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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by SBOATRN on April 10, 2003, at 11:02:19
In reply to How to take a break??, posted by NikkiT2 on April 10, 2003, at 10:42:33
I'm with you on this one. It gets obsessive and the tying to figure the real from the illusions or flat out lies is maddening. You give of your HONEST self and don't necessarily get honesty back. Sometimes, I feel my emotional chain is getting jerked for others inapproiate needs or whatever they are after. In the meantime, you're in an emotional turmoil over stuff that may be less that honest information. I need to get out, too !!! I used alot of "I" statements, but sometimes I hoped to get blocked, too. Give me a good excuse to truly drop this game !!!! I dropped it once ... should have stayed gone !!!
Posted by Greg on April 10, 2003, at 11:44:43
In reply to How to take a break??, posted by NikkiT2 on April 10, 2003, at 10:42:33
Hey Nik,
From my perspective you have two choices. You can keep bottling up your feelings and take the chance that one day you'll just stop caring about what happens here. That's what happened to me. I know how much PB means to you, and I don't think you want that to happen to you. Or, you can say what's on your mind, pop a few corks, blow a few gaskets, take your punishment and probably feel a lot better. You may piss a few people off along the way, but s**t happens. I think I know what's gotten under your skin and personally I think it's worth a week or two off if it makes your head feel better.
Whatever you decide, I love you darlin'.
Greg
Posted by Rach on April 10, 2003, at 12:22:05
In reply to Re: How to take a break??, posted by Greg on April 10, 2003, at 11:44:43
Posted by mair on April 10, 2003, at 12:43:31
In reply to How to take a break??, posted by NikkiT2 on April 10, 2003, at 10:42:33
Nikki
You can always rant off the Board, either in an email to Dr. Bob or in an email exchange with other babblers. Somehow, getting it all down in writing helps me but I'm much too measured I think to lose it on-line.
Mair
Posted by Tabitha on April 10, 2003, at 14:36:29
In reply to How to take a break??, posted by NikkiT2 on April 10, 2003, at 10:42:33
is there another option besides either clamming up or losing it? can you write about what's bothering you without being-- I hate to use the word-- uncivil? It's a good skill to learn anyway, to say your own experience without putting others down. think of it as an exercise.. then if it doesn't help, you can still clam up.. or lose it!
Posted by judy1 on April 10, 2003, at 18:08:11
In reply to How to take a break??, posted by NikkiT2 on April 10, 2003, at 10:42:33
honestly Nikki I think those of us who have been here a while all feel that need at times. Some ways I've done it: deleted the site, took one day at a time when I didn't visit- which believe it or not makes each day easier. after a few weeks and the board archived I was able to come back and put everything behind me. (all this is different then just being depressed and being unable to post). I hope you decide to give yourself a little space until you feel more comfortable. take care of yourself-judy
Posted by judy1 on April 10, 2003, at 18:21:27
In reply to Re: How to take a break?? » NikkiT2, posted by judy1 on April 10, 2003, at 18:08:11
just wanted to add that I never read admin- it's just too upsetting. would it help to avoid that?-judy
Posted by jane d on April 10, 2003, at 18:31:41
In reply to Please figure it out and let me know how, too !!, posted by SBOATRN on April 10, 2003, at 11:02:19
> I'm with you on this one. It gets obsessive and the tying to figure the real from the illusions or flat out lies is maddening. You give of your HONEST self and don't necessarily get honesty back. Sometimes, I feel my emotional chain is getting jerked for others inapproiate needs or whatever they are after. In the meantime, you're in an emotional turmoil over stuff that may be less that honest information. I need to get out, too !!! I used alot of "I" statements, but sometimes I hoped to get blocked, too. Give me a good excuse to truly drop this game !!!! I dropped it once ... should have stayed gone !!!
