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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mmcasey on May 9, 2003, at 11:05:59
UGGHHHH! I am not looking forward to this weekend. I don't know what to do. I don't feel like doing anything at all. I don't really want to hang out with the guy that I've been seeing (not sure about the relationship at all anymore, for that matter), but I don't want to be bored and alone. THIS SUCKS! I may just try to do what noa suggested - to rent and watch light movies, but even that doesn't sound too appealing to me because of my concentration and engagement problems. I need to study for my GRE (!) but I can't focus on that either. I know I'm not going to do well on it and I'll have to pay another $115 to take it again. Why why why why why??????
Everything is so hard! I just started a brand new med (Lamictal) and it's going to take weeks to help, if it helps at all. I have no therapist anymore and I am looking for a new one. But right now I am floundering. I only have my psychiatrist.I think at times that I should really be in the hospital.
I don't know what to do.
Posted by mmcasey on May 9, 2003, at 12:16:22
In reply to Help Help Help!!, posted by mmcasey on May 9, 2003, at 11:05:59
I want to just die. I want the pain and misery to end!!!
Posted by leeran on May 9, 2003, at 14:26:37
In reply to Help Help Help!!, posted by mmcasey on May 9, 2003, at 11:05:59
MM -
I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling this way today. I know (from reading your other posts) that you feel this way quite a bit of the time.
I understand that "Friday feeling" (that's what I call it) of not wanting to be alone on the weekend - yet dreading time spent with someone who may, or may not, be someone whose company you really enjoy. For me, weekends can be wonderful - or they can be nightmarish. In the last year or so, Fridays have become a reminder of everything I haven't accomplished during the preceding week.
When I read your post (I read it twice) I felt that sense of overwhelming "oh no" that I experience when I'm dreading something (or everything) in the future (my most recent case of this has been a dental problem). Every other stressor (regardless of importance) layers around this central dread until I feel like I'm being consumed by my fear. When I stop and ask myself "what's bothering me so much," my mental reply is a litany of endless ills that seem impossible to resolve.
When I get like this it seems to be during a time when I'm on the wrong medication, or not taking any medication (you mentioned getting used to Lamictal).
I think it sounds like you need some kind of immediate relief from all the stressors you feel, the sooner the better. I get the impression that the GRE is one of your biggest stressors.
You mentioned going to the hospital. I have never been through this, but the impression I've gotten from others (here) who have been hospitalized is that it can help. I know there have been times when I thought that a week of being physically and mentally removed from my arena of pain would make all the difference in the world.Maybe that's just what your survival instinct is telling you right now. When you think about it, if we are in intense physical pain we know that we must seek medical attention for relief from the pain. It seems like that darned stigma comes into play when it comes to intense emotional/mental pain. MM, suffering is suffering, be it physical or emotional suffering. When others (referring to myself) can clearly feel your pain through your words it seems obvious that you are in need of some relief from your pain. If you had a compound fracture you wouldn't think twice about seeking immediate relief from the agony.
I'm referring to your second post. Pain that makes you feel like you want to die. Pain is our body's way of telling us something is wrong. If checking in to a hospital can give you any relief at all (which I'm guessing it can), then please, MM, take that route. Right now things are working against you - getting used to the Lamictal, not having your therapist - and I'm sure that makes it all the more difficult. Just like we can't set our own broken arm, we can't necessarily re-set our own broken spirit.
If you were my daughter (I'm guessing our age difference is such that you could be) I wouldn't even hesitate one moment in doing everything I could to eliminate some of this pain you're experiencing.
If I had just read a note written by my son with the same words you have posted here we would be on our way somewhere.
Take care of yourself, MM. It is so important.
Posted by ayuda on May 9, 2003, at 15:47:49
In reply to Help Help Help!!, posted by mmcasey on May 9, 2003, at 11:05:59
> UGGHHHH! I am not looking forward to this weekend. I don't know what to do. I don't feel like doing anything at all. I don't really want to hang out with the guy that I've been seeing (not sure about the relationship at all anymore, for that matter), but I don't want to be bored and alone. THIS SUCKS! I may just try to do what noa suggested - to rent and watch light movies, but even that doesn't sound too appealing to me because of my concentration and engagement problems. I need to study for my GRE (!) but I can't focus on that either. I know I'm not going to do well on it and I'll have to pay another $115 to take it again. Why why why why why??????
