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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mmcasey on May 1, 2003, at 13:23:54
Does anyone else have a really hard time with losing
their therapist? Yesterday was my last session with the
therapist I've seen every week for 7 months. The reason
is because she's a student and her internship is over, and
she is graduating. I had almost the exact same situation
2 years ago when I lost my therapist because I was graduating
from college and she was finishing her Ph.D. and moving.
I just find it SO HARD to deal with. I still miss that
therapist from 2 years ago, and I am anticipating difficulty
dealing with my current loss. It has started already, just
this empty feeling and missing her and thinking about her
and desperately wanting to talk to her, etc. It really sucks,
and unfortunately there is not much that helps.Thanks in advance for your input!
Posted by noa on May 1, 2003, at 19:22:02
In reply to lost my therapist :(, posted by mmcasey on May 1, 2003, at 13:23:54
It does suck, the feeling of loss. Grieve a little first. Then, find another therapist. Hopefully one who is not an intern.
Posted by justyourlaugh on May 1, 2003, at 20:56:48
In reply to lost my therapist :(, posted by mmcasey on May 1, 2003, at 13:23:54
mm,
i honestly feel this site is my "journal" my "theapist" i lost it this week when my computer died...(on husband's laptop now)..i felt i lost my life line..
we can learn to be stronger when we dont have an option.
j
Posted by fallsfall on May 2, 2003, at 7:46:12
In reply to lost my therapist :(, posted by mmcasey on May 1, 2003, at 13:23:54
I can sympathize with your pain. I am dependent on my therapist of 8 years, and we have been going through some rough times that feel like "breaking up". It has completely immobilized me. But I did go to see a woman who was a group therapist for me 7 years ago - I needed some perspective on my current therapy. I found her very comforting, very safe - all the things my current therapist isn't (wasn't?). This made me believe that even if I had to leave her that there were other therapists who could help me - so I felt less alone.
My sister likes to use the students for her therapists. She finds that she gets a new perspective from each. I would never survive that way!
The previous suggestion to find a therapist who will be around for a while sounds like a good idea to me. Be sure to shop around a little, there are different types of therapy (Cognitive-Behavioral, Psychodynamic etc.), and each therapist is unique. Since you have had 2 therapists you should have some idea of what you are looking for. Get recommendations from your doctors and friends and particularly if you have any friends who are therapists.
One thing you might want to try is to write letters to your last therapist - you don't need to send them. That might give you some connection and you may know her well enough to know how she would respond.
A support group in your area may help as well. Plus you may get some names of some good therapists there.
I wish you luck, and send you compassion. I know how difficult this is.
Posted by Dinah on May 2, 2003, at 8:50:49
In reply to lost my therapist :(, posted by mmcasey on May 1, 2003, at 13:23:54
I am sorry. I can't even imagine losing my therapist. I realize that you knew it was time limited because of her status, but I don't suppose that stops us from getting attached.
I think it's a good suggestion to find someone who will be around for a while. But I imagine that there are also advantages to having an enthusiastic intern as well.
Where do you think you'd like to go from here?
Posted by Dinah on May 2, 2003, at 9:00:29
In reply to Re: lost my friend » mmcasey, posted by justyourlaugh on May 1, 2003, at 20:56:48
I had noticed you were missing JYL. I'm sorry to hear that your computer is broken, but glad to hear you haven't deserted us. Nice to see you again.
Posted by Dinah on May 2, 2003, at 9:07:52
In reply to Re: lost my therapist :( » mmcasey, posted by fallsfall on May 2, 2003, at 7:46:12
I'm glad you decided to contact your former group therapist. It seems wise for you to find ways to cushion whatever happens. Did she seem agreeable to seeing you if you wish?
Posted by NikkiT2 on May 2, 2003, at 10:45:32
In reply to lost my therapist :(, posted by mmcasey on May 1, 2003, at 13:23:54
I am losing my therapist in a few weeks time, so am kinda understanding how you're feeling. Mine is having a baby, and while I think that is so wonderfu, I'm not getting a new therapist and am taerrified about just being left alone to deal with all this.
I'm in the UK, and wiating lists for therapists are *really* long.. I waited for two years to see mine, and as she isn't being replaced I am simply being put back on the two year wiating list. I am *so* annoyed at this.. I've only been seeing M since last August, but have come on leaps and bounds with her.. but htings aren't finished, and I feel that by being dumped now, I will lose the skills I have learnt and go way back down again.
I hope you can find a new one you feel comfortable with...