SBOATRN,
I don't know whether you should stay or not but I had to answer your post because it described what I expected when I first started interacting online. For me the amazement has been in finding how many people, at this one site at least, are being honest about themselves. Every once in awhile I am still surprised at how many real people I have gotten to know. People who have been the same, consistent (within normal human limits) presence for years. Who may not tell you everything about themselves but who are upfront about the parts they don't want to tell you. The trick is to be able to enjoy those people while protecting yourself from the few who are not what they seem. A certain caution with newcomers is what works for me.Jane
By the way, the surprises can work the other way too. There have been posters who I initially didn't care for but who I later realized were great. Kind of like real life.
Posted by Lou Pilder on April 10, 2003, at 18:31:47
In reply to How to take a break??, posted by NikkiT2 on April 10, 2003, at 10:42:33
NikkiT2,
You wrote,"I need a break from this board and admin..I am fed up with the feeling of guilt I am getting over a certain incident."
Could you identify the incident that you are fed up with that you are having guilt feelings from? If you could, then support could be better facilitated , for the hidden will be revealed so that others here could have knowledge of it and, perhps offer you their perspective and, perhaps, their perspective could give you some direction to handle the incident so that you will not have the feelings of guilt.
Lou
Posted by NikkiT2 on April 10, 2003, at 19:13:26
In reply to Re: Lou's response to NikkiT2's post-HTTAB » NikkiT2, posted by Lou Pilder on April 10, 2003, at 18:31:47
I think its best for me not to go into it. I've talked it out over email with a friend, and am feeling more calm about it all now.
Nikki
Posted by SBOATRN on April 10, 2003, at 19:47:03
In reply to Re: honesty » SBOATRN, posted by jane d on April 10, 2003, at 18:31:41
I do thank you for your post and your words. I do hear what you are saying. I am just having a little difficulty with someone who would deliberately try to pull stuff over on your good graces. Yes, it happens in the real world and I guess I should expect it. It's just disheartening.
I have met some really great and genuine folks and am thankful for that. Don't know what I'll do. But, I do thank you.
Posted by shar on April 10, 2003, at 20:27:16
In reply to Re: How to take a break??, posted by Greg on April 10, 2003, at 11:44:43
Posted by justyourlaugh on April 10, 2003, at 20:39:19
In reply to To: jane d, posted by SBOATRN on April 10, 2003, at 19:47:03
pick yourself up..
shake it off..continue..?
i did this..then went to liquior store..
i shouldntbe posting to anyone..
peace
jyl
Posted by white rabbit on April 10, 2003, at 23:12:28
In reply to How to take a break??, posted by NikkiT2 on April 10, 2003, at 10:42:33
I've taken occasional breaks from PSB over the years, although for different reasons - sometimes because my husband was reading my posts and getting upset, and sometimes because I just got too depressed to write.
When I felt like writing again, it's always been OK to just come on back and start posting again.
Whenever you're ready. No formalities needed when you exit or enter, your friends miss you when you're gone and always welcome you back. If things are getting too intense for you, take a little break. Check in with the more neutral sites, like the book club, but give PSB a rest.But don't let a few irritating or irrational posters drive you away permanently from the people who enjoy your company. My own solution is to just ignore the posters who piss me off. I don't read their posts because I know that this person and I are not in sync. I don't feel any need to argue or try to sympathize with their point of view, because it's useless.
Well, at least I do try to keep this attitude going most of the time. We like to think that everyone else on earth has a somewhat similar set of morals and values as we have, but this simply isn't true. Even people that appear to be kindred on the surface (see my rant on my Pakistani doctor
in Psychological Babble) may turn out to be Martians under the skin.For example, on my first involuntary confinement to a mental ward, my roommate was a woman just like me...white, married with children, late 30s.
Unlike me, she talked and talked and talked. She sat on her bed, picking at her toenails, and told me that her life at home was hell because she had
four kids and a husband who beat all of them without mercy, even the baby. This woman told me that whenever she got "fed up", she would cut her arms with a razor and call an ambulance."This is my vacation," she said, laughing. "No husband, no kids, no housework. This is the third time I've been in here."
