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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on January 19, 2003, at 20:38:10
Hope you're off having a great time on the holiday weekend. And being wonderfully productive, Dreamer.
Just wanted to let you both know that I'm thinking of you and hoping you are well.
Dinah
Posted by Miller on January 20, 2003, at 20:14:35
In reply to Miller and Dreamer, posted by Dinah on January 19, 2003, at 20:38:10
Hi Dinah,
Thanks for thinking of me. I am reading another book by Rabbi Kushner. I really like some of his theories. Which of his books did you say you don't like? I hope it isn't the one I am enjoying. :)
It was good to see Beardy post on the PBA board. I hope she sticks around. She has been missed.
How are you doing? I hope well. SOmetimes life is like a spiderweb.
-Miller
Posted by Dinah on January 21, 2003, at 10:17:05
In reply to Re: Miller and Dreamer » Dinah, posted by Miller on January 20, 2003, at 20:14:35
I've been better, but I've been worse too.
The book I didn't like of Kushner's, "How Good Do We Have to Be? A New Understanding of Guilt and Forgiveness", I actually reorderded. I'm pretty sure the reason I didn't like it the first time is that it wasn't what I had thought it to be. I'm sure I'll like it better this time around.
Which book are you reading?
Posted by Miller on January 21, 2003, at 15:09:11
In reply to Re: Kushner » Miller, posted by Dinah on January 21, 2003, at 10:17:05
Ha ha ha !!!!
That is exactly the book I am reading now and I am really getting a lot out of it. I guess that goes to show that different strokes for different folks, huh?
Ater that book is done (probably tonight) I will begin reading A bok called "The Suicidal Mind" by Edwin S. Shneidman. Who knows? I may learn something.
I am sorry you aren't doing well. Do you want to talk about it? If you don't want to post it here, because of the attack you endured, you can email me directly at jyllatour@yahoo.com
Let me know if there is anything you can do. I miss your perkiness and messages.
-Miller
Posted by Dinah on January 21, 2003, at 17:09:28
In reply to Re: Kushner » Dinah, posted by Miller on January 21, 2003, at 15:09:11
I'll be okay. It's just parents and work, the double trouble for me. I guess everyone has different constant sources of trouble. I'm lucky to have a good husband and a delightful son.
I'm not so easy to discourage from this board. I'll be round and about. I'm just not feeling quite as outgoing right now. More curling around myself and cocooning (sp?).
What have you been getting from the book? It would be helpful to get someone else's opinions before I read it again.
Thanks for caring, Miller.
Dinah
Posted by Miller on January 21, 2003, at 19:27:14
In reply to Re: Kushner » Miller, posted by Dinah on January 21, 2003, at 17:09:28
Hi Dinah,
I, too, am glad you have a great husband to help support you. You deserve it.
I just finished the book. I actually got one main point from it. (I tend to summarize everything I read into it's simplest form.) The message I heasrd him give is that each person is expected to make mistakes. Nobody is, or will be perfect. In acceting this, a person should feel relief from the pressures of punishing oneself and from the pressures of striving for perfection. He makes really good arguements for his case.
I am glad you have ordered it again. Maybe you will read it differently this time. I guess it all depends on what state you are in at the time. Since I am working on self-forgiveness right now, a lot of it hit close to home.
I am glad you didn't throw your hands up and leave the board. I read on of Beardy's last posts. I guess she won't be around regularly like I had hoped. I hate to see people go.
I also think I really hurt Lou's feelings on the PBF board. Now I don't know what to do about it. Yikes.
-Miller
Posted by Lou Pilder on January 22, 2003, at 8:02:57
In reply to Re: Kushner » Dinah, posted by Miller on January 21, 2003, at 19:27:14
Milller,
You wrote,[...I think I hurt Lou's feeelings...].
I want you to know that you do not have to entertain that thought because there was nothing that you wrote that hurt my feelings.
I understand these afflictions that we share here to , at least, to a degree, that allows me to feel that you are uunnecessarily thinking that you [...hurt ...]. Just to let you know , again, that what you wrote was not taken by me to mean anything hurtfulll from you.
Best regards,
Lou
Posted by Miller on January 22, 2003, at 8:33:12
In reply to Re: Kushner » Miller, posted by Lou Pilder on January 22, 2003, at 8:02:57
Lou,
Thank you so much for telling me that. I really do appreciate you talking to me about your beliefs. I was very worried that I had hurt your feelings. I would never do that to you intentionally.
Thank you again for taking the time to explain your beliefs with me. Even though I don't think you and I will see things in the same light, I admire you for such strong convictions. I also, somewhat, envy you for being able to identify your beliefs so vividly.
Take care. :)
-Miller
Posted by Dinah on January 22, 2003, at 9:14:43
In reply to Re: Kushner » Dinah, posted by Miller on January 21, 2003, at 19:27:14
I'm glad it's helping you with self-forgiveness. I don't recall what I was looking for from it, but this time I'll keep a more open mind.
Perhaps Beardy will peek out more and more from her fluorescent rock. I'll try to think of some really funny misplaced modifiers to coax her out.
You sound like you're feeling a bit better?
