![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by yesac on June 23, 2003, at 18:17:55
I feel lame or something. I'm not even sure if I should post because I feel like I post all the time and I'm afraid that people get bored with my posts. But I guess this fear is not stopping me. Things seem to be going downhill for me over the past few days. I can't figure out what it is. I wonder if the medication even is really working like I had thought it was. I'm so tired of it all. I can't focus on anything and am so bored with everything. I've been wondering if this is just depression or a symptom of attention-deficit problems (I really don't think that I have the full-blown disorder, but definitely some pretty strong symptoms).
I had been feeling a bit more hopeful about life, but now I am just not. I think about some of the people who have not felt much better throughout their whole lives, and god, that idea is just totally unbearable that I could go through much more like this without feeling better.
I am tempted to go off of medication and just say F--k it! But then other times I cling to the hope that MAYBE something can help me if I don't give up.
I don't even know. I just feel much more down, depressed, annoyed, hopeless, and hurt. The only thing I really want to do is just to be asleep. It's the only relief, the only activity that isn't some awful thing to get through the day, the only time that I don't really have to deal with life.
Why does this all have to be so awful? Life just seems really ridiculous and pathetic and lame.
Posted by Sabina on June 23, 2003, at 19:19:19
In reply to please read, posted by yesac on June 23, 2003, at 18:17:55
I read. You're not lame and you're feelings are as valid here as anyone else's, never boring. I probably can't say anything to make you feel better, but I had to reply, anyway. I don't know you, but I do know that your words really hit home for me. The ups and downs, to medicate or stop, the temporary relief of sleep that I'm thinking about even as I type these words. I just keep trying to hold onto hope. My thoughts will be with you.
Bina
Posted by Dinah on June 23, 2003, at 20:08:06
In reply to please read, posted by yesac on June 23, 2003, at 18:17:55
Boy does that sound familiar. I'm not very coherent tonight because I finally gave in after what seems like weeks of insomnia and took something that had me pretty well passed out all evening. But even if I'm not too articulate, I wanted to offer you support. I know when I am in a downswing it feels as if I've always felt that way, and will always feel that way. But I know somewhere in me that that isn't true.
I hope you start to feel better again soon.
Posted by fallsfall on June 23, 2003, at 20:17:58
In reply to please read, posted by yesac on June 23, 2003, at 18:17:55
I, too, can relate to what you are saying - I was going to find one special part that applies particularly to me, but it sort of all applies.
Please do not go off your medication. Please. If you really can't take it any more, then call your pdoc and at least talk about it. Maybe you even want to call in the morning and make an appointment for as soon as you can. Then you only have to "emergency" call if you can't hold out until the appointment.
Be good to yourself. Do only what you want to do. The rest will wait (believe me, I can prove it). Do something fun. Buy some crayons and color (they smell so good). Visit with someone who will give you a hug. Eat ice cream. Eat chocolate. Well, these are some of my favorites...
Let us know how it goes.
Posted by noa on June 23, 2003, at 21:30:33
In reply to please read, posted by yesac on June 23, 2003, at 18:17:55
Casey, don't co off your meds. Hang in there. I know how a downturn can discourage so profoundly, but a downturn doesn't have to mean doom. I know because I have been through this over and over. And eventually, I began to tolerate some down-turns and not give them more power than they deserve.
Hang in there. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water. If the down turn doesn't fade after a while, talk to your pdoc about tweaking your meds. But don't give up on meds altogether. Or on yourself.
Posted by justyourlaugh on June 23, 2003, at 21:53:00
In reply to Re: please read » yesac, posted by noa on June 23, 2003, at 21:30:33
c,
i wish you well friend...
i will brush off some chip bags,,water bottles and freezie wrapppers and make room on my couch for you....
i will be here all night...i no longer sleep in my room...
ill leave the light on for you:)
j
Posted by giget on June 24, 2003, at 7:37:29
In reply to Re: please read, posted by justyourlaugh on June 23, 2003, at 21:53:00
I have found through my depression and since then I can not sleep in my bedroom also... Do you do it for a reason?
