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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Peter S. on November 19, 2002, at 19:49:35
I just got rejected on a job interview because I wasn't "dynamic" enough. It would have been my first supervisory position and I understand their point. People have always considered me to be very mellow "quiet", low key, and self effacing (introverted). But I've also been mildly to moderately depressed most of my life and have felt that this isn't my true persona. I think I have lot's of bottled emotion which is stifled by the depression. When a med has worked I have felt a great increase in energy and sociabilityI don't mind being mellow by personality but it seems to be related to the depression, and it doesn't come off well when I want to move up in the world. Raising my energy level by force doesn't feel right and is exhausting.
Does anyone else feel like their depression has affected their personality on a long term basis?
There is a debate in psychology about "state" vs. "trait". Until meds worked for me (temporarily) depression seemed almost like a trait. But on some level I knew that it wasn't who I really was and I've been fighting for years to rediscover something lost when I was 3 or 4.I'd love to hear people's experiences/comments about this issue.
Cheers,
Peter
Posted by mair on November 19, 2002, at 21:34:58
In reply to I hate being mellow!, posted by Peter S. on November 19, 2002, at 19:49:35
Therapy has made me realize that I have little or no recollection of what I was like "before." This makes it very difficult to quantify progress - I'm not sure who the "me" is I'm trying to get back to.
When my children were infants and toddlers, I used to marvel that on one hand they seemed to grow so quickly, and yet on the other, it seemed like they had been a part of my life forever. Depression has been like that for me in a real negative way. I feel like I've lost years of my life very quickly and i can't remember life when I wasn't depressed.
Mair
Posted by Eddie Sylvano on November 20, 2002, at 9:07:43
In reply to I hate being mellow!, posted by Peter S. on November 19, 2002, at 19:49:35
> I just got rejected on a job interview because I wasn't "dynamic" enough. It would have been my first supervisory position and I understand their point
-----------------------Do you have to be loud and energetic to manage? I mean, I could see if you were managin a Taco Bell or something, but if it's on office position, your job doesn't require high intensity, just good judgement.
> Does anyone else feel like their depression has affected their personality on a long term basis?
-------------------It's kept me from ever trying to accomplish much, that's for sure. It's kept me from talking to women. It's taken away the pleasure I used to get from drawing and writing, so I don't do that anymore. It's reinforced whatever negative notions I had about myself. Sitting here now, I don't really have any good friends, don't feel like I've ever applied myself, and am not that passionate about anything (well, that's changing).
It seems to me that in personality, there are many factors at play. One is enthusiasm, for lack of a better word. Having the energy and drive to engange in whatever interests you. That's not enough, though, because you also need conviction, so that you're able to retain your beliefs and goals in the face of adversity (depression) and criticism.
For some reason I was just thinking the other day about personality, and how plastic it was in school. I remember all my friends leaving school in the summber after 5th grade and then returning the next school year transformed into radically new personalities (nerd into skinhead, friendly goof into opportunistic social critic, etc). I came back the same, and don't feel that I've changed much to this day. I have the conviction still, but maybe not the energy.
Posted by Peter S. on November 20, 2002, at 17:40:48
In reply to Re: I hate being mellow!, posted by Eddie Sylvano on November 20, 2002, at 9:07:43
Thanks for the feedback and your experience Eddie. This was at a non-profit and I've a feeling they wanted someone to go out and organize and network.
One of my issues is that I'm a psychic yo-yo! Today my mellowness has faded. I was almost suicidal last night and I woke up in the morning and I felt great- calm, ready for anything that came my way. I should say I got very little sleep last night. This is a pattern with me and I feel like I can't deal with it. I feel like Jekyll and Hyde. Who am I going to be tomorrow?
I have a feeling I might be bipolar II or III having never had a real manic episode.
Jeez! I think I would rather just be depressed all the time. When I go into depression from feeling good it feels like I'm being hit by a 2 by four.