Goof luck
Nikki x
Posted by fallsfall on May 2, 2003, at 17:25:42
In reply to Re: lost my therapist :( » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on May 2, 2003, at 9:07:52
Yes, I saw her in March. I've posted a longer response in Psychological-Babble (Forever Therapy)
Posted by noa on May 2, 2003, at 17:46:18
In reply to Re: lost my therapist :( » mmcasey, posted by NikkiT2 on May 2, 2003, at 10:45:32
Nikki, I am sorry to hear this. Sigh.
Posted by leeran on May 2, 2003, at 19:15:25
In reply to lost my therapist :(, posted by mmcasey on May 1, 2003, at 13:23:54
Hi MM -
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a change in your therapy. I've never gone through long term therapy so I don't have any experiences to relay.
I know it's not very comforting in the short term, but in my own life I have found some of the changes I have dreaded the most have ended up evolving in ways that ended up being "okay" (and sometimes even better than "okay") when I've looked back on them later.
I've always been resistant to change and over the years a good friend of mine has always been there to remind me "sometimes a knock is a boost." I used to get so tired of her repeating that line, but as I look back, a lot of times she was right!
I had a reminder of that over a year ago when some events transpired that, at the time, were so difficult to deal with. It took us a while to see it, but we (my immediate family) actually ended up being in a better place in the long run.
In a way, this reminds me of a break up situation and I've always seen those as one minute, one hour, one day at at time situations. I'm sending positive prayers and thoughts your way, too - and keep posting, sometimes just typing it all out helps with the rough moments.
Lee
Posted by Dinah on May 2, 2003, at 19:43:58
In reply to Re: lost my therapist :( » mmcasey, posted by NikkiT2 on May 2, 2003, at 10:45:32
Two year waiting list to see a therapist?!!! That's incredible. There must be far fewer therapists per capita in the UK.
I'm sorry Nikki, I know you were very happy with how therapy was progressing.
Posted by tina on May 2, 2003, at 20:15:54
In reply to Re: lost my therapist :( » mmcasey, posted by NikkiT2 on May 2, 2003, at 10:45:32
I've never had a therapist that I've felt exactly 'comfortable' talking to. The last one I had, an intern, was very nice and my age and it was nice to have somewhere to go every thursday morning. BUT, as with every therapist I've had over the last 14 years, I wasn't "comfortable" I can't imagine what that feels like. I get to a certain point with therapists and then I can't go any further. My mind just won't let me and it shuts down. It either convinces me that I don't need therapy and that I'm just wasting this person's time or it sends me into a deep suicidal depression and I give up on therapy.
I suppose it's a coping mechanism. I have a protective wall inside my mind that has never come down. I wonder if it ever will.
Sorry, just rambling.
have a good weekend everyone
tina
Posted by Eggy on May 2, 2003, at 20:19:23
In reply to Re: lost my therapist :(, posted by Dinah on May 2, 2003, at 19:43:58
Just today I fired my therapist and made an appointment with a new one. I never thought I would leave Michael but we are in a rut and need some change. I feel like I lost my best friend. I did lose my best friend. I have a hard time trusting people and Michael was the first therapist I actually trusted. I have an appointment thursday to pick up my stuff and say goodbye. It is really going to be hard but, I spoke with my new therapist today and I think I'll be OK. Losing a therapist that you have confided in and leaned on is like... someone shooting your dog. We can only hope that somewhere out there is someone else to keep us going. I hope you find that therapist...just make sure their here to stay.
Posted by Dinah on May 2, 2003, at 20:22:27
In reply to I've never felt comfortable with therapist, posted by tina on May 2, 2003, at 20:15:54
Do you think it's fear of the relationship deepening into dependency or intimacy that sets off all your protective instincts? Or is it that the subject matter gets too threatening?
No need to answer of course, if the subject makes you uncomfortable. I imagine that therapy isn't for anyone, but something about the way you put it made me wonder whether you regret your discomfort and wish it could be different.
Posted by tina on May 2, 2003, at 20:29:08
In reply to Re: I've never felt comfortable with therapist » tina, posted by Dinah on May 2, 2003, at 20:22:27
I have always been a little distant from people in general. Feeling dependent is unacceptable but intimacy also scares me. So, I suppose it's a bit of both.
You're very insightful Dinah. Have you ever thought of being a therapist? I think you'd be good at it.
tina
Posted by Dinah on May 2, 2003, at 20:43:10
In reply to Re: I've never felt comfortable with therapist » Dinah, posted by tina on May 2, 2003, at 20:29:08
I think it would be a fascinating thing to do and to learn about. And I would enjoy being in a profession where I could actually help people.
But I am absolutely awful with people skills in person. Really awful. Not only have I also almost always been distant from others (a sociable alien apparently took over my body in tenth and twelth grades), but I've been distant for a reason. I have an absolute talent for alienating people, sending the wrong nonverbal signals, and putting my foot in my mouth. :)
It's a terrible irony isn't it? The most likely thing to help you feel comfortable with intimacy and interdependence is the same therapy that overwhelms you with its demands for intimacy and dependency.
