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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Ginjoint on October 11, 2002, at 19:12:09
In reply to They can play Dr. on each other then... » Dinah, posted by GabbiX2 on October 11, 2002, at 18:47:53
Awww, Gabbi....you are going through such a low time. You know we are all pulling for you. Speaking as someone who has, at various times in my life, drank too much, I wouldn't set my sights on getting tanked as even a temporary relief if I were you. Works only in theory. But I can sure understand why you'd want to, sweetie.
I'm not sure I understand why you can't get back on the benzos. Who won't let you? It sounds like "they" need to take a good look at where you're at, and help you NOW. I've lost the last two and a half years of my life, and I wouldn't wish this on anyone -- I hate to think that you see nothing but down time ahead of you. I wish I was there, so I could kick a little ass for you. :) In the meantime, maybe rethink your weekend plans, O.K.?
You will get through this. I don't know you, and yet, I believe in you. Such is the power of the Web. ;)
Your friend,
Ginjoint
Posted by Jonathan on October 11, 2002, at 19:21:28
In reply to Re: If Both Docs say so then.... » ROO, posted by Dinah on October 11, 2002, at 18:04:36
I find it hard to believe that neither of your doctors is prepared to consider antidepressant + mood stabilizer after hearing about symptoms like this on Effexor (from one of your posts on the Meds board):
"I was sending alternately hostile and pleading e-mails and phone calls upwards of 25 a day, and following up with crazed apologies and repeating the cycle..."
They do know that this is what Effexor does to you, don't they? Try to give them as much detail on how it affected you as you can remember, or find out from family and friends.
Before you see them again, it might help to recall how you responded to each of the other ADs you've tried. Look particularly for possible signs of hypomania / short-lived euphoria as well as for anything resembling your response to Effexor.
I hope your next appointment will be less disappointing.
Posted by GabbiX2 on October 11, 2002, at 19:23:38
In reply to Re: They can play Dr. on each other then... » GabbiX2, posted by Ginjoint on October 11, 2002, at 19:12:09
I'm truly glad I got to meet you.
We have the same diagnosis you know!
I just read that, today. Must be why I got such a laugh out of your lithium tremor dolls and am up at night with you.I wish you were here too.
I've lost so much time and so much emotional and 'material' armour and I didn't care for life before I became clinically depressed.
Those aren't casual words either, I just don't like life., never have not even in my earliest memories, and pre-abuse.
My folks wanted me to get excited over 101 dalmations when I was six.
I said
"Well I don't like dalmations any more than I like anything else"
I think that sums up my general feeling regarding life and I've had some beautiful experiences too.
I just never thought they were worth the trip.
EVER.
I really hate this.Thanks Ginjoint.
So much.
Posted by Dinah on October 11, 2002, at 19:29:28
In reply to They can play Dr. on each other then... » Dinah, posted by GabbiX2 on October 11, 2002, at 18:47:53
What do you mean, Gabbi? What's going on (if you don't mind sharing)? Why will you lose 6 months and be a burden? And you aren't a burden, my dear. Your family loves you and you are a not a burden to them.
Every time I hear about health care systems elsewhere, I'm glad for ours, as imperfect as it is. I'm sorry you're running into benzophobia.
But please reconsidered the getting plastered. I understand the impulse, but I don't think it would agree with your poor effexor exhausted brain. It's had enough insult lately, don't you think? :) I just had a severe adrenaline jolt the other day, and it's disordered my brain for days. Sensitive things, our poor overloaded synapses.
How about a nice bubblebath and some meditation instead. And some nice Cherry Garcia ice cream.
Posted by Ginjoint on October 11, 2002, at 19:44:04
In reply to Re: Thanks Ginjoint, posted by GabbiX2 on October 11, 2002, at 19:23:38
> I just never thought they were worth the trip.
> EVER.
> I really hate this.What would be more frightening is if you DIDN'T "hate this." Stupid as this may sound, Gabbi, at least you realize that not being excited by anything is not a great way to be. Even though you may not feel it right now, know that you are at least pointed in the right direction. This way, when you start to walk, you'll end up Where You Are Supposed to Be.
Ginjoint
P.S. And hey, babe, you ARE thinking twice about those weekend plans, right? :)
Posted by GabbiX2 on October 11, 2002, at 19:56:23
In reply to Re: They can play Dr. on each other then... » GabbiX2, posted by Dinah on October 11, 2002, at 19:29:28
Definatly I agree, I do.
And Jonathan thanks again for your post on the medboard, you really did make a difference. It was great
I appreciate it doubly because I know sometimes its hard to post to someone you haven't met in a more gradual way. I think its safe to assume most of us have low opinions of our own opinions a lot of the time, and I know for me sometimes I think,
well I'd like to say something complimentary but maybe they don't care what I think.I've been diagnosed with Bp2 so the short-lived elation is something thats happened and my Dr's are well aware of.
I'm one of those people who's fallen in between the cracks. I've been dealing with the system for 10 years and I know what buttons to push and who to call and I'm generally articulate enough to get my point across.
