'd rather read and read and read about fun things, happy things. But I don't want to start a new novel until I get some of the sociology done. :-(
Met with my boss this morning and he said they're going to move me from the third floor to the first floor. I will lose my window but will be closer to the action. I see the positive and negative side of this. Perhaps it will give me more motivation to be at work on time and will enable me to get my work done more efficiently. On the downside, I WILL have to get to work on time and I will have to be more vigilant in reporting to my boss about the time that I am away from the office for therapy and doctor's visits and such.
And it may create even more stress because I won't be able to take it easy on days I am feeling less motivated. Plus, I'm wondering about my office and I think it will be smaller and I'm already crammed in the one I'm in, so not sure how they're going to do that. I have bookcases and filing cabinets that are packed full - so it will be interesting. Oh well, that part is NOT my problem.
P
Posted by Penny on July 18, 2003, at 12:25:34
In reply to TGIF, posted by Penny on July 18, 2003, at 10:15:19
I emailed my roommate about my office being moved and I said that it could be both a good thing and a bad thing in that it could (and hopefully will) motivate me more and improve my work but that if not I might be looking for a new job. Here's her reply:
and as far as you looking for another job, unfortunately, with what you are feeling as far as not focusing, no motivation,
etc, you are going to face that at any job- whether that one or a new one... if you can find a new one.
Uh....how helpful is THAT??????? It really bugs me that she always has to remind me of the negatives, as if I don't already have them swimming around in my head all the time anyway. It's why I don't want to tell her anything. When she says things like that, it just sticks in my head and makes me more and more upset.At the same time, I'm afraid (yes, afraid) of responding b/c of the reaction I get. What I would like to say: "It's really not helpful to me when you respond this way. I realize that if I lose my job it will be difficult to find another one. This is one reason that being depressed is so hard for me to deal with. And I am TRYING to do my job, but my best might not be good enough."
What I will say: nothing at all.
I can't deal with her getting angry with me. So, I hold it all in.
I feel trapped. Caged in, with no way out. Well, only one way out, but I'm not ready to go there yet.
[P|e|n|n|y]
Posted by giget on July 18, 2003, at 13:05:30
In reply to Re: and..., posted by Penny on July 18, 2003, at 12:25:34
Sorry about all the problems. And the last thing you need is to go home and have a mad roomate. I would suggest to just leave it alone, but then if it was me I would say something but I am a redhead.
That is the thing with people who have never had a mental problem. They think that you have to feel bad for a reason and something had to be wrong for you to feel that way. They see what they go through and wonder "why can't you just handle it, everyone has problems alot worse than yours" I have heard that so many times.
People just do not understand that it is different with a person with a mental illness. Our brain does not connect like others, our lines of thought are constantly crossing.
I wish everyone in the world could just feel an hour of what we go through, then they might be inclinded to understand that we have no control.
Posted by fallsfall on July 18, 2003, at 13:06:32
In reply to Re: and..., posted by Penny on July 18, 2003, at 12:25:34
As I started to read the first post my reaction about your office move was "Great! She has been feeling isolated up on the third floor. Now she'll be where the people are, that should make things easier". Just my reaction. I think it will be a positive thing for you. If you are like me, when you sneak off to therapy or get something done late and your boss doesn't know, you feel guilty about it - and in my case that's probably worse than any reaction I would get out of my boss.
Reading your verbal exchange with your roommate, I'm not really seeing what she said that was wrong. She wasn't able to help you, but it looked like her questions were caring and reasonable. Her email was a bit much though.
Maybe you shouldn't see your roommate as your confidante or your cheering section. Maybe she is your "Let's watch a movie in our pajamas" friend, or your "I don't want to eat alone" friend.
Do something fun this weekend, even if you haven't finished your sociology.
Posted by Penny on July 18, 2003, at 13:14:01
In reply to Re: and..., posted by giget on July 18, 2003, at 13:05:30
Posted by giget on July 18, 2003, at 13:15:45
In reply to Re: I'm a redhead too! (nm) » giget, posted by Penny on July 18, 2003, at 13:14:01
How does that not surprise me.... ? Plus I am an Aries which is just a overstuffed redhead... plus some good qualities.