Dinah
Posted by Miller on January 22, 2003, at 12:02:13
In reply to Re: Kushner » Miller, posted by Dinah on January 22, 2003, at 9:14:43
Hi Dinah,
Yes, I am feeling a little better. I am really trying to come to terms with my past.
The on-line shrink seems to think the reason I am so unforgiving of myself is that I have never been punished for the bad things I did. I have pretty much "gotten away with" everything my whole life.
So, he suggested that I think of forms of punishment that will be helpful to others. Sort of a way to create my own pentance. I have done so with two very important issues. So, although it is hard work (more of a pain in the neck) I think I did need to satisfy some kind of punishment before I could ever think of letting go. We'll see. In the mean time, others will benefit from it all.
I still have such moods, though. I wish I could understand why, even if there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I feel so despreate sometimes. Just this morning I woke up and my first thought was to kill myself. I am not sad today. I wasn't sad when I went to bed. I wish I could understand.
-Miller
Posted by Lou Pilder on January 22, 2003, at 12:24:08
In reply to Dinah, posted by Miller on January 22, 2003, at 12:02:13
Miller,
You wrote,[....I need to satisfy some sort of punishment...] you also wrote,[...my first thought was to kill myself...] and you also wrote,[...trying to come to terms with my past...]
Now it has been revealed to me in my experiance that what you are describing has a remedy. For it has been revealed to me that [...all we like sheep have gone astray...]. So in my experiance, [I] also had the same issues that you are writing about here and they were ,as you write,[...come to terms with my past...]
It has been my intention to tell of my experiance here because if what happened to me [helped me]. then it could possibly help others to be released from the slavery of guilt and depression.If you change your mind about hearing what I have experianced, let me know and we could continue our previous discussion.
Best regards,
Lou
Posted by Dinah on January 22, 2003, at 16:39:55
In reply to Dinah, posted by Miller on January 22, 2003, at 12:02:13
Miller, I think that's a terrific idea. And it has the added bonus of turning your focus towards others. And, of course, the actual help others get.
As far as the moods go, I have had to accept that there is a biological component to my disorder. I'm officially diagnosed with cyclothymia. So sometimes, there is no "why", it just is. Perhaps it's similar for you. Or perhaps not.
But for whatever reason, I'm glad you're feeling more hopeful.
Dinah
Posted by Miller on January 22, 2003, at 20:19:20
In reply to Re: Moods » Miller, posted by Dinah on January 22, 2003, at 16:39:55
Hi Dinah,
Thanks for your support. Now, what can we do to try to life yours?
Are you still conflicted with your parents? Talk to us. We are here to help each other. Now it's your turn to except our help. :)
-Miller
Posted by Dinah on January 22, 2003, at 21:28:12
In reply to Re: Moods » Dinah, posted by Miller on January 22, 2003, at 20:19:20
I'm actually doing better, except for a headache. My father had outdone himself in unpleasantness, and it had caused me some distress. But I have a wonderful talent for forgetting, or at least divesting events of their emotional content.
Too many things were happening at once and the circuits got a bit overloaded. But if things stay quiet for a few days, I'll reorient. Now I just need to work on my concentration and total spaceyness. :)
Posted by Miller on January 23, 2003, at 0:49:55
In reply to Re: Feeling better » Miller, posted by Dinah on January 22, 2003, at 21:28:12
Hi Dinah,
I am glad to hear that you are seperating from your icky feelings.
Just between you and I, (ha ha ha)I do worry about you. You are so giving to everyone else, yet you keep so much inside of you. That's really not fair to your emotional balance. Have you ever just "lost it" and let it all come out?
If you want to talk about your dad, let me know. I will be glad to listen. :)
-Miller
Posted by Dinah on January 23, 2003, at 8:41:02
In reply to Re: Feeling better » Dinah, posted by Miller on January 23, 2003, at 0:49:55
Oooohhh, I've lost it and let it all come out all right. Right here on the board on occasion. Not a pretty picture. (nose wrinkle) I'm currently working on controlled release under safe conditions at my therapist's office - and on trying to learn not to let it build up to begin with. Not easy.
My father. He is currently confined to a wheelchair. His bitterness over that has exacerbated his natural tendencies to take out his frustrations (verbally, not physically) on his family. I was the lucky one, I guess. I had appointed myself the one who would creep out when the worst was over and cajole and tease him to a better mood. So while he might yell at me, it's nowhere near what he does to my mother or (now adult) brother. When he gets particularly vicious, and I am in a particularly vulnerable mood, his attacks floor me and make me temporarily unable to remember to set limits. "If you continue to talk that way, I'm going to have to hang up/leave."
Gotta work on it.
Posted by Miller on January 23, 2003, at 10:02:51
In reply to Re: Feeling better » Miller, posted by Dinah on January 23, 2003, at 8:41:02
Hi Dinah,
At least you are able to set some limits. even if you have a lapse once in a while, I think it's great to have ANY control over parents. I won't even go into my relationships with my mom and dad. It's just ugly. The only good thing about that is that they both live very far away from me. Sad, I know.
Controlled release? Funny, those words never entered my vocabulary before. :)
-Miller
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