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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Ginjoint on April 7, 2003, at 22:26:11
I'm was adopted at the age of 4 months, and I recently located my biological family. I found that my biological mother died from cancer a year and a half ago - she was only 55. I'm still working on getting the identity of my father, but I have been told he died in an auto accident.
All this searching. All these primal feelings stirred up so much.
I first reached my mother's fraternal twin sister, who was very happy to hear from me....I have a fantastic bio family with fascinating lives (they are quite wealthy). I have two other aunts and another uncle. My mother and grandfather's ashes are scattered at a nearby botanic garden, and I went there this past week.
I feel neglectful in not posting much this past week...Libby, bozeman, Tabitha, jyl, Dinah, et. al., please forgive my lack of posts but this has kind of taken over everything, but things are calming down now.
It's been like a roller coaster. My bio mother had breast cancer, so now I have to get a mammogram, and I had an uncle who died of melanoma. Very scary. I cry for my mom so much. Do you know she hid her pregnancy from her family and actually drove herself to the hospital when she was in active labor? It was a loooong drive too. She must have been so scared, and alone.
I know this post is disjointed, and I'm sorry...I've taken several tabs of Ativan to just sleep through. I do hope I get to meet my grandmother. She's 89 and quite the character. Yet, the fear of rejection hangs over me...all I want is a family.
Too sleepy to type much more,
Ginjoint
Posted by Dinah on April 7, 2003, at 22:32:46
In reply to Mom Dad are dead. :(, posted by Ginjoint on April 7, 2003, at 22:26:11
So much gained and lost all at once. I'm sorry about your bio mom and dad. I can see where that would be a lot to process. Your mom must have been very strong to have gone through that alone. And very loving to you to want the best she could offer you.
Posted by Ginjoint on April 7, 2003, at 22:35:31
In reply to Re: Mom Dad are dead. :( » Ginjoint, posted by Dinah on April 7, 2003, at 22:32:46
Thanks Dinah. I gotta go cry some more. The Ativan's kicking in and maybe I'll fall asleep. So many primal feelings. So many aches.
Ginjoint
Posted by bozeman on April 8, 2003, at 0:26:35
In reply to Mom Dad are dead. :(, posted by Ginjoint on April 7, 2003, at 22:26:11
GJ I am so sorry. That is just not fair.
I have been thinking of you so it is good to hear from you, even though you are in pain. I'm dead tired myself and not much for eloquence but I'm very sorry and my heart is with you.
((((Ginjoint))))
When you're ready to muse, vent, or whatever, we're here for you.
bozemanh
Posted by bozeman on April 8, 2003, at 0:27:57
In reply to Re: Mom Dad are dead. :( » Ginjoint, posted by bozeman on April 8, 2003, at 0:26:35
> GJ I am so sorry. That is just not fair.
>
> I have been thinking of you so it is good to hear from you, even though you are in pain. I'm dead tired myself and not much for eloquence but I'm very sorry and my heart is with you.
>
> ((((Ginjoint))))
>
> When you're ready to muse, vent, or whatever, we're here for you.
>
> bozemanh
See, I AM out of it. When was the last time you saw me "confirm" on a typo so obvious?
Love to you just the same.boze
Posted by Tabitha on April 8, 2003, at 1:45:24
In reply to Mom Dad are dead. :(, posted by Ginjoint on April 7, 2003, at 22:26:11
How sad to think of bio mom driving herself to the hospital, and having nobody to confide in for help. Just the thought makes me mad at bio dad and bio grandparents who weren't there for her.
At least you've found some extended family members, maybe you can get to 'know' your bio parents from them. Do you have any new bio siblings or half-siblings?
Posted by Krissy P on April 8, 2003, at 1:51:55
In reply to Mom Dad are dead. :(, posted by Ginjoint on April 7, 2003, at 22:26:11
May God Bless you at this time,
we are all here for you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------> I'm was adopted at the age of 4 months, and I recently located my biological family. I found that my biological mother died from cancer a year and a half ago - she was only 55. I'm still working on getting the identity of my father, but I have been told he died in an auto accident.
>
> All this searching. All these primal feelings stirred up so much.