Posted by Penny on July 18, 2003, at 13:28:50
In reply to Re: and... » Penny, posted by fallsfall on July 18, 2003, at 13:06:32
I guess what got to me about her message was the added "...if you get a job". Because she didn't need to add that. And she's always doing things like that, saying little things that just stick in my head, and I don't think she does it maliciously or anything, but it really gets to me. She pushes me on things that really bother me, like work and school issues, but she acts like she is my mother (except that my mother doesn't act this way). What I mean is that she tries to 'remind' me of reality - yes the job market is bad, yes I need to keep my job, yes it would be terrible if I lost my job. And it's with the undertone of "I don't know why this is such a problem for you." You'd have to hear her say these things - the tone of voice she uses, like she is talking down to me.
I certainly don't need her reminding me of the reality I face if I lose my job.
My therapist asked me if I had ever talked to her about being an 'active listener' meaning that she listens to me talk about the things that worry me but doesn't offer advice. Is just there for me without throwing things back at me. But if I brought that up, my roommate would take offense.
Last summer she was on my case about how I hadn't followed up with this job application and I finally blew up and asked her to just stop trying to help me. I told her that if I wanted her help, I would ask for it. That I didn't appreciate her giving my name to someone about a job without talking to me first because *she* thought it was a good opportunity, then getting upset with me (really upset) because I didn't follow up - and then starting to rant about "people just don't appreciate it when I try to help them, so I'm not going to help anyone anymore..." and so on. It really made me angry. At the time I was really depressed and just didn't have the energy or motivation to respond to a job opportunity I wasn't interested in. And she didn't understand that.
She seems to think that I should be able to just push everything down and get my work done like she does. She has a pretty good work ethic, and I don't, and she continually reminds me of it. Not that she's on time to work everyday or anything. And she talks about being depressed sometimes, but clearly it's not the type of depression I experience, because if it was, she would be more understanding.
I guess what I needed her to say was something like, "the office move will be a good thing and you will be able to overcome the fatigue and motivation problems eventually. it sounds like your boss is being helpful, so try to not worry about it so much." or something to that effect. Not the negative response of "it's not going to get better as long as you're feeling bad so you might better keep your job because it won't be better anywhere else and you might not be able to find another job." that's how I read her message. yippee.
I realize that my perception of what she said might be skewed, but, again, if she understood how I felt about things, she would keep her mouth shut unless she had something positive to say.
But I can't tell her that. Because she would get mad at me and I can't take that. Even if she does think I'm just lazy and don't work hard enough.
P
Posted by Penny on July 18, 2003, at 13:29:55
In reply to Re: I'm a redhead too!, posted by giget on July 18, 2003, at 13:15:45
Yeah - I'm a libra, and I'm supposed to be 'balanced' - but I'm certainly up and down, not level at all. Though I suppose when it really matters I am pretty level-headed. I dunno.
Posted by giget on July 18, 2003, at 14:25:46
In reply to Re: I'm a redhead too! » giget, posted by Penny on July 18, 2003, at 13:29:55
Ha.. me and balanced or level-headed... no way. We are very creative, have a hard time seeing another persons side to things, adventerous, and loving. But we like to be who we are, and show that to the world. We will take a stand for what we believe no matter what happens. We talk alot through our heart which gets us in trouble because we sometimes do not think before speaking....
We are a fire sign... and it shows!
> Yeah - I'm a libra, and I'm supposed to be 'balanced' - but I'm certainly up and down, not level at all. Though I suppose when it really matters I am pretty level-headed. I dunno.
Posted by yesac on July 18, 2003, at 14:46:41
In reply to Re: I'm a redhead too!, posted by giget on July 18, 2003, at 13:15:45
> Plus I am an Aries which is just a overstuffed redhead... plus some good qualities.
My sister is a red-headed Aries, not that you should care, but I thought I'd mention it. Not me though. Blonde-ish Aquarius... independent (yes), creative (not really), bold (no), trustworthy (yes), devoted (yes).... I don't know what else.
Posted by giget on July 18, 2003, at 14:56:36
In reply to Re: I'm a redhead too! » giget, posted by yesac on July 18, 2003, at 14:46:41
It is actually surprising the number of Aries with Red hair... Red is our color too..
Is your sister anything like I said? I bet she is... we are very noticable people.
Posted by Dinah on July 18, 2003, at 15:02:31
In reply to Re: and..., posted by Penny on July 18, 2003, at 12:25:34
Ohhhhh, how I understand how you feel. I can't tell my husband things for the same reason. I kind of screen everything in my head for his probable reaction before deciding what to tell him.
Actually even my therapist is big on the get yourself moving advice. I wish it were that simple.