Posted by justyourlaugh on May 2, 2003, at 21:37:45
In reply to Re: I've never felt comfortable with therapist » tina, posted by Dinah on May 2, 2003, at 20:43:10
dinah,,
i want to give you a "shake"..
you are so much..what you think you are not..
your beauty touches us all..
your ability to relate to each of us,,is a gift,,
i wish you could see how strong you are.
j
Posted by Dinah on May 2, 2003, at 22:03:49
In reply to Re: I've never felt comfortable ... » Dinah, posted by justyourlaugh on May 2, 2003, at 21:37:45
Thank you very much JYL. I really do appreciate your words. But if you met me in real life you'd know what I mean. I don't feel bad about it really, it just is. I don't think of it much more than I think of the color of my hair. And while I recognize my weaknesses, I also recognize my strengths. It's all part of what makes me me, and I'm getting more and more comfortable with that. And a large part of why I'm getting more comfortable with that is this board and the people I meet here. :)
Posted by justyourlaugh on May 2, 2003, at 22:40:06
In reply to Re: I've never felt comfortable ... » justyourlaugh, posted by Dinah on May 2, 2003, at 22:03:49
dinah,,
could it be possible,we feel things "they" do not anymore?
how come we are so passionate???while others are so dead...yet we are the ones that feel alienated.
i will never believe i am the "ill" one...
dinah,,you seem to have everything together..what is your secret?
i am together,,yet missing so many pieces...
how do i stop this horrid, destructive,self absorbed,self............
Posted by mmcasey on May 3, 2003, at 12:29:28
In reply to Re: I've never felt comfortable with therapist » Dinah, posted by tina on May 2, 2003, at 20:29:08
The topics of intimacy and dependence and being a therapist are very interesting to me. Because, like you two both said, I usually am somewhat distant and afraid of being dependent, etc etc. But somehow, over the past few years, I have really gotten better at opening up with therapists, and growing dependent on them and really very clingy. It is different than I am with almost any other person. But this opening up and intimacy and dependence is what has made it SO HARD for me to lose the two therapists (the one I just lost and another one two years ago). There have been other therapists that I didn't see for so long and didn't feel as comfortable with or nearly as dependent.
Also, on the topic of being a therapist. Well, that is what I want to do. I am 24 now. I studied neuroscience in college and now work in psychiatry research (neuroimaging studies on schizophrenia). I am absolutely determined to go to school for social work starting next year. I have never felt so passionately about anything, and never been so sure about doing something. But I definitely have my fears and doubts. It's just that I can't really imagine doing anything else with my life and being satisfied.
Just wanted to share that!
Meghan
Posted by NikkiT2 on May 3, 2003, at 12:51:27
In reply to Re: lost my therapist :(, posted by Dinah on May 2, 2003, at 19:43:58
There are very few in the NHS, which is the huge problem. And very few of them specialise in CBT which is what I have been receiving. Its a huge problem for everyone, which is why so few people actually get to see one.. so many people I know end up having to pay, which is OK if you have the money, but when alot fo those in most need can't work it is a serious flaw in the system. In my opinion the US is still way ahead in its views on mental health.
But its like that for so much of the NHS.. I need nerve conduction tests done.. I saw the surgeon last week and he said that the waiting list for the test in 9 months!! Luckily Mum has offered to pay for me to go private so I am having the tests next week!
My mum had to have a radical mastectomy 10 years ago when she has pretty severe breast cancer. She didn;t want more surgery at the time, but decided 6 years ago when we lost dad that she would the reconstruction.. she waited 3 years for her first surgery, which they totally screwed up and she got MRSA, and then a further 18 months to have that curgery corrected. She's now on a 2 year waiting list to have her nipple re-built. It really is a joke.. but, atleast its free and we can have virtually any surgery we want for no real cost (we do pay through taxes and National Insurance)Sorry - rant over!!! been a bad week for me NHS wise!
Nikki x
Posted by NikkiT2 on May 3, 2003, at 12:55:35
In reply to I've never felt comfortable with therapist, posted by tina on May 2, 2003, at 20:15:54
I think I was incredibly lucky to stumble upon Maggie. The thing I like, and the reason I think I have progressed with her is we never actually discuss any "issues". We just deal with the here and now, and what problems I encounter day to day. Instead of saying WHY something is, we simply look at ways we can change it. I wouldn't do well in any more traditional therapy, as I refuse to talk about my issues, and I doubt very much whether I could actually ever find someone I could open up to.
Wish I could send you Maggie hun..
Nikki x
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