> > I just got rejected on a job interview because I wasn't "dynamic" enough. It would have been my first supervisory position and I understand their point
> -----------------------
>
> Do you have to be loud and energetic to manage? I mean, I could see if you were managin a Taco Bell or something, but if it's on office position, your job doesn't require high intensity, just good judgement.
>
> > Does anyone else feel like their depression has affected their personality on a long term basis?
> -------------------
>
> It's kept me from ever trying to accomplish much, that's for sure. It's kept me from talking to women. It's taken away the pleasure I used to get from drawing and writing, so I don't do that anymore. It's reinforced whatever negative notions I had about myself. Sitting here now, I don't really have any good friends, don't feel like I've ever applied myself, and am not that passionate about anything (well, that's changing).
> It seems to me that in personality, there are many factors at play. One is enthusiasm, for lack of a better word. Having the energy and drive to engange in whatever interests you. That's not enough, though, because you also need conviction, so that you're able to retain your beliefs and goals in the face of adversity (depression) and criticism.
> For some reason I was just thinking the other day about personality, and how plastic it was in school. I remember all my friends leaving school in the summber after 5th grade and then returning the next school year transformed into radically new personalities (nerd into skinhead, friendly goof into opportunistic social critic, etc). I came back the same, and don't feel that I've changed much to this day. I have the conviction still, but maybe not the energy.
>
Posted by snowden on November 20, 2002, at 19:58:08
In reply to RE: I hate being a yo yo!, posted by Peter S. on November 20, 2002, at 17:40:48
I know what you mean...a lot of times I feel that my true personality has been "masked" by the shroud of depression that covers it. In my head I feel I could be one kind of person, but due to my fears, doubts, insecurities, etc. I'm unable to truly be the person I am meant to be...
Wendie :)
Posted by bookgurl99 on November 22, 2002, at 7:09:06
In reply to I hate being mellow!, posted by Peter S. on November 19, 2002, at 19:49:35
I'm sorry about the job interview; at least they were honest with you. Now you know you can develop survival skills in that area. (BTW, my partner is the exec. director of a small nonprofit and it is draining work, long hours with a _lot_ of politics. )
I used to be very ebullient, popular, and outspoken. Now, because of thyroid disorder (slow thyroid), sometimes I just have the energy to get through my 8 hours in my cubicle and go home and lie down. People don't know the true me anymore.
Sometimes I think depression can cause the same thing; no energy to do anything, and a tendency to avoid social situations because of the drain.
I also deal with ocd, which -- because it makes me really think about things -- makes me come off as hyper-intellectual. I am described as being an intellectual often, when I feel that I'm not really.
Both of these conditions have held me back in work and school.
Posted by Peter S. on November 22, 2002, at 13:19:36
In reply to Re: I hate being mellow!, posted by bookgurl99 on November 22, 2002, at 7:09:06
I totally sympathize with where your coming from. It must be endlessly frustrating- I know it is for me. What is the worst is this cycling. For the last 3 days I have felt great and today Bam! back here in the darkness. One minute I have no energy and think I should just get a job which is completely introverted, and the next I feel extroverted and know that I love and want to work with people and have a lot of energy to do this.Well I'm thinking of going to a Buddhist monastery. This life in the Western world is killing me. (I'm only partially kidding)
> I'm sorry about the job interview; at least they were honest with you. Now you know you can develop survival skills in that area. (BTW, my partner is the exec. director of a small nonprofit and it is draining work, long hours with a _lot_ of politics. )
>
> I used to be very ebullient, popular, and outspoken. Now, because of thyroid disorder (slow thyroid), sometimes I just have the energy to get through my 8 hours in my cubicle and go home and lie down. People don't know the true me anymore.
>
> Sometimes I think depression can cause the same thing; no energy to do anything, and a tendency to avoid social situations because of the drain.
>
> I also deal with ocd, which -- because it makes me really think about things -- makes me come off as hyper-intellectual. I am described as being an intellectual often, when I feel that I'm not really.
>
> Both of these conditions have held me back in work and school.
This is the end of the thread.
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