"Where are your kids now?" I asked her.
She kind of shrugged and said, "I guess they're at home with my husband."I nearly walked over there and slapped her across the face. Whether this is a normal reaction for any moral person or a result of my own careless upbringing, I couldn't say.
The point is, despite all our similarities, no amount of conversation between myself and this woman could bring about an understanding between the two of us. I could argue all day long that children are precious without changing her point of view. So, why concern yourself with posters who
obviously have no real grasp on reality or decency? Why let them deprive you of conversation with people who like you?Identify these people, and ignore their posts.
-Gracie
Posted by leeran on April 11, 2003, at 1:52:08
In reply to Re: How to take a break??, posted by white rabbit on April 10, 2003, at 23:12:28
I'm new here and I haven't decided if I'm just passing through or here to stay for awhile. The temptation to stay is great because the vast majority of posters seem to be incredibly honest about their feelings and have a real talent when it comes to conveying them.
Which brings me back around to your post, which I took the liberty of copying and pasting to my "miscellaneous notes" file in Outlook because your advice was worded in a way that made complete and utter sense.
From time to time I get on what I call "message bored jags." In my case, I think it's a combination of being bored and lonely and the no-strings attached connection of a message board provides the perfect momentary cure for whatever mental itch I'm trying to scratch.
But then, inevitably, I find myself too caught up in the dynamics of the board and my fight or flight instinct gets stuck somewhere between "refresh" and "exit."
The next time I find myself approaching message board mania I'm going to re-read this one paragraph:
"The point is, despite all our similarities, no amount of conversation between myself and this woman could bring about an understanding between the two of us. I could argue all day long that children are precious without changing her point of view. So, why concern yourself with posters who
obviously have no real grasp on reality or decency?"In fact, I just re-read it again and realized that your logic even applies to my train-wreckish first marriage! THANK YOU!
Posted by Tabitha on April 11, 2003, at 2:08:14
In reply to Re: How to take a break?? » white rabbit, posted by leeran on April 11, 2003, at 1:52:08
That's a good phrase, can I borrow it? I'd be embarrassed to tally up my weekly time reading and posting. Somehow message boards are the right communication speed for me-- email can be a bit too slow and heavy, IM and chat are too frenetic-- face to face kicks up my shyness-- but message boards are just right.
I read other boards for fun, but this one is special, it seems more like a real community.
Posted by leeran on April 11, 2003, at 2:22:49
In reply to Re: message board jags » leeran, posted by Tabitha on April 11, 2003, at 2:08:14
Please feel free! I'm glad to know I'm not jagging alone.
The "boreds" are like cracker jacks for me . . . you never know what prize might be lurking on the next refresh. The collective exchange of information is a mecca for a frustrated self-improvement junkie such as myself.
But, the difference I've noticed here is a willingness among posters to bare the soul via the written word, something that isn't seen just anywhere.
Posted by Tabitha on April 11, 2003, at 3:20:21
In reply to Re: message board jags » Tabitha, posted by leeran on April 11, 2003, at 2:22:49
I forgot to say Hello and Welcome. I don't think we ever conversed before today did we?
'Candy coated popcorn, peanuts and a prize, that's what you get in CrackerJack.' I'd forgotten about that little ditty. May there be more peanuts, and 2 prizes per box, including tiny fake tattoos.
The posts do get awfully revealing here. I probably say as much here as I'd put in my journal or tell my therapist. Which is a little frightening, considering it's all archived, and Google-able. When I mention to real life people that I use an online support group, I'm careful to never identify it.
Posted by wendy b. on April 11, 2003, at 8:51:51
In reply to Re: message board jags » leeran, posted by Tabitha on April 11, 2003, at 3:20:21
> I forgot to say Hello and Welcome. I don't think we ever conversed before today did we?