> Everything is so hard! I just started a brand new med (Lamictal) and it's going to take weeks to help, if it helps at all. I have no therapist anymore and I am looking for a new one. But right now I am floundering. I only have my psychiatrist.
>
> I think at times that I should really be in the hospital.
>
> I don't know what to do.I know this is just a minor part of your stress, but when are you taking the GRE? Do you have a study guide that you are using? I've taken the GRE twice (in 1989 and 2000), and found that the Barron's study guide helped prepare me as well as anything else could. As long as you get the gist of how to answer the questions, you should be fine.
Also, unlike the SAT, whatever area is not going to be important to your grad studies, don't stress on it too much. Like, I'm a historian, so I didn't bother boning up much on math/algebra, etc., and never took trig or calc or anything, so I didn't do too well on the quantitative, but it wasn't important to my area. Even the verbal wasn't as important as the analytical. And using the study guide got me familiar with the kinds of questions they asked, so I did fairly well on that part both times.
It sounds like you are quite stressed out. Maybe you do just need some meditative time alone to be entertained. If you feel you don't have the attention span for a movie, maybe rent one that you've seen before that you really loved, so that if you miss something, it doesn't matter. Or, rent a stand-up comedy routine of one of your favorite comedians, so that if you miss a couple of jokes, so what, it won't disturb the continuity. And you can always rewind, or rewatch it. The trick is to keep your mind and emotions off the stress and occupied.
Posted by justyourlaugh on May 9, 2003, at 17:43:33
In reply to Re: Help Help Help!! » mmcasey, posted by ayuda on May 9, 2003, at 15:47:49
mm,
i hope i get the room next to you at the hospital...
not funny but,,
i feel for you,,,as you would know how i feel.
put on a "jewel"cd and try to cry it out
j
Posted by lostsailor on May 9, 2003, at 19:13:42
In reply to Re: Help Help Help!!, posted by justyourlaugh on May 9, 2003, at 17:43:33
Casey,
I have a great idea about GRE's
Do as I did on a long stalled graduate stint:
just find a school that does not require them
or
offer to take the MAT's--easier
Make them want you !!Switch departments and your life's studies with a pc or paper application. Make split feeble choices like I did. It?s easy, but wait till that lamictal kicks in.
The
Doc and I chat about what would be different had he diagnosed my first few manic episodes but the timing
was perfect and at that time our repoir not complete enough for me to speak
or for him to read me from the volumes he has on me nowI feel like a commercial of how not to end up like me...
Doc!!!!
J,
would a cutter cut
if there was a legal, safe venue
to have it done?
o
r
would that just suck the blood out
of such macabre fun???we can't be brothers, because you are a mother
so you can't be a male...
I have no kids
OmG...
could you be my sister????On hospitals:
I went once out of self-alarm
really insisting to my doc that the sky was falling and
They let me stay?I had the BEST few days. I truly feel that for those few moments I lived my own "breakfast club"
Anyone else car to come, if we converged in one area and worked at it,
We could get our own floor and order "mystic Pizza" ??
~tony
Posted by justyourlaugh on May 9, 2003, at 22:47:14
In reply to Re: Help Help Help!!---mmJ, posted by lostsailor on May 9, 2003, at 19:13:42
i truely doubt...pretty much about everything..
tony,,you are talented,,,
keep that chin up...i have no idea why some woman has not claimed you as theirs...
but then again it takes a "true sole" to see you.wait it out ...it will come..
where do you live again?lol
knock knock
Posted by lostsailor on May 9, 2003, at 23:10:08
In reply to t » lostsailor, posted by justyourlaugh on May 9, 2003, at 22:47:14
Posted by noa on May 10, 2003, at 8:23:21
In reply to t » lostsailor, posted by justyourlaugh on May 9, 2003, at 22:47:14
There is nothing like a major "SHOULD" burden weighing down on you to depress you and make you not know what to do with your weekend. I understand this phenomenon.
But GRE's are not important enough to die for. I know, that is oversimplifying the equation, but really, the berating you are doing to yourself for the "shoulds" is a major factor, I'm sure, in feeling so pressed, and therefore having the suicdal feelings. I have gotten myself in similar binds. None of these things is worth dying for.