>
> I first reached my mother's fraternal twin sister, who was very happy to hear from me....I have a fantastic bio family with fascinating lives (they are quite wealthy). I have two other aunts and another uncle. My mother and grandfather's ashes are scattered at a nearby botanic garden, and I went there this past week.
>
> I feel neglectful in not posting much this past week...Libby, bozeman, Tabitha, jyl, Dinah, et. al., please forgive my lack of posts but this has kind of taken over everything, but things are calming down now.
>
> It's been like a roller coaster. My bio mother had breast cancer, so now I have to get a mammogram, and I had an uncle who died of melanoma. Very scary. I cry for my mom so much. Do you know she hid her pregnancy from her family and actually drove herself to the hospital when she was in active labor? It was a loooong drive too. She must have been so scared, and alone.
>
> I know this post is disjointed, and I'm sorry...I've taken several tabs of Ativan to just sleep through. I do hope I get to meet my grandmother. She's 89 and quite the character. Yet, the fear of rejection hangs over me...all I want is a family.
>
> Too sleepy to type much more,
> Ginjoint
Posted by Ginjoint on April 8, 2003, at 8:03:25
In reply to Re: Mom Dad are dead. :(, posted by Tabitha on April 8, 2003, at 1:45:24
No, Tabitha, I found I don't have any bio sisters or brothers, which is something I was REALLY hoping for. I was my bio mom's only child. The closest I have is three cousins, ages 23, 11, and 9. So for the little kids I could might as well be their mother. (I'm 36).
One of my friends pointed out that, literally, I'm the "red-headed step-child!" :D (That's an oooold expression meaning bastard, and I have auburn hair!) ;)
I think it's time for more Ativan. You know, if I had started searching sooner, I would have met my mother -- she didn't die until October of 2001. But I waited, 'til I thought the time was right, and now she's gone. Everyday of my life she has been with me, only to find that she was very sick and now dead. I never got to touch her face.
Then there's the whole issue of weaning my father's name out of my bio aunt -- she can't remember and needs to call someone to find out. Waiting. Impatience. Agony.
Thanks for good wishes.
Ginjoint
Posted by judy1 on April 8, 2003, at 12:04:34
In reply to Re: Mom Dad are dead. :(, posted by Ginjoint on April 8, 2003, at 8:03:25
I am just so sorry for what you're going through. I honestly think you'll have to go through all the stages of grief and i hope you have a therapist to support you there. what a wonderful thing to discover some of your bio family though, and an 89! y.o. grandmother- I'm sure she'll have lots to tell you about your Mom. again, my condolences- judy
Posted by noa on April 8, 2003, at 19:52:42
In reply to Mom Dad are dead. :(, posted by Ginjoint on April 7, 2003, at 22:26:11
WOW. I think searches and "findings" are extremely powerful, and all the moreso if you learn that the biological parents have died.
Posted by Ginjoint on April 9, 2003, at 8:56:48
In reply to Mom Dad are dead. :(, posted by Ginjoint on April 7, 2003, at 22:26:11
Thanks everyone for nice words. For now, it's another 5 or 6 mg of Ativan to sleep through the day. (I've fed the cats, they're O.K.) My pdoc is REALLY on me again to go to the hospital but she doesn't realize how devastating that would be.
HEY!! Yesterday, I received a photograph of my bio mom, taken in 1995 - she would've been about 49 years old, and looks about 10 years younger. She's wearing a blue bathing suit, and is trim, beautiful, with naturally blond hair (runs in the family), and smiling so big!
I need to go back to sleep again. I've lost my sense of humor. My heart feels like a beat-up, overly-malleable, loose-threads, left-in-the-rain, tossed-in-the-trash baseball glove. My soul is ready to go. Talk when I wake up.
Ginjoint
Posted by kara lynne on April 9, 2003, at 12:43:57
In reply to Re: Mom Dad are dead. :(, posted by Ginjoint on April 9, 2003, at 8:56:48
Posted by WorryGirl on April 10, 2003, at 12:53:32
In reply to Mom Dad are dead. :(, posted by Ginjoint on April 7, 2003, at 22:26:11
Ginjoint,
Sorry to hear about your bio parents. I do hope that you get to talk with your 89 year old grandmother asap. I love talking with the elderly - they can be so easy to love, and have much to offer and many great stories. I know you will feel better after seeing her.It's good that you're staying in touch with your aunt. Some people are as close to their aunts, uncles, etc. as they are to their parents.