Tabitha & Leeran:
I also send a welcome to Leeran! You seem like a literate type, & I mean that in a GOOD way! I appreciated your messages to Andy/Mambo - you seem like a truly generous person. Thank you for that... I know it's weird to be talking to people one doesn't really "know," but we have unique problems and equally unique ways of expressing them. So many people here are such interesting writers, and their personalities shine through like laser beams! In any case, the value of this board to me has always been (even if I get mad or bored or stifled, and go away for a while), the realization that there are many people who suffer from the same things I do, particularly depression. And so here, I don't feel so alone. The other major draw for me is: I don't have to figure out every damn thing by myself, especially where the meds are concerned... The wealth of knowledge, freely given by so many people, is remarkable.
> 'Candy coated popcorn, peanuts and a prize, that's what you get in CrackerJack.' I'd forgotten about that little ditty. May there be more peanuts, and 2 prizes per box, including tiny fake tattoos.I buy boxes of Crakerjack from time to time, Tabby, especially at the movies. And I'm always disappointed, as I always was as a kid, that there aren't more peanuts. The prizes, feh, you can't eat 'em anyway, so what's the point? Although I do have a flood of memories about applying the tattoos to the tops of my hands as a 7-year-old, and scrubbing them off later when they started peeling, now that you mention it...
> The posts do get awfully revealing here. I probably say as much here as I'd put in my journal or tell my therapist. Which is a little frightening, considering it's all archived, and Google-able. When I mention to real life people that I use an online support group, I'm careful to never identify it.Me either. But most of the time I think that I'd be fine with defending whatever I've said on the board, and in a way, I'm happy to let stuff stand "as is." MOST of the time, I said...
Best to you both, and have a wonderful Friday!
Wendy
Posted by leeran on April 11, 2003, at 11:23:50
In reply to Re: message board jags » leeran, posted by Tabitha on April 11, 2003, at 3:20:21
Tabitha: "When I mention to real life people that I use an online support group, I'm careful to never identify it."
This is GOOD advice! Gosh, I'm so paranoid that I don't even let people know my ebay user i.d. - for fear that someday I'll get a neutral or negative feedback.
Yikes, if my mother ever got online and had the URL to this site I would be banned from the village. I've always been the sentry of the family skeleton closet, until here lately!
Yes, recorded and google-able, the ultimate ticking time capsule.
What you say could be held against you in the court of public opinion. Perhaps there should be PBD's (please be discreet) as well as PBC's.
Posted by NikkiT2 on April 11, 2003, at 11:57:06
In reply to Re: message board jags » Tabitha, posted by leeran on April 11, 2003, at 11:23:50
I'd never thought about doing a google search for NikkiT2.. first result is my post, bizarely, about fair trade chocolate a while ago!!!
Thank heavens I once added the 2 to my name (was years ago, and Dr Bob did re-release NikkiT for me, but for some reason I never switched back!).
I hate the thought that someone I know comes here. Chances are someone I know online will come here, but as I use other chat names for other sites, I hope they never recognise me.
I *never* tell anyone abut this place.. people often ask me for places that could help with med info, but I will never give the name out. I have been here so long now, nearly 4 years by my reckoning (I know I was engaged but not married when I started here!), and its a place I don;t have to act positive the whole time. Its an important refuge for me I guess!!
Maybe I'm selfish by not bringing others here, but sometimes I do have to be selfish.
Nikki
Posted by leeran on April 11, 2003, at 12:08:09
In reply to Re: message board jags » Tabitha, posted by wendy b. on April 11, 2003, at 8:51:51
Thanks, Wendy B. for the welcome.
Yes, indeed, I am transfixed by the phenomenal insights put forth on this board, and I have never visited a better punctuated forum! I'm continually reminded of the connection between depression and creativity when I read the majority of posts.
In the last few years I've spent a lot of time (more than I would ever feel comfortable admitting) on plastic surgery boards and the vibe is much different. I'm not saying that in a judgemental way, but the obvious focus of external versus internal really does have an impact on the "tone of the thread."