Right now though in Canada we've had HUGE cutbacks in healthcare. There really is no help.
People are not even allowed to switch Doctors in many cases. In B.C. some have been denied liver transplants even though there is an available liver because there aren't enough hospital beds.
My situation isn't even as critical as that.
In order for me to change anything at this point I would have to be a significant risk to someone else. Quality of life is not important.I've begged I've pleaded I've even threatened.
They know I'm suicidal they know I'm alone, and they know I didn't even recieve a welfare cheque this month. I'm only eating because someone was kind enough to send me 60 dollars a couple of weeks ago, and right now I have to go back to being an.. ahem "escort"
there's a pretty picture for you.I'm a burden I am, perhaps in an ideal world I wouldn't be, but my Dad will certainly tell you he'd like me out of here A.S.A.P and reminds me that at his age he shouldn't have to be concerned with me.
I'm afraid I really am one of those stories you read about.
No angel's gonna wipe my tears away.
(its a line from a song not me trying to be melodramatic)
I've had lots of luck in my past, and been fortunate enough to have my looks get me things otherwise unnatainable. Poverty and stress have pretty well decimated that one bit of fortune.Sorry to be so negative but I used to help people negotiate social services bureaucracy for a living.
I'd love some Ice cream
I can't afford anything though.
Its thanks-giving weekend for we Canadians but
My mom isn't in to having me over.
IT SUCKS
Posted by Dinah on October 11, 2002, at 21:30:45
In reply to You know I just don't think anyone can help. » Dinah, posted by GabbiX2 on October 11, 2002, at 19:56:23
I know, and I'm sorry. May I at least send you some of my Cherry Garcia via cyberspace? Not quite the same, I know. But it's lowfat yogurt Cherry Garcia anyway, so perhaps it'll be just as good in your imagination.
Aww Gabbi. (((Gabbi))). I'm not sure what to say. I'm barely here today. But I do believe in the resiliency of your spirit. It's bruised and battered and stretched three ways from sunday. But it will recover. And while it may not always feel like it, you are loved. By your family and by the many others you touch with your sweetness and charm.
Dagnabbit, Gabbi. I care about you. And I want you to care about you too. But I guess it usually is easier to care about others than it is to care about yourself.
Take care, and check your email.
Dinah
Posted by GabbiX2 on October 11, 2002, at 22:14:43
In reply to Re: Gabbi Gabbi, posted by Dinah on October 11, 2002, at 21:30:45
Dinah thank-you
I know you're not feeling great, and there is no right thing to say, the fact that you are Sayingat all is what makes the difference right now.
I have to remind myself that when I'm not either anxious or devastated I do find pleasure at least in sensory things, and right now I'm not, I'm in the non-depressed ahedonic state.
When I can taste, and read occupy my mind I'll feel better. I do have that to hope for.I did lose my e-mail buddy and thats sad, I'm not grieving but sometimes thats difficult too, its an improvement I guess but at least grieving takes up some of the time!
I'm glad you mentioned that the Ice-cream was low fat, I'm not a bit jealous now.
So its no longer Manerix (Don't know why)
But Celexa, and If I have to order Neurontin from a sleazoid pharmacy I think I will.
When I have the money..Sweet Dinah
Thank-you
Posted by Medusa on October 12, 2002, at 1:33:28
In reply to The Funniest Joke ever....., posted by GABBI X2 on October 11, 2002, at 14:07:07
Gabbi, I haven't read the other responses and your replies to them yet, so I might be missing something.
I think these pdocs are missing something.
Have either of them taken - and withdrawn from - Effexor??? I hate hate hate the way a lot of them treat us like un-help-able crazies, and the meds like candy that really only has placebo effect.
That said ... it might be worth trying smaller doses of Effexor, on top of something like fluoxetine (Prozac).
But only if you really feel right about it.
I feel for you.
M.
Posted by GabbiX2 on October 12, 2002, at 13:21:10
In reply to huh » GABBI X2, posted by Medusa on October 12, 2002, at 1:33:28
Medusa I'm going to try using Prozac, I still have some left.
Thanks for writing, how are you Sister?St.Dinah.
I checked my e-mail as you suggested, and there was not anything there.
It made me laugh though, because my imagination went wild and I imagined St. Dinah having a very bad day, and losing 'it' completely.
Sort of a Far-Side cartoon.
In a giggling fit St. Dinah decides to post to every boarder "on the brink" a sweet note saying "Check your e-mail" knowing full well you she didn't write an e-mail to any of them.
SADIST!
Posted by Dinah on October 12, 2002, at 14:25:48
In reply to Re: huh double huh?? Dinah » Medusa, posted by GabbiX2 on October 12, 2002, at 13:21:10
My "sent" folder is full of messages to you, Gabbi. Including two yesterday. You didn't change your email address did you?
Really, really not St. (I can provide unreferences)
Dinah
Posted by GabbiX2 on October 12, 2002, at 14:31:37
In reply to Re: Silly Gabbi :), posted by Dinah on October 12, 2002, at 14:25:48
No Dinah I didn't change my e-mail.