Posted by Ginjoint on April 12, 2003, at 9:29:53
In reply to Mom Dad are dead. :(, posted by Ginjoint on April 7, 2003, at 22:26:11
I found out that my maternal grandmother wants to meet me! That she's kind of excited about me! I am the only child of the daughter she lost eighteen months ago to cancer. I have now seen pictures of the whole family, and they are...beautiful. Very well-coifed sort of people. I feel like the poor relation, even though I do clean up nice. :) If I meet my aunt and grandmother at my grandmother's house -- yeesh. She lives in a big house in a VERY well-to-do suburb here. A leeeeeetle intimidating.
I can't describe the feelings I had when I first, finally laid eyes on a photograph of my mother. Searching. Searching. Looking back at me in a swimsuit with a big, big, smile. Tears. Wanted to crawl into the photograph to be in her arms...and maybe cry some more.
Ginjoint
Posted by noa on April 12, 2003, at 11:30:26
In reply to Kind of an update, posted by Ginjoint on April 12, 2003, at 9:29:53
Would it be more appealing if you asked her out for coffee on neutral turf?
BTW, did you have fantasies about what kind of family background your bio mother would have had, or the reasons she was unable to mother you, etc. etc., and does the real background fit or not fit or shake up your fantasies at all? It may be that you need some time to deal with that before going ahead with a meeting. Know what I mean?
Posted by Tabitha on April 12, 2003, at 16:51:34
In reply to Kind of an update, posted by Ginjoint on April 12, 2003, at 9:29:53
That's just wonderful. A new grandma!
Posted by Ginjoint on April 12, 2003, at 19:34:26
In reply to Re: Kind of an update, posted by noa on April 12, 2003, at 11:30:26
I'd actually like her to be as comfortable as possible (she is, after all, 89 years old!) So whereever she wants to meet is fine with me. I'll deal with it.
I had a pretty good idea of why my mother had to give me up, and it's been pretty accurate so far: The social stigma of an out-of-wedlock pregancy 35 years ago, yadda yadda yadda, no money, etc. And so far that's been pretty accurate to my ideas/fantasies. What has surprised me is how successful the family as a whole seems. But as everyone on this board knows, lots can be hidden behind success. I'm proceeding cautiously, but with an open mind. Nobody gets through life without some baggage, not even so-called "successful" people, and I'm prepared to help carry. My main worry is that they accept me.
Thanks for your concern, noa. This is a delicate situation with no real set protocol. But I know that I am very ready. :)
Ginjoint
Posted by Ginjoint on April 12, 2003, at 19:42:41
In reply to Re: Kind of an update, posted by Tabitha on April 12, 2003, at 16:51:34
And I'm told she's progressive and cool and we share the same interests and plus, SHE WANTS TO MEET ME!! Woo-hoo! I gotta slow down, but I am looking forward to this, gotta admit. I really need a grandma.
Ginjoint
Posted by Ginjoint on April 12, 2003, at 19:47:53
In reply to ((((Ginjoint)))) (nm), posted by kara lynne on April 9, 2003, at 12:43:57
Posted by Ginjoint on April 12, 2003, at 20:00:29
In reply to Re: Mom Dad are dead. :(, posted by bozeman on April 8, 2003, at 0:27:57
> >
> > bozemanh> See, I AM out of it. When was the last time you saw me "confirm" on a typo so obvious?
> Love to you just the same.
>
> boze
>;) Go get some sleep. With the Ativan I've been taking, I've been making one typo after another - hitting the "back" key a lot. At the same time my heart is breaking, something new is beginning...I hope. Thanks for your concern, my friend.
Ginjoint
Posted by Ginjoint on April 12, 2003, at 20:06:59
In reply to Re: Mom Dad are dead. :(, posted by WorryGirl on April 10, 2003, at 12:53:32
...I talk in person with my aunt and grandmother on Mother's Day weekend, when my aunt flies in. With hope.
Ginjoint
This is the end of the thread.
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