I live alone, so it is not about anyone else but myself... I only know part of the reason I do it, because that is my calm place, where I get away from the world and I can bearly take everything in yet alone be calm...
> c,
> i wish you well friend...
> i will brush off some chip bags,,water bottles and freezie wrapppers and make room on my couch for you....
> i will be here all night...i no longer sleep in my room...
> ill leave the light on for you:)
> j
Posted by yesac on June 24, 2003, at 12:40:36
In reply to Re: please read » justyourlaugh, posted by giget on June 24, 2003, at 7:37:29
> I have found through my depression and since then I can not sleep in my bedroom also... Do you do it for a reason?
I always sleep in my bedroom - well, there's nowhere else I could sleep really - my roomates would probably find it pretty weird to find me in the living room each morning! But at times, I have become so frustrated with trying to fall asleep (it would take me hours and hours during some phases of insomnia) that I would turn around in my bed with my head going the "wrong" direction, or even lay on the floor to try to fall asleep. Usually it didn't help. But now, I have trazodone!
Posted by yesac on June 24, 2003, at 13:49:23
In reply to Re: please read » yesac, posted by fallsfall on June 23, 2003, at 20:17:58
> Please do not go off your medication. Please. If you really can't take it any more, then call your pdoc and at least talk about it. Maybe you even want to call in the morning and make an appointment for as soon as you can. Then you only have to "emergency" call if you can't hold out until the appointment.
I considered it. I feel like I either see him or call him practically every week. I feel so ridiculous about that, but I've managed to get passed that most of the time. It's just so hard for me to let myself cry out for help after years of never ever doing that, not even for small things like help with school work or asking for directions.
It's weird. I've become so impatient with medication. After months and months (well, years really) of trying to find something that works, with no success, I just get so frustrated with it. I want to push my doses up early on because I don't want to waste time, even though it wouldn't matter anyway since they take a while to kick in no matter what your dose is.
Before my current psychiatrist, I used to never call with complaints or to say I need an earlier appt. But then, I never really had one who I could do that with until now. Right now, I hesitate to call him because I just think "what can he really do?" (a very usual thought for me which has often been what keeps me from asking for any sort of help). I just started Parnate. I need to just wait. Oh well. I'll call him if I really need to, if only for some reassurance.
Posted by yesac on June 24, 2003, at 14:10:30
In reply to Re: please read, posted by justyourlaugh on June 23, 2003, at 21:53:00
Thanks, as always, for the words of support.
Today I feel somewhat better - let's see if it continues after I leave work though. Work is good for me at times because it is social, which is more than I can say for a lot of my time not at work, and generally laid-back and nice to go online in between doing stuff. But often, later at home, is when things really suck because I just get so bored and the hours drag by until I can go to bed, and there's nothing that I want to do. I usually like it when I have to go grocery shopping or do laundry or some other little task, because it takes up time and also helps me feel like I've accomplished something. Also, problems with my roomate as of late make me want to avoid her more than usual. Despite this boredom, I think I am going to skip my group tonight because I just really don't want to go. It's DBT, and basically I hate it, but I feel like I should stick with it because it might be able to help me if only a little bit. Just not tonight.
Posted by shar on June 24, 2003, at 21:32:59
In reply to please read, posted by yesac on June 23, 2003, at 18:17:55
> Things seem to be going downhill for me over the past few days.
This statement really caught my attention, because if there is any bunch that ought not look to the past few days as a predictor of the future, it's probably us.
Days can be horrid, the worst hell imagineable, and turn into weeks or months that have had their down sides but, overall, have not been nightmares.
This applies to parenting, too, imo, that it should have a broader measure than days.
I suppose I would encourage you to make it through the days, and analyze the months.
Hoping you feel better,
Shar
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.