If you are feeling suicidal, please please please contact your mental health professional. Please keep yourself safe.
I also have some questions:
1) Why are you taking the GRE's?
2) Are you sure you really want to go to grad school at this point in time?
3)Would it help to have someone help you break down the studying into realistic chunks of time and spread the studying out?
4) Would it help to have a tutor to study with--that way it would be more structured, and not have to do it alone.
5)What would you want to do if your life were free of these pressures? Ie, imagine yourself working and having your weekends completely for leisure. You have the time, you have adequate money......what would you enjoy doing?
Posted by mmcasey on May 12, 2003, at 20:32:04
In reply to Re: GRE's, posted by noa on May 10, 2003, at 8:23:21
> 1) Why are you taking the GRE's?
To get into grad school. It is required where I want to go.
> 2) Are you sure you really want to go to grad school at this point in time?
Yes! I do question whether I can really handle it, but I am determined to apply in the fall this year and start in the fall of next year (assuming I get in).
> 3)Would it help to have someone help you break down the studying into realistic chunks of time and spread the studying out?
I am trying to do that - spread it out.
> 4) Would it help to have a tutor to study with--that way it would be more structured, and not have to do it alone.
Possibly. But there is no one who could do it with me.
> 5)What would you want to do if your life were free of these pressures? Ie, imagine yourself working and having your weekends completely for leisure. You have the time, you have adequate money......what would you enjoy doing?
That's how my life has been for a little while, with the exception of adequate money I guess. And honestly, I don't like it. I am very bored. I know I need to find more activities that I really ENJOY doing, and I do try, but it is hard. I just moved here (well, last October) and it has been a continuous struggle. I am far from my family and friends. I have gotten involved in some things but I also need to chill out. I don't know. It's confusing.
Posted by noa on May 14, 2003, at 18:51:34
In reply to Re: GRE's » noa, posted by mmcasey on May 12, 2003, at 20:32:04
YOu may be right that if you get busier with some other activities, you could be more efficient about the "must do's", instead of them stretching to fill all the time, and making you miserable. Empty room theory: I used to dream of having more than one room in my flat. How much better it would be, etc. Well, then I got it, and guess what. If you have it you will fill it. So it no longer feels like "more" space cuz it's full. I think it is a similar phenom with time. GRE burden, and the like, will always fill up what ever time you have "available", but you won't necessarily feel more accomplished about it.
Why not hire an actual tutor?
Posted by lostsailor on May 14, 2003, at 19:47:40
In reply to Re: GRE's, posted by noa on May 14, 2003, at 18:51:34
Like others have mentioned, ayuda I think I am referring to mostly I believe, GREs are only a fraction of your totally grad school application. Like SATs, they are proven to be culturally biased and not a guarantee, in any fashion, to truly predict your academic potential and most schools know and acknowledge that. Many schools are dropping GREs entirely or definitely weighting them differently than before.If you are gonna do it, though, you can buy or go to any library and check out Barron's or Kaplan study/prep books. I think one publisher even gives a cd-rom for simulated on-line testing--they have totally phased out the paper exam by now right??? I know when I was getting ready for grad school they were switching to computer exams vs. paper.
Also, you can check and/or post on campus bulletin boards for a study group--most will admit to "application anxiety" and would like a study buddy or two.
Also, there is that "class" you can take offered by (Kaplan???) for like 500$ or so if you have it the money, but I think they are a bit of a waste, as they just spoon-fed you what you can do, and prob. better, the exam material.
Also, get the BEST letters of reference you can. Those + your grades from the last 60 or so credit hours are the most important part of your application, aside from evaluations from any internships you have done, if you have that is. All grad schools, just about, weight the latter part of your schooling as opposed to fresh and soph. years.
Also, if you are into this, you can contact the school's, uummm, thinking, "disability office" and they can help "push" application if you have a letter from doc. Word of warning, though, that step is irreversible and stigma may arise for "outing" yourself re: mental illness.
I would Goggle search and use the net too looking for simulated GREs and like ayuda mentioned study the hardest for the parts of the exam that will most interest the application committee. You can also, use bribes and blackmail=:).
Good luck and keep us posted.
~tony
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