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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kara lynne on March 13, 2003, at 0:20:19
Hi anyone. I just got back from a family dinner which was supposed to be in honor of my finishing school and getting licensed. Invariably, any gesture like a celebratory dinner for me is really all about and for them. It was pure stress hell. They 'surprised' me by having my brother show up who they KNOW I have horrible conflict with and makes me feel like crap. I felt totally ambushed. When I stopped shaking I had to recover quickly and act like I was grateful and be kind, rather than having my initial responses which were not very nice. Those honest reactions only make me look like the one with the problem, and give my family fodder to villainize me. I wasn't feeling good to begin with; I was feeling like I wore the wrong clothes, I got a bad haircut (a bad day in itself) and I wasn't comfortable in my skin, not to mention I was trying to adjust to some medication which made me feel like I was morphing into a fish or something. I come away feeling so ugly and inadequate and wrong. Guilty for pretending not to see my mother trying to hug me and giving my brother an ice cold stare when we walked in and I saw him there, although I tried to make up for it later. My mother's displays of affection are pretty much only to look good for people, we have absolutely no relationship, except that I am supposed to take care of her emotional needs. My mother is like Mary Tyler Moore in Ordinary People, and just as long as it looks good to other people, it doesn't matter if your children are hiding in the bathroom cutting themselves with razor blades. Oh well, I wish I could transcend this by now, I STILL don't like to feel I'm the cause of hurting anyone-- but funny, they don't seem to give a damn about how anything might be affecting me.
Posted by lostsailor on March 13, 2003, at 7:49:16
In reply to Family Hangover, posted by kara lynne on March 13, 2003, at 0:20:19
Well, if the dinner was for looks, I congradulate you from the heart. What are you now licensed to do?? ~tony
ps. good luck on mini vacation with your bf. Maybe it'll all work out.
Posted by NikkiT2 on March 13, 2003, at 8:20:11
In reply to Family Hangover, posted by kara lynne on March 13, 2003, at 0:20:19
Grrrr.. families...
I know just what you mean about "how it looks to other people".. it seems thats all my mother cares about.. she has told everyone that I have been cured and have now gone back to work (!!!) as she is worried about "what people will think" of me for not working... she gives me lectures about how people will think less of me for being on meds so I really should get off them..
God.. mothers *sighs*
NIkki x
Posted by kara lynne on March 13, 2003, at 12:35:50
In reply to Re: Family Hangover--kara lynn, posted by lostsailor on March 13, 2003, at 7:49:16
sorry if the looks thing sounded shallow, it's just when the people around you only care about how you look, and you will never look good enough no matter what you do, and how you look is only a reflection of them and has nothing to do with you anyway, it's hard not to focus there. Boy, may I never have another dinner in honor of me (that's a good one) again. I woke up and literally thought I'd had a nightmare. Ok. I'm really off now.
Posted by gabbix2 on March 13, 2003, at 19:26:17
In reply to Re: Family Hangover--kara lynn, posted by kara lynne on March 13, 2003, at 12:35:50
EEK, I'm sorry Kara Lynn.
Oh no. Doesn't it feel like you're in a movie.
No I'm trying to make sense OW.
I mean, I know with my family, my mom anyway, if she saw me in a movie, I'd be the downtrodden heroine she'd cheer for, along with everyone else.
And at the happy mainstream movie ending the all the "precious" people get their comeuppence she would feel very satisfied.
In real life though, she and the 'precious shallow, appearance obsessed' ones just don't see themselves.
I know that we are all at risk of not recognizing ourselves, but I find depressed people dispproportionately self-aware, so I'm making a safe bet its not you.Now if none of that made sense, here is one of those funny little e-hugs
((Kara Lynn))
Posted by bozeman on March 14, 2003, at 0:43:26
In reply to Re: Family Hangover--kara lynn, posted by kara lynne on March 13, 2003, at 12:35:50
Ouch . . . what a nightmare! I'm so sorry you had to go through that mess.
On the bright side . . . you survived it (barely, I know, but you did) and you *still* have your achievement, in spite of their self-serving behavior . . Congrats on that much, at least!
(loud cheering and whistling)
(((((kara lynne)))))
(pop! of sparkling juice cork in your honor . . . I'm off booze until further notice)bozeman
This is the end of the thread.
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