Perhaps thats why my e-mail box is empty.
Could you try again?
And you know having been a Catholic I can decide who is a saint and then de-cannonize them at will.
I wonder what happens to a de-cannonized saint?
Posted by GabbiX2 on October 12, 2002, at 14:35:57
In reply to Re: Silly Gabbi :), posted by GabbiX2 on October 12, 2002, at 14:31:37
I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.
It just seemed so natural.
Posted by Dinah on October 12, 2002, at 14:38:51
In reply to Re: Silly Gabbi :), posted by GabbiX2 on October 12, 2002, at 14:31:37
I just "forwarded" my last message to you back to you. It should get through. If it doesn't let me know and I'll ask someone who knows more about computers than me to check it out from my end.
Did anyone else send Gabbi emails that aren't in her empty folder?
Or maybe I have lost it. Bwah-hah-hah!!
Dinah
Posted by GabbiX2 on October 12, 2002, at 15:00:50
In reply to Re: Check again » GabbiX2, posted by Dinah on October 12, 2002, at 14:38:51
Posted by Dinah on October 12, 2002, at 15:10:43
In reply to Nothing Dinah (nm), posted by GabbiX2 on October 12, 2002, at 15:00:50
I got your emails Gabbi, and replied to one of them too. And I sent an email to someone else and checked and they got it. You'd better have someone else send a test email to you. I'm stumped as to what to do. :(
But I suspect we've found the problem to your empty email box. You haven't driven your friends away (which I already knew). You've got email problems.
Did you put me on reject mail or something?
I'm heading out the door now, but I'll look around some more when I get back.
Dinah
Posted by Dinah on October 13, 2002, at 3:50:04
In reply to Re: Well, bust my buffers! » GabbiX2, posted by Dinah on October 12, 2002, at 15:10:43
Hi Gabbi,
I re-sent my emails to you. Did you get them this time? If your mailbox still isn't accepting my mail (pout) maybe you'd like to arrange a time to come to Yahoo Open chat?
Dinah
Posted by GabbiX2 on October 13, 2002, at 13:25:57
In reply to Re: Gabbi's mail, posted by Dinah on October 13, 2002, at 3:50:04
I'm sorry.
I'm at the end of my tether.
I've been tossed away like garbage again
and can't find any solace anywhere.
I could try p.b open I don't feel much can help.
I sent you my dad's e-mail address if you don't mind sending your mail again.
Sorry to bother.
I'm so lost
Posted by Dinah on October 13, 2002, at 13:32:12
In reply to help Dinah., posted by GabbiX2 on October 13, 2002, at 13:25:57
Gabbi, can you make it to Open now? I can be there. Just let me know here, and I'll pop in.
Sorry your email isn't working. :(
Dinah
Posted by Dinah on October 13, 2002, at 13:35:42
In reply to Re: help Dinah. » GabbiX2, posted by Dinah on October 13, 2002, at 13:32:12
Let me know if you have trouble getting in.
Posted by GabbiX2 on October 13, 2002, at 13:36:03
In reply to Re: help Dinah. » GabbiX2, posted by Dinah on October 13, 2002, at 13:32:12
okay i'll try now.
Posted by GabbiX2 on October 13, 2002, at 22:02:42
In reply to Re: help Dinah., posted by GabbiX2 on October 13, 2002, at 13:36:03
Hey Dinah.
Thanks. I don't know if you got my e-mails.
I'm afraid my computer has developed a mind of its own again.
I'm recieving a few, some of sent have been misdirected. I haven't recieved yours though.
This afternoon I felt absolutely normal.
Its kind of irritating because I must need a mood stabilizer, obviously I'm capable of putting things in perspective. Its just inconsistant.
Thanks again
I wish I could learn not to trust people.
How do you do that when its reflexive?
Do you know?
Posted by Dinah on October 14, 2002, at 7:16:16
In reply to Re: help Dinah., posted by GabbiX2 on October 13, 2002, at 22:02:42
Hi Gabbi,
I am so glad you felt better yesterday afternoon! Maybe the Effexor withdrawal is wearing off a bit. I haven't gotten any emails from you since we chatted.
I'm afraid I can't help you with the trust issue. My problems run in the other direction. It is very hard for me to trust anyone. It took over 5 years for me to trust my therapist.
I hope you continue to feel better today.
Dinah
Posted by GabbiX2 on October 14, 2002, at 8:36:28
In reply to Re: help Dinah., posted by Dinah on October 14, 2002, at 7:16:16
and that my friends weren't real
They were just inmy imagination and that he didn't like my picture and that My mom should put me out of my misery cause I'm psychotic.I don't quite know how to handle someone confirming everything I don't like aobut myself
except I know that my friends are real I thinkthis really hurts
Posted by GabbiX2 on October 14, 2002, at 8:50:56
In reply to he said I was a loser., posted by GabbiX2 on October 14, 2002, at 8:36:28
I don't know what I'm supposed to do
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