Your statement:
"the realization that there are many people who suffer from the same things I do, particularly depression. And so here, I don't feel so alone"
will be the exact reason I will have to be very careful not to become obsessed with visiting/posting. I have never felt such an "ahhhh" of relief as I have reading here the last few weeks.
Depression has made me feel very isolated and it is difficult to convey these feelings to someone who has never been (or isn't) depressed. Even beyond the stigma "thing" I find it daunting to try to explain (even to a loved one) how it is that I can have everything I have ever wanted and still not feel quite right. Of course, if I didn't have this need to over-explain everything . . .
Last night I decided that my tag line should be "One Synapse Short of Bliss." This is a vast improvement over "The other shoe will drop, I just know it will." This may be the magnesium talking.
I also agree with your statement:
I know it's weird to be talking to people one doesn't really "know,"
But then again, I met my husband on the internet 5+ years ago, so baring my soul via the keyboard has gotten easier for me (too easy?). I try to stop just short of giving out my social security number and height and weight.
Have a good Friday wherever you are typing from (and a good weekend, too).
Lee
Posted by leeran on April 11, 2003, at 12:27:10
In reply to Google searching » leeran, posted by NikkiT2 on April 11, 2003, at 11:57:06
You know, I never thought about changing my favorite "user name" (which is a noncreative combination of my first/last names) for this board. Actually, I didn't really think I would post all that much beyond my initial question or two about Lexapro.
So, I had to follow your lead and do a search on "LEERAN" and I'm LMAO at what came up first in the search:
"Leerans are 'psychic frogs.' They have slimy, yellow, pebbly skin. They have two big back legs like frogs, but instead of two front legs, they have four tentacles evenly spaced around the their bodies. Leerans have big heads with no necks, and an outward curving face. Their mouths seem frozen in a wide smile. Leerans have two bright green eyes. The Leeran species lives on a water planet, called Leera, were they are the sentinent race. They are close range psychics and can therefore detect if a creature is a Yeerk in disguise, or even the identities of the Animorphs. In fact, there is a very close call with a Leeran-Controller in #15 The Escape. As you can imagine, when a few of the Animorphs do morph Leerans, they feel just a tad bit uncomfortable. (Wouldn't you?)"
LOL! I finally have a name for my pain - I am a psychic frog!
Nikki, I'm keeping this "place" to myself as well. There's no reason why I should issue an invitation for worlds to collide.
Posted by noa on April 11, 2003, at 18:45:28
In reply to Re: message board jags » Tabitha, posted by leeran on April 11, 2003, at 11:23:50
This is an interesting thought:
Perhaps there should be PBD's (please be discreet) as well as PBC's.
Well, reading this thread made me curious, so I searched my name at google. None of my posts here appear, and I went through 14 pages of sites, at least.But I have not given anyone my screen name anyway. My paranoia is about the fact that not recently, but a while back, I did tell some friends about this site (not my name, tho). So every once in a while I get paranoid and wonder if any of them would come here and read and figure out who I am.
Or that someone who came here on their own would recognize me from things I say. I have tried to avoid specific info tht would place me geographically or professionally, etc. etc. but someone with a lot of time on their hands could probably make a guess. I know the likelihood of that is slim, and slimmer still that someone who happened to come here on their own would read enough of my posts to figure out who I am etc. etc.
But each time I disclose something that in and of itself doesn't reveal my identity, but could be recognized by someone who knows events and people in my life, I get a bit paranoid.
Discretion is the key word. I mean if you think about it, I am writing my personal stuff in a published document which will go on into perpetuity and is instantly accessible by just about everyone with access to a computer. Am I being discreet enough?
Posted by Kar on April 12, 2003, at 0:35:49
In reply to Re: message board jags, posted by noa on April 11, 2003, at 18:45:28
Might I recommend a Groucho moustache/nose combo, trench coat and rainbow leg warmers?
:D
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