Posted by yesac on July 18, 2003, at 15:06:50
In reply to Re: I'm a redhead too!, posted by giget on July 18, 2003, at 14:25:46
> Ha.. me and balanced or level-headed... no way.
Are aries supposed to be? Yeah, I'm not sure I'd call my sister level-headed, but she's not totally wacked either (and I don't mean wacked as a bad thing!)
> have a hard time seeing another persons side to things, adventerous, and loving.
I think she has a hard time seeing MY side of things a lot, she can be quite stubborn in listening to anyone else's point of view, which can really piss me off at times!
>We will take a stand for what we believe no matter what happens.
I think I'm more like that than she is, though I'm not outspoken about it. But I am really into "doing what I think is right" - that might be the Aquarius in me!
>
> We are a fire sign... and it shows!
Posted by fallsfall on July 18, 2003, at 15:09:34
In reply to Re: and... » fallsfall, posted by Penny on July 18, 2003, at 13:28:50
Penny,
Yes, I agree completely with you on the job stuff. Her email was not helpful.
When I said I wasn't sure what was wrong with what she said, was your conversation:
> My roommate said, "What's wrong" and I said "I don't feel well" and she said "Did you not have a good therapy session?" and I told her that there is really no such thing as a good therapy session. She responded that usually I feel better after therapy and I told her that I just felt bad in general and it had nothing to do with therapy and she wanted to know what spurred it and I told her nothing spurred it, I just didn't feel good. And she asked if my meds were working and I said I supposed not and I was paging my doctor. She just doesn't get it. Just has a different perspective on things, I suppose.
Maybe there were verbal inflections that don't come through the written word. Maybe there is history that adds hidden meanings. Maybe I'm just dense.
I wish you peace.
Posted by Dinah on July 18, 2003, at 15:10:36
In reply to my sister » giget, posted by yesac on July 18, 2003, at 15:06:50
And I've got to tell you, I'm soooooo not Sagittarius.
Posted by yesac on July 18, 2003, at 15:15:25
In reply to Re: I'm a Sagittarius, posted by Dinah on July 18, 2003, at 15:10:36
After all this talk, I am feeling the need to go to an astrology website and refresh my mind about how I'm supposed to be!
Posted by Penny on July 18, 2003, at 15:31:38
In reply to Re: and... » Penny, posted by fallsfall on July 18, 2003, at 15:09:34
> Penny,
>
> Yes, I agree completely with you on the job stuff. Her email was not helpful.
>
> When I said I wasn't sure what was wrong with what she said, was your conversation:
>
> > My roommate said, "What's wrong" and I said "I don't feel well" and she said "Did you not have a good therapy session?" and I told her that there is really no such thing as a good therapy session. She responded that usually I feel better after therapy and I told her that I just felt bad in general and it had nothing to do with therapy and she wanted to know what spurred it and I told her nothing spurred it, I just didn't feel good. And she asked if my meds were working and I said I supposed not and I was paging my doctor. She just doesn't get it. Just has a different perspective on things, I suppose.
>
> Maybe there were verbal inflections that don't come through the written word. Maybe there is history that adds hidden meanings. Maybe I'm just dense.
>
> I wish you peace.No, you're certainly not dense! I didn't realize that was the conversation you were referring to, and, after re-reading what I wrote, I can understand what you mean. I guess what's just so frustrating about it to me is that she's always asking the same questions over and over, as though my answers are really gonna change that much, as though things are just going to magically change and I will be all better again.
It just gets tiring.
Thanks, dear.
P
Posted by yesac on July 18, 2003, at 16:20:00
In reply to astrology signs, posted by yesac on July 18, 2003, at 15:15:25
Apparantly, this is my horoscope for today:
You are probably feeling especially sexy, dear Aquarius, and you might want
to take a lover out for a romantic dinner. You would especially enjoy going all
out, experimenting with a new outfit and perfume or cologne. On a more
mundane note, investments, either of time or money, should pay off today, as
could hard work performed in the past. Have a great day!Sounds pretty good, huh? Unfortunately, it seems to me that none of it is true (not that any horoscope ever is)!
Posted by fallsfall on July 18, 2003, at 17:02:35
In reply to Re: and..., posted by Penny on July 18, 2003, at 15:31:38
Yes, it gets tiring to hear the same questions. And it gets tiring to have the answers stay the same. They keep telling me that it will get better, so I'm waiting. Want to wait with me?
This is the end